Chapter 12
The next morning was a rainy one. When the cruise docked in Scotland, JP and I both threw on raincoats and jeans and quickly exited the boat to explore the city of Edinburgh.
As we walked to a cab that would drive us up to the city, JP grabbed my hand and intertwined our fingers.
His rough hand squeezed mine, making my heart flutter in my chest. It was such an easy act of intimacy, and it was one that I didn’t have to argue for or even ask for.
He just did it because he wanted to. Taking it a step further, I hugged his arm.
That seemed to make him stand about two feet taller.
The way he grinned down at me, it was like I made his whole day, and right then, something clicked in my brain.
This was what reciprocated love felt like.
This was what a healthy relationship was supposed to be like.
Not one person walking way out in front or way behind the other, not one person rolling their eyes while the other talked.
Nope.
It was this: walking together, experiencing the moment together, simultaneously getting butterflies over the prospect of touching each other.
As we wandered through the early morning fog, we sampled pretty much every chocolate croissant and coffee we could find, and we took over-the-top selfies all throughout the city.
“That’s a keeper,” I said, smiling at a photo of JP kissing my cheek and me squealing in surprise with the Scott Monument stretched up in the background. “We should send this one to the group.”
“Ah.” He reached up to scratch his cheek. “I mean, go for it if you want, but they’ll probably blow up our phones. I wasn’t lying when I said I didn’t tell anyone I was coming.”
I raised a skeptical eyebrow. “They didn’t have a clue? Kappy is sneaky perceptive if you haven’t noticed.”
He cupped the back of his neck and laughed. “Kappy? As in Richard Charles Kappers the Third?”
"That's the one.” I smiled proudly. “He really is. He notices things.”
“Yeah? Like what things?”
Not wanting to get into it, I just shrugged. “He’ll probably figure it out.”
He scratched his head. “Maybe. But I think Hans would be the one to piece it together. He told me to take a vacation.”
“Aww, I miss Hans.” Thinking of the old man with bright blue eyes, a supercut of memories played in my brain, making me smile: Him chasing after the boys in the rink, yelling at them to come back and clean up the mess they made, him giving me stern advice after I had a screaming match with my coach, him giving words of encouragement when I was forced to sit in the stands and watch my parents and sister on the ice while I was nursing yet another injury.
“You should’ve brought him with you,” I said, elbowing him.
JP cracked a grin as he took in the sight around us. “Yeah, I should’ve. He probably would’ve loved this.” His grey eyes met mine. “I just didn’t want you to feel pressured. I really would’ve left the ship if you didn’t want me here, I was serious about that.”
Taking in his sharp jawline and soft eyes, I was filled with so much love and happiness that it felt like it was bubbling out of me. Going up on my tiptoes, I smoothed my arms around his neck to kiss him.
I felt his smile at first, but then he teased my lips apart and deepened the kiss, making a breathless little noise pop out of me.
“Fuck, Ali,” he whispered before pulling back and resting his forehead against mine. His eyes darted all over my face, like he was trying to read me. “I’m loving this city, but wanna get back to the boat?”
Giddy with a mixture of excitement and attraction brewing inside of me, I grabbed his hand and twirled away from him before letting go and darting down the stairs. “Thought you’d never ask,” I called over my shoulder.
His grey eyes blazed with heat. “Damn, baby,” he whispered as he quickly caught up and pulled me against him, making me giggle.
_________
Each night ended with us dancing together, and we’d spend the whole time teasing each other. He was constantly grabbing my hips, pulling me against him, swaying with me, having the most fun.
Tonight, as we danced, I grabbed his hat and turned it backwards, then trailed a nail down his neck, making his whole body shudder.
He looked at me with glazed over eyes, then gave his head a little shake.
When he caught me giggling, he dipped down to whisper, “Trouble, Ali, you’re trouble.
” I giggled more, despite the way his gravelly voice sent an electric current straight to my core.
The whole night, he made me feel sexy, beautiful even, as his heated eyes and rough hands trailed over my body.
And then as soon as I gave him permission, he threw me over his shoulder and darted back to my room, making me laugh.
And what’s more shocking—for once, I wasn’t nervous about that part of the night. Actually, I couldn’t wait.
Because I didn’t feel used, I felt cherished
But now we only had two nights left…
As I laid in his arms, it occurred to me that I didn’t want him to go.
This was the most fun I’d ever had out here on tour.
Maybe it was just because I’d been to all these places before on my own, so it was fun to be able to take in the sights through his eyes.
But I think it was more than that… Because I think I’d have just as much fun with him if we were camping in the middle of nowhere.
I just liked being with him.
Our conversation from that bench overlooking the pier in Cobh flashed into my mind. Maybe I’d been searching in all the wrong places for that feeling of belonging. Maybe I couldn’t ever find it because it wasn't a place on a map for me. The only place I ever felt truly at home was in his arms.
And now that I felt it, I couldn’t bear to lose it. I didn’t want this little week-long situation to end.
“It feels like…” I started, and then stopped myself. My throat felt like it was closing up, trying to stop me from letting out any vulnerability.
“What’s that?” he asked, just barely still awake.
Turning in his arms to face him, my hand went to his scruffy cheek. “It feels like I'm supposed to be here…” In your arms, I mentally tacked on.
He dropped a lingering kiss on my forehead. “You are.”
“How do you know?” I asked, tucking my head under his chin. He sounded so sure of himself.
I thought he fell asleep, but a few minutes later, he whispered, “Because I feel it too.”
My heart expanded with those words, and my mind started whirling with all the possibilities, all the ways we’d try to make this thing between us work.
Us skaters did get some time off, little breaks between tours.
I usually never paid much attention to them because I always immediately signed another contract or stayed at Val’s house in Florida with a group of “homeless” skaters, as we called ourselves.
But… I could go to Chicago. We could take turns going to see each other.
We could FaceTime. It wouldn’t be the same as being with each other, but we could figure it out.
If we wanted to make this work, we could… right?
“You okay?” he whispered in the dark, stroking my hair.
I wanted to respond, but I was afraid if I opened my mouth, my voice would crack.
And how could I say that I was okay, except for the fact that he’d be leaving?
As soon as I fell asleep, we’d only have one more night left together.
The thought of sleeping alone again, of coming back to an empty room again, suddenly felt daunting.
What was the point of being here? Being with him felt bigger than all of this…
Then again, I was probably being reckless—again. I knew what it was like to shove everything in my life aside for a guy. I knew all too well just how badly that could end… So why was it so tempting to do it for JP?
Ugh no.
I had to stop.
Stop overthinking, or else I’d end up crying, and then he’d probably think a long-distance relationship with me would be more trouble than what it was worth.
I needed to just soak this up. Soak up the feel and smell of him, the way he was holding me like he never wanted to let go.
“Ali?” He lifted his neck, trying to see me in the dark. “You didn’t respond. You good?”
I nodded against him. Swallowing the burning lump in my throat, I said, “I’m just so happy you came to find me.” And I really hoped that wasn’t too much to admit out loud.
His hand drifted up to cradle the back of my head. “Me too, baby,” he rasped.
Those three little words of reassurance filled me with way too much relief and gratitude.
Way, way too much, Ali, I chastised myself. Because he was already way too in charge of my emotions.
Then again, this was JP. I was safe with him. I trusted him.
This could work.
We could make this work.
.