Chapter 6 — Holt
I wake up at five-thirty with Katherine's taste still in my mouth.
The house is dark. Louis is asleep down the hall. Ray's nephew left around midnight after texting that everything was fine.
I lie in bed staring at the ceiling and my body still remembers the feel of her. The softness of her thighs under my hands.
The sounds she made when I was inside her. The way she looked at me after like I'd done something significant.
I did do something significant.
I get up because lying here thinking about it isn't productive.
Shower in water that's too cold. Dress in jeans and a t-shirt. Go downstairs and make coffee and sit at my kitchen table with my hands wrapped around the mug trying to figure out what I'm doing.
Last night wasn't casual.
I was inside her and that's not something I've done lightly since my ex-wife. The implications are clear.
Katherine is mine now.
Not in the sense that I own her. In the sense that I've decided she's the person and I'm building my life to include her permanently.
The certainty should scare me.
It doesn't.
I check my phone. Six-fifteen. Too early to call.
Too early to show up at her door like some kind of obsessed person who can't wait twelve hours to see her again.
I drink my coffee and try to sit still. Last maybe three minutes before I'm on my feet pacing the kitchen. Check the time again. Six-twenty. Still too early.
Louis doesn't wake until seven on weekends. I have forty minutes and I'm going to lose my mind if I sit here that long.
I grab my keys and leave.
Katherine's house is dark when I pull up at six-forty. Her car is in the driveway where it always is.
Porch light off. No movement inside. I sit in my truck with the engine running trying to talk myself out of this.
Can't do it.
I get out and walk up her path. Climb the three steps. Stand on her porch for ten seconds with my hand raised to knock and my brain saying this is insane.
I knock anyway.
Takes maybe a minute. I hear movement inside. Footsteps.
The porch light comes on and the door opens and Katherine is standing there squinting at me like she's not sure I'm real.
She's wearing yoga pants and an oversized sweatshirt that's falling off one shoulder. Her hair is a disaster. She's got pillow creases on her left cheek. She's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
"Holt?" Her voice is rough with sleep.
"Hi."
She blinks at me. "What time is it?"
"Almost seven."
"Is something wrong? Is Louis okay?"
"Louis is fine. Nothing's wrong."
She just looks at me, confused and half-asleep and waiting.
"I needed to see you," I say.
She processes this slowly. Then she steps back. "Come in."
I walk inside and she closes the door and locks it out of habit. We're standing in her entryway and she's looking up at me with concern now, more awake.
"What happened?" she asks.
"Nothing happened. I just woke up and I couldn't sit at home drinking coffee when I needed to tell you something."
"Tell me what?"
I look at her standing there in bare feet with her hair a mess and sleep still in her eyes and the words are already there.
"That last night wasn't casual for me. That I woke up knowing you're mine.
That I'm not halfway in this, I'm completely in, and I needed you to know that before I did anything else today. "
She goes very still. "Holt."
"I know it's only been a few days. I know it's fast. I don't care. I've never been good at slow and I'm not starting now. You're mine and I'm yours and I needed to tell you that in person."
"You drove over here at seven in the morning to tell me you're all in."
"Yes."
"Before you even finished your coffee."
"I finished the coffee. Couldn't drink a second cup sitting at my kitchen table when I needed to be here."
She stares at me for a long moment. Then something in her face changes. Goes softer. "Come here."
I close the distance between us and she reaches up and cups my face in both hands and kisses me. Soft and slow and I feel it everywhere. When she pulls back I'm breathing harder than I should be from just a kiss.
"I'm all in too," she says quietly. "I was all in last night. I'm all in this morning. I'll be all in tomorrow and every day after that."
Something in my chest that I didn't know was tight loosens. "Say it again."
"I'm yours, Holt. Completely."
I kiss her properly then, deep and claiming, and she makes a small sound and presses closer. When I force myself to pull back we're both breathing hard and I want to stay so badly it physically hurts.
"I need to get home before Louis wakes up," I say.
"What time does he wake up?"
"Seven usually. I've got maybe twenty minutes."
"Then you should go."
I don't move. "I'm telling him today. About you. About us."
"Okay."
"I'm also bringing you to church on Wednesday. The clubhouse. I need the brothers to know you matter and that you're under protection."
Her eyes widen slightly. "Protection from what?"
"From Marrow retaliating. They're going to come back at us for the warehouse burn. When they do, they need to know that touching you means going through the entire club."
