Chapter 4
ELARA
Iam not my past.
I silently repeat the affirmation as I stare down at the dead raccoon. My stomach turns, but not because of the stench or the sickening fact of it. My stomach turns because this is exactly the sort of thing Lucian used to do.
Kneeling, I force myself to look at the dead animal. What are the chances it just wandered onto this porch and dropped dead from the gash in its neck? Maybe it got into a fight, fell on a sharp stick, then limped toward our cabin, confused and in pain. Or maybe some sicko left it here.
Get your act together.
I stand and clench my jaw. It’s a bright summer morning, birds chirping, the comforting sounds of nature all around us. I’ve got business to take care of in town. I can’t waste time hemming and hawing over a stupid raccoon. I need to get rid of it.
Going inside, I grab a handful of trash bags and return to the porch. But every time I look at the raccoon, I see him. I see Lucian. I see his smirk, feel his fist slamming into my face.
Suddenly, I’m leaning against the porch railing, sweating, nauseous, struggling not to fall, breath coming too fast.
Is this seriously happening?
I push away from the railing, working to get my breathing under control.
My legs turn to Jell-O. I slide down onto the porch until I’m lying on my side. Face to face with the dead thing, and then suddenly it’s like I’m back there, in that horrible night, my parents’ lives draining away.
I need to get a grip. I’m in a new town. There’s no way Lucian knows where we are. And anyway, he’s in prison.
But no matter how hard I try, I can’t make myself touch it.
I stand gripping the porch railing. Then run inside before I collapse again, so mad at myself I could scream.
I don’t want Mira going out here and seeing that. She won’t talk about what she saw or heard that night, but I know it was bad. In a messed-up way, knocking me out was the kindest thing Lucian could have done.
My gaze moves to the fridge: to the sunshine magnet pinning Rhett’s number to it. Mira put it there with a knowing smile on her face, and I didn’t have the heart to take it down. Anything or anyone that makes her smile is a win in my book.
He said to call him if I needed help. And I need help, but…
I claw at the skin on my thumb with my other hand and look down the hallway. I have to do this for her, not for myself.
Moving quickly, I snatch the number from the fridge and grab my cell phone.
“I’m sorry about this,” I say, watching as Rhett leans down and scoops the raccoon into the thick trash bag with a dustpan.
He stands, ties it tightly, shaking his head. He’s wearing a plaid shirt like last time, sleeves rolled up… like last time. But something feels different now. It’s in his eyes. When he looks at me, there’s more emotion there than before. Pity, maybe? Because I couldn’t handle this myself?
“Have I got something on my face?” I snap.
“No.” He clears his throat, dragging his gaze back to mine. “Forget it.”
I fold my arms. His eyes flick to my chest—then dart away. Guilt shadows his expression. Maybe he thinks he’s too old for me. There can’t be more than ten years between us. Maybe just ten.
“I’ll get rid of this,” Rhett mutters, turning away.
“Rhett!” Mira beams, running onto the porch, her hair still wild from sleep, wearing her pink fluffy pajamas.
When I see her smiling up at him in those PJs, my heart tugs. I’ve noticed several times over the past year that she looks like a walking contradiction when she wears her old PJs, but now, it’s like the old Mira is back.
“What’s in the bag?” she asks, pausing a few feet short of Rhett.
He winks. “It’s a secret.”
“Is it a gift?”
“What sort of gift would you want it to be, huh?”
“Umm. A big hug?”
Rhett chuckles, holding out his fist. “How about a fist bump instead?”
“Okay,” Mira huffs, then bumps fists with Rhett.
“Ow,” Rhett says, shaking his head. “You’re stronger than you look.”
Mira giggles in delight, spinning to me with bright eyes blazing with the sort of glee I couldn’t have imagined just a few days ago. I feel almost drunk just looking at her. “I’m strong, Sissy.”
“You are,” I say, touching her arm, getting choked up. “You’re the strongest girl I know.”
“Is Rhett coming to town with us?”
Rhett looks at me, jaw tight. “No, I’m sorry, little lady, but—”
I take a chance and interrupt him. “Yes, he is.” I arch my eyebrow at him with a silent message. Unless you’re busy?
He smiles and nods. “Sure, I can come.”
“Yay!” Mira throws her hands in the air. “I’ll get a pretty dress, yeah?”
“We’re going to see a lawyer,” I say. “You don’t need to—”
I stop myself when I realize what I’m doing: thoroughly raining on her parade.
“Sure, put on your prettiest.”
She runs into the house. I watch her go with a lump in my throat.
“She seems like a good kid,” Rhett says quietly.
“She is,” I tell him. “She’s the best sister I ever could’ve asked for.”
He swallows, scratches his beard. “So, uh, where are you folks?”
“Why does that matter?” I hiss. “We’re here, and we’re starting a new, and that’s all there is to it. So don’t worry about my folks or anything else.”
I grip the porch so hard my fingernails bend, my breath coming hard and fast. That was too much, too honest.
“Rhett, I’m sor—”
“You don’t need to apologize,” he says, and I feel his eyes burning into me.
“I do. That was rude.”
“I can take rude, Elle. Don’t worry about it.”
I turn to him and offer a small smile. “Thanks… for the raccoon. And for being rude proof.”
He smirks. “It’d take more than a little sass to upset a big, strong… not to mention handsome man like me.”
The laughter takes me by surprise. I smile, really smile, and my cheeks heat as if there were little fires inside me.
“I should get changed,” I murmur. “Are you sure you want to come? You don’t have to. It’s just finalizing some stuff for this place.”
“When your sister smiles, Elle, you light up. It’s like you’ve been waiting for it. It’s like the best gift you could receive.”
“Well… yeah.” Tingles shimmer up my spine, and my heart does a funny flip. “You’re not wrong.”
“But you are,” he says. “I have to. For that reason.”
I roll my eyes, trying to play it cool. “Okay, Romeo.”
He chuckles warmly. “Romeo with a dead raccoon. How romantic.”
I laugh and then run inside before I get carried away.