Chapter Five
Chiara
“That’s…unexpected,” Erin murmurs, with a long exhale as she looks at me with wide eyes.
I don’t reply and let my gaze roam the coffee shop she loves so much. She is somewhat of a coffee junkie, while I am more of a tea person. I take a sip of my Earl Grey, letting the citrus and floral scent strengthen my resolve.
“Are…you sure that’s what you want?” Erin probes.
I look up at her. “I’ve never been surer.”
“What about Lily? Have you told her?”
I hesitate. “Not yet, but I can’t tell her in person.
” My throat constricts painfully when I think of the pain and disappointment I’ll cause her.
“Not with them being around. Damiano will immediately sense that something’s wrong and he’ll send his bloodhounds after me.
” I look up at her. “Can you take care of her and Dante? Let her know that I will reach out to her once the dust has settled. I know she’ll understand. ”
Erin lets out a long breath. “Okay… She will be so pissed when she finds out that I helped you.”
I laugh softly. “Don’t worry, she won’t be angry for long, she loves you to death.”
“I beg to differ—she loves you more. And she will be absolutely livid.” She groans and lets her head fall on the table with exaggerated despair.
“I promise, I’ll contact her once…this is over, and I’ll explain. And it’s only temporary.” At least that’s what I tell myself to assuage the guilt that’s eating me up.
Erin looks up at me, her face suddenly serious. “Do you need to talk to someone? You don’t have to go that far. Maybe I can help with whatever problem you have.”
I shake my head in silence, not trusting my voice.
Erin goes on. “I don’t know why you are doing this but that’s so unlike you.”
I laugh bitterly. “I haven’t felt like myself for a long time. Forever in fact. I just…need this. I’m sorry I can’t tell you more, and please don’t tell anyone about this. And I really mean no one.”
“You can trust me. Even Matteo won’t hear a peep, although he has that crazy talent to tease me with his tongue when—”
“Stop, I don’t need to hear that!” I cry out, horrified. I definitely, don’t want to hear or imagine my friend doing…things with her husband. Oh god, no!
“Relax.” She giggles. “I was going to say when he is eating the last ice cream, and he won’t let me have a bite.”
I make a noncommittal noise, not believing for a second that’s what she meant to say.
“So, will you help me?” I look at her with hope.
“It’s a given, Chiquita. You don’t even need to ask.”
I let out the breath I didn’t know I was holding. “Thanks. I know I’m asking a lot of you to keep this to yourself but…” I trail off with a helpless shrug as my throat constricts around the words.
She gives me a sad smile, taking my hand in hers and squeezing it. “I’ll miss you so much at karaoke night.”
My eyes sting and I blink away the welling tears. I’ll miss her, too.
“But it’ll be fun to see the boys running in circles chasing their tails,” she goes on with a delighted smirk. “Especially Lucas.”
I look away, to hide all the things I can’t say, the hurt, the anger, the heartbreak. When I’m ready to look at her again, all she sees is resolve.
“They won’t even notice, or care,” I say lightly. “But better to be safe than sorry.”
She gives me a long look, then exhales loudly.
“Okay…let’s do this. Let’s make Chiara disappear.”
* * * *
I look around my room. It is lavish, fitting for a princess, but for me it had always felt like a cage.
I set the white paper crane on the windowsill, knowing that Lily will immediately spot it when she steps into the room.
If she comes here. Of course she will, a small voice says.
Then she will see the origami and know that I have spread my wings to take flight.
“I can’t do it, it’s wonky,” I complain as I crumble the pesky piece of paper in my hand and throw it angrily across the room.
Lee merely laughs, eyes twinkling with amusement, looking so grown-up despite her eleven years. Our mothers were pregnant almost at the same time, and I am only a few months older than her.
“Be patient, sis. Look, I’ll show you again, let’s take it step by step.”
She shows me again, painstakingly folding the piece of paper into an exquisite crane, its neck slightly bent and wings outstretched like it is taking flight.
“See? You can do it, too,” she encourages me, and I reluctantly take another piece of paper to try again.
And I finally succeed, after several attempts and some encouragement from her.
I hold the paper crane up with pride, looking at it from every angle.
Then, I turn to my sister and shyly hold it out to her.
She takes it with a delighted smile. “Your first paper crane.” She beams. “I’ll keep it forever! ”
From that day on, leaving a paper crane for the other to find was our message to say, “I’m thinking of you and I love you.”
The dampness of my tears running down my face pulls me back to the present.
Lily has been my rock, my driving force.
She had been with me for almost as long as I can remember, steadfast and unwavering in her support, so strong despite my mother being cruel to her and trying to break her at every turn.
I had tried to defend her at first, but when Mother took her anger out on me, Lily begged me to stop.
We learned to keep our heads down, holding hands under the table and waiting for the storm to blow over.
I let out a sob. This hurts so much, leaving her behind.
But I know I won’t back down. There’s nothing left for me to stay.
I need to learn to stand on my own two feet.
Then I’ll learn to take it step by step, eventually I’ll be able to walk, and someday it won’t hurt that much anymore.
Then I will contact Lily to see her and Dante.
I also feel guilty for leaving Father behind, but I’m not strong enough anymore to keep us both standing.
I had begged, threatened, pleaded, shouted, cried, to no avail.
The dark place he has slipped into has its claws embedded too deeply into him, and I am too weak to pull him out.
Worse, I’ll get dragged down too, if I stay.
I had begged the housekeeper to keep an eye on him and to call our physician, should things go too far.
I also gave her Erin’s number in case I needed to come back unexpectedly.
My phone chimes in my hand, interrupting my spiraling thoughts. Not my usual phone which is now stashed away in the drawer of my nightstand. It’s the burner phone Erin gave me when she walked me through the plan. I look at the screen.
Everything’s ready, Chiquita. Let’s roll.
Perfect, just on time.
I pick up my backpack and cast a last glance around my childhood room. I let out a steady breath and open the door to leave my life behind.