26
My heart lurches at Noah’s mindlink, threatening to overturn my stomach. If I tell him where I am, Noah will want to comfort me in person, but I’m terrified of putting this on him.
But deep down, I want to let him in. I know I do, and every time I have so far, it’s been worth it.
I decide to mindlink him, but fear grips my chest, strangling my breath.
Come on, future Luna. You can do hard things.
I slow my breath with a steady, whistling exhale. I’m at school.
Noah responds before my next inhale. I can be there in 15 minutes. Is that okay?
I chew my bottom lip, another batch of tears gushing from me. Maybe I don’t have to go through this relapse alone either?
If you can, I’d like that,I mindlink. I need your support right now.
Our bond aches with Noah’s concern, and my anxiety skyrockets. But just before I dissolve into panic, I’m shocked to feel a wave of Noah’s immense relief.
I’d love to support you. Thank you so much for telling me.
I grip the hem of my shirt. Are you sure you have enough time for this?
Sweet Omega, you have no idea what it’s like to hear I can do anything at all to support you,he mindlinks. Maybe you haven’t realized it, but the past few days, you’ve saved me time and time again. I know you think I’m taking on too much by wanting to protect you in return, but it’s actually doing me a favor. I-it makes me feel... like I matter. That I can make a positive difference to the ones I care about most. Which is why the other day, when you held me...
He can’t bear to continue, but his whirring, touched emotions say enough. I’m teary-eyed again.
It sounds like providing emotional security is his love language, so my comfort meant a lot to him. I guess I really shouldn’t worry about bothering him by letting him in.
Okay, Noah. Please, come here.
I’ll be there as soon as I can. Do you have everything you need from work? I can take you straight home, if you’d like.
I swipe my tears away, and my lip quivers through a smile. Not yet. I have to stop crying before going back inside in front of my coworkers.
Then stay right there. We can grab your things after we sit together for a bit.
After talking to Noah, things are looking a little less dark. But the longer I wait, the more time I have to think.
And I don’t know, maybe this isn’t a good idea. He’ll want an explanation. Everything I could say would still make me fall short.
What if... I’m ruining his life by making him deal with me?
Anxiety burns through my chest like hot acid.
What if I feel like this forever?
This makes my tears return, followed by the worst sickening feeling in my stomach yet - enough to make me panic-search for the nearest trash can, just in case.
I’ve got you,Noah mindlinks. Even though I’m not there physically yet, I’m still with you.
I hug my own shoulders, trying to get a grip on myself. I can’t let him see me like this. No matter how much I want to trust him, I don’t want anyone to think I’m weak again. Reveal the gap in my heart for him to strike.
But the second Noah parks a slick black SUV in the preschool’s drop-off zone, my mind hones in on one thought only: mate.
I’m still crying, but as we meet eyes, the way Noah’s shy glance warms at the sight of me makes me smile through the tears.
Joining me on the bench, Noah doesn’t ask for an explanation. He doesn’t even say a word. He simply kisses my forehead, hugging me tight.
It’s just a hug, but my heart swirls. With his warm chest catching my tears, his firm touch on my back, and his soft breath against my neck, I close my eyes, allowing myself to sink into him.
By the time we gather my things from my classroom, I’m so grounded in the present moment that I can take slow, even breaths.
Noah drives me home to my parents’ old cottage, curling against me on the flowery couch. Every second is so comfortable with him that I haven’t even realized something until I glance at the clock; we’ve been holding each other in silence for two full hours.
Noah senses me gazing at his beautiful profile and meets my eyes. I comb my fingers through his hair, sorting the strays from his teal eyes.
With a pounding heart, I allow myself to feel every bit of his eyes on me. He eases towards me in the absolute slightest, just enough to spur me into drawing a bit closer too. Breathing his air, my focus glides over every dark eyelash, heavy brow, and golden iris fleck between the soft blues and greens, absorbing all I can of him. Each blink we share is slow and heavy, just as intimate as the soft brush of his fingers in my hair.
