Chapter Thirteen
Saturday dawns warm and sunny. I’m meeting Liam at two in the afternoon by the river, right off a cute little trail on the north branch that I didn’t even know was there.
The week has gone by in an unsatisfying blur of work. Liam has been pretty quiet, with no more surprise bouquets or even texts. Frustratingly, there’s been no answer from Big Dog or the restaurant group, despite my multiple follow ups.
Today, however, is a new day. I have another chance to interrogate Liam, and I am determined to grab the bull by the horns and make it count.
After a train and a bus, during which I listen to a fascinating and weirdly cheerful podcast about the psychology of psychopaths, I arrive at the spot we agreed to meet.
Ah! A boat house. And Liam is already here, standing by two kayaks. I can’t help but notice his arms, on full display under his white T-shirt. And fuck me, his biceps are just as great as his forearms. Figures.
‘Hey,’ he calls out to me.
‘Hey.’ I hesitate as I approach. Do I … kiss him? Or is that weird? I end up leaning in, then thinking better of it and pulling back, so his attempted kiss lands on the side of my head.
‘Awkward,’ I laugh.
‘We’ll do it properly, then,’ he says, suddenly locking his gaze on mine, and then his hand is at the small of my back, light but insistent, and my head is tilting back and his lips are on mine and I hadn’t realized how tense my body was, because suddenly the tension is melting right out of me and I’m limp as a noodle. I release a very inappropriate groan.
He pulls away, looking into my eyes. ‘Better?’
‘Definitely,’ I gasp, trying to get a hold of myself and get back into a horn-grabbing mindset.
He slings one arm around me and, with the other arm, gestures to the boats. ‘I thought I’d surprise you with a little kayak trip up the river. We can head toward downtown and then turn around? There are supposed to be some lovely views.’
‘Sounds awesome.’
We put on our life vests, then drag the kayaks down the paved embankment toward the water.
‘Oh, and thanks for the flowers.’
‘You liked them?’ He seems boyishly pleased.
I study his face. It is fucking with me a little bit that he’s back to his original golden retriever energy. Nothing like the man I saw at the end of our last date, who looked like he was going to pummel the living daylights out of that thief.
‘Yeah. It was thoughtful.’ I set my kayak down as we reach the water’s edge. ‘Do you normally send flowers to the girls you’re seeing?’
‘Oh, is that what we’re doing?’ he teases. ‘Seeing each other?’ He gestures to my kayak. ‘Here, get in and I’ll push you off.’
‘OK. I’ve actually never done this before.’
‘You’ll do great.’
I carefully work my way into the seat, then stretch out my legs. Liam hands me the paddle. Then, he shoves the boat forward and I’m in the water, bobbing a little from side to side. Liam isn’t far behind me.
I stroke my paddle through the water on one side, then flip it and stroke with the other side. It feels surprisingly natural, and I find myself laughing. The trees on either side of the embankment make me forget we’re even in the city.
‘Wow. This is so delightful! How have I never kayaked before?’
Liam chuckles. ‘I hoped you’d like it.’
The sensation of gliding across the water so effortlessly is lovely. Downtown is ahead, cast in a play of light and shadow. A few clouds have rolled in, and one momentarily blocks the sun.
We propel ourselves forward in silence for a while. A breeze tosses my hair around. It feels peaceful on the river. There’s no one else on the water.
I remind myself very sternly that I’m not actually here to have fun.
‘But back to the flowers,’ I say. ‘Is that your trademark, with girls you’re interested in?’
‘I wouldn’t say I have a trademark.’
Oh, he is good at evading questions.
‘You figured out where I work.’
He gives me a funny look. ‘You told me.’
‘Did I?’
‘How else would I have known?’
There’s a bridge ahead. We both fall silent as we paddle underneath it. The sounds of traffic rumble down, and then we’re out the other side. The sun peeks out from the clouds and I squint. I’m starting to feel a slight burn in my arms.
‘But back to your dating habits,’ I insist. ‘Are you one of those love-bombing types?’
‘I’d hardly call a single bouquet love bombing.’ His forehead wrinkles with concern. ‘Did I do something wrong, Margot? I’m getting a vibe like I’ve messed things up here.’
‘No, no!’ I assure him. I add a laugh for good measure. ‘Everything’s fine.’
Even though it’s not. This guy is impossible. Every question I ask, he dodges. Maybe it’s time to drop a bomb of my own, and not of the love kind.
‘So I was telling you about my roommate, on our first date …’
Our boats are even with each other, so I can get a good view of his face. He tilts toward me.
