22. This Is Happening
This Is Happening
Zoe
The knock at the door startles me. I was enjoying the peace and quiet of my lunch break. I’m not at work, but I’ve been cleaning all morning and just stopped. I usually like to get outside and breathe in the fresh air when I eat lunch at home, but it is pouring with rain today. I love the sound of the rain, so even though I’m inside, the windows are open, and I’m happy.
I head for the door, expecting Bree or maybe Cara, but when I pull it open, my heart stops for a moment. Leo. Soaking wet, drop-dead fucking gorgeous, Leo.
‘Hi.’ He smiles his beautiful smile, and I gaze up at him, surprised to see him. ‘Can I come in?’
Right , let him in, Zo. I step back, and he walks inside. It’s not that I’m not pleased to see him, it’s just come without warning, and for some reason, that has me on edge. I miss him. I miss our friendship, our random texts and movie nights, and more than that, I miss the thoughts I once let myself think, the idea of us being more.
‘This place is great.’
I watch as he looks around the house. He’s only seen it once on account of us not really talking, and that was when I first bought it, and it needed a lot of love.
‘Yeah, Doug helped with a few repairs and stuff.’
‘It’s what he does best.’ I nod. My brother is a genius with a tool belt.
‘Oh, let me get you a towel. You’re soaked.’ I turn, rush to the basket of laundry on my kitchen table, and find him a soft, freshly washed and dried towel, then hand it to him as he looks down at the floor.
‘I’m sorry, Zo. I made a mess.’ The wet boot prints on my hardwood floor hold his attention, and I see he looks worried.’
‘It’s fine. The floors are next on my list.’ He raises his gaze to meet mine, and I direct a hand down my body to show him that I’m in flip-flops, shorts, and an old college t-shirt I stole from my brother. ‘It’s my cleaning day.’
He smiles as he towels off his hair and follows me into my kitchen.
‘Can I get you anything, a drink, a sandwich?’
Leo smirks and shakes his head. ‘Nah, I’m good.’
Silence falls between us for a moment, and he continues looking around with an expression of contentment on his face. He looks different somehow, older, maybe. I know that he is — every person is older each time you see them, right? And that’s without weeks or more in between, but he’s got a different way about him.
He’s as sexy as ever, too, his dark hair cropped short, his olive skin glowing with an obvious tan. I push aside the passing thought of him shirtless in the summer sun and focus on him as his smiling eyes meet mine.
He takes a breath and points to the dining table. ‘Can we sit?’
I nod, and we both take a seat. My hands drop to my knees as I wait, but he doesn’t say anything.
‘Leo.’ He turns to me. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘Zoe—’ He exhales again, then reaches out for my hands, leaning forward to hold them where they are. ‘I missed you, munch. I hated the distance between us since everything happened. When I saw you on that date, I fucking hated it, Zo. I hated it so much it drove me insane.’ He hangs his head and my heart pounds in my chest.
‘I acted like an asshole, and when you walked away from me, I knew I had so much work to do. I didn’t know if you would ever let me back into your life, but I knew I had to find a way to show you that I was serious about us, and I am. I’ve never been more serious about anything, Zoe. Seeing you in the club that night, the way you were dancing on the table without a care in the world, munch, I don’t want to be just another guy watching you dance. I want to be the man dancing with you. Knowing you didn’t want me near you that night, feeling that you didn’t want me to talk to you, it hurt like a bitch, Zoe. I don’t just want you in my life. I need you by my side. Munch, go out with me. Please.’
My lips part, and words try to come out, but nothing does.
‘On a date, munch. A real date, wherever you want, whenever you want. I don’t care as long as it’s me and you.’
‘Leo, I...’ My throat tightens, my hand rising to feel the skin there. My skin heats, and my heart races as I feel the bob of my throat under my fingertips. I didn’t have chance to prepare for this.
He inhales deeply, then gets off his chair and drops to his knees in front of me, pushing my knees apart and positioning himself between them. I can’t think as he reaches up to my cheek and looks into my soul with so much sincerity in his eyes.
‘I want to date you, Zoe. I want to be with you.’
‘ Leo .’ I sigh, and he shrugs.
‘I’m serious.’
‘No,’ I say the word so softly, but he hears it. He drops back on his heels as his shoulders lower, and his voice softens.
‘What are you scared of?’
‘Everything. Loving you, losing you. What our family will think. Wanting different things. Take your pick, Leo.’
‘Munch.’
‘We can’t do this. We’re too connected. We have shared our whole lives.’
