22. I Got Lucky With The Contractor
I Got Lucky With The Contractor
Doug
What the fuck was I thinking?
I slam my fist into the side of my truck, cursing loudly. That hurt like a mother fucker, but I deserve it.
I was pissed, so fucking angry with Jessie that I went down to the bar after Bo was asleep, wanting to get into it with the construction guys. I was looking for a fight to release some of the frustration I’d been feeling, and instead, I took it out on Cara.
It was a dick move.
I didn’t mean for it to happen. I was heading over to the cabins, not expecting to even see her, then there she was, her hair falling over her shoulders, her legs and feet bare, wearing nothing but a band t-shirt, and I couldn’t resist her anymore. I didn’t have the strength. Everything in me was screaming just make her come, be the one to make her moan, and it was louder than my conscience.
I could have fucked her. My dick wanted me to, and walking away from her while she sat there, her whole body trembling, her legs open, inviting me into that swollen and soaking wet pussy is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
I didn’t say anything. I left like a fucking coward while her eyes were closed, without a word, and now I have to live with that.
I glance back in the direction of the cabins, then climb into my truck and drive away.
‘Man, go back there,’ Leo encourages on the end of the phone. I drove up to Cara’s house instead of my mom’s, needing the quiet I get up here.
‘Did you not hear what I just told you? I walked out and left her without a word.’
‘Yeah, and for that, you are a dick, but seriously, go back, apologize, get on your knees, and beg for forgiveness, or just eat her pussy and convince her to forgive you that way.’ Fuck, I wish I could.
‘Why are we friends? For real, your advice sucks.’
He laughs, and I shake my head.
‘I have to get custody of Bowie. I can’t keep letting Jessie have this hold over me. If I weren’t scared of what she’d do, I’d be back there worshipping the shit out of Cara right now.’
‘Dude, you like this woman. Just take her on a date and see what this is. Fuck Jessie.’
‘I think I just blew any chance of ever taking her on a date. I just blew any chance with her, period.’
I hear my best friend take a long deep inhale, then blow it out.
‘I’m as single now as I ever was, so I don’t have the answers, but I want to see you happy.’
‘I need to get Bowie. I can’t think about anything or anyone else until that shit is done.’
‘Okay, brother.’ He sighs like he’s disappointed. ‘You know where I am.’
The call ends, and I stare out into the dark night, then turn to look up at the house. I don’t know if I’ll be coming back here. I might have just lost my job as well as the girl. I fucked up, bad.
The house is silent when I get home and make my way upstairs. I need to take a shower. My behavior tonight has me all knotted up, and I can’t get into bed and go to sleep feeling this way. I also can’t go in to check on Bo when I can still smell Cara on me. It feels wrong.
I shower and pull on some flannel pajama pants, then head into Bree and Zoe’s old room, Bowie’s room here now, and smile as I see my beautiful baby girl. The nightlight makes it easy to spot her upside down in her bed, her arms and legs splayed out in all directions, the pant legs of her PJs halfway up her legs, and her hair falling out of the braids my sisters put in before bed. Harley lifts her head and sleepily wags her tail from her bed on the floor next to Bowie’s. I bend to pet her, and she settles back down.
‘I love you, angel,’ I whisper as I lean in to kiss Bo’s head, and she shuffles her body, readjusting and letting out a little toot that makes me laugh. ‘You stink, but I love you.’
I back out of the room and shut the door, then head to my room. I know I won’t be sleeping any time soon, so I sit at my desk and open my laptop. I need a distraction, I think. I need to get my head on straight. I need to get out of Forest Falls.
Cara
He left.
Before I’d even opened my eyes, he was out of the door. Am I really that much of a disappointment? Is it because I didn’t touch him? He didn’t really give me the opportunity to.
I let myself romanticize this whole orgasm thing. I thought it would be bliss before, during, and after. I certainly never imagined I’d be left feeling exposed and embarrassed, and rejected.
The music and laughter in the next cabins have stopped, and the silence makes it all feel worse.
I should shower, but I can’t bring myself to face my reflection in the bathroom mirror. I’ve never felt so stupid in my life.
He gave me an out. He told me to tell him to stop, and I was so wrapped up in him that I didn’t. It didn’t cross my mind that he actually wanted me to.
Hot tears collect in my eyes and escape before I can consider stopping them. This hurts. Being made to feel so amazing and then so worthless by a man who has repeatedly messed with my head is surely nobody’s fault but my own. He said he didn’t like me, and I let him kiss me. He said he didn’t like me, and I let him—no, I can’t think about it anymore.
I turn my face into the pillow beneath my head and let the emotions pour out of me. I wanted to understand this whole arousal thing. I brought this on myself.
My body starts to move, and my consciousness rouses, but I can’t open my eyes. I cried for I don’t know how long before I exhausted myself and fell asleep. Now they’re swollen and scratchy, and honestly, even if I could open them, I don’t want to face the reality of the day. Instead, I pull the blanket up over my head and try to drift back to sleep. The knocking on the cabin door stops that.
I release a sigh and push myself up, then make my way over to the door and pull it open.
‘I brought breakfast,’ Bree says, holding up a paper bag with Merv’s Diner printed on the side.
