My Little Doe

Chapter 32

As I got closer to the house, my hands trembled.

I was worried about what I was about to walk into.

Terrified actually. Each turn I made, my heart thumped harder in my chest. I pulled alongside the curb.

I looked over into the yard. The grass was long, but dead.

I closed my eyes, inhaled through my nose, and exhaled through my mouth.

No matter what I walked into, it couldn’t be worse than what I’d endured.

I got out of the car and walked into the house.

My feet froze where I stood. My brother and a female were sitting on the couch, yet their heads were leaning forward.

They were passed out. The house had clutter everywhere.

The large coffee table in the center of the living room was covered in mail, various papers, and dishware.

Little footsteps pattered up the hall, my eyes shifting toward the sound. Her sandy blonde hair appeared around the corner. Her eyes met mine. She froze mid-step, then she burst into a run toward me.

“ZAYA ZAYA!” she screamed.

She ran into my arms, and I scooped her up into the air. Tears rolled down my cheeks.

“You’re home. You’re home,” she said.

“I am, sweet girl, I am,” I told her.

“Where you be at?” her little tiny voice said.

“I was away for a little while, but I’m here now,” I said.

“Don’t leave me again, please, sissy,” she begged.

“Where’s mom?” I asked.

“In her bed… sleeping,” she said.

“You're all alone?” I asked.

“Not now, you’re here,” she said.

Her little arms were wrapped tightly around my neck, her legs around my waist. I carried her down the hall. I looked back at my brother, and below his feet lay needles. My stomach twisted.

I walked to my mother’s room and pushed her door open. She was passed out, beer bottle still in hand, ashtray on the bed. I shook my head. This was fucking unreal.

“Mom!” I shouted.

Her head moved, eyes trying to open.

“Mother!” I said.

“Don’t callllllll me thattttt,” she stammered. Her eyes started to blink as she tried to open them.

“Zalayuh?” she asked.

“It’s me,” I said.

“You’re home,” she said.

“I’m here… what the hell is happening around here?”

Her eyes shot all the way open.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

I crouched down and put Aspen on the floor. I cupped her little face. “Hey, sweetie, can you go to our room. Sissy will be there in a minute,” I said.

“Okay, Zay Zay,” she said. Then she pattered off to our room.

I stood and studied my mother, brows furrowed, eyes narrowed. “Paxton is in there high! You’re in here drunk! Aspen is alone. That is what I’m talking about!” I shouted.

“Paxton is fine,” she muttered.

“There are fucking needles on the fucking ground, mother!” I shouted.

“What do you care?” she shot out.

“Because there is a child that lives here, who deserves better,” I said.

“She’s fineeeeeee.”

“Yeah… of course that’s what you’d say. We’re all fine around here, aren’t we?”

“Yep,” she said.

“No, no, the fuck we aren’t. Paxton is on drugs, I was kidnapped, and Aspen has been left alone. What if she got into the bullshit that he’s doing?” I asked.

“She knows not to touch it,” she countered.

“She’s fucking six!” I yelled. My cheeks burst into flames.

“What the fuck is going on?” Paxton said from behind me.

“Oh, Zalayuh is home, and she’s being all self-righteous,” mother said.

“I can see she’s here… but why are you yelling, Zay?” Paxton asked.

“Because you’re so fucking high you're passing out while sitting up, she's so fucking drunk she's passed out during the day, and Aspen is alone.”

“I’m tired, worked a long shift last night,” he said.

“Yeah, a long shift of sticking needles in your fucking arm,” I shot out.

“Who the hell are you, talking to him like that?” the female said.

“I’m his sister, who the fuck are you?” I said.

“Asil,” she said.

“Oh, you’re the cunt that supposedly is abusing my family, the one who got my brother on drugs,” I said.

“I don’t know who the hell you think you’re talking to—”

I turned around and stood inches from her face. She was inches shorter than I was. I looked down and into her eyes.

“I already told you who the hell I am,” I said.

Her eyes dropped to the ground, not maintaining eye contact with me.

“You been hitting on my baby sister?” I asked.

She didn’t say anything. Her eyes remained locked to the ground between us.

“Stop being a fucking coward, and answer the damn question,” I said.

“She deserves every spanking she gets, little fucking brat,” she said.

My palm met the side of her face. She gasped. I almost gasped. I couldn’t believe I’d done that, but I did it, and I needed to stay committed to it. She grabbed her cheek before turning around and running back up the hall.

“Zalayuh! Why’d you do that? She’s gonna act like a big damn baby,” Paxton said.

“She needs to leave,” I said.

“No, she lives here now,” he said.

