Chapter Nineteen
Chiara
I had hoped that after that Friday at the gym, Lucas would’ve left town with his tail between his legs, but it turns out I was sorely mistaken. He has upped the game, stalking me harder for a week, trying to corner me, wanting to explain where there is nothing to explain.
I avoid being alone now, always asking for one of the girls to help me clean the gym, or seeking out people when he ambushes me in a public place. And still, he follows me everywhere I go. Even Ethan noticed.
I unlock the front door and step inside, followed by Ethan who has been unnaturally subdued tonight during our Saturday night out.
“You want a drink?” I offer.
He shakes his head and leans against the doorjamb of the small kitchen to watch me pour my tea. Once I lean on the kitchen counter with my steaming cup in hand, he steps closer.
“Cara… This thing, it’s going nowhere, isn’t it?”
I blink at him. “What is going nowhere?”
“This…” He lets out a heavy breath. “Us.”
My breath hitches in my throat. “Us?” I whisper, my voice barely carrying. “Ethan…what are you saying?”
He averts his face, jaw tight. “I can’t do this, babe. I can’t keep pretending everything’s fine when…” His voice falters. “…when you’re still somewhere else. Your heart isn’t here. I’ve tried to ignore it, I’ve tried to stay, but I can’t anymore.”
“Are you…breaking up with me?” I croak, carefully setting the cup on the counter.
“No, I’m setting you free. I like you enough to let you go, even if it kills me. I can’t chain someone to me who’s not all in.”
My mind blanks out. “But…why?”
He doesn’t reply right away. After several beats his sad eyes lift to mine. “He’s the man who broke your heart, isn't he?”
I still, unable to offer a reply. I know exactly who he means.
He steps closer and brushes his knuckles over my cheek. “I’ve tried, babe. I was ready to wait for you until the end of time, until you were ready to let someone in again. But then he showed up, and now I see the way you look at him. You’ve never once looked at me like that.”
“Wh-what do you mean…” I stutter. “I’m not—”
“It’s okay babe, I get it. I just want you to be happy.”
“You…made me happy,” I whisper brokenly.
“But not the way I want, or the way you deserve.” He smiles sadly and my heart aches from the unfairness of the situation. The tears I have been trying to hold back begin to slide down my cheeks and he gently wipes them away.
“Shhh, don’t cry babe, it’s okay.”
“I…never wanted to hurt you, I swear… I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll be okay.”
He brushes a tender kiss over my forehead.
“If…one day you decide that it’s me you want, I’ll be there. No pressure. Just know that I’m there for you, for anything.”
I shake my head, tears still streaming down my face. I know I don’t love him this way.
He steps back and locks eyes. “And if you need me to beat him up, you know where to find me.”
That rips a hiccupping laugh from me, and I give him a wobbly, watery smile.
“Listen Ethan, about the gym, I’ll pay rent.”
He shakes his head. “Don’t you worry, I didn’t let you use it for free because I wanted something in return. I mean, I did want you to notice me. But the work you are doing is incredible and I won’t deprive this town of the best thing that has happened in years.”
I swallow around the knot in my throat.
“I’ll even hire a replacement if…” He averts his face again, throat working, “…you ever decide that your adventure in this town ends.”
I suck in a breath. What…is he implying? I’m not—I’d never—My mind spirals.
He sends me one last look, a last tight smile, then strides out the door.
As soon as it has clicked shut, I walk numbly to the sofa and let myself fall.
It’s for the best, I tell myself. I eventually would’ve ended it.
But still, I didn’t want to hurt him. You would have hurt him anyhow, a small voice inside me screams. God, I hate that my fate is slipping out of my grasp once again.
My quiet existence is slowly unraveling, slipping out of my grasp like sand through my fingers.
I don’t have any control over the events anymore, and there is one person to blame.
For the second time he is upending my life, and I feel irrational anger igniting at Lucas for doing this to me, for not letting me be.
Why couldn’t he just go on with his life of glitter and fun and let me live mine?
God, I hate that man.