14. Ford
— ? —
Ford
Fritz poured me the drink without being asked, which was the only kindness I could stand.
The Bellcliff’s private bar was nearly empty. Just me at the counter, Graham beside me, and Spencer walking in from the cold with his coat still on and his eyebrows already climbing.
“Jesus Christ.” Spencer stopped three feet away and stared. “I’ve been gone two weeks. Two weeks, Ford.”
“Don’t start.”
“Look at you.” He took the stool on my other side and signaled Fritz. “Bourbon. And keep them coming, because apparently I have a lot to catch up on.”
“Graham told you.”
“Emery told me the headline version. I’m getting the sense the full story is worse.” He accepted his drink from Fritz and took a long sip. “So. Divorced. You look like you haven’t slept since I left. What the hell happened?”
I picked up my whiskey and drained it. Set the glass down hard enough that Fritz raised an eyebrow.
“Valerie tried to seduce me.” I stared at the empty glass. “Can you fucking believe that?”
Spencer choked on his bourbon. “She what?”
“Showed up in a robe. Thought I was just going to fall into bed with her now that Madison’s gone.”
“Please tell me you didn’t.”
“Of course I didn’t.” I signaled Fritz for another. “But she said some things. Things I can’t stop thinking about.”
“Like what?”
“Like why was I pushing her away now when I never pushed her away before.” I wrapped my hands around the fresh glass Fritz slid toward me.
“She was right. I never did. Every time Madison asked me to set boundaries, I told her she was being jealous. I called my wife jealous while another woman hung off my arm at every party we went to.”
Graham shifted on his stool but didn’t say anything.
“Fuck.” I took another drink. “I can’t do this without her.”
“Do what?”
“Any of it. The house. The mornings. I keep waking up and reaching for her and she’s not there.” My voice cracked and I didn’t bother hiding it.
“I miss the sound of her.”
I slammed the glass down and whiskey sloshed over the rim. “I would give anything to trip over one of her books right now. I would trade every deal I ever closed for one dinner where I actually looked at her instead of my phone.”
Spencer and Graham exchanged a look.
“Have you told her that?” Graham asked.
“She won’t talk to me. She made it clear she doesn’t want to hear from me.”
“Can you blame her?”
“No.” I pressed the heels of my hands against my eyes. “I sent her a car after she left. I thought it would show her I was thinking about her.”
Spencer groaned. “Ford.”
“She threw the keys at my head. Said I throw money at problems because that’s all I know how to do.” I dropped my hands. “She’s right. She’s been right about everything. I just couldn’t hear it until she was already gone.”
The bar fell quiet. Fritz polished a glass that didn’t need polishing. In the distance, someone laughed, the sound carrying from the main room.
“You know what’s funny?” I said. “I keep trying to figure out how to win her back. Flowers, jewelry, grand gestures. I set up a whole tennis match just to get near her because she wouldn’t answer my calls.”
“That’s sad,” Spencer said.
“I know.” I finished the whiskey and pushed the glass toward Fritz for another. “Nothing works. She just looks at me like I’m someone she used to know and doesn’t want to know anymore.”
Graham cleared his throat. “You remember what you told me? When I was sitting in this exact spot, pining over Greer?”
I looked at him.
“You said stop trying to win her. Start trying to earn her.” Graham’s eyes were steady on mine. “You said the question isn’t what you want from her. It’s what she needs from you.”
“That was different.”
“Was it?” Spencer leaned back on his stool. “Because from where I’m sitting, it sounds exactly the same. You keep pushing, she keeps running. You’re coming on like a storm and she’s battening down the hatches.”
“You told me to be the calm instead,” Graham said. “To be present without pushing. To let her see me being patient instead of desperate.”
“I remember.”
“Do you? Because you’re doing the opposite.” Graham picked up his drink. “Grand gestures. Schemes to get close to her. Showing up uninvited. That’s not patience. That’s pressure.”
“So what am I supposed to do? Just wait? Hope she comes around?”
“You’re supposed to stop making it about what you need.” Graham’s voice was firm now. “It’s not about you. It never was.”
“She doesn’t want your money,” Spencer added. “She proved that when she walked away from half a fortune. She wants to know you can be present. That you can put her first without expecting something in return.”
“How do I show her that when she won’t even see me?”
“You figure it out.” Graham set down his glass. “You find ways to be there without demanding anything. And you do it for as long as it takes, even if it never works.”
“And if she never trusts me again?”
“Then you’ll have your answer.” Spencer shrugged. “But at least you’ll know you tried the right way.”
Fritz had drifted back to our end of the bar. He set a glass of water in front of me and cleared his throat.
“If I may,” he said quietly. “The men who fix what they broke aren’t the ones who try hardest. They’re the ones who figure out what the other person needs and give it without asking for credit.”
I looked at him.
“Your wife needs to see you can exist in the same room with her without making it about yourself.” Fritz replaced my whiskey with the water.
“Drink the water,” Spencer said. “You’ve had enough whiskey to float a boat.”
I took the water because they were all right.
“She’s not a deal,” Graham said. “She’s a person. A person you hurt. And she doesn’t owe you forgiveness just because you finally woke up.”
“I know.”
“Do you? Because knowing it and living it are different things.” Graham leaned forward.
“When I was chasing Greer, I had to accept that she might never take me back. That I might have to watch her be happy without me. I had to change because I saw that who I was wasn’t good enough, not because I thought it would get me something. ”
“That’s terrifying.”
“Yeah. It is.” Graham almost smiled. “But it’s also the only thing that works. She has to see that you’re different because you want to be different. Not because you’re trying to manipulate her into giving you another chance.”
Spencer stood and dropped some cash on the bar. “Look, you’ve spent ten years being bad at marriage. You’re not going to get good at it overnight. But you can start. You can practice. Fail and try again.”
“That’s the least inspiring pep talk I’ve ever heard.”
“I’m not trying to inspire you. I’m trying to give you realistic expectations.” Spencer clapped my shoulder. “The question is whether you’re going to keep going when it gets hard.”
“I will, obviously.”
I looked at these men who had shown up for me without being asked. Spencer, who gave me shit because that’s what friends did.
Graham, who had walked this exact road and was handing me back the advice I’d given him.
“Okay,” I said. “I’ll do it. I’ll figure out how to be there without expecting anything. And if she never takes me back, at least I’ll know I finally gave her what she deserved.”
“Good.” Graham finished his drink. “Now go home, shower, and get some actual sleep. In a bed. Not on your office couch.”
“My assistant told you about that?”
“She told Emery, who told me.” Spencer grinned. “You have no secrets anymore, Ford. Accept it.”
“All of you can go to hell.”
“That’s the spirit.” Spencer headed for the door. “Welcome back to the land of the living. Try to stay here this time.”
I walked out into the cold night air, steadier than I’d been when I walked in.