I turned to face my mother. “You let his girlfriend move in here? The one who is being mean to Aspen?”

“I haven’t seen anything,” she said.

“Well, are you fucking deaf, because she just admitted it?” I said.

“You know you can leave. We’ve been just fine without you, Zalayuh,” mother said.

“Oh, I’m sure you have,” I said. I looked around the room, taking in all the empty beer bottles that lay around. “By the foreclosure notice on the front door, the past due bills on the table, beer bottles everywhere, and oh yeah, the needles, it looks like you’ve done just fine,” I said.

“She’s got diabetes,” he muttered.

“Yeah… likely explanation,” I said, rolling my eyes.

“Why even come back if you're coming to complain?” Mother said.

“Aspen is the only reason I came back,” I said.

“You see, she’s fine,” she said.

“She’s not fine. She’s neglected at a minimum, drug exposed at worst, but ya know, I’m gonna go ahead and leave… with Aspen,” I said.

“What? You’re not taking my daughter,” she shot out.

“I am, and if you have a problem with it, I’ll call the sheriff and the children’s division and have them remove her,” I said.

She pursed her lips and stared at me.

“Y’all need rehab and help, and until you get it, you won’t see her again,” I said.

“You can’t do that to me, take both of my daughters,” she cried out.

“I can, and I will, until you get some major fucking help,” I said.

She narrowed her eyes at me.

“You need to be an adult. She’s a child, just as I was. We shouldn’t have to raise you,” I said.

She continued glaring at me, her jaw twitching.

I turned around and pushed past Paxton. I walked into my room and shut the door.

“Hey, sissy, we’re gonna go stay at a friend's for a little while, okay?”

“Are they nice?” she asked, tilting her head at me.

“The nicest,” I told her.

“Okay, Zay Zay,” she said, giving me a big smile.

“Let’s pack some of the backpacks with our clothes, okay?”

“Most of my clothes are dirty,” she muttered.

“That’s okay. We’ll put the dirty ones in one backpack, and I’ll wash them,” I told her.

We packed every backpack I could find in the room. I wasn’t even sure she’d been attending school. That was something we would have to figure out later. Once we grabbed her clothing, we filled one of the plastic bins with toys. I urged her to pick quickly, only grabbing her favorites.

I ushered her out to the car, buckled her in, and then started carrying all the bags and the bin of toys to the car.

“You’re a real cunt,” Asil said.

“Yep, sure am,” I told her. “At least, I’m not the cunt who abuses people and gets them on drugs.”

I walked around the house, grabbing up some of Aspen’s essentials, like her shoes.

“Don’t even try to find me,” I said to Paxton and Asil as I walked out the door the final time.

I hoped Quinn really meant that Aspen and I could stay there.

He offered, and well, I hadn’t planned to take him up on that, but we couldn’t stay in that house.

I hadn’t had time to call him, plus I didn’t want anyone there to know where we were going.

Was this kidnapping? Maybe, but then again, she was in danger.

Aspen chattered the entire way to Quinn’s house. Mostly asking where I was, who I was with, what happened to me, and every possible why question. I tried to answer everything as appropriately for a six-year-old as I could.

As soon as the car pulled back into the driveway, Quinn was standing on the porch, head tilted, staring at us. He walked down the stairs and to the driver’s door. Once he opened the door, I stepped out.

“Zay?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Let’s just say that I hope your offer was serious,” I said, nodding to the backseat.

“It was… I just didn’t think you would take it,” he said.

“Yeah… well, I didn’t expect to find needles lying on the ground, and every adult passed out. Dishes were piled high in the sink and on the counters. It was… bad,” I rambled.

“Let’s get her and you inside,” he said.

The air had already started to get chilly, and the sun was getting lower in the sky. I opened her car door.

“Aspen, this is my friend, Quinn,” I said. “And this is Aspen.”

“Hi, Aspen!” Quinn said, with a gentler tone.

“We are gonna stay here for a little while,” I said.

“Okay… but what about mama?” she said.

“Mama is sick and needs to take care of herself,” I said.

“Oh, okay,” she said. Then she shrugged her shoulders and ran inside.

Quinn looked at me, eyes wide. I knew he wasn't sure what to make of how she handled that. Aspen normally didn’t dwell or ask questions when mother wasn’t around, so I shouldn’t have been shocked.

Callie was sitting on the couch with a book in her hand when we walked in. I gave her a half smile. Aspen walked around the living room, taking everything in.

“I guess it’s a good thing I’m gonna be moving to Louisiana very soon,” she said.

“Do you not like kids? Is this not okay?” I asked.

