33
“Aliya!”
Someone grabs my shoulder, and I scream.
I’m zapped back into my awareness by their hands, panting like I’ve been jogging. I don’t know where I am.
No, wait. I’m 29. I’m in Greenfield Forest, somewhere near Noah’s cabin.
Noah holds my cheeks, his eyes wider than ever. “It’s me– Just me. I-I’m sorry, I didn’t know how you’d like to be pulled out of it, but...”
He’s talking, but my memories are restarting. I didn’t finish the worst part. I shake my head as if it could clear it away, but Noah releases a blast of his protective scent.
“Hey, listen,” he says, softening his voice despite my desperate whimpers. “Look at me, and tell me where we are.”
Oh, maybe I’m dissociating. I try really hard to look all around us. But I’m seeing an overlay of two worlds, too distracted by the one that feels like it’s about to kill me.
“Never mind,” Noah says. “You do some type of exposure therapy with Jenny, right? Was it Prolonged Exposure? This is a flashback. Let’s walk through it instead of fighting it back. Tell me what you’re noticing.”
This gets my attention. “Y-you know what Prolonged Exposure therapy is?”
As I look into his eyes, Noah’s shoulders fall in relief. “There you are. Good job–”
“Noah, you have PTSD this badly too?” My lip wobbles, but it’s only then that I realize my eyes are already gushing tears. “Enough to do PE?”
Noah’s eyebrows warp with mine, an agonized laugh escaping his throat. “Oh, my sweet, gorgeous– How could you be crying for me while you’re hurting this much? Goddess, my sweet, sweet Omega.”
I’m tempted to smile through my tears as his big thumbpads sweep over my wet cheeks. “You don’t understand what I mean yet– This has to be real because my brain would never imagine something this good.”
Noah’s eyebrows quirk up. “That my brain is fucked?”
I sputter out a laugh. “No!” My mate erupts into giggles with me, settling his forehead against mine. “I just never thought my future partner would get it,” I mutter.
After a few short, held breaths, Noah speaks even quieter than me. “I didn’t either.”
As our emotions ramp up side-by-side, a barrier within me breaks open.
“It took two years of bi-weekly sessions with Jenny to be able to function enough to work. It got so bad, I couldn’t leave my parents’ house.” My voice is shaking, but Noah rubs my back, spurring me on. “With how anxious I was growing up, by the time I was an adult, I felt like anything I could do next could not only ruin my life again, but everyone else’s. Then PTSD would say, ‘Yeah, and here’s how the whole world could hurt you too.’ And even though I’ve worked so hard, it’s still something I’ll have to manage every day for the rest of my life. I was so afraid that’d be a deal breaker for someone.”
Noah nods more and more the more I talk. Could he really be understanding this?
He clears his throat. “Is it a dealbreaker for you?”
My heart flips; everything negative I just spouted could apply to him too. “N-no, I– I’d never think those things about anyone else, I–”
Noah kisses my cheek, “Hey, hey, it’s okay. I know that’s not what you meant. I just want you to know you always have a choice.”
I gape at him. Noah believes we’re entwined by the Moon Goddess, Herself. What he just said sounds like he’s even willing to defy fate for me, even if that means breaking his heart.
Throwing myself into his chest, I can’t hold him tight enough. “I chose you, and I’d choose you again, over and over, exactly as you are.”
Noah’s heartbeat hammers against my ear as he curls over me - our bond ignites with a desperate need to be entangled. But when I hear soft, hitching sniffles, I’m afraid my heart will tear.
We spend over an hour recovering in the forest until we’re bleary with exhaustion, half asleep on the forest floor.
But when the fading sunset makes me shiver despite Noah’s ever-present body heat, he sits up, tracing my side until my heavy eyes open. “You feeling okay now?”
I break into a smile. “Good enough to fall asleep in the forest without being scared in the slightest, thanks to you.”
Noah ducks his head, hiding his flustered smile. As I sort out his hair, his low, rumbling voice sinks deep into my belly, warming me up from the inside. “Let’s go home and take a nice shower.”
The pain of missing each other all day dissolves beneath the hot water. Pressing our bodies together, we breathe in each other’s scents as we stroke each other’s backs. Noah smells like leafy, forest groundcover. And like stress.
