Chapter 47
Alex
H aving managed to coax her up to his flat, Noa curled in a ball on Alex’s sofa, almost like she was trying to make herself as small as possible.
He hated seeing her like that. She gripped his baby blue blanket in her hands, like an infant clutched a comfort blankie.
He watched her fists tighten and release over and over like she was using it to ground herself.
He knew Noa better than he knew himself sometimes, and he knew this was a sign she was becoming overwhelmed in her own head. But the fact that Ryan had caused the war likely raging inside her right now when he’d flown off the handle made Alex want to tear the world down.
Tears streamed freely down her cheeks. He itched to catch them with his lips and see what they tasted like, to wipe them away, along with that scared look in her eyes.
He needed her to know that he had her, no matter what.
He walked toward her slowly, allowing her time to ask for space if she needed it. He would give her whatever she needed.
‘Noa,’ he whispered.
Her chin dipped down, and she stared at the carpet. So he got to his knees in front of her.
‘I’ve messed it all up,’ she choked out in a sob. ‘He was so angry. I’ve never seen him so angry, Alex.’
‘He’ll live,’ he said.
Noa’s chin tucked even closer into her chest.
‘I’ve let everyone down again. I’ve let everyone down,’ she sputtered and cried.
This time, Alex didn’t hesitate, and cupped her chin between his thumb and forefinger, bringing her face up so her eyes met his. She looked shocked for a moment, but she didn’t fight him, like she was resigned and there was no fight left in her. She looked at him through tear-soaked lashes.
His wild girl, who had always managed to don her mask of confidence, who he’d always seen as self-assured and larger-than-life, had let the mask slip. He could see it in those eyes, the deepest cerulean blue, like the sky on a crisp, autumn day. She looked lost. And, fuck, if that didn’t wreck him.
He wanted to fix it. And he realised he would give this girl anything she wanted to do it. To see that spark that could only be her.
‘Hey,’ he said in as soothing a tone as he could muster with his heart galloping in his chest. ‘You have done nothing wrong. Do you hear me? Nothing. Your family loves you, and there is nothing you could do that would make that any less true. You have not let anyone down, Noa, but you are failing to see one really important thing here. None of this is about them. This is about you. How do you feel?’
Her eyes went wide, and she blinked at him with a look of utter shock on her face, like he’d just asked her the most obscure of questions.
‘I…’ she trailed off and swallowed hard.
He followed it with his eyes and had to force himself to keep the indecent thoughts that the sight elicited on a leash at this moment. God, this girl was beautiful. Even now, with mascara coating her face and snot falling from her nose, she was the most beautiful woman he had every laid eyes on.
After a beat where Alex could see she was mulling over his words, Noa looked up and said, ‘Is it crazy that when I saw those lines on that stick, after the initial shock, for a moment I was happy? Before I thought about all the mess. I’ve done nothing but panic ever since, and mulled over every possible option in my head.
But I don’t know, the thought of doing this…
with you… it just feels like it was meant to be.
I didn’t think we would end up here. Hell, nothing in my life has gone to plan lately, and I never used to think I wanted to be a mum.
So, the feeling of happiness shocked me, too, but in that moment, I felt like I’d found purpose, and that brought me peace.
Then I spiralled again, and it’s been a whole thing but, you know… that’s the gist of it.’
Suddenly, Alex felt as if he couldn’t catch a breath as he stared at her, in awe of how strong and beautiful she was.
She’d always been a force to be reckoned with.
He meant what he’d said to Ryan. She was fierce and, despite everything she’d been through, all the battles she fought in her head, that had never changed.
Looking at her, all he wanted to do was stoke the embers that he saw burning in her eyes until she set him alight, too.
He would dance in her flames, because this woman had owned his heart since they were thirteen years old; since the day he had met her.
Ryan had brought him to the Drakes’ house for his first-ever Friday night dinner. His eyes had found her immediately. She was tucked under a blanket on the sofa, a Michael Morpurgo book in her hand and she had looked entranced, completely lost in a fictional world.
She’d barely even noticed him, and he’d watched her—how her tongue slipped out of her mouth in concentration, her brow furrowing with concern, and the little gasps that occasionally escaped as she read.
When Ryan flopped onto the sofa next to her, she finally looked up and Alex felt like he was drowning in the swirling pools of her bright blue eyes.
His heart had been hers since that moment.
Right now though, she had his heart, body, and soul, and he was ready to show her exactly what that meant.
He would be everything she needed, no matter what it took.
He would not make his dad’s mistakes, because even the thought of ever walking away from her and his child growing inside her shredded Alex’s heart apart.
He had never been so sure of anything in his entire life.
He nodded and, with that, gave her the only words that he could find, ‘Then nothing else matters.’