Epilogue — Katherine
Eighteen Months Later
I'm standing at the stove flipping pancakes when Holt's hand slides around my waist from behind.
"You're going to make me burn these," I say.
"You've never burned a pancake in your life."
"There's always a first time."
His mouth finds the spot behind my ear that makes me shiver and I elbow him gently in the ribs. He doesn't move. Just stands there with his chest against my back and his coffee mug in his free hand like this is a perfectly reasonable way to spend Saturday morning.
"Louis is going to come down any second," I say.
"Let him."
I flip the last pancake and turn off the burner. Holt's still pressed against me and when I turn my head his mouth is right there. He tastes like coffee and I kiss him longer than I should with our nine-year-old's footsteps already starting overhead.
The ring on my left hand catches the light when I reach up to touch his jaw.
Six months married and I still notice it every time.
Simple white gold band that matches the one he wears.
We got them the same day we signed the papers at the courthouse with just Louis and Clint as witnesses because neither of us wanted to wait for a ceremony we didn't need.
Holt pulls back when Louis's footsteps hit the stairs. His hand stays on my waist for another three seconds before he lets go and picks up his coffee like nothing happened.
Louis appears in the doorway wearing pajama pants and a t-shirt that's getting too small. He's growing so fast I can't keep up. Almost ten now. Taller every time I measure him against the doorframe. Face changing into something that looks more like his father every month.
"Pancakes ready?" he asks.
"Just finished."
He climbs into his chair at the table and I bring the plate over. Holt serves Louis first like always, then me, then himself. The routine is so automatic now I don't think about it anymore.
Louis drowns his stack in syrup while I'm still cutting mine. Holt eats his in precise squares like he's been doing since the first time I made these two years ago.
"Dad," Louis says through a mouthful.
"Swallow first."
Louis swallows. "Can we go to the hardware store after this? I need wood for my science project."
"What project?"
"Birdhouse. We have to build something that helps the environment."
Holt sets his fork down. "You design it yet?"
"Yeah. I drew it. Want to see?"
"After you finish eating."
Louis shovels another bite in and I watch Holt watch him with that expression that still gets me sometimes. The one that says Louis is the most important thing in his world and always will be.
I'm part of that world now too. Have been for longer than eighteen months but some mornings it still feels new.
"Katherine, are you coming to the hardware store?" Louis asks.
I look at the stack of ungraded papers sitting on the dining room table. Then I look at Louis looking at me like he actually wants me there.
"Yeah," I say. "I'll come."
"Cool. You can help me pick the wood."
"I don't know anything about wood."
"That's okay. Dad does."
Holt's mouth twitches like he's trying not to smile. I kick him gently under the table and his hand finds my knee and stays there.
We finish breakfast and Louis runs upstairs to get his drawing. Holt starts loading the dishwasher and I stand to help but he shakes his head.
"I've got it."
"I can help."
"I know." He loads another plate. "Go get dressed. We'll leave in twenty."
I should argue but I don't. I head upstairs and I'm pulling on jeans when I hear Holt's footsteps in the hallway. He appears in the bedroom doorway and closes the door behind him.
"Louis is in his room," I say.
"I know where Louis is."
He crosses the room and backs me against the dresser and kisses me the way he couldn't downstairs. His hands slide under the t-shirt I'm wearing and I make a sound that's probably too loud.
"We don't have time for this," I say against his mouth.
"I know."
"Louis is going to wonder where you are."
"Let him wonder."
His mouth moves to my neck and I'm about to say something else when Louis yells from downstairs. "Dad! I can't find my drawing!"
Holt pulls back with a look on his face that makes me laugh. "Later," he says.
"Later."
He kisses me once more and then he's gone.
I hear him heading downstairs telling Louis to check his desk.
I finish getting dressed and look at myself in the mirror and my mouth is swollen and my face is flushed and I look exactly like someone who was just kissed by her husband in the middle of the morning.
I don't fix it.
Downstairs Louis has found his drawing and is showing it to Holt at the kitchen table. I grab my jacket from the hook by the door and Holt looks up.
"Ready?" he asks.
"Ready."
We pile into his truck. Louis calls shotgun but Holt tells him to get in the back. Louis grumbles but does it. I climb in the passenger seat and Holt starts the engine and we pull out of the driveway.
The hardware store is fifteen minutes away. Louis talks the entire time about birdhouses and whether he should paint it or if paint scares birds away. Holt answers every question seriously while I watch the town go past through the window.
Two years ago I was alone in my small rental house wondering if I'd ever feel anything close to what my parents had.
Now I'm in Holt's truck on a Saturday morning heading to the hardware store to look at wood for a birdhouse and this is my life and it's better than anything I imagined.
We pull into the parking lot and Louis is already unbuckling. Holt's hand finds mine across the console for just a second. His thumb brushes over my ring.
"You good?" he asks quietly.
"Yeah. I'm good."
"Good."
Louis is already out of the truck and halfway to the entrance. Holt gets out and I follow and we spend the next hour looking at wood and screws and hinges while Louis asks approximately forty questions and Holt answers all of them.
On the drive home Louis has already decided he's building two birdhouses. Holt says maybe. Louis grins because he knows maybe means yes.
Back at the house we end up in the garage.
Holt opens his toolbox and Louis examines every tool like he's seeing them for the first time even though he's been in this garage a hundred times.
I lean against the workbench and watch them and think about the fact that this is exactly where I want to be.
Not in some other life. Not in some other moment.
Right here. Right now. With them.
Holt looks up and catches me watching. "What?"
"Nothing."
"You're smiling."
"I'm allowed to smile."
"Didn't say you weren't."
Louis has found the tape measure and is testing it out. Holt hands me a pencil without me asking and says I can mark measurements once Louis is done measuring. I take it and our fingers brush and he holds on for an extra second.
Later that night after Louis is asleep and the dishes are done and the house is quiet, Holt finds me on the back porch. I'm sitting in the chair where I told him I loved him eighteen months ago. He sits in the other one and we don't talk for a while.
The air is cool. Stars are coming out. Somewhere down the street someone is playing music too loud and I can just barely hear it.
"Good day?" he asks.
"Yeah."
"Louis is already planning birdhouse number three."
"I heard."
"We're going to have a whole backyard full of them."
"Could be worse."
He reaches over and takes my hand. Pulls me out of my chair and into his lap. I settle against him and his arms come around me and this is exactly where I belong.
"Katherine."
"Yeah."
"I'm glad you said yes."
I turn my head to look at him. "To marrying you?"
"To all of it."
I kiss him instead of answering because words aren't enough for what I feel sitting here on this porch in the dark with his arms around me and our whole life ahead of us.
We go inside eventually. Upstairs to the bedroom we share. He locks the door and I'm pulling his shirt off before we make it to the bed.
Later, much later, when we're both breathing hard and tangled in sheets and completely satisfied, he says it again.
"I love you."
"I love you too."
"You happy?"
I think about pancakes and hardware stores and birdhouses. About Louis calling me by my first name at home and the way Holt's hand finds mine under the table. About this house and this bed and this life we built together.
"Yeah," I say. "I'm happy."
"Good."
I fall asleep in his arms the way I've done every night for eight months and will do for the rest of my life.
Thank you for reading!