Squirting body wash into my palm, I rub it between both hands before slathering his broad shoulders. Bubbles slip down his chest, escaping through the incave of his wide sternum. Noah’s breath heightens as my thumbs smooth over his nipples until they harden. As I move to his back, drawing a deep purr from him, Noah huddles into me until our wet bodies suction together.
My heart rate jumps at how hard I’ve suddenly made him. But Noah doesn’t act on it. His emotions are finally clear of stress in our bond, so I gladly continue onto his lower back. As I concentrate on a knotted muscle, dripping bubbles fizzle against my chest, Noah’s cuddle keeping me snug against him.
Soon, my soapy massage makes every single one of Noah’s wound muscles roll loosely beneath my hands. His purrs become consistent and soft, mimicking my circling, deep pressure on his back. He drapes himself over me in full relaxation, allowing me to hold some of his weight.
My stomach flutters at how much he trusts my touch.
“Thank you.” Noah’s whisper is rough with drowsy bliss.
His arms slink tighter around me, squeezing every inch of my frontside against his warm skin. Trailing my mark, Noah kisses my jawline as he rubs my back. I purr in delight, nuzzling into his chest.
After rinsing off, Noah grabs my shampoo with one arm to return the favor, keeping me cuddled to him with the other. Tingles dance down my shoulders as he scrubs my roots, his gentleness never ceasing to be surprising.
“Tell me about your day,” he says.
I bite back a smile. “Before or during the major flashback in the woods?”
Noah softly chuckles. “Either. Both.”
I hum, unable to open my eyes as I droop against his chest. But the more I think about my morning, the more my heart hurts. Noah sighs in sympathy.
“That same little girl...” I mutter.
“Your three-year-old student?”
“Yes. Today she didn’t just cling to my leg, she also begged me to hold her. Not just a hug, but full-on carry her.” I groan, leaning into Noah’s deeper pressure on my tense right shoulder. “But I’m not allowed to, which I understand, but she doesn’t. If she’s not held enough at home, I can’t stand making it worse, Noah.”
“I know. I can feel it.”
“At least I’m allowed to hug her when she asks, but it’s never enough. Something is seriously wrong, but there’s no time to figure it out. My other students need my time and attention too.”
“Did you smell anything that could tell you what’s wrong?”
I shudder into Noah’s smooth comb-through of my hair with conditioner. “That’s very wolf-like of you, Alpha. But I can’t say I make a habit of smelling my students.”
He chuckles, leaning over me to kiss my wet forehead. I drop my head back, standing on my toes to kiss him on the lips instead.
His wet lips soothe me with each gliding slip across mine, giving me their undivided attention in slow motion. When I pull away, there’s a fire in my core. Noah pauses to trace my eyes, taking a deep breath of my rampant pheromones.
He kisses me softly again as if he doesn’t smell my desire. “You don’t have to smell her directly. Just breathe deeper around her than you normally would. She might smell like stress or anxiety all day, but there could be a certain activity or time where it’s worse.”
Noah’s eyelids droop shut as I comb his wet hair back with my nails.
“You’re so damn smart. I’ll try that tomorrow.”
He breaks into a tiny smile, dropping his head.
I giggle. “Tell me about your day now, gorgeous. Before your mate scared the shit out of you with her flashback.”
Noah’s hands slide from my back to my hips, pressing me tighter against him. I sharply inhale.
He exhales roughly, dragging his head along mine until I cling to him even tighter. “It might be triggering,” he mutters.
My heart flips. “Tell me anyway. I want to be there for you, no matter what it is.”
Noah gives me a heavy squeeze, grumbling into my shoulder. “Okay. I guess I hate to say it too, but I can’t pretend it’s not happening. Long story short, a Rogue Alpha hurt his rejected Rogue Omega so badly that she couldn’t shift back.”
My hands halt into an anxious grip on his biceps. “What? She was stuck in her wolf form?”
Noah smooths my clingy, wet hair from my cheeks, kissing me a few times. “Don’t worry, Omega. You’ll never have to get stuck like that forever. She’ll shift back once she feels safe.”
