6. Think You Can Get Me Off?
Think You Can Get Me Off?
Zoe
Seven Years Ago
‘That guy is checking you out.’
I turned to glance in the direction my sister was looking. She was right. I knew she was right; he was making it pretty obvious.
‘He is not.’
‘Zo, he is, go talk to him.’
‘No, Bree, I don’t want to.’
I returned my attention to Leo and Doug, who were trying to knock each other off inflatable podiums with inflatable paddles and laughing their asses off.
‘Zoe.’ Bree gently gripped my bicep. ‘You promised him you would move on, meet somebody new, fall in love again.’
I did promise to fall in love again but I didn’t say when.
‘Not with some random dude watching me over the top of his hotdog at the fair,’ I snapped, then took a breath and blew it out. ‘I’m not there yet, Bree.’
She released me with a sigh as Doug knocked Leo down, and the watching crowd cheered while the guys laughed their asses off, and I smiled. I was living. I told myself that daily, hoping Luke could hear it, hoping he could see that I was trying.
‘Munch, you’re up,’ Leo called out, and I shook my head.
‘Against you? Hell no.’
He pointed at me as Bree laughed and shoved me toward him, and Doug handed me the paddle.
‘He’s just choosing a smaller opponent so he can actually win,’ my brother said, and Leo laughed.
‘You’re damn right I am. Now come on, get your ass up there.’
I was barely upright before he took the first swing, and I glared at him.
‘You play dirty,’ I sassed, and he laughed, ‘you’re going down.’
He grinned. ‘Mmm, my favorite pastime.’
I blinked, distracted by that comment, when he swung again, and I growled.
‘ Leo ,’
‘It’s the name of the game, munch. Think you can get me off?’
Okay, that was it. If he was playing dirty, I was too. I narrowed my gaze and smirked.
‘Oh honey, I know I can.’
I saw the moment of surprise, the way his eyes widened a little, and, big mistake, buddy, huge , he gave me a window. I widened my stance, bent my knees a little, and took a swing. I swung again while he was still distracted, and he was on his back, bouncing on the inflatable in a flash.
‘ Yes .’ I squealed and jumped down, bounding over to him and leaning down as he looked up at me, amusement creasing his eyes. ‘Told you I could get you off.’ I winked before turning toward the exit and bouncing away.
‘Cotton candy,’ I said, my eyes widening in excitement.
‘You are a toddler.’ Leo laughed but let me lead him to the promised land.
Doug and Bree were long gone, both of them heading off to quiet corners with someone pretty.
Leo ordered my pink sugary goodness and paid before I could. He did that a lot.
‘Oh my god,’ I moaned at the taste, and he shook his head.
‘You’re going to crash and burn after that high.’
‘Worth it, totally worth it.’
I glared as his big, meaty hand swooped in and took way too much of my sugar.
‘ Mmm , you’re right, so worth it.’ He turned and walked away as I stared after him.
‘Zoe doesn’t share food,’ I called out, and he laughed, turning to face me.
‘Honey, that ain’t food.’ He winked and walked backward. ‘Come on, I need a hot dog.’
The day had been fun. We’d always made the effort to go to the fair together since we were kids. Even now that Leo and Doug lived out of town and Bree was basically always working her little butt off.
As we sat on some barrels, Leo with a disgusting hot dog and me with my cotton candy, I felt happy. I had bad days. I had days when I missed Luke so much I couldn’t remember how to breathe, but those days were fewer now. I was living my life the best I could.
I looked around at the people of our county, couples dancing together in any bit of space they could find with the music all around. Teenagers laughing with friends, kids on their daddy’s shoulders. Families trying to win stuffed toys and make memories that would bring them back next year with nostalgic smiles already on their faces.
‘I love the fair,’ I said absentmindedly, and Leo turned to me, smiling.
‘Me too, munch.’