“No! No! I love kids, and this is fabulous. I just meant so that she can have her very own room,” she said.

Aspen had wandered around the house and made her way back into the living room. “Where will I sleep?” she asked.

“What do you think about the couch for a few days?” Quinn asked.

“Yeah, I sleep on the couch at home,” Aspen replied.

“Well, I was thinking, once Callie moves, you can have your very own room. What do you think?” he asked.

If I hadn’t already fallen completely head over heels, that moment would have done it. He spoke to her gently, as if he’d known her all her life.

“I like that. Can I have toys, too?” she asked.

“Of course!” he said.

She wrapped her arms around his legs and hugged him tightly. Sadly, this wasn’t new. She often hugged anyone who spoke kindly to her or gave her attention. That was why I watched her so very closely when we went places or when people were over.

Quinn looked over at me, unsure of what to take of this. He slowly reached his hand down and patted her back.

“What’s your favorite movie?” he asked her.

“Jurassic Park!” she yelled.

“I think I have that,” he said.

“Yay!” Aspen screeched.

“Zay and I are gonna make dinner, okay?” Quinn asked.

“I’m starving,” she said.

“Me too, little bug. How about we hang out and watch Jurassic Park together?” Callie said.

“Yes, yes, yes!” she yelled.

Then she climbed onto the couch next to Callie and cuddled into her. An ache hit deep into my chest. I didn’t know what the last six months had been like for her, but from the way things looked, I knew that the next few months might be hard.

I joined Quinn in the kitchen. He reached into the fridge and grabbed the pack of chicken breasts.

“What happened?” he whispered.

I stepped closer to him, grabbed the potatoes he had in a pan, and started peeling them.

“Paxton and that girl were there, passed out, needles on the ground. The house was a complete mess. My mother was in her room, passed out drunk,” I said.

“That sounds awful to walk into,” he said.

“Aspen was just walking around,” I said.

“I’m glad you came back,” he said.

“Sorry if this is a lot… it’s just temporary until—”

“It doesn’t have to be, you guys can stay here forever,” he said.

“I don’t want to impose on you. Having a girlfriend is one thing, raising a child is another,” I told him.

“I was gonna raise Izayuh with you… so… raising a child isn’t an issue,” he said.

“Yeah… but I’m sure you want to party with your friends and whatnot,” I said.

“I actually don’t… sure I don’t mind a barbecue with some friends, but honestly, I came to the parties at your house because I liked watching you,” he said.

“You know… that sounds creepy,” I told him.

He laughed. “It’s true, though.”

“Are you sure? Like, really sure?” I asked.

“One thousand percent,” he said.

“I really don’t know what I’d do without you,” I said.

“You’d be dead,” he said, then chuckled.

A loud laugh escaped my mouth.

“Oh, thank God, you got that dark humor,” he said, and we both laughed more.

“I’m gonna need to wash her clothes… most of them were on the floor, dirty,” I said.

“I’ll help you tonight, once we get her settled,” he said.

“We only brought a small bin of toys. Might need to go back to get more—”

“No… Once Callie moves out, we will go buy her some,” he said, cutting me off.

“I don’t have money like that,” I told him. My cheeks blazed with heat.

“I’m not worried about it. She deserves to be spoiled after the hell she has been through,” he said.

“Thank you,” I said, turning my head to look into his eyes.

“I’d do anything for you,” he said, “and now her.”

I smiled at him. “So chicken, potatoes, and what else?” I asked.

“I was thinking fried potatoes, baked chicken, and some asparagus, but I’m not sure if you or she likes it,” he said.

“Well… I don’t know if she’s ever tried it, but I think she should at least try it,” I said.

“I bake it in a lot of butter and top it with Parmesan cheese, and it’s delicious,” he told me.

“Sounds yummy,” I said.

Silence filled the air between us, as I continued prepping the potatoes and he readied the chicken for the oven.

“So… Callie is planning to rent a moving truck in a couple of days. I wanted to have a little barbecue before she leaves… this was before I knew about Aspen… what do you think?” he said.

“I think it’ll be fine. It will probably be good for her to see a healthier barbecue,” I said.

“Yeah… not really gonna be much drinking… and I usually start making people leave my house around eight or nine,” he said, then laughed.

“Oh no, don’t want to interrupt your precious beauty sleep,” I teased.

“Exactly that… and I need to wind down in quiet… and some of them just be talking too much,” he said.

“Do I talk too much?” I asked, the question slipping out of my mouth, my insecurity slipping in.

“Not enough,” he said, then gently poked my ribs, tickling me. Laughter erupted from me.