15. Polycurious
15
POLYCURIOUS
KURTIS
I t’s happening!
Holy fucking shit. Am I really going to be in a polycule? Will Tessa really want this?
Will she want me ?
To make sure that she does, I have to get my act together. I had my private session with Karma tonight, so I’ve started to mend some of my soul’s damage.
Dante, Evan, and I gather in the den to play video games after the group meditation. Truly, I think it’s just an excuse to talk about our new dating development.
We load up a game, and I hand out controllers.
Warily, I watch Dante. He has the most to lose now. While Evan and I have everything to gain.
We play in almost total silence except for the music and sound effects pumping through the game’s surround sound speakers.
Evan clears his throat, and I immediately tense. Will he fuck this up by saying the wrong thing? I really thought it would be me. That’s why I’ve kept quiet.
“I just thought I’d give you both a heads up,” Evan says, his voice coming out as gently as I’ve ever heard him use with us. “I asked Tessa on a date tonight.”
“Wasted no time moving in on her, huh?” Dante grinds out as his knuckles turn white, clenching the controller.
“Why should I wait?” Evan asks, and I’m surprised it sounds like a sincere question. “Or were you just trying to placate Tessa last night? Did you mean what you said? If you didn’t, you better come clean right now.”
Dante pauses the game and leans back into the couch. His face tilts up to the ceiling as he decides what to say next. “No. I meant it. That doesn’t mean I’m enthusiastic about sharing her love. But I’m willing to do what’s best for her.”
“Dude, please know that Evan and I wouldn’t have started this if we didn’t really feel something for her,” I say, so he understands. “I care about you and your happiness, but for once, I want to be happy too.”
I’ve always picked the wrong girls. And I denied my bi tendencies, so I never even tried to pick the right guy.
The hope in me now is that I can share my heart with Tessa. Perhaps, if Tessa is so inclined, she will allow me to explore what I might have with Evan. I hope so. But if she doesn’t, then I want to feel the bonds of brotherhood with both Dante and Evan.
Does that make me selfish? Greedy? Probably.
But I will do whatever makes Tessa happy.
For so long, I believed someone as broken as I was didn’t deserve love. Then, as I worked for Instant and witnessed so many people far worse than me find love, I wondered if it was just me sabotaging my life.
During the meditations, I’ve finally figured out that a lot of it was me. Or, more accurately, how I reacted to the abuse I received at home, and some of the trauma I endured in the world. No one other than Karma knows much about my past.
“I understand why you both are vying for her attention,” Dante says after a long sigh. “If tables were turned, I’d be doing the same thing.”
“So you’re okay with me taking her out tonight, then?” Evan asks.
“As much as I can be.”
“Are we okay with kissing her, or doing more, in front of each other?” I ask. “Personally, I think it would be hot to watch any physical exchanges, but I won’t touch her if it bothers either of you to see it.”
“I’ll be turned on by it,” Evan admits. “I’d be cool with group sex… if Tessa chooses all of us.”
After a second, where he must be imagining things, Dante groans. “Fuck. I think it might be hot too.” He presses his hand over his bulging crotch. “Is that weird?”
“No. It is significantly more common than you might think,” Evan answers. “If you really love her, you want her to be happy and pleasured. There are plenty of committed partners who get off on watching that sort of thing.”
“Oh, fuck. Playing out a cuckold situation sometimes would be amazing,” I practically squeal. “I’ve watched some pretty hot skinimax movies with that.”
Evan and Dante chuckle and shake their heads at me.
We play a bit more, and eventually, it’s time for dinner.
“Catch you later. And treat Tessa right on your date.” Dante narrows his gaze at Evan and walks out.
I get up to follow, but Evan snags my hand before I can leave.
“Can we talk?” he asks, looking a bit nervous.
I have a pretty good idea what’s coming, so I beat him to the punch. “It’s cool.” I swallow back the emotion threatening to come out. “I figured you’d be dumping me now that you have your real thing. No hard feelings, dude.”
“Dammit, Kurtis. That’s not how it is.” He captures my face between his hands, and I look at him in surprise.
“Isn’t it?” I shrug, and half-heartedly try to pull away. “She’s the one you want. I was just a convenient option.”
“I was going to ask you if you were open to me talking to her about us,” he corrects. “See if she’d be into a true polycule. I don’t want to start things with her on a lie. I like you—a lot. I was into what we were doing more than I expected, but if you don’t feel the same, and I was just a convenient option for you, then tell me now so I don’t potentially jeopardize my chances with her.”
“You’d want to continue? With me?” I ask in shock.
“If we’re going to make this work, we all need to be open with our feelings. And that means from the start.” Evan strokes my cheek. “So, yeah, I’m into you.”
“I’m into you too. But…”
“Tessa comes first, I know.” He kisses me on the forehead and strolls out, leaving my head spinning.
“Tell her,” I blurt out after him.
He pauses and nods. “I will.”