‘Yeah. The artist, right?’
‘Right. I don’t think I told you her name.’ I pause. ‘Zoe Dawson.’
He doesn’t break eye contact. His expression doesn’t change. After an awkward amount of silence, he says, ‘Cool. Zoe. I’ll have to meet her sometime.’
‘You want to meet her?’
‘Sorry, was that the wrong thing to say?’ He looks adorably befuddled.
‘I just mean … if we’re seeing each other, like you said …
at some point we might want to meet each other’s friends.
’ He tilts his head. ‘What am I missing here? Am I freaking you out? Is this too fast for you? I can stop with the flowers and the friends talk if it’s too much—’
‘No, no … It’s great.’
But it’s not. In fact, I’m a little speechless. I don’t think serial killers want to meet the friends. It would only introduce more people who might suspect them. Unless of course he knows I’m bluffing – which he’d know if he killed Zoe.
For a while, Liam paddles ahead and we don’t talk at all.
Damn you and your evasive little dance! I think, even as I admire his beautiful broad back and the way his arm muscles ripple as he paddles …
I really want to get one straight answer out of him. A simple yes or no. Mmm – like the existence of the deep freezer he’d need for the bodies.
He’s still ahead of me, so I shout. ‘Do you have a deep freezer?’
‘Sorry?’ He stops paddling to let me catch up.
‘You know. One of those giant freezer chests that’s so big you could fit a whole—’ body ‘—cow.’ We paddle forward side by side.
‘Uh—’ He gives his head a little shake, like he’s unsure of what he just heard. He seems to be waiting for me to explain.
I try to smile in a normal way. ‘It’s a great, responsible way to buy meat. You get the cow straight from the farm. Ranch. Wherever cows live. Then they divide it up into packets! So ethical. So … do you have one?’
Liam laughs. ‘You are the strangest, most enchanting woman I think I’ve ever met.’ Then, with a wicked grin, he plows his paddle into the water and his kayak shoots ahead.
‘And you didn’t answer my question!’
He shouts without looking back at me. ‘Tell you what, if you buy a cow, I’ll buy a deep freezer! Deal?’
Oh my God. It’s like verbal jujitsu, and this guy’s a master. And now he’s too far ahead to keep talking. I dig my paddle into the water and try to keep up.
The sun hides behind the clouds again and the air feels humid, tacky. The clouds are suddenly a lot darker than they were.
Liam turns around and waits for me to catch up again. ‘It looks like rain, do you think? Should we turn around?’
I scan the sky. Unfortunately, he’s right, and the beautiful weather is taking a turn.
We turn around and paddle back toward the boat house as the sky gets even darker. I turn all my focus to paddling fast. Just as the boat house comes into sight, the first droplets hit my arms.
‘Ack!’ I cry. Liam gets out first, getting his shoes wet, and pulls his kayak up the embankment before returning for me. With raw strength, he pulls my boat halfway up the ramp. I jump out and together we drag the kayaks back into the boat house, where a bored teenager checks us in.
The rain is coming down in earnest. I tent my flannel shirt above me, because I’m an idiot and wore a white tank top.
‘My car is close!’ Liam says, and we make a dash for it, down the path leading away from the boat house, under the green foliage of the towering trees. A wet cyclist zooms past, casting water from a puddle up on my legs.
The small parking lot is ahead, and there’s only one car in it. Liam unlocks it with his fob as we race toward it, and then, we’re inside, slamming the doors, wet and laughing. The rain thunders against the windshield. Our laughter fades, and then suddenly it’s very, very quiet.
‘You’re maddening,’ I say.
Liam looks at me and runs a hand through his hair, slicking it back. He’s soaking. I’m soaking.
‘How so?’
I want to spout, Because you managed not to answer a single one of my questions, but your god-level biceps make me want to take out my frustrations in a very specific, pantsless way upon your naked body, duh! Instead, I make a growling, helpless sound in my throat.
And then, because I’m a double idiot, I’m leaning forward.
Our lips meet and his tongue pushes into my mouth, both soft and assertive.
In the tight confines of the front seat, he cups my cheek and I angle toward him, knocking my knee into the gear shift.
I stroke my hand up his neck, splaying my fingers in his damp hair as he grunts softly into my mouth.
Then his mouth is burning its way down my jaw, my neck.
‘So, I take it you mean maddening in a good way,’ he says, his breath hot on the wet track marks he’s left down my throat.
