19. Oh Shit. It’s Like That
Oh Shit. It’s Like That
Doug
‘Oh, hey,’ Bree greets me warmly as I walk into the living room. ‘I was starting to forget what you looked like.’
This has been the longest I’ve gone without spending time with my sisters since I moved back to town, but I’ve been busy. Bowie and I went up to visit with Grandma, and aside from that, I’ve been working my ass off up at the house.
‘Yeah, you know how it is.’ I’m too tired to get into it with her.
‘Oh, no shitty response. Damn, you must really be feeling it.’
‘I’m dead on my fuckin’ feet,’ I admit, dropping to sit on her sofa and leaning back into the cushions.
‘Why are you pushing yourself so hard? And why are you still working alone? Cara is not rushing you, and you know she’ll pay for you to get some guys in.’
‘I like being up there alone.’ The quiet is good, and somehow, I’ve managed not to think about Cara or about that kiss. But now her name is out there again, along with memories of her body pressed against mine and her sweet mouth opening for me. Fuck me. I’ve never had a kiss like that. I came to my senses in time because I know she would have let me strip and fuck her right there. Her body melted for me. She was putty in my hands, and walking away is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
‘Hello, hello,’ Zoe calls out from the hallway. ‘The party has arrived.’ She enters the living room and stops. ‘Well, it looks as though the party is over. Jeez, baby brother, are you doing okay?’
‘He’s tired because he’s being a stubborn ass and still working alone.’
‘Doug, get in some guys before you get hurt up there.’
‘I will. All I’ve been doing is clearing the space and the first round of repairs. I have some guys coming in next week.’
‘Are they hot?’ Zoe asks, and I glare at her. ‘What? A girl has needs.’
I shake my head—my fucking sisters and their sex positivity! I’m all for it, fuck knows I’ve always been open to trying anything, but do they really have to tell me everything?
‘Ooh, did you try it?’ She turns her attention to Bree, who nods enthusiastically.
‘Oh my god, yes. Did you?’
‘Girl, I’m surprised you didn’t hear me. That thing is sent from heaven.’
‘Oh no, it is way too sinful for that. This one came up, not down.’
‘I know I’m going to regret asking this, but what the fuck are y’all talking about?’
‘Clit sucking vibrators.’
Why the fuck did I ask? Why the fuck did I take a drink while waiting for the answer? Beer comes out of my nose, and I sit up, coughing while my sisters laugh.
‘Well, you asked.’ Zoe smirks.
‘You think Cara tried hers?’
I snap my gaze to Bree.
‘Cara got one?’ I didn’t mean to ask that, but it’s out there now, and my sisters both turn their attention to me. ‘I mean, she just looks a little uptight for that sort of thing.’ Oh, nice save. Dickhead.
My sisters look at each other, a silent conversation happening that they don’t let me in on before they shrug, and Bree picks up the bag of chips in front of her.
‘How was Grandma?’
Usually, I’d be pissed at a change of subject. I’d want my answer, but I decide it’s safer this way. I do not need to be thinking about Cara getting herself off in that cabin. Unlucky for me, that’s now all I can think about. Grandma… think about Grandma.
‘She was great, so happy to see Bo.’
‘Well, of course she was. That girl is fucking awesome.’
After a few drinks, some food, and a lot of laughs, I excuse myself to go to the bathroom. I love these nights. We try to have them as often as we can, but I have to pull out a lot of the time because Jessie drops Bowie on me last minute. She’s up in the city visiting her cousins this weekend, so I’m sleeping over at Bree’s, Zoe too, and we’re catching up. I know I’m a fucking grizzly bear most of the time, grumpy and unmovable because I’m pissed off at my life, but I love this time I spend with my sisters.
As I make my way back to the living room, I freeze when I hear her name.
‘I hope Cara’s doing okay,’ Bree says softly, and I know they’ve lowered their voices so I don’t hear them.