‘What?’ The fog of confusion and the tension headache I’m harboring cloud my understanding as I try to remember what plans we had today.
‘My idiot brother said you needed a friend today, so here I am. Can I come in?’
I feel my shoulders slump as I step back and let her in.
‘Before you say anything. I have no idea why he thinks you need this, so don’t go spilling anything you don’t want spilled. All I know is he showed up at my house this morning saying he was getting out of town for a couple of days, and could I come to check in on you this morning? I assume that means he pulled some major douche move and upset you because he’s a guy, and guys are idiots. You can tell me as much or as little as you want, but just eat something, okay?’
She holds open the bag for me, and I realize for the first time that she’s in uniform.
‘What are your plans today?’
I shrug as I take a croissant from the bag and tentatively take a bite.
‘You could come to work with me. I’ll just be in my office most of the day, ignoring the pile of paperwork on my desk.’
I smile weakly. ‘I don’t need a babysitter, Bree, but thank you.’
‘Do you want to tell me what he did?’
I shake my head. ‘Nothing, really. I guess he just really meant it when he said he doesn’t like me.’
‘Well, I don’t think that’s true at all. Doug only takes himself off camping when he needs quiet time to think. Whatever happened got under his skin, that’s for sure.’
I fight the lump in my throat. I’m not going to cry.
‘Maybe getting away isn’t a bad idea,’ I say as Bree lifts her gaze to mine. ‘A friend has been asking me to go stay with her up in Charleston.’
‘Well, that sounds perfect then. Go up there and reset.’ She squeezes my knee. ‘I have to get to work.’ She stands and then leans in to kiss the top of my head. ‘Call if you need me, okay?’ I nod, and she leaves as I pick up my phone and scroll through the contacts.
The call connects, and I can’t help but smile.
‘Hi, Doris.’
The drive to Doris’s house took closer to four hours than the three I was expecting. She lives in a cute little assisted living facility for elderly people, and when she first told me that, I couldn’t believe it. This vibrant woman who travels the world alone doesn’t need assisted living, but she explained to me it’s about future planning. Here she can grow old exactly where she is without having to move later down the line. It’s sweet, all these little bungalows in neat rows with neat gardens. I inhale the clean air that’s blowing in through my windows when I spot my new friend waving at me. Her bright red tracksuit is a beacon.
I park up and climb out, only to be wrapped up in the biggest hug.
‘Oh, sweet Cara, it is good to see you.’ She holds my biceps, pushing me out at arm’s length to get a good look at me. ‘Come on, let’s get you inside and get you fed.’
Inside, the bungalow is just as adorable as it is out. It’s modern and clean and smells absolutely delicious. As we reach the kitchen, I see why.
‘Doris,’ I laugh, ‘there’s only two of us. Who did you think you were feeding?’
There’s a full spread laid out on the table, and she scoffs. ‘I’m a grandma. It’s my prerogative to be a feeder, and since you don’t have any real family here, I’m taking you in as one of mine.’
My heart swells. This woman, who I just happened to be sitting next to on a plane, who just happened to live just a few hours away, is proudly and happily part of my growing little circle here.
‘Well, I’m taking you as mine, too,’ I reply, smiling as she winks and ushers me into one of the chairs.
We ate as she told me all the gossip from the retirement village and made me laugh until I cried with her animated recounting of all the comings and goings. She told me how she’s planning a trip to Canada and all the things she’s excited to see and do there, and then we retired out to her porch, where she hands me a beer and a blanket and sits in the chair next to mine.
‘So, how’s Forest Falls?’
I inhale deeply as I contemplate my response.
‘It’s wonderful, really. I love it.’
‘And the house?’
‘Amazing.’ I smile even as sadness wets my eyes. ‘I got lucky with the contractor.’ I close my eyes, regretting my choice of words. ‘He’s doing a great job.’
‘Well, that’s good to hear.’ She smiles and sips from her bottle but keeps her eyes on me. ‘There’s something else.’ I swallow. ‘Spill it.’
I release a soft chuckle. My adopted grandma has a way of making me talk.
‘There’s a man—the contractor, actually.’
‘Ooh, finally, some real gossip.’
I shake my head. ‘Not really. I just thought he liked me, even though he said he didn’t, so I shouldn’t have thought that…’ I ramble.
‘He said he didn’t like you?’ She looks appalled.
‘Not to me. I overheard him telling his sisters. But I don’t know. I thought…’ I take a deep breath. ‘I made a bit of a fool of myself. He warned me, but I didn’t listen, and now I just feel embarrassed.’
Doris’s frown creates a deep crease in her forehead.
‘Well, he’s a damn fool if you ask me. You’re a prize, sweet girl, don’t you forget it. Maybe I oughta drive down there and give him a talking to.’
‘Oh, no.’ I smile. ‘It’s okay, really. I just need to stay away from him.’
‘Cara,’ she reaches out and takes my hand, and I turn my sad eyes up to meet hers. ‘It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to be hurt, even angry. Pretending you’re fine serves nobody.’
Her words open something up in me, and I can’t stop the tears that come. I am hurt. I am sad, and I really am angry, and for the first time in my life, I’m not going to pretend I’m fine.