CHAPTER 10
DON’T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT
“Daddy play?”
Kavon sat on the floor with Kyren for almost an hour.
An hour.
Zaviyah knew because she checked the clock at least fifteen fucking times.
Not because she wanted him to leave.
That was the problem.
She kept telling herself she was watching for Kyren.
Making sure Kavon didn’t overwhelm him.
Making sure her baby was comfortable.
Making sure this brand new daddy situation didn’t move too fast.
Bullshit.
Kyren was having the time of his damn life.
Kavon pushed the little red truck across the rug.
Kyren screamed when it hit the couch.
“Crash!”
Kavon laughed.
“You crashed it.”
“You crash.”
“Nah, that was you.”
“No. Daddy.”
Kavon froze again.
Every time Kyren called him daddy, the man looked like somebody punched him directly in the chest.
Zaviyah noticed.
She wished she didn’t.
“Daddy crash.”
Kavon smiled.
“Okay, little man. Daddy crashed it.”
Kyren nodded.
“Again.”
Kavon picked up the truck.
Zaviyah leaned against the kitchen counter.
“Y’all gonna tear my living room up?”
Kyren yelled, “No!”
Kavon answered, “Probably.”
She looked at him.
“You paying for whatever he breaks.”
“I can do that.”
“Don’t say shit like that.”
Kavon frowned.
“Like what?”
“Like you got money to throw around.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You implied it.”
“How?”
“You said you can pay for shit.”
“Because I can.”
Zaviyah rolled her eyes.
Kavon smiled.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“No, what?”
“I forgot you argue about everything.”
Her stomach tightened.
There it was.
Again.
Tampa.
Memory.
Past tense that felt a little too present.
Zaviyah looked away.
“Don’t do that.”
“Do what?”
“Keep saying shit you remember about me.”
Kavon’s smile disappeared.
“Why?”
“Because.”
“That ain’t a reason.”
“It is today.”
Kavon looked toward Kyren.
The little boy was lying on his stomach running the truck along the carpet.
Then Kavon stood.
“You want something to drink?”
Zaviyah blinked.
“This my house.”
“I know.”
“So why you asking me if I want something to drink?”
“I was trying to be polite.”
“Be polite by sitting your ass back down.”
He laughed.
“There you go.”
“What?”
“Bossy.”
“Kavon.”
He raised his hands.
“Okay.”
Kyren looked up.
“Daddy.”
“Yeah?”
“Juice.”
Zaviyah answered immediately.
“No.”
Kyren looked at Kavon.
“Daddy juice.”
Kavon looked at Zaviyah.
She stared back.
He looked at Kyren.
“Ask Mama.”
Kyren frowned.
“I did.”
“And what did Mama say?”
“No.”
Kavon nodded.
“Then no.”
Zaviyah stared at him.
He caught it.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“You look surprised.”
“I’m not.”
“You thought I was gonna give it to him anyway.”
“No.”
“Yes, you did.”
“Maybe.”
Kavon smiled.
“I’m not trying to come in here and override you.”
“Good.”
“I know you been doing this by yourself.”
Her expression changed.
He noticed.
“I’m not trying to insult you.”
“I didn’t say you were.”
“I can tell.”
Zaviyah sighed.
“It’s just weird.”
“What part?”
She looked around the room.
“You.”
“Damn.”
“You know what I mean.”
“No. Explain.”
She looked at him.
“You’re in my house.”
“Yes.”
“Playing with my son.”
“Our son.”
Her jaw tightened.
Kavon immediately corrected himself.
“Kyren.”
She appreciated that.
More than she wanted to.
“You didn’t exist in this part of my life yesterday.”
“I know.”
“And now you’re sitting on my floor being Daddy.”
Kavon went quiet.
Zaviyah folded her arms.
“I need time to adjust too.”
His face softened.
“I know.”
“No, you keep acting like you’re the only one who got hit with a bomb.”
“I’m not.”
“It feels like it.”
“Then tell me what you need.”
That question irritated her.
Maybe because she didn’t know the answer.
“I need you not to ask me shit like that.”
Kavon laughed.
“Okay.”
“And stop laughing.”
“That’s harder.”
Zaviyah tried not to smile.
Failed.
Kavon saw it.
His eyes changed.
There.
That fucking look again.
Zaviyah’s smile disappeared.
“Don’t.”
His eyebrows pulled together.
“What?”
“Look at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“You know exactly what.”
“I really don’t.”
“Yes, you do.”
Kavon stepped closer.
Not too close.
But enough.
“How am I looking at you?”
Zaviyah stared at him.
“Kavon.”
“I’m asking.”
“Like Tampa.”
Silence.
His face changed.
There it was.
He remembered.
She remembered that he remembered.
That was enough.
Kavon lowered his voice.
“You look at me like Tampa too.”
“No, I don’t.”
“You do.”
“You’re imagining shit.”
“I’m not.”
“Kavon.”
“Zaviyah.”
She hated when he said her name like that.
Low.
Slow.
Like he still knew how she sounded when she wasn’t talking.
“Stop.”
“I didn’t do anything.”
“You don’t have to.”
Kavon went quiet.
Then he stepped backward.
“Okay.”
That almost made it worse.
Because he listened.
Zaviyah looked toward Kyren.
“Baby, you hungry?”
Kyren sat up.
“Chicken.”
“You just had chicken.”
“Chicken.”
Kavon smiled.
“He really love chicken.”
“He love asking for shit.”
“Wonder where he get that from.”
Zaviyah stared at him.
“You got jokes now?”
“A few.”
“Keep them.”
Kyren looked at Kavon.
“Daddy eat?”
Kavon looked at Zaviyah.
She hated that he kept looking at her for permission.
Not because it was wrong.
Because it was respectful.
