24. Falling
24
FALLING
TESSA
M egan is on call for backup if I have any emergencies, but I’m finally working on my own.
For my lunch break, I pop back to the underworld from my last reap of a sixty-year-old man. I fall onto my bed to take a quick catnap in my Death’s dorm room before I have to get back to it.
My phone pings, and I crack one eye open to read it.
KURTIS: Hey, had a great time. Hope we can do something like that again soon.
TESSA: Me too. What about I take you somewhere next week?
KURTIS: Oh. You don’t want me to plan it?
Okay. That is weird. Maybe he’s more insecure than I realized.
TESSA: I loved our date. It was fabulous. I just wanted to do something for you. But I’m cool with you planning since you’re fantastic at it.
I see the response dots appear and disappear, then finally…
KURTIS: K
“ K? ” I say aloud and raise my eyebrows. If he’s pissed, then he can settle the fuck down.
Then I get a few odd and slight passive-aggressive texts from Evan and Dante.
EVAN: So when is it my turn again? Can’t have Kurtis winning all the points
Is he for real? If they are going to keep score like this, it isn’t going to work out.
DANTE: Hey babe. Do I need to put in a date request? Is there an app for scheduling an appointment???
I feel an undertone of snark there, not playfulness.
I worry again that this is a mistake. Maybe they just like fighting over a girl and it has nothing to do with me.
I take a deep breath. Am I spinning out? What if I’m reading into all of this the worst-case scenarios? Perhaps it is all in good fun and I’m overreacting.
I briefly wonder if this is the text hacker, but this reaction from them isn’t over the top or unexpected.
I toss my phone as far as I can without it tumbling to the floor and push the troubled thoughts aside and go to sleep.
I dream of Kurtis and Evan fighting with each other, then fighting with Dante. Which eventually spills over to me.
They end up breaking up with me after I’ve fallen in love with all of them…
I wake up only to remember that I am falling in love with them. Perhaps I’ve been falling in love with them the entire time I have known them.
I give my hair a quick finger brushing and slide my boots back on, and think about how odd it is that I’m in love.
Why did I even fall for one guy, and then two more? I don’t fall in love. I try my best to not give a shit about anyone. It’s been working to keep me mostly safe for years—my whole life, really.
Are these feelings I have real?
Damn, I don’t really know.
Instant paired me with them as a team. What if she knew just how fucked-up I would be once I had a taste of love and affection, and she planned to rip it all away from me?
My breathing comes in sharply and quickly. I’m panicking.
I try to rationalize that she didn’t plan this. Or that they wouldn’t still play out her scenario if she did.
But… what if?
My stupid luck only gets me so far, and usually my good luck is more of a setup for how far I can fall face first into a shit.
When I return home to the Karma mansion, I pop directly back into my room.
I send out my psychic feelers, sensing Dante isn’t in his room next to mine.
I can’t feel him or the other two at all. Then I expand my search and find the mansion empty.
“Carmen?” I catch myself. “Karma. May I have a moment of your time?”
After two long beats, she appears in front of me, looking motherly and gorgeous.
“What’s wrong, little one?”
“I, uh…” I hesitate, wondering if I’m just being paranoid and shouldn’t bother her. “It’s just that I’m sort of dating Dante, Evan, and Kurtis. And I’m starting to doubt if it’s real. Or if I should pursue any relationship right now.”
She studies me for a long moment. “You aren’t familiar with being happy. And the few times you had a glimpse of it—a moment of joy—it was ripped away from you.”
Well, duh. I didn’t need a synopsis of what I know. “So what’s stopping heartache from happening again?”
“Nothing,” she states simply.
Well, this conversation didn’t help to ease my fears.
“There are no guarantees,” she elaborates. “Yes, the relationships you’re building could fall apart, but you already know this. What’s really bothering you?” she asks, and it sounds like she already knows the answer.
“I’m worried that Instant is behind it all.”
“Because you don’t believe three handsome, loving men want to be with you?”
Dang… she’s hitting my trauma on the head hard tonight.
