33. I Was Coming with You
I Was Coming with You
Bree
S itting on the deck with Beans, a gun, and a hot coffee, I watch the sun come up. Arlo isn’t asleep. I heard him stomping around before I came out here, and he knows that I did, but he’s stayed in his room instead of coming out to scold me for putting myself at risk like he did yesterday.
I can’t believe what just happened. By just, I mean a couple of hours ago, but my mind is still reeling as though it’s been less than a minute.
I’ve never felt so fucking worthless as I did when he looked at me as though I had done something wrong, as though I’d forced him to do something he didn’t want to do when he’s the one who came to my room, he’s the one who climbed on top of me , spread my thighs, he kissed me , he fucking dry humped me , then he left me with his fucking cum on my skin before he walked away like I was nothing. I went from euphoric to gutted in a matter of seconds. The look on his face, the regret.
The tears came shortly after he slammed my door shut. Once the shock had worn off and I’d silently cleaned myself with the towel he threw at me, I started to cry, and it felt like it would never stop. When I heard Beans whimper and scratch at my door, I knew he was worried, so I got up to let him in, and he cuddled up to me, licking my tears as they fell. I fucking love that dog. I’m going to miss him so much when they leave, but I need them to leave. Arlo Harper is breaking my heart all over again.
My bags are packed and next to me on the deck, and when Arlo finally steps outside, I tell him I want to leave. He doesn’t respond; just heads inside to pack up his things before we climb into the truck and set out on the trip back to town.
‘I’m sorry,’ he says as he drives, but I keep my focus on the scenes passing by the window. ‘Last night shouldn’t have…’
‘Save it,’ I cut him off. I don’t want to hear it.
‘Bree.’
‘Arlo,’ I snap, turning to glare at him. ‘There’s nothing you can say to make that okay, so just shut up.’
He does, and so do I, turning back to the window to hide the tears in my eyes.
T he air inside Arlo’s house is stifling, not just because it’s been all shut up in the heat for a few days but also because of what happened at the cabin. I can’t be here with him anymore. I can’t do this anymore. I would rather face whatever Nolan is planning alone than be near Arlo for even a second more. Every rejection breaks my heart all over again, but this. It’s crushing. It’s humiliating.
‘I need to take a shower,’ I say as I stomp up the stairs to the bathroom. Arlo doesn’t respond except to call Beans back from following me up.
In the shower, my tears mix with the water and wash away the moment they fall, but they keep falling.
I couldn’t bring myself to shower at the cabin after what happened. I just wanted to wait for him to be ready to leave, so that’s what I did, but now, washing the traces of last night from my body, my heart is crushed. For those blissful moments, I thought I had him back. Losing him again, the venomous expression on his face, the anger in his voice, it’s devastating. I can’t be around him. I have to get out.
As I make my back down from the guest room with my bags in my hands, I find Arlo sitting on the couch with his head in his hands, but I walk past him to the front door. Finding it locked, I grip the handle.
‘Where’s the key?’
I hear him take a breath before answering. ‘What are you doing?’ His voice is low, he sounds tired, like he doesn't have the energy to even talk to me and that's fine by me, I don't want to talk, I just want to leave.
‘I’m leaving because I can’t do this with you anymore. I’m going home.’
‘You can’t leave.’
‘Like hell, I can’t. You don’t even want me around, Arlo. So let me save you from having to suffer any more of this. You go back to your nice little life in the city. I’ll handle my shit myself.’
‘Like you were doing?’ He stands, and once more, the stature of the man astounds me, but I look away.
‘You son of a bitch,’ I mutter, angry. ‘What did I ever do to you for you to despise me the way you do?’
Releasing a single laugh, he shakes his head.
‘Don’t.’ Turning away from me, he walks toward the kitchen, and I drop my bag to follow, finally ready to get some answers.
‘Nah, it’s time. Because I’ve had twenty years wondering why you cut me out of your life and now these past months of seeing how you flinch when I get too close, but last night, up there,’ I point to the door, knowing he knows I mean the cabin, ‘that shit is way out of line, Arlo.’
‘I said sorry.’ I hear the words, but the tone doesn’t match. He knows that’s not enough.
‘ It doesn’t cut it, ’ I yell, the tears coming no matter how hard I try to stop them. ‘I loved you, and you broke my heart. You cut me off with no explanation and then just showed up here pretending to date me and trying to be my goddam hero, and I’m confused as fuck.’
‘ I broke your heart? Are you fucking kidding me?’
‘I loved you. I loved you so much, and you cut me off like I meant nothing. I would have waited for you. I would have done anything for you, given up anything for you, but you didn’t give me the chance.’
‘ Because I know what you did! ’ he yells back in a way that has Beans cowering and backing under the dining table.
‘What? What did I do?’
‘Don’t open this wound, Bree,’ he warns, his voice serious as he braces his hands on the countertop.
‘It’s fucking open, Arlo. It’s been open. It never fucking closed. What did I do?’
‘Bree…’
‘Tell me.’
‘I know it was you,’ he shouts, but it’s not anger I hear. It’s hurt. ‘I know it was you who called the cops that morning. I knew you didn’t want me to do it. I knew what becoming a cop meant to you, but I never thought you would betray me that way.’
I suck in a shaky breath and stare, absorbing his words and the expression on his face.
‘You think I… hooo .’ Exhaling loudly, I press my palm against my stomach and step back against the wall. ‘You think I called the cops?’ That’s why he pushed me away?
‘Bree, I know it was you. You were the only one who knew.’
‘The only one, really? Nobody else knew the plan? Not one other person knew?’
‘Stop, just stop.’
Taking a few deep breaths, I stand from the wall and turn away from him.
‘Unlock the door, please.’ My voice is flat, steady as hurt crushes everything inside of me, and I just need to get away from him.
‘You can’t leave. I can’t keep you safe if you’re not here.’
‘Unlock the damn door, Arlo. I can’t look at you for another minute.’
‘The truth is out, short stuff, deal with it, but you can’t leave.’
I laugh now. Nothing is amusing, but it bursts out of me in place of heartbroken sobs. Laughter laced with rage.
‘ The truth ? Are you fuckin’ serious?’ I take a step toward him, but he stands still, huge hands still pressed to the marble. ‘Let me lay out the truth for you, honey, since you seem to be confused. I didn’t call the cops,’ he flinches but doesn’t say anything, ‘I would never have done that to you because I thought you were my soulmate. I truly believed that as long as I had you, I didn’t need anything or anyone else. I didn’t need to become a cop. I didn’t need my family or this town because you were my home. Where you were, that’s where I wanted to be.’
He raises his head just to glare at me, but his expression is expectant. He wants more—needs it, I guess.
‘I spent years of my life wondering what I did wrong for you to cut me out of your life the way that you did, and now I know. I know that I wasted my time and energy on a man who didn’t even know me at all. It wasn’t me, Arlo, but the fact you thought I was capable of that tells me we didn’t have what I thought we had.’
Turning, I leave the kitchen and head for the stairs, resigned to the fact that he isn’t going to unlock the door but unable to stand another minute in his company.
‘You were there,’ he calls out, causing me to stop, one hand on the banister as I feel him enter the room and turn to face him standing in the doorway. He looks broken, as broken as I feel, but I don’t have anything left to give him. ‘You were there, watching. I saw you.’
‘I know you did.’
‘Why were you there if it wasn’t to make sure they got me?’
A sob bursts out of me now, and I shake my head before starting to walk up the stairs, answering as I go.
‘Because I was coming with you.’