She absorbs this. "And bringing me to church accomplishes that?"
"Yes. When I bring someone to church it means she matters. It means she's family. It means the club protects her the same way they'd protect me or Louis or any brother."
"Okay."
"You're okay with that?"
"Yes. I trust you."
I kiss her forehead. "I really need to go."
"I know."
"I'll call you later. After I talk to Louis."
"Okay."
I make myself step back and walk to the door. She follows me and when I turn to look at her one more time she's leaning against the wall with her arms wrapped around herself and her eyes bright.
"Holt?"
"Yeah?"
"Thank you for coming over. For telling me."
"I needed you to know where I am."
"I know now."
I leave before I do something stupid. Get in my truck and sit there for thirty seconds just breathing. Then I drive home faster than I probably should.
Louis is awake when I walk in. Sitting at the kitchen table in his pajamas with a bowl of cereal he poured himself. He looks up when I come through the door.
"Where were you?"
"Had to run an errand."
He frowns. "It's Saturday. You don't do errands on Saturday morning."
"Had to do one this morning."
He studies me for a second like he's trying to figure out if I'm lying. Then he goes back to his cereal. I make fresh coffee and sit down across from him. He's got milk on his chin. I hand him a napkin without saying anything and he wipes it off.
We sit in silence for a minute while he eats. I watch him and try to figure out how to start this conversation.
"Louis."
He looks up. "Yeah?"
"I need to talk to you about something."
His whole body tenses. "Am I in trouble?"
"No. Nothing like that."
"Then what?"
I take a breath. "It's about Ms. Hayes."
His expression changes immediately. Goes from wary to worried. "Is she okay? Did something happen?"
"She's fine. This is about me and her."
He tilts his head the way he does when he's processing something new. "What about you and her?"
This is harder than I thought it would be. "She's important to me. More than just your teacher. We're spending time together. You're going to see us together sometimes. I wanted to tell you directly instead of letting you figure it out."
He's quiet for a long moment. His spoon is halfway to his mouth but he's not moving. "Like dating?"
"Yeah. Like dating."
"Do you like her?"
"Yes."
"Does she like you?"
"Yes."
More silence. He puts his spoon down and looks at me with those eyes that are exactly like mine. "Is she going to be at our house?"
"Sometimes. If that's okay with you."
He thinks about this. I watch him process it. He's eight but he's not stupid. He knows what this means.
"She was nice when she was here," he says finally. "She listened when I showed her my airplane. And she made really good hot chocolate."
"So you're okay with this?"
"I guess. Can we have dinner with her again? The tacos were better when she was there."
"The tacos were exactly the same."
"They tasted better."
I don't argue with that. "Yeah, we can have dinner with her again."
"Okay." He picks up his spoon and goes back to eating like the conversation is over.
I watch him for another minute. "That's it? You don't have questions?"
"Not right now." He takes another bite. Then he looks up. "Dad?"
"Yeah?"
"Is Ms. Hayes going to leave?"
My chest goes tight. "Why would you ask that?"
"Mom left. Is Ms. Hayes going to leave too?"
I lean forward. "No."
"How do you know?"
"Because she's different from your mom. And because I'm different than I was when I was with your mom."
He looks at me like he's trying to decide if he believes me. "Okay."
"You sure you're okay with this?"
"Yeah. I like her. She's nice and she doesn't think my stuff is boring."
"Your stuff isn't boring."
"Tyler's dad said model airplanes are boring."
"Tyler's dad is wrong."
He grins at that. We finish breakfast and spend the morning doing the Saturday routine.
Hardware store where Louis looks at tools he doesn't need.
Park where he plays on equipment he's technically too old for but still enjoys.
Lunch at home. By two he wants to watch a movie and I set him up in the living room and go out to the back porch.
Pull out my phone and call Katherine.
She answers on the second ring. "Hi."
"Hi."
"How did it go?"
"Better than I expected. He asked if you were going to leave like his mom did."
Silence on her end. Then, "What did you tell him?"
"That you're different and I'm different and you're not leaving."
"Can you promise that?"
"I just did."
More silence. Then quietly, "Okay."
"He likes you. Said the tacos were better when you were there."
She laughs and the sound makes something in my chest warm. "The tacos were the same."
"That's what I told him. He didn't believe me."
"When do I see you again?"
"Wednesday night. Church. I'm picking you up at seven."
"Should I be nervous?"