As usual, Noah knew where my mind went; shifting already feels out of control without the risk of being trapped in my wolf form forever. But staring into those patient eyes, I trust Noah. I bite my lip, scratching soft circles on Noah’s back until he shudders.
Then he slumps against me. “But that meant I had to drag her to the pack doctor by the scruff like a giant pup. No one else could do it.”
“Oh, my God, Noah...”
He sighs, kissing my shoulder. “I’m fine, compared to her. I just keep thinking the same thing I always do when I see someone treated so horribly; I don’t get how someone could hurt anyone like that. Willingly.”
My heart aches with Noah’s, stress creasing his forehead.
“That’s horrifying, Noah. I don’t understand it either. But I do know these Rogues seeking refuge are lucky to have you, especially since you don’t operate that way. They’re safe, thanks to you. And I know they can feel it because I feel safe here, even though bad things happened in the past.”
Noah’s serious stare flips my heart. He cups my cheeks, softening his voice. “I love you, sweet Omega.”
My smile erupts on its own, inspiring Noah’s wolf to court mine in our bond. “I love you too, Alpha.”
Leaning in to kiss at the same time, we meld together. Water ripples down our sides, unable to slip between our snug embrace. Kneading his lips, I caress Noah through his hair, across his back, down his shoulders, and along his hips. Noah cuddles me against the wall, his smooth tongue in my mouth toasting my cheeks. His stiff shaft twitches against my belly, but a sudden waft of frustration peeks through his scent.
I’d brush that off as sexual desire, but his frustration seems different. No matter how vividly I can feel his emotions, it’s impossible to know what he’s thinking.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
Noah’s shoulders slump. “Sorry. Nothing’s ‘wrong,’ per se...”
“Well, I can tell something’s off, but I don’t know what.” I bite back my smile, playfully tapping his forehead. “Unfortunately, I’m still a touch away from reading your mind.”
Noah laughs, dropping his forehead against mine, but his sweet smile fades as quickly as it arrives. “I’m sorry. I’m trying to control myself. I hate seeming mad since it always scares people.”
“Just be yourself around me. If I get scared, I get scared.”
He sighs, kneading my back in the slowest, most luxurious massage possible. I melt in his arms.
“But for the record, I’m not scared, not even a little. You’re allowed to feel mad,” I say.
Noah pecks my mark, sending a shiver-inducing flash of gratitude through me.
But Noah growls beneath his breath. “It’s my damn wolf. I just want to enjoy taking it slow with you. This is literally the best shower of my life - just like this. Plus, you’ve already had a shit day and don’t need his nonsense.”
I break into a smile. “Oh, I see. He wants sex?”
Noah groans against my neck, hiding his face in my shoulder.
I giggle, hugging him tighter. “What if I want it too? Your sweet self has me extra smitten tonight, Alpha. We can make it slow and romantic, just like this.”
“True...” He swallows hard, a tug in our bond urging us to act.
When Noah’s eyes phase green, I assume he needs me to take the initiative. Sticking my hand out of the shower, I reach for the condoms in the bathroom vanity. But Noah stops me with a soft touch on my cheek.
“The problem is, I know he’ll keep busting those on purpose. Especially because this week, you– um...”
My eyes widen with no idea where he’s taking this. “I, what?”
“Well, it’s right before the full moon. My instincts get a bit stronger. Or, a lot stronger.”
“You’re saying you go out of control?”
Noah’s eyes darken. “No, no, no. That’s a fucked-up excuse for Alphas to disobey consent. What I’m saying is...” Noah’s breath shakes. His fingertips skate over my shoulders as he eyes me. “Everything in my body is telling me to get you pregnant... Since I can smell that it’s about to be a good time.”
My entire face flushes. I’m forced to bite my lips to keep my logical brain in charge. “And it’s right before the full moon, of course, making that extra frustrating?”
He nods. His expanding chest compresses mine through our full-body cuddle.
“Then how about we use our hands for a few days until you don’t smell it anymore?” I ask.
Noah growls into my mouth, kissing me against the tile with his full body.
I break our kiss with a wet smack of our lips, just to give him a playful smile. “Or - since he submits to only me - I’ll stop your wolf before he breaks the condom, and I’ll help you with the rest.”
