Chapter 21 Speakerphone #2
Okay, Ali, you’ve been in worse positions before, I tried telling myself under the hot streams of water.
I just had to get my shit together. I’d start applying for rink jobs.
Then again, would anyone even hire me? Hans would’ve.
He definitely would’ve. And that thought had more tears springing to my eyes.
If I couldn’t find a new home rink in Chicago, I’d have no choice but to go back to Centre Ice in Michigan and live with my parents.
I acted all tough yesterday when I talked about Michigan, but just the thought of going back there had a sob escaping my body.
I wanted so badly to go home to my family, but I couldn’t risk it. I couldn't risk Mark finding me.
My thoughts were interrupted when the glass door of the shower flew open, making me shriek and chuck the body wash bottle straight ahead.
JP hissed and rubbed his forehead.
My hands went to my mouth in shock.
When his eyes met mine, they rounded with apology, and he no longer looked like the rough and tough NHL player with a neck tatt who dumped me, but instead, the shy young version of himself that was my best friend.
“I’m sorry, I knocked,” he said as an excuse. “You just looked so freaked, and then I heard you crying, and I just…” He shook his head. “I don’t want you to be crying by yourself. You’re not in this alone, Ali.”
I tried to talk, I tried to say something, anything at all, but instead, my shoulders dropped and he blurred in front of me.
He stepped fully into the shower with his boxers still on and pulled me into his arms for a hug.
I should’ve pushed him out. I should’ve yelled at him. I should’ve done anything other than completely collapse against him.
“Shh, it’s okay, it’s all going to be okay,” he whispered. “I promise.”
I’m not sure how long we stood there, but when I finally had no tears left and my body stopped shaking, I realized what I was doing—I was quite literally clinging to him.
As grateful as I was for his comfort, I needed to stop accepting it.
We were not together, and we couldn’t be.
We couldn't be wrapped up in our unstable what-are-we drama when a baby was literally coming.
Sucking in a shaky breath, I forced myself to take a little step back from him even though my body screamed at me to stay wrapped up in him forever. While I always loved being near him, the urge was so much stronger now.
“Stupid hormones,” I muttered, wiping my face.
His forehead creased with concern. “What’s that?” Even though I was completely naked in front of him, his eyes never drifted from mine.
“Nothing, never mind.” I blew out a sigh.
“I shouldn’t be crying, I just feel stupid now,” I shuddered, keeping my eyes on his chest. I already felt too vulnerable standing in front of him, there’s no way I could look up at his face.
“I don’t want to depend on you, or anyone for that matter. I’m just feeling very lost right now.”
“Ali,” he said softly. “Look at me.”
After a beat, I reluctantly listened.
“I want you here,” he said. “Living alone kind of sucks, so I like the company.” The corner of his lips slightly lifted. “And I’m serious, you’re not alone in this, okay? It’s not like you got yourself pregnant.”
“Yeah,” I snorted a pathetic laugh and nodded, but in the back of my mind, I knew I needed to figure out a long-term solution.
“Would it make you feel better if I said I also feel kind of lost?”
“No.” I hiccupped. “This baby has to have at least one parent who knows what they’re doing. I haven’t even held a baby in, like, a decade.”
“No one knows what they're doing,” JP said. Reaching out, he gently raised my chin. “But we’ll take it one step at a time.” The way his earnest eyes were searing into me had a current of attraction stirring to life inside me, which I knew was a very dangerous thing.
Smoothing away from him, I wrapped a self-conscious arm around my chest. “Okay, yeah, thank you.” I nodded.
His eyes dipped down for the first time, like he just now registered I was naked. “Yeah,” he said in a throaty voice. “Yeah,” he said again, like he was at a loss for words.
My eyes shifted nervously. “Okay, well…”
His throat bobbed with a swallow. “Sorry, you just look…” he broke off.
“Like I ate a whole pizza by myself?” I self-consciously joked.
He shook his head. “You look beautiful, Ali.” The way his eyes flared with desire as they trailed over my body had my cheeks heating up.
Staring up at him, a slew of memories crashed into me. The scrape of his scruff against my skin, the way his tongue explored my mouth, the way his hand went into my hair, how he’d angle his knee between my legs, anchoring me. A spasm of electricity shot off in my lower stomach, making me want him.
“Ali,” he rasped, moving closer, and I felt a magnetic pull toward him.
A loud timer went off, making me jump back. Good thing, because I had a feeling we were about to do something really, really stupid.
“Shit, sorry.” His head fell back for a second before he reached out of the shower and tapped his phone on the counter a couple times. “Our appointment is scheduled for a week and a half from now. That’s the soonest we could get in. Is that okay?”
“Yeah.” Just him saying we made me feel better about the situation. “You’ll come with me?”
“Of course.” But his focus was now clearly elsewhere, and he muttered a curse under his breath. “I really don’t want to leave right now,” he said. And deep down, I didn’t want him to leave either. His presence had a way of making me feel a little less lost in this world. “You’ll come tonight?”
My forehead creased. “Tonight?”
“Game tonight against Ontario. You mind if I wash my hair real quick?” he asked, like it was oh-so-casual for him to be in here with me.
I nodded. “You want me to go to your game?” My heart sped up with nerves. “But we’re just—”
“Friends.” He gave me his signature lopsided grin, but it didn’t make it up to his eyes. “I know, but that’s never stopped you from coming to my games before. Friends support each other, don’t they?”
My chest loosened as I handed him the shampoo bottle. “Yeah, you’re right.” I nodded. “I’d like to go. I miss watching you,” I said truthfully, then immediately chastised myself for overstepping. “I mean, I just like the sport. I miss hockey. I don’t mean…”
He laughed. “I missed watching you skate too, Al.” He started rubbing the soapy shampoo around his short hair. “You always liked a good game, didn’t you?”
“Yeah.” I bit my lip to hide my smile. “You guys better win tonight.”