Chapter 51
AUSTIN
Ialmost didn’t go to the family dinner. I knew it was going to be the usual shit show. But it wasn’t at my dad’s place, so maybe I could skip some of the usual bullshit. Maybe my father would be on his best behavior and not bring up my trust fund and private life.
One could only hope.
I sat in my car outside Isaac and Mina’s home for a solid five minutes, debating whether I could get away with a last-minute excuse. Food poisoning. Car accident. Sudden amnesia about what day it was.
But Isaac had texted three times to confirm I was coming, and Mina had sent a message saying she was making my favorite dish. I couldn’t bail.
They didn’t do anything wrong. They were allies.
If it was at Dad’s estate or if it was Cash demanding I show up, I would have told them to fuck off.
But since it was Isaac and Mina, I couldn’t be a dick.
Even if the last thing I wanted was to face my family while my relationship with Melody hung in limbo.
Three days. It had been three days since she had asked for space. Three days of minimal texts and no actual conversations. I had been spiraling, wondering if I had already lost her. Part of me already knew the truth, but I was hanging on to a sliver of hope.
I dragged myself out of the car and to the front door. Isaac opened the door before I could knock. The guy looked like he’d been in a tornado. There was a slightly manic look in his eyes. “Thank god you’re here. Mina’s been cooking since noon and I’ve been on toddler duty. I need backup.”
As if on cue, a small human barreled around the corner and crashed directly into my legs. I looked down at my nephew Conrad, Isaac’s two-year-old son. He had dark hair like his father and his mother’s bright eyes, and he was currently hugging my knees with surprising strength.
“Hey, buddy.” I awkwardly patted his head.
“Up! Up!” He raised his arms, making grabby hands.
“Uh, I think, I mean, don’t you want to work on your walking skills?”
“Dude, trust me, he doesn’t need any more practice. He’s going to be a track star.”
“Up! Up! Up!”
“Okay, okay.” I bent down and picked him up. He immediately grabbed my face with sticky hands.
“Cookie?”
“No cookies, kid. Sorry.”
His face fell, and I felt an irrational pang of guilt. Over disappointing a toddler. What was happening to me?
“Conrad, let Uncle Austin breathe,” Mina called from the kitchen. She appeared in the doorway, flour on her hands and a smile on her face. “Hi, Austin. Ignore him. He’s been in a clingy phase all week.”
“It’s fine.” And surprisingly, it was. The kid was heavy and smelled vaguely like applesauce, but there was something weirdly comforting about the way he latched onto me.
“Come on,” Isaac said. “We’ll get the kid a cookie. It’ll keep him occupied for about three minutes.”
Conrad refused to leave my side for the next thirty minutes.
Kent and Sylvie showed up at one point but Conrad didn’t seem to care.
He had adopted me. I had chocolate smeared on my face, shirt, and pants from the cookie situation.
Isaac could have fucking warned me I needed a hazmat suit to have dinner at his place.
When I tried to help Isaac set the table, Conrad followed, grabbing onto my pant leg. When I went to the kitchen for a drink, he was right behind me, chattering about trucks and dogs and something I couldn’t quite understand but involved a lot of hand gestures.
I tried to give him the slip in the kitchen while he was distracted by a ball Mina had set on the floor for him to play with.
“Careful,” Mina said, appearing beside me with a knowing smile. “They can smell fear.”
Despite my mood, I laughed. “That obvious?”
“You have the look of a man being hunted by a very small, very determined predator.” She bumped my shoulder with hers. “He likes you. That’s a good thing.”
“Why does he like me? I’m terrible with kids.”
“Are you? Because from where I’m standing, you’ve been pretty patient with him. And you haven’t tried to bribe him with screentime to leave you alone, which is more than I can say for some uncles.” She gave me a look that was both kind and knowing.
“I didn’t know that was an option,” I said. “I offered to write him a check but he wasn’t interested. That’s my usual go-to.”
She laughed. “Try again in ten years.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
“You okay? You seem off tonight.”
“I’m fine.”
“So why do you look like someone kicked your dog?”
I opened my mouth to deflect, but then Dad and Cash walked through the front door, and any chance of a genuine conversation evaporated. Shit.
“Austin.” My father’s greeting was polite but cool. “Good to see you.”
“Dad.”
Cash nodded at me. His expression was the usual dark and cold. And I knew with that one look that before the night was over, he’d corner me and want to “talk.”
I was right. Twenty minutes before dinner, while I was trying to avoid both my father and the toddler now pulling on my sleeve demanding I look at his truck, Cash found me alone in the hallway.
“We need to talk.”
“No, we really don’t.”
“How are things going with the girl?”
My jaw clenched. “Her name is Melody. You know her name. Stop being an ass.”
“The only ass in this room is you.” Cash’s voice was low, meant just for me.
He didn’t want to make a scene. Even in the midst of family, he was trying to be proper.
“You show up at family events with her on your arm, parade her around like it was real, and then what? You’re sulking around here like someone died. What happened?”
“None of your business.”
“It’s my business when you’re embarrassing the family.”