I’m overcome by tingles, indulging in every minimal touch. Just Noah’s presence feels monumental. When we close the gap between us, his lips press against me so slowly that endorphins flood my heart.
It feels like I’m breathing in his affections, soaking in every millisecond as I inhale, exhale. Nothing else matters but here and now.
This is the most intimate I’ve been with him yet, and it’s just a gentle kiss.
But it’s not just a kiss. I feel his acceptance washing over every ounce of my body.
My eyebrows arch with emotion, and Noah punctuates the end of his kiss with heavier pressure. As he pulls away, I drop my chin, regretting ruining the moment with my sudden tears.
But Noah takes my hands, dropping to his knees in front of me. “Let’s forget about everything else for a while.”
I gape at my mate, unsure what he means by forgetting about “everything.”
“What?” I whisper.
“Forget all the pressure to train your wolf. Forget joining the pack on a deadline. Forget becoming Luna immediately. We can get to those things, one by one... But right now? This is all I really want. Just you.”
I bite my lips, unable to prevent myself from crying anymore. Noah brushes tears from my cheeks, his eyebrows furrowing.
“I went about this all wrong,” he says. “You were thrown into all this with your wolf, and there’s all this pressure with the pack–”
“But I want this pressure. I want all of it, especially if it means I’ll have you as my mate.”
“I know, and I believe you. I feel that in our bond.”
My breath heightens, searching for my worst fears in his stoic expression. “But what? You think I can’t handle it?”
With a small squeeze of my hands, he softens his voice. “I know you can. In just a few days, you’ve handled more than I ever would’ve expected from my mate. And everything we’ve already been through in this short time–” My heart twists as his voice cracks with emotion. “...Has already meant the fucking world to me. No one has stood up for me like you did since–”
Noah cuts himself off, shaking his head with an embarrassed, weepy smile. Our emotions amplify each other, stacking until we’re bleary-eyed and overwhelmed. I let out a sob at the deep ache in Noah’s heart, wiping his tears away. But despite his flushed cheeks, Noah doesn’t drop my stare.
“I haven’t had anyone this close to me, maybe ever, Aliya, and I get the feeling you haven’t either.”
My heart flips at the serene way he says my name, gliding over every letter like he’s savoring it. “I haven’t. It’s all new, but that’s not a bad thing.” I trace his palm with my thumbs, and his grip softens.
“When I look at you, I see someone powerful. More than you’ve probably been given credit for.”
After genuinely believing I came off as weak - especially to an Alpha leading a pack of twenty thousand Lycans - I’m so surprised that I’m speechless.
An ache tenses Noah’s worried stare. “But also in the sense that I see someone who’s been strong for too long. Way too long.”
I chew on my lip, desperately staving off a deep cry. But as Noah strokes my head, it slips out - a whimpering gasp for air as my walls collapse.
He catches my tears with his thumb. “Before you, no one told me this either, but you don’t have to be strong with me, okay? I’ll never think less of you for it.”
His words drag me out to sea like a riptide, carrying me to a new depth of connection I’ve never shared with anyone. Slipping my arms around his neck, I whimper through tears as I ease our salty lips together.
Noah leans into my touch, encompassing as much of me as his arms can hold. His kiss consumes my focus, strengthening my core into taking another breath. And another. Soon, we’re kissing tenderly and slowly, our tongues tracing every ounce of affection we have for each other until my heart wildly thumps through the endorphins squeezing it.
But Noah gently pulls back. “I don’t want you to push yourself for me. I want to form our bond in a way that feels good for both of us, which means we can take as long as we need.”
I suck back tears as I nuzzle into his neck, embarrassed by my swollen features. “I don’t want to make you wait.”
“I’m not waiting. Nothing about holding you in my arms right now is waiting.” Noah hugs me to his chest until I’m snug in his lap with no gaps between us.