‘It’s a lot. I thought she was going to have a panic attack.’ What the fuck happened? I’m about to burst into the room and demand they tell me what they’re talking about when Zoe continues. ‘To be thirty and never have had a single orgasm is fucking mind-blowing.’
What?
‘You think she’s used any of the stuff she got?’
‘I don’t know. I hope so. Can you believe her ex never getting her off?’
‘He’s a dick.’
I shouldn’t be listening to this. Whatever Cara has confided in my sisters was for their ears only, but she’s never had an orgasm in her whole life—what the fuck?
‘If you think we don’t know you’re out there, Douglas. You’re very much mistaken.’ Fuck it.
‘I could tell it was a private conversation, so I hung back.’
‘Or you wanted to hear all about Cara’s personal needs.’
‘Why would I care? She pays me. Her sex life is her business.’
‘You could make it your business. You know she was with her ex for years, and he never made her come, not even once. As soon as he came, sex was over.’ Fucking jackass.
‘And none of the guys she’s been with ever bothered with foreplay.’ I bite down on my tongue to try and keep the rage off my face.
‘I don’t care, stop.’
‘And she doesn’t…’ Zoe waggles her fingers in the air, and I rub my hand down my face.
‘Guys, shut the fuck up.’
I try to pretend I don’t care. I try to make it really seem like it means nothing to me, but my dick is screaming at me, put me in coach. I’ve got this. I could make her scream until there was no sound left. I pinch the bridge of my nose and try to remember my reasons for staying away from her. No matter how much I want to find every man she’s been with and beat the crap out of them for being stupid enough to have her under them and not spend every fucking second trying to make her come over and over, I have got to stay the fuck away.
‘Doug.’
‘Zo, quit it. I told you. I don’t like her. I work for her. That’s all. If you’re so bothered, you have sex with her.’
‘Not that I wouldn’t rock her world, but I am not her type.’
‘Why are we talking about my employer right now? Bree, you’re being a shitty host—none of us have drinks.’
My oldest-by-three minutes-sister nods and stands before heading to the kitchen.
‘One more thing, then I’ll stop,’ Zoe whispers, and I glare at her. ‘She’s beautiful, Doug, and funny, and people are noticing. Tristan, some of his asshole friends, the construction guys. I see the way they’re all looking at her. She’s ready to explore this new part of herself, and if you’re not willing to help her, any one of them will. I just think you need to consider that.’
She raises her fingers to her mouth and makes a locking motion, letting me know she won’t say anything else, but she said enough, and it’s fucked with my head, and the smirk on my sister’s face tells me that’s what she was going for.
Fucking sisters… why did I come here again? I need guy time, stat.
‘There he is.’
I walk into the tattoo shop a full half hour before my appointment time, and my best buddy, Leo, stands to grab my hand and pull me into a hug.
‘Hey, man. Jeez, you look huge.’
I haven’t seen him in months. Between his life and work up in the city and all my shit back in Forest Falls, we haven’t been able to get together to hang out. I figured the best way to get some time with him was to book in for a session on my chest piece and hope I could convince him to grab a beer or two afterward.
‘Yeah, I’ve been trying to pull back on dating and hooking up for a while, so I’ve been hitting the gym extra hard.’
I laugh. ‘Don’t try to convince me those arms aren’t just from jacking off.’
He punches my arm. ‘You would know.’
He kicks out a stool for me to sit on and pulls out my designs.
‘Why aren’t you hooking up?’
Leo gets laid more than anyone I have ever met. We’ve been friends since we were kids and became interested in girls at the same time, so being as close as we were, we learned to talk to each other about everything, and we still do.
‘I think I’m ready to settle down. One woman for the rest of my life kind of deal.’ I raise my eyebrows in surprise. Leo has never talked about wanting anything serious before, not once. ‘I know. I know. But I’m getting old, man.’
‘Dude, you’re thirty-one.’
‘It’s okay for you. You have Bowie. If I don’t get the girl soon, by the time I have kids, I’m going to be an old dad, and I don’t want that.’
‘Fuck, man, I didn’t think you even wanted kids.’