“Oh, fuck, don’t torture me, Omega. He’s going to ruin that plan.” Noah nips my mark. I automatically whimper for more, and Noah groans. “Okay, my brain is gone. This is your judgment call.”
“Then just to be safe...” I trace his lips with my fingertips, aching to feel them again. “I think we should stick with our hands.”
My heartbeat pounds into my groin as Noah looks me up and down, ready to devour me. As we crash into each other’s lips, Noah’s long arm wastes no time in reaching past my ass, slipping along my entrance from behind. I suck in a sharp breath through our kiss as Noah swirls his fingers, teasing my hips to chase after them.
He growls. “Fuck, you’re so ready for me.”
It’s true - something about his tenderness tonight heated me from the inside out. I’ve only just started stroking him, but Noah’s fingers effortlessly slink into me.
I shudder against his chest, and my legs widen for him. His thick fingers align vertically with my pussy, stretching me as if his cock was sliding against my inner walls.
Moaning into his mouth, I break our kiss, dropping my hips for more. “Ah! That’s good...”
“Oh, fuck. You want it so badly.” Noah strokes into me, slow and deep until I’m liquified, gasping against his lips in soft whimpers. “I’ve been trying to figure it out every time - which part do you like? The slow pressure, or the depth? It’s killing me.”
He slows until it’s agonizing to wait for his touch to sink into me. But when his fingertips hit the deepest they have yet, I clench over his fingers in delight.
“Ugh, fuck, like that.” His voice roughens as his wolf reaches the surface. “You’ve gotta tell me, feisty Omega. I feel it spike in our bond as I mate you, and I can’t stand wondering anymore.”
My cheeks burn. But Noah’s soothing, gentle kisses make me want more of his touch, no matter how shy I feel. “The– the deep part. That’s what I like.”
Noah breaks into a soft smile, scooping the back of my head in one hand to kiss me tenderly.
But then his fingers suddenly work me twice as deep, pushing further with every elongated stroke until my eyelashes flutter. “Ah! Oh, God...” I gasp.
“Oh, fuck, that’s totally what it is. Dammit, I want to be inside you.”
I gather my wits, smoothing over the entire length of Noah’s shaft. The base already swells, just from watching me.
My voice comes out weak and breathy. “Pretend you’re inside me. Convince your wolf.”
Matching Noah’s movements, I stroke him at the pace his fingers sink into me. It’s to my own detriment, my knees a shaking mess.
“Ah! Noah...” I arch my back, lifting my hips to help him reach.
He smashes his lips against mine, flexing his shaft with every stroke of my palms. I rub his tip with one hand while stroking with the other, teasing him until he groans into my mouth.
As his fingers drive into me faster, my knees dip to squeeze him inside me, seeking heavier pressure. He drinks up my voice with his tongue, thrusting into my hands with heavy grunts until he comes over my fingers.
“Mm!” I moan at his heat competing with the warm water, picturing him bursting inside me.
He hugs my waist tight, locking our lips as I writhe over his fingers with desperate cries. When he rubs his thigh against my clit at the same time, I erupt, coming with pleading, breathy gasps.
As we fall still in each other’s arms, Noah’s heavy-lidded eyes tell me he’s still hungry for more. But he shuts off the water, kissing me with sweeping brushes down my back.
Our nightly cuddle ball has become so natural that our bodies meld together the second we hit the mattress. Noah’s repetitive, calm breath lulls my eyes into closing, every muscle relaxed from our indulgent shower.
But then Noah’s whisper breaks the silence. “I’m sorry, sweet Omega. I forgot to ask how it went sparring with Amy today.”
I grumble into his chest, burrowing my nose into his body heat.
He chuckles, stroking my wet hair. His cuddle heightens, rolling over me until I adjust to hug him tighter. “I’ll help you tomorrow, okay? You’ve got this, I know it. If not tomorrow, then someday in the near future.”
“But the ceremony this weekend...”
“How about the second you can shift, I’ll call an impromptu run? Then you won’t be missing out on anything at all.”
I sigh, slipping my leg between his to weave ourselves together even more. “You’re so sweet to me, Noah. But I want to try to finally get it right tomorrow.”
“Okay, feisty Omega. No matter what, I’ve got you.”
As he kisses my head, his loving scent washes away my concerns for the night.