“Yes. Because I don’t know for sure. Can’t you tell me?” I’m ready to fall to my knees and beg if she can either dismiss my fears or confirm I’m heading for disaster.
Karma stares at me a beat longer. “I have no knowledge that they were coerced or asked to pursue a romantic relationship with you.”
Relief washes over me.
“That doesn’t mean you’re going to have a simple time with this polycule you’re creating. I sense you’re going to have some rough patches.” Her brow rises, almost in challenge. Does she disapprove? I don’t think so, and it wouldn’t matter to me if she did. No, more likely she sees how difficult this road is ahead… even if Instant has nothing to do with their interest.
“Can’t you just check your Akashic records and see?” My hand swishes the air as if I can snatch the tell-all source and snoop myself.
“Unfortunately, when a human is taken out of the timeline and bonded to a god, then all that goes out the window,” she explains with dismay in her tone. Likely she’s thinking about how Instant abused her powers. “You’re truly free from predestined paths.”
My eyes widen at this revelation. “Wait, and most people’s fates are predetermined?”
“Some people have more options than others,” she says almost dismissively. “And there are always the few breakouts who defy all rules.”
“Then do you have any advice for me?”
“Follow your instincts and your heart. Be kind, but that doesn’t mean you have to placate others and compromise your integrity or goals.” She pauses, then asks, “You love them? Care for them more than just friends, yes?”
“I do, and it’s scaring the hell out of me. I’m not usually scared of stuff.”
“Your heart wasn’t on the line before. Now, it’s also your soul.”
“My soul?”
“You exchange soul energy with people you truly love. Consciously or not. It changes you.”
I’ve been avoiding the guys and staying in my room in the underworld for a few nights. I’ve been working all day and sleeping by myself. I’ve texted a few times to let the guys know I’m okay. Which is a lie. I’m not sleeping soundly. I stay up too late, tossing and turning. I contemplate all Karma said to me and about our relationships, wondering what I should do with my love life.
I know I have to talk to them. I’m hoping space will give me some perspective.
I shouldn’t let my insecurities ruin something good, but it could also turn out so badly.
Kurtis might be a problem on his own with his self-doubt. He was so touchy about me wanting to surprise him.
Then Evan has trust and bonding issues.
And Dante? Who knows what’s up with him? But he sounds angry that I’m with the other guys too even if he encouraged it before.
I go to work as per usual and have a standard reaping day, guiding five souls to the afterlife. They go without a problem, but I’m still exhausted and looking forward to a nap, at the very least when I’m done. When I focus on returning to the underworld and back into my physical body, I sense something odd.
Then I appear in the strange cave-like bedroom with the god-guy with black wings.
“Hello, little reaper,” he purrs.
“Not you again,” I grumble and decide against popping right out of there. I’m sort of curious about what he has to say now that I’ve given in and started dating all three guys.
“Oh, you crush my fragile feelings,” he mock-whines.
“I doubt anything about you is fragile.” I cross my astral arms, wondering why he’s spirit-snatched me. Again .
He chuckles, the sound charming. If I weren’t full up with men in my life, I might find the sound attractive.
“Who are you anyway?” I demand. “And why are you bothering me?”
“You haven’t figured it out by now? I’m disappointed in you, darling.” He pouts, stepping closer and somehow touching my hair, even though he’s corporeal and I’m not.
“A god… and I’m guessing… Hypnos? Or someone like him.”
“So you have heard of me!” He tugs on my locks and grins wickedly.
I stare up into his completely black eyes and feel like I’ve been sucked into the abyss of the universe. My thoughts are fuzzy, like I’m dreaming or drunk.
“You’ve been a naughty girl. Killing off gods. Growing your powers by teaming up with Death,” he says in a sickly sweet voice.
“Teaming up with Death?” I mumble. “I just work for him.”
“You want more power, don’t you, little thing?” he coos.
“No…”
“Yes… I feel the power filling you up.”
An uncomfortable energy presses in on me, invading me. I try to resist, but I’m too emotionally and mentally drained to fight back.
Perhaps this is what Instant wanted? Me, off-kilter, worn down.
Fuck, I think she just won.