‘I didn’t.’ He blows out a breath. ‘I thought I got somebody pregnant a while back.’ I open my mouth to question further, but he holds up his hand. ‘I didn’t. It was a false alarm, but when that test was negative, and she and the idea of that baby walked away, I felt this sense of loss that fucking shook me.’
‘Shit, man.’
‘I know.’ He nods, ‘Anyway, that’s where I’m at, brother, and I’m owning it, so no hooking up, no dating until I figure out what I really want. Now, check out these designs, and let’s get started so you can tell me what’s going on with you.’
There’s something about the sound of a tattoo machine that soothes me. When I’m in that chair, I have nowhere else to be, nothing else to do.
‘This is looking sick, man.’ Leo says as he wipes away some of the blood and ink to check his progress.
‘I love it. You’re a talented man.’ I offer a small smile, and he gets back to work. ‘Thank you for this.’
Leo knows how much I need this time with him. He knows how much getting tattooed helps me get the brain space I need, so he not only gives me the best friend rate but also lets me pay him monthly.
‘You know it’s cool, brother.’ He nods. Leo is the most genuine person I’ve ever met. He’s honest and loyal and blunt. Straight to the point, always. I appreciate that. ‘What’s new with you?’ I knew it was only a matter of time. He knows, as much as I love getting tattooed, I don’t spend the time or money on it unless I want to kill two birds with one stone. Getting inked and getting his advice.
I sigh, and he leans back to look at me wide-eyed.
‘Oh shit. It’s like that.’ I stare up at the ceiling. ‘Fuck, man. I thought you were done with women.’
‘I am. Just try telling my dick that.’
Leo laughs, and I shake my head.
‘So, you got laid, big deal. Jessie can’t keep calling the shots forever.’
‘I didn’t get laid. I kissed her, but that’s all.’
Leo pulls the needle from my skin once more to lean back and frown down at me.
‘You’re going have to use more words.’
‘I’m working for her, and she thinks I don’t even like her as a person. I’m trying not to, fuck, I’m trying so fucking hard not to think about her, but I can’t stop.’
‘Does she like you?’
‘The way she looks at me is a huge fucking yes to that, but she’s pissed with me for sending her mixed signals. She doesn’t come up to the house anymore and only talks to me if it’s about the construction. That’s what I wanted. I don’t need Jess on my case over this, but fuck, man, I kissed her, and the way she moaned.’
Leo laughs. ‘If only they fucking knew what those moans do to us, huh?’
‘Thing is, most of the time, I think they do, but she’s—’ I shouldn’t, I know I shouldn’t, but I need my best friend to talk me down from the ledge. ‘She’s never had an orgasm.’
‘How old is she?’
‘Twenty-nine.’ His shocked expression says it all. ‘I know. The guys she’s been with before were dicks, so my sisters took her to a sex shop to get all these toys and shit, but she,’ I lower my voice, ‘she doesn’t even get herself off, so I don’t know if she’s used any of it.’
‘Fuck me, man. Are you sure she’s not a virgin?’
The thought had crossed my mind. ‘I don’t think so, she was with a guy for years, but she’s got this—’
‘Innocence?’
‘Nah, more like a wariness about her. I know she doesn’t give any piece of herself unless she really wants to.’
‘And she gave a piece to you.’
‘I took it. I kissed her and didn’t ask permission, but she didn’t stop me. If I hadn’t pulled away, I know she’d have given me more.’
‘Look, I get your reluctance. I do. I know Jessie and know she can be a bitch, but you like this girl, man. I can see it in your eyes. Maybe you should see if there’s something there that’s worth pissing Jess off before deciding you can’t.’
‘I can’t risk losing Bo.’
‘You know I can’t stand that woman, Doug, but you’re an amazing dad, and she knows it. I really don’t believe she’d take Bowie away from you.’
I wish I believed that, but as Leo gets back to work, I’m more confused than ever. I can’t risk losing my daughter, but I’m terrified of losing Cara too.