And respectful men were dangerous when you were trying not to like them.
“You can stay for dinner.”
Kavon blinked.
“Yeah?”
“It’s for Kyren.”
“I know.”
“Don’t make it weird.”
“I won’t.”
Zaviyah pulled chicken from the refrigerator.
Kavon walked into the kitchen.
She looked over.
“Why you following me?”
“Helping.”
“With what?”
“Whatever.”
“I don’t need help.”
“I know.”
“Then sit down.”
“You always this difficult?”
“Yes.”
He smiled.
“Good to know nothing changed.”
She pointed the tongs at him.
“Keep talking about Tampa and I’m putting your ass out.”
Kavon laughed.
“I didn’t say Tampa.”
“You implied it.”
“You really like that word.”
“Get out my kitchen.”
He leaned against the counter.
“No.”
Zaviyah stared.
Kavon smiled.
Kyren yelled from the living room.
“Daddy!”
Kavon immediately turned.
“Yeah?”
“Come.”
He looked at Zaviyah.
She pointed toward the living room.
“Your boss calling.”
Kavon laughed and went.
Zaviyah stood alone in the kitchen.
She should’ve been relieved.
Instead, she stared at the space he had been standing.
“Girl.”
She whispered it to herself.
“Get your fucking shit together.”
Her phone vibrated.
Samaria.
Zaviyah’s chest tightened.
She opened the message.
SAMARIA
Can you come over later?
Zaviyah typed immediately.
Yes.
Samaria responded.
Without him.
Zaviyah stared at the words.
Then typed.
Of course.
She put the phone down.
Dinner was strange.
Not bad.
That made it stranger.
Kyren sat between them at the table.
Kavon cut up his chicken.
Zaviyah corrected him twice.
“Smaller.”
Kavon looked at the piece.
“That is small.”
“For you.”
“It’s tiny.”
“Kavon.”
He cut it again.
“Damn.”
Kyren laughed.
“Daddy trouble.”
Zaviyah burst out laughing.
Kavon stared at his son.
“Man, whose side you on?”
“Mama.”
“That was quick.”
Zaviyah nodded.
“He know where home is.”
Kavon smiled.
“Fair.”
After dinner, Kyren climbed into Kavon’s lap like he had known him forever.
That did something to Zaviyah.
Something painful and beautiful at the same time.
Kavon looked down at him.
“What time he go to bed?”
“Eight thirty.”
Kavon looked at the clock.
“Damn.”
“What?”
“It’s almost eight.”
“And?”
“I gotta go?”
Zaviyah stared at him.
He laughed.
“I’m asking.”
“You don’t live here.”
“I know.”
“You can come back.”
The words left before she thought about them.
Kavon looked at her.
Zaviyah cleared her throat.
“To see Kyren.”
“I know.”
“No, I’m making sure.”
“I know what you meant.”
“Good.”
Kavon put Kyren down.
“Come here, little man.”
Kyren walked over.
Kavon crouched.
“I gotta go.”
Kyren frowned.
“No.”
Zaviyah’s chest tightened.
Kavon smiled.
“I’ll come back.”
“Tomorrow?”
Kavon looked at Zaviyah.
She hesitated.
Tomorrow.
That fast.
Every day?
Was that too much?
Then she looked at Kyren.
His little face had already changed.
Hopeful.
Waiting.
“Tomorrow is fine.”
Kavon nodded.
“Tomorrow.”
Kyren hugged him.
“Daddy tomorrow.”
Kavon closed his eyes.
“Yeah.”
He kissed the top of Kyren’s head.
“Daddy tomorrow.”
Zaviyah looked away.
When Kavon reached the front door, she followed him.
He stopped on the porch.
“Thank you.”
“You already said that.”
“I’m saying it again.”
“For what?”
“Today.”
He looked through the doorway.
Kyren was sitting on the floor with his truck.
“For letting me be here.”
Zaviyah nodded.
“He likes you.”
Kavon smiled.
“I like him too.”
“You better.”
His smile faded.
“I love him.”
Zaviyah froze.
Kavon looked almost embarrassed after saying it.
Like he knew how fast that sounded.
But he didn’t take it back.
“I know I just met him.”
Zaviyah said nothing.
“But that’s my son.”
His voice cracked slightly.
“I love him already.”
Something in her chest shifted.
“Kavon.”
“I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable.”
“You’re not.”
That was the truth.
And maybe that was the problem.
He looked at her.
“You heading somewhere?”
Zaviyah frowned.
“How you know?”
“You changed your clothes.”
She looked down.
She had thrown on jeans and a fitted shirt while he helped Kyren clean up his toys.
“Samaria wants me to come over.”
His face changed.
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“Tell her.”
He stopped.
Zaviyah waited.
“Tell her what?”
Kavon looked away.
“Nothing.”
“No. What were you gonna say?”
He rubbed his jaw.
“Tell her I’m sorry.”
Zaviyah stared at him.
“For what?”
“Everything.”
“She’s not gonna wanna hear that from me.”
“I know.”
“Then why ask?”
“Because I don’t know how to talk to her right now.”
“You need to figure that out.”
“I know.”
Zaviyah folded her arms.
“If you still love her, don’t have me carrying messages.”
Kavon looked at her.
“I do love her.”
The answer came quickly.
That hurt Zaviyah in a place it had no business hurting.
She hated herself for noticing.
“Then fight for her.”
Kavon stared.
“You want me to?”
“She’s my sister.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
Zaviyah’s eyes narrowed.
“Don’t.”
“I’m asking a real question.”
“And I’m giving you a real answer. She’s my
sister.”
Kavon stepped closer.
“Zaviyah.”
“No.”
“You keep answering me with Samaria.”
“Because Samaria matters.”
“I know.”
“Then why the fuck are we having this conversation?”