Neither of us plan on separating an inch. Noah dips his head to look into my eyes, and I rest my head on his shoulder to meet him halfway.
“We grew up in different cultures, so maybe that’s where this is coming from. But when I say you’re my mate, I mean for life. I know it’s different for humans, and I’m okay to take it slow.” Noah plants a delicate kiss on my cheek. “B-but I let you mark me because... all my instincts point to you. There’s no doubt in my heart.” I grip him tighter, absorbing every shy, soft-spoken affection - his heart laced into every syllable. “But for now, I’m just getting to know my mate, and I’m happy with that. It’s the best experience of my life.”
Oh, God, I love him.
Overwhelmed by my love surfacing, I kiss his mark as softly as I can, hoping he can feel it. Noah lets out a helpless sound, burying his head into my shoulder.
“I feel that connection with you too, Noah. I really do. That’s what terrifies me. What if I ruin the best relationship I could ever have?”
“What if I ruin it between us?” He asks. “What if we both do?”
I swallow hard, tracing his eyes. Everything in me says that’s impossible.
As long as I don’t let my fears get in the way.
“If this only lasts a month, a year, or twenty years, would you still want to be here with me, right now?” Noah’s question sounds rhetorical, but as we cling to each other, I know it’s not. I know if I told him I don’t want to be close to him - that I changed my mind, or that this is too risky for my heart to withstand - he’d walk away, just for me.
But that’s not what I want. My heart has no problems showing itself when it comes to Noah. Around him, I’m allowing my heart to finally show up on the outside. And he’s holding it like the scarred recluse it is.
I’d do the exact same for him. Based on what he just told me, maybe I’m supporting his heart already, and I just don’t realize the depths of my importance.
“You’re right,” I say. “No matter how long it lasts, this is where I want to be. I’ve waited my whole life for you. I knew it was you, the second I saw you in the forest.” I grip him closer, losing all care about how ridiculous I might sound. “I used to see you in my dreams.”
His breath halts. When it returns, it’s shallow and rapid, his pupils dilating. “W-what do you mean?”
“It’s kind of funny, actually. The dream ruined my dating life. No matter who I met or how open-minded I was, nothing could compare to my literal dream guy.” I laugh at myself, and Noah breaks into a soft smile.
But his focused stare lets me know he wants to hear every word I have left to share. Nuzzling the tips of our swollen noses, I close my eyes before I can second-guess myself.
“I’d have this dream where I’d be walking through the forest, looking for someone. Someone I didn’t know.”
Noah’s grip tightens with a surge of his emotions, and my eyes snap open.
His wolf stirs with interest - strong enough to be felt as an individual presence in our bond. But beneath that, in the depths of our connection, love stirs too. It’s so woven between us that I can’t make out its source. Either way, it sets my cheeks ablaze.
“Y-you’d find them?” He whispers. “The one you were looking for?”
“Yes. Well, no, not just ‘them.’ I’d find you, Noah. The man in my dreams looked just like you.” My voice is airy, my heart throbbing in my throat.
I can’t believe I’m telling him this. But with Noah’s yearning scent, I can’t stop the words.
“The second I saw you in that dream, I’d know you, but I didn’t know you yet.” I kiss him, and he whines against my mouth. The raw sound of it makes me gasp. “I’d know we were connected, down to the soul, and you’d know it too. We’d kiss, our bodies touching all over. It’d feel so powerful that we’d end up on the forest floor, and–”
I suck in a breathy gasp: Noah’s hot tongue caresses from my collarbone to jawline. Pleasure slithers up my spine until it pops like a firework at the source of his tongue.
I grip his hair, kissing his mark until every muscle in his stomach flexes against mine to raise his hips. “Then it was like we went feral, in the leaves. It wasn’t just ‘sex,’ but it wasn’t just ‘making love’ either. It was so intense that I’d say we’d ‘fuck’ in the leaves, but it was more like...”
“We’d mate.” His low, pleasure-roughened voice halts my breath. “We’d mate in the leaves.”