I shook my head and held out my arms for him to lift me down from the barrel he’d had to lift me onto. Munch , short for munchkin, was Leo’s nickname for me and had been since we were kids. It was better than shrimp, I guess, which is what he called Bree.
Leo stood, wiped his hands on the paper towel he’d grabbed with his hot dog, then threw it into the trash before standing in front of me, raising one eyebrow.
‘Would you like me to help you down, munch?’ I nodded. ‘You gotta learn to use your words, sweetie.’
I laughed. Leo was three years younger than me, but he’d always had this mature head on his shoulders — always seemed older than he was.
‘Leo, please, will you help me down?’
I batted my eyelids, and he growled as he stepped close, then gripped under my arms and lifted me down.
‘It isn’t that high. You didn’t need my help,’ he said, and I shrugged before stepping away and calling out,
‘Why have a dog and bark yourself?’
‘Did you enjoy the fair, munch?’ Leo asked as we sat on his dad’s porch. Buck, his amazing father, was still out enjoying the fair with his friend , Lucy. The woman he absolutely had not been in a relationship with for years, even though they had multiple sleepovers a week. Why they didn’t just make it official, I did not know. Everyone in town knew about them.
I was tired, but I loved our little debriefs. We would always sit down together at the end of the days we’d spent together. Whether we’d been shopping, working, drinking, or at the fair, we always took some time to just sit together. Leo often spent the night on my couch, but it was such a nice night that we headed straight for Buck’s porch since I didn’t have one.
‘I did. It was fun.’
I leaned across and rested my head on his shoulder, and he wrapped an arm around mine. I yawned, and he laughed, a deep, rumbling chuckle beneath me.
‘I told you that you were going to crash. Come on, I’ll walk you home.’
He squeezed my shoulder a little with his hand, and I turned my head to smile up at him, and as I did, I noticed the proximity. I could feel his breath on my lips, and it was so surprisingly intimate. It had been so long since I’d been so close to a man.
Time slowed down as my gaze dropped from his eyes to his lips, and I moved, pressing my mouth to his without a second thought.
Leo stiffened against me. His lips didn’t move with mine, but his hand lifted from my shoulder, and tension radiated from him. I pulled away, realization hitting me as I saw his wide eyes, his parted lips.
‘ Oh my god. ’ I gasped as I pushed back away from him and stood.
‘Zo.’
‘I have to go.’ I turned and started to walk away when I felt his hand on my wrist as he gently stopped me, but I couldn’t look at him.
‘Zoe, I…’
‘Don’t… fuck ,’ I said quickly. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean...’ I pulled my wrist from his hand and rushed from the porch without another word.
I kissed Leo, and I didn’t understand why.
Leo
She’d kissed me.
I’ve kissed Zoe on the head, the cheek, and the back of her hand, a million times over the years, and it never meant a damn thing. But she kissed me — on the mouth.
I wanted to go after her, but I knew she was going to need some space. I saw it in her eyes. It took her by surprise as much as me.
I hadn’t kissed her back. I’d frozen. She caught me off guard, and I panicked, all my reflexes screaming: you’re kissing Luke’s wife. Now I felt like a fucking asshole. She’d taken a leap, and I must have made her feel like shit.
‘Is this what you wanted?’ I said out loud and shook my head.
Luke was so sure he wanted me to be there for her, and I have, but he didn’t consider how this would make her feel.
I should have gone to her and made sure she was okay. Everything in me was pulling me toward her, to be there, take care of her, but I didn’t trust myself with her now. Even though I’d frozen, even though it scared the shit out of me, something in me changed the second she dropped her gaze from my eyes to my mouth.
I wanted her more than I ever have, but the guilt, the feeling of betraying him, was worse than anything I’d ever felt.
My cell phone vibrated in my pocket, and I released a sigh. I knew it would be her, and I knew what it would say because it’s what I would have said if she hadn’t.
Munch: I’m sorry. I need some space.
And just like that, everything changed.