“I’m not embarrassing anyone. For once in my life, I’m trying to do something right. And it’s falling apart anyway, so congratulations. You were right about me all along.”
Cash’s expression shifted, something like concern flickering across his face. “Austin, that’s not what I wanted.”
“Just leave me alone, Cash. Please.”
Isaac appeared, his eyes moving between Cash and me. “Whatever this is, stop it. Right now.”
“I wasn’t doing anything,” I said. “Talk to him.”
Cash glared at me. “We were having a conversation.”
“I don’t care who started it or what it’s about. I know a conversation when I see it, and this isn’t it. Mina has been cooking all day with a clingy toddler on her hip, and I’m not letting my ungrateful brothers ruin this dinner. Sit down. Behave. Or leave.”
The steel in Isaac’s voice surprised me. He was usually the peaceful one, the mediator. But apparently, even Isaac had limits. Cash and I exchanged a look, then silently took our seats at the table.
Dinner was an interesting affair. I never paid much attention to the kids at family gatherings before. They were just background noise, something to be tolerated until the adults could have real conversations.
Several of my brothers had shown up with their young children.
Hayes and his wife, Dixie, had their baby boy, who was currently draped in a sling thing across Hayes’s chest. Kameron and his wife had their young teen son that looked like he wanted to be anywhere but sitting at the table with his cousins.
But instead of counting down the minutes to my escape, I found myself watching the kids. And the way my brothers interacted with them. They were like totally different people than the assholes I grew up with.
Conrad was in a highchair next to me. He refused to eat anything Mina tried to give him. Just pushed the food around his plate and whined.
“Conrad, please,” Mina said, exhaustion clear in her voice. “Just three bites.”
“No!”
“Two bites?”
“No no no!”
I watched Isaac and Mina exchange a look that clearly said we’re failing as parents.
Then I had an idea. I grabbed a piece of bread from my plate, tore off a small piece, and palmed it. Then, when Conrad was looking at me, I made a big show of looking around like I was checking if anyone was watching.
His eyes went wide. I slowly passed the bread under the napkin, making it look like a covert operation. Conrad grabbed it and stuffed it in his mouth, giggling.
Mina caught my eye and mouthed, “Thank you.”
I did it again with a piece of chicken. Then a carrot.
Each time making it seem like we were getting away with something sneaky.
I found myself actually enjoying it. The game of it.
The way the kid lit up every time I snuck him food.
The pure joy on his face when he thought he was getting away with something. The kid was a little rebel. Poor Isaac.
By the end of the meal, Conrad had eaten a full meal. And I had been recruited to play after-dinner trucks with Conrad in the living room while the adults cleaned up. Normally, I would prefer to wash dishes than hang out with kids.
“You’re actually good with him,” Mina said, watching from the doorway as Conrad crashed his truck into my leg for the fifteenth time.
“I’m just sitting here.”
“You’re engaging with him. Playing. That’s more than good.” She smiled. “You’d make a good father, Austin.”
I almost screamed at the very idea. “I don’t think playing trucks for fifteen minutes means I’m ready to take on the responsibility of raising one of these.”
“Crash!” Conrad yelled, ramming the truck into my shin again.
“Big crash,” I agreed, rubbing my leg. “Very realistic.”
Mina laughed. “Yeah, well, we all learn as we go. Thankfully, the little monsters are pretty resilient.”
“I’ll take your word for it.”
When it was time to leave, Conrad threw a fit about me going. He had to be peeled off my leg by Isaac while screaming for me to play.
“Sorry about that,” Isaac said over the wailing.
“It’s okay.” And weirdly, it was. “Thanks for dinner. Tell Mina it was great.”
I walked out with Kent and Sylvie, who had parked near me.
“That was tense with Cash earlier,” Kent said carefully. “Everything okay?”
“Fine. Cash was just being Cash.”
“He means well,” Sylvie offered. “He’s just trying to be the best big brother he can.”
“He’s had more expected of him than the rest of us,” Kent said. “Dad put a lot of pressure on him from a young age. Made him feel responsible for all of us. It’s not an excuse, but it’s context.”
“Yeah, well, he can take his context and stick it up his ass.”
“Austin,” Kent said with a shake of his head. “Give him some grace. He’s trying.”
I snorted. “Not gonna happen.”
“Suit yourself.” Kent unlocked his car. “But for what it’s worth? You were great with the kids tonight. Really great.”
I climbed into my Ferrari. A very not kid friendly car. I loved my Ferrari. I loved to drive fast. That was not in line with being someone’s father.
Tonight had made me realize something I wasn’t expecting.
Maybe I’d been wrong about kids. Maybe the problem wasn’t kids themselves, but the idea of kids in the abstract.
The thought of being responsible for keeping a completely helpless tiny human alive was terrifying. I’d never even had a pet. Or a plant.
Kids? That was way more than I could handle. I would end up being a shitty father and that seemed like a bigger crime than not wanting them in the first place.
Melody would make a great mother. But was I just supposed to let her take on the full responsibility of raising our kid?
No.
Which was why I had to stick to my guns. I wasn’t daddy material. I could be a fun uncle as long as there was adult supervision. That was the extent of my association with children.