Chapter 30
Alana
Staring out of my bedroom window, I couldn’t rid myself of the question I’d been asking too much lately. Was he out there?
Erebus seemed to know everything and he was around when I least expected it. I wondered where he stationed himself when he didn’t want to be seen. How often did he watch me? Did he know my every move?
Admitting my feelings for Jayce yesterday scared me for more than one reason. There was the obvious, then there was Erebus. He’d threatened him already, which was part of why I didn’t involve Jayce in what was going on anymore. I couldn’t put him in danger and I didn’t know what my stalker was capable of. If he knew what I felt, how my heart ached for that man, what would he do?
Maybe he already knew considering he seemed omniscient. If he did, though, I’d imagine he would want me to stay away from him altogether. The only person he explicitly forbade me from seeing was Mike, which still pissed me off. He had a crush, but he was respectful enough to be my friend. He didn’t pose any danger to me.
That thought beget another. Erebus meant to show me why I shouldn’t trust Mike. It was Friday afternoon and I still hadn’t seen or heard from him.
Any sane person would be glad. I didn’t want my stalker contacting me or showing up. That was the dangerous thing, not Mike or my feelings for Jayce. Yet, there was a part of me that felt, I don’t know, offended by his silence. Maybe he was bored of me or decided I wasn’t worth all the time and effort it took to invade my life.
Good riddance. But, stupid bitch that I was, I pulled out my phone.
Alana: Did karma finally strike you down?
Read. That was immediate. No bubbles popped up, though. Was it dumb that I felt rejected?
“Shit,” I muttered, leaning my hands on the windowsill. I rested my forehead against the glass and willed myself to get a grip.
Stalker bad. Reality good. I might have to make it my new mantra.
My body reacted to Erebus in ways that I hated. He’d forced pleasure from me, ripped it out of my grasp and played me like a puppet. When he was here yesterday, it was different. Seeing him on my balcony awoke a hellish sort of excitement. I was wet at the thought of him touching me before I’d even closed the door on Mike.
It was disgusting. In my grief, I’d somehow latched onto the obsession of a psychopath. Wasn’t that the thing, though? That sort of all-consuming feeling could be intoxicating. Addicting. It blazed with white hot flame, igniting passion and irrefutable need. Fire also burned. It killed.
I shoved aside the memories of Jake that arose every time I thought about fire. I didn’t want him in my head right now. Whether I was with Jayce or Erebus, Jake didn’t belong. He was my past, yet he haunted me when I was alone. When Erebus had his hands on me, all of that disappeared. There was panic, sure, but there was also a welcome silence in my head. He erased my former life while he was around and I craved that. I craved him.
Heat ignited between my legs along with the pulse of my arousal. I thought about the way he’d put his mouth on me yesterday with no revulsion. He wanted to drink from my pussy, blood and all, and from the way he’d groaned as he did it, I knew he’d enjoyed it. He was sick and twisted. And I was worse because I wanted him to do it again.
My breath fogged the glass as I focused on that feeling in my core. Swallowing hard, I lifted one hand off the sill and slipped it into my jeans. Just a brief touch on my clit made me whimper. Closing my eyes, I imagined that creepy neon mask, lit up in the dark and poised above me while he thrust into me. He was large enough that it stretched me to the point of pain when he first entered me.
I imagined the way his body felt under my hands. He was solid muscle, his skin soft without too much hair. His shoulder blades were sharp and when he fucked me, he rippled with strength and power. If he wanted to, he could break me with hardly any effort. It made his soft touches feel like gifts.
My lips parted and a moan left me. Moving my finger back and forth over my clit, I imagined that Erebus was out there right now, watching me touch myself. It didn’t matter that somebody else could catch a glimpse of me in the window. I wanted him to see me taking control of my own body. I wanted him to wonder if I was thinking about him and to feel angry if he thought I might be imagining somebody else.
With a jolt, I let pleasure wash over me. Fire and electricity erupted between my legs and my knees wobbled with the fierce sensations. Once it began to fade, the guilt started to creep in.
God, what was wrong with me? All of my neighbors could have seen my display. I snapped the curtains closed and breathed heavily.
This was when I should start therapy. There was no way I’d admit all of this, though, so it was pointless. Poor, traumatized little Alana with all of her issues. I didn’t really care what science said about me. In my opinion, Ben turned out worse than me with his illegal activities, so all in all, I was doing fine.
