48. I Want To Go Home
I Want To Go Home
Bree
M y head feels fuzzy. Was I drinking last night?
My eyes don’t want to open, but I need to wake up. I need water. I start to stretch and bring life into my limbs, but I can’t. My hands are stuck, my ankles, too.
Awareness hits me, and I snap my eyes open to take in the dim room and the cable ties holding my wrists together. Oh no . I suck in a gasp for breath as I arch my neck to look down and see the ties around my ankles too. Fuck . No, no, no.
Memories trickle back into my mind of being at Arlo’s place, opening the door to Nolan, and leaving with him. ‘Oh my god, no.’
Turning my head, I try to assess how deep the shit I’m in is. I’m on a bed, and the cable ties on my wrists have my hands threaded through the metal headboard. There’s a lamp on a side table that highlights the room, and it’s not a bedroom. I’m in an open-plan kitchen and living room. It’s small, looks old, like nobody has been here in a while, and there’s an odd smell, like damp wood or the smell the ground gets after heavy rainfall.
The curtains at the windows are closed, but they’re thin. I can see the passing glow of flashlights and hear the hum of lowered voices outside. I remember—the guys at Arlo’s place, the guys who trashed his house and his bike in Bone Roses cuts.
Nolan is working with the club, and the thought terrifies me. I can only imagine what the club is capable of and can’t help but wonder why they turned against us—me, but I don’t have time to think about it. I don’t have time to be afraid. I need to figure out a way out of this.
Dropping my sweater in the doorway was a sign to Arlo that I’d been taken, but there was no way of him knowing where I was. I’m on my own for now, and I have to find a way back to him.
I hear a door close somewhere behind me, followed by slow, steady footsteps approaching, and I close my eyes. Maybe I can pretend to still be asleep.
‘I know you’re awake, princess.’
Nolan’s scent fills my nostrils, and my mouth waters with nausea. As I open my eyes, he sits on the bed next to me and strokes the back of his fingers down the side of my face. I try to pull away from his touch, but I have nowhere to go.
‘I’m so sorry, Bree. This isn’t how I wanted our forever to start, but you wouldn’t behave.’ He gazes down at me, then smiles so softly. ‘I had to get everything set up. I wanted it all to be perfect for you, but you pushed me to come for you too soon. I wasn’t ready yet. I couldn’t let him confuse you even more than he had. This place is just temporary.’ He looks around at the room we’re in and shakes his head. ‘Our home isn’t quite ready yet, but I needed to get you out of there. I hope you can forgive me. I promise you, princess. It’s going to be perfect.’
‘Nolan, please, just let me go.’ My voice is a whisper as fear strangles me, but he just smiles and shakes his head.
‘Sweetheart, this is just the beginning for us.’ Standing, he walks away, then turns back, smiling wide. ‘I waited for you for so long.’ Jesus, he’s so happy. It’s terrifying, and my body starts to tremble with fear as the tears I was trying to hold back start to escape. The man in front of me is not the man I met in that club, not the man I dated, not the man I had dinner with just a few months ago. That man was sweet, friendly, and reasonable. This man is unhinged. ‘It’s going to take you some time. I know that,’ he says sincerely. ‘So, we’ll take precautions,’ he indicates the cable ties, ‘until you come to realize this is where you’re supposed to be.’
‘Nolan, you need to let me leave, please. You’re a cop. You know this isn’t right.’
In a rush, he moves to sit on the bed once more, his hand gripping my chin roughly as a sob bursts out of me.
‘Don’t cry, Bree,’ he says firmly. ‘I’m not going to hurt you. I’m going to love you. Stop crying. You wanted love. You said that.’
‘Nolan,’ I say weakly, and he squeezes his eyes shut.
‘You have no idea how long I waited, how long I tried to get your attention, and you wouldn’t even look at me.’ Opening his eyes he stares down at me, and I look away, but he leans in. ‘Look at me now, Bree.’ Swallowing hard, I return my gaze to his, and he exhales as he smiles. ‘That’s better.’