‘Explain your hesitation to me, honey, because I know you feel this too.’
He takes my hands again, and the electricity between us jolts my heart. I do feel it. I have felt it for so long now. His soft tone makes me close my eyes for a moment. I want this, but I can’t. The idea of saying yes to him, giving him my heart, feels like leaving a crystal vase on the freeway: the outcome is inevitable and shattering.
‘We are family,’ I start. ‘I don’t mean that in a way that makes it creepy.’ He huffs out a laugh. ‘But I don’t remember a day of my life without you in here.’ I tap my finger against my temple. ‘We spend Thanksgiving together, Christmas, New Year, Birthdays, the fair. I married Luke.’ His brows knit together a little, but he stays quiet. ‘The idea of them, especially Buck, thinking we’ve betrayed him hurts like hell.’
‘Zo…’
‘And if we did this, and it didn’t work, it would impact them too.’
‘We’ll work,’ he says without missing a beat.
‘I can’t, Leo.’ It’s a whisper, but it’s my truth. ‘You’ve never had a relationship, never even wanted one. I want it all. I want serious and forever. I want a picket fence, kids, a dog, and a two-seater rocking chair on the porch. That’s not you, Leo. That’s not the life you ever wanted.’
‘You’re wrong, munch.’
‘I’ve known you forever. I know we’re on different pages with this.’
‘I want to try this with you. I know we’ll work. I understand your worries. All I’m asking is that we can try.’
‘No.’
‘Munch.’ He groans and stands.
I follow, standing as though there’s a string tied between us, pulling me up with him. I stand in front of him, and he reaches his hand up to tip my chin, bringing his lips tantalizingly close to mine.
‘Leo, please, stop.’
‘Do you really not want this with me?’ He pulls back a little.
‘It’s not a question of wanting. I don’t trust that I can be enough for you.’
‘Zo.’ I see the furrow of his brow. ‘You’re way more than enough.’
‘You’ve been with so many women. Not one of them has been enough to make you settle down. I don’t trust that I can be, and I can’t settle for less than forever.’
I see him swallow hard, then close the gap once more as he lowers his voice. ‘I’ll give you forever.’
‘Leo.’
‘I’m going to prove it to you.’ He leans in and presses his lips to my forehead, then releases me, stepping back. ‘I’m going to prove you can trust me, Zoe. Just watch.’
‘ Leo, please ,’ my voice is a moan — full of disbelief. He can’t do this. I don’t want to let myself believe. Let myself hope.
‘Three months,’ the challenge is unexpected, and I jolt, my gaze finding his, ‘give me three months to prove that we can do this.’
‘Then what?’
‘Well, hopefully, then we make it official, tell our family, and start our life together.’ I inhale shakily at the thought, and he steps forward. ‘Just three little months, Zo, that’s all I’m asking, that you give me until Christmas to show you we can do this. If you still don’t trust me by then, I’ll let it go just like you asked me to.’
I wince, remembering the day I walked away from him and what could have been.
‘What are you asking me to do?’
‘Nothing, just live your life and let me do my part. Oh, and don’t date other guys.’
He grins, wide, mischievous, and I take a breath. ‘I can’t risk missing out on meeting the one because of a maybe.’
He smirks. ‘Honey, you ain’t going to meet the one on your little apps because I’m already right here.’
I roll my eyes, but I can’t help the slight smile. ‘I’m going to still date.’
He presses his lips together and considers his next move.
‘Then don’t sleep with them. Please, Zo, give me that much. I’m going to show you that we can do this — just three months.’
‘You want me to go months without having sex.’ I went years without it, so three months is nothing.
‘Baby, if it’s sex you need, you know I’ve got you covered. I can give you what you need and more, and I know you have more than enough toys up there to get you through. Stop trying to build walls between us, munch. This is happening.’
I think for a moment. I don’t believe he can do serious, and the only way he can show me otherwise is by me taking a risk and letting him try.
‘I’m terrified of this.’
‘I know.’
He leans in and presses the gentlest kiss to my lips.
‘Leo, I don’t think I can take the risk with you.’
My eyes close as I say the words, and as he tips my chin up with his finger, they flutter back open to find him smiling down at me softly. Then he winks.
‘Bye, munch.’
I release a breath as he turns and walks away. I hear the click of the front door and look toward the window as the rain hitting the glass tries to drown out the sound of my blood rushing in my ears. Leo wants to date me, and I don't think I'm strong enough to stay away.