I’d been going back and forth about reaching out to him. Our relationship was weird. It always had been. After our parents were arrested, we grew even further apart. I’d never been sure why, but I couldn’t bring myself to care enough to fix it.
With a muttered curse, I pulled out my phone. I put it on speaker and sat on the edge of the bed.
“Lana?” he answered, sounding unsure.
“Yeah, it’s me.”
“Damn. I thought it must’ve been a butt dial.”
“Nope. It was intentional.” I gripped the sheet tightly and took a deep breath. “How… how are you?”
“Good. Business has been great. Bean is keeping me busy.”
“Bean?”
“My three-legged cat. You haven’t seen him on my Instagram?”
I didn’t follow him. Honestly, I didn’t even know he had an Instagram, let alone a cat. It seemed weird that a cat was keeping him busy. Didn’t they do their own thing most of the time?
“I don’t use a lot of social media,” I replied dismissively.
“Right, yeah. You probably have better things to do. Bettering the children of America, protecting them from stray bullets and all that.”
I frowned but decided not to humor him. “So, have you talked to Jayce lately?”
There was an unnaturally long silence on the other end. “No. You?”
My teeth ground together. If he felt the need to lie about it, whatever deals they’d been striking with each other must not have been good. Then again, Ben was notoriously secretive. It was possible he wouldn’t betray Jayce even if he’d just bought some Cuban cigars from him.
“Ben, I know he changed those grades for you.”
“Fuck. What do you want?”
“I just want to know why. What’d he need from you?”
“Look, Lana. My business rides on me respecting people’s discretion. Doesn’t matter if it’s the guy my sister’s in love with.”
I scoffed. “I’m not.”
“Whatever. I just can’t do it.”
“I’m scared, Ben. It’s dangerous.”
“It was just some grades.”
“He shouldn’t be involved with you at all,” I shouted. “Now I’m in the middle of it and I don’t want to end up burned because you can’t keep your hands out of the cookie jar.”
“He’d never let anything happen to you, trust me. He’s done worse to protect you.”
My brow furrowed. “What does that mean?”
“Nothin’. Just stop worrying so much. Look, I gotta go. I have a client who needs me to track some shit down for them.”
“Of course you do.”
“Climb off your fucking high horse, Lana. And…”
“What?”
“Just be careful. There’s more than one person who doesn’t like the company you keep. I worry too.”
I opened my mouth to respond, but the call disconnected. My stomach was twisting itself in knots. What did my brother know? The only ‘he’ I could think of was Erebus. If my brother was aware of him, why hadn’t he told me earlier?
Shit. They could know each other. It would make sense how Erebus knew so much. But this was my brother. There was no way he’d condone all the things that had happened. Maybe he didn’t know the details. Regardless, I wanted to go to his place and beat him over the head until he told me everything.
I was disgusted by the idea that Ben could be in league with Erebus. Was it about revenge? It wasn’t my fault that our parents had been arrested, but it was my friend I’d invited over that night. It was she who recorded what happened and posted it online.
Did Ben blame me?
Fuck him. It sucked, but our parents deserved prison. Alcohol and drugs were their vices and they took it out on each other with their fists, sometimes knives. We’d both been hit our fair share and if they hadn’t been arrested, they probably would have killed each other at a certain point.
I was about to thrust my phone into my pocket when it vibrated. Great. Just what I needed.
My stomach bottomed out when I saw a message from Erebus.
Erebus: You’re a tease today.
Alana: Got your attention.
Erebus: Is that what you wanted? Hate must have a different meaning to you.
Chewing on my lip, I felt another wave of shame. He was right. I told him I hated him. No, I did hate him.
Alana: Hate still applies. I was thinking about a much better dick than yours. Did you see how hard I came?
When he didn’t respond right away, I second-guessed my message. Taunting the stalker was a stupid move. Apparently, I was really damn stupid.
Erebus: Buckingham Lake Park. Stay in your car.
Alana: Why?
Erebus: I owe you something.
I had no idea what could be at that park. If I didn’t go, he’d probably come drag me out of here by my hair. Or worse.
Grabbing a sweatshirt, I headed out the door. Maybe he was ready to spill some of his secrets. Was I ready to learn them?