All I manage is another groan as I lean my head back, feeling his lips against my pulse, and the corresponding pulse between my legs, beating against the tight press of my cut-offs.
I climb one leg over the center of the car, so I’m halfway in Liam’s lap.
My breasts brush against his chest, and the explosion of raw sensation makes me gasp.
Liam’s mouth moves to my collarbone, his fingers pushing aside the strap of my tank top, and dear heavens, I’d forgotten how good my body was capable of feeling. His hands, his mouth, the way he’s working my body with these kisses, it feels so capable, so expert—
Is this how he got those other women?
‘Urghhhh—’ I groan again, warring between the heat that’s possessing my body and the caution I should be exercising. With a supreme thrust of willpower, I pull back from my half-straddle, panting.
Like the sun hiding behind the clouds, Liam’s golden retriever energy has also disappeared. His dark eyes are possessive. Dangerous. And yet he’s restrained.
‘Too much?’ he says, his voice low.
More like it wasn’t enough.
‘I just figured I needed a little break …’ I say, trying to keep my tone light even though what I’m feeling is anything but.
I awkwardly climb back to my side as Liam watches me quietly, then I smooth my hair back and adjust my tank top, trying to ignore the persistent throbbing between my legs that wants me to do very, very foolish things in this car in a very public parking lot with a potential serial killer.
But I am smarter than that … right? Right.
‘Let’s go back to my place,’ Liam says, giving me a look that tells me exactly the kind of things he hopes might happen there.
My first reaction is perfect! I’ve been wanting to get into his place since our second date at Wine & Thistle. On the other hand, is it advisable to go in this state, with every nerve ending tingling in anticipation of his touch?
‘Where do you live again?’
‘Wicker Park, off Milwaukee Avenue.’ He reads my hesitation. ‘It’s a nice place too. You’ll like it. New construction, corner lot, cute little balcony, chef’s kitchen. I’d love to show you what I can do in that kitchen.’ His voice goes low, inviting, intimate. ‘What do you say?’
I open my mouth to speak, but no words come out.
I can already picture it. A series of very hot images of Liam and me in various positions rolls through my head like a movie.
After we’ve had our fill of pleasure, we lie back in bed, flushed.
I’m smiling. Relaxed. And then, just as I’m at my most vulnerable, something in Liam’s eyes shifts, and before I know it, I’m walking toward the light and he’s stuffing my corpse into his deep freezer. Which he definitely didn’t deny having.
I know I’m in real trouble when the lizard-brained side of me says, meh, might be worth the risk?
‘I can’t,’ I say.
He doesn’t respond for a second, but I can see the disappointment in his face, and I know he was expecting a yes. A passionate yes.
I’m disappointed too – both sides of me. The side that wanted to investigate and the side that wanted to have reckless sexual relations with an inadvisably risky partner.
He looks at me with hooded eyes. ‘So – there’s nothing I can say or do to convince you to come home with me?’
‘I … I appreciate the invitation, but … I have a meeting. Tomorrow morning. I should … get some sleep.’
‘It’s not even dark out yet. And I’m an excellent cook. Then I can drop you off at home.’
‘It’s an early meeting …’
He looks at me with tender skepticism. ‘You have a meeting on Sunday?’
‘You had one last weekend!’
‘I work for demanding clients. Downside of the industry. What’s your meeting?’
Think, Margot, and for God’s sake don’t bring Fluffers into it!
‘A meeting with the Lord!’ I spout out. Yikes. But it’s the only thing that occurs to me even though I haven’t set foot in a church since high school.
Liam gives me a narrow-eyed smile, like he’s amused, but still not buying it. ‘OK, church girl. In that case, rain check.’
‘Rain check,’ I agree with a sigh caught between relief and regret. Then I gesture to the rain still pounding against the windshield. ‘Ha ha.’
Liam cracks a smile and starts the car. ‘So, should I drop you at home?’
‘Just the Blue Line station would be great.’
We ride in silence. Liam drops me off at the Belmont L station.
‘It’s really coming down. Are you sure I can’t drop you at home?’ he says as I get out.
‘Can I be honest?’ I say from outside the car, rain already pelting me.
‘Of course.’
‘I don’t want you to know where I live.’
His jaw feathers. But I don’t think he’s angry. Just taking it in. He nods. ‘OK.’
I slam the door and rush toward the protection of the station, emotion bunching in my throat, in my chest.
The problem isn’t just that Liam might be dangerous.
It’s that I become dangerous when I’m too close to him. Dangerously reckless.
My old, fatal flaw.