‘Nolan, I did look at you. I liked you. I gave you my number, and we dated. I slept with you. It just didn’t work out.’
Standing abruptly, he starts to pace.
‘You think that was a coincidence, meeting you in that club? Like I hadn’t approached you a hundred times already before you finally gave me the time of day.’
What? ‘Nolan, I don’t understand.’
‘ Arghh ,’ he yells, his hands flying into his hair and tugging on the strands as he still paces. ‘I didn’t want to tell you the whole story yet.’
‘Nolan, please . I need to understand,’ I beg, pleading with him to help me with this.
‘Eight years, Bree,’ he says, stopping and turning to me, hands on his hips. ‘I fell in love with you eight years ago, and you didn’t even know I existed.’
‘That’s not possible.’ My words rush out of me with my breath.
‘The convention, in Denver. You spoke about setting up your department and arranging the funding yourself. You were so beautiful and smart. You took my breath away.’
My lips part as I try to steady my breath.
‘I didn’t look like this then. I was a mess, stuck on desk duty because I was so out of shape. I couldn’t pass a physical, but I had family in high places.’ He laughs. ‘I shouldn’t have even had my job, but my father pulled the right strings to get me in and pulled them again to keep me there. He can’t wait to meet you, by the way.’
He drops to sit in a chair, and I see that he’s in the story now. He needs to tell it as much as I need to hear it.
‘I know I was sent to the convention just to get me out of the way for a few days, but then I saw you. I knew you were the love of my life when I heard you up on the stage, and then you smiled at me, you said hello, and I knew I had to do whatever it took to win you. It wasn’t supposed to be like this, Bree.’
I stay silent, waiting for more.
‘I went to my father. I told him I’d met the woman I was going to spend forever with, but I wanted, no, I needed, to change. He was overjoyed, Bree. You were everything he wanted for me. He got me a chef and a trainer and pulled in his little puppet, Chief Cane. You remember him? My father is a powerful man, Bree, he was able to put the chief right where he wanted him, for me. He put someone he could hold the strings for right where he wanted him so he could give me everything I needed to be able to win you. The chief is a kiss ass, and for a man like my father, he will happily kneel and open up.’ He chuckles like this situation is funny to him, and it adds up: the photos, the politicians, and his golfing buddies. One of those crooked, powerful men is Nolan’s father. ‘Cane basically put me through the academy again, but in private. He made a real cop out of me, got me in shape, fit, healthy, then got me a stylist who fixed my appearance. It took time, and I knew that it would, but I also knew I couldn’t lose track of you while I got myself straight, so I started watching you.’
Eight years. The lump in my throat is unbearable as his words sink in. He’s been watching me for eight years.
‘You dated a lot. I hated that.’ He shakes his head like the memory makes him mad. ‘But I knew you were just getting what you needed until we could be together, so I made peace with it.’
He stands again, starting to pace, but slower now.
‘I watched you with your family, dancing at the bar, eating breakfast at Merv’s.’ He grins wide like these are shared happy memories he’s recalling, but I feel sick. ‘It was easy to watch when you didn’t know who I was. I loved sharing your joy as I watched you become an auntie.’ He laughs now. ‘Bowie is a little firecracker. I can’t wait to get to know her better.’
‘ No ,’ I snap at the mention of my niece. ‘You don’t bring my family into this.’
‘ I am your family now , Bree! ’ he yells, all warmth and happiness gone in an instant. ‘If you want to see them again eventually, you’ll need to accept that I’m your future. I’m connected to them now.’
‘I don’t love you, Nolan. This obsession you have isn’t love, and it’s one-sided. Let me go, find somebody who does love you.’
‘ You will love me! ’ he screams, and I flinch at the unhinged look in his eyes, the shrill desperation in his voice. ‘I became the man good enough to get your number, good enough to date you and find a way into your bed, and I will become the man you love in return. I don’t care how long it takes.’
‘I want to go home,’ I sob.
‘Then get on board, fast.’
He turns and stomps away, frustrated, and I cry, huge sobs that wrack my body as tears pour from my eyes. He isn’t going to let me go, and the reality of that is terrifying.