Chapter 34
Alana
He abandoned me. I was shocked by how much it affected me when he said those harsh words over the phone. I’d been pathetic and sent him a couple of texts, but he never responded. They didn’t even show up as read. I was starting to think that he’d blocked me.
How could somebody go from completely obsessed to simply gone? It was ironic, really. I wanted him to leave me alone and now that he had, I was the one missing him. He’d pulled an Uno reverse on me. It was bullshit.
An arm slid around my shoulders, startling me from my thoughts. I smiled weakly at Jayce and leaned into him. He tightened his hold on me and it almost felt like he could make everything okay. Being in his arms was safe. I hated that we hadn’t been in a good place for a while. Maybe that was why I’d become so close to Erebus.
I shook away the thoughts. Today was the anniversary of Jake’s death. I didn’t know why we were all gathered at Jayce’s house. We’d gone to his grave, stood there and said some awkward words to the dirt, and came here. There was food in the kitchen, but none of us had eaten.
To be honest, I didn’t feel as despondent as I’d expected to. I thought this would be the third worst day of my life. The first was when he died. The second was the night after his funeral. It was the most alone I’d felt, after everyone had dropped off their obligatory casseroles and went their separate ways. I’d locked myself away in Jayce’s spare bedroom to stew in my own despair.
Today, though, just felt like a normal day. I might have even felt lighter. It was like that knot in my chest that tied me to Jake had loosened, allowing me to see a future that wasn’t intertwined with his.
I slipped my arm behind Jayce and nestled into his chest. When I inhaled his scent, I found myself wanting more. I wasn’t sure how long we stayed like that. Long enough for his parents to leave and the sun to lower, causing long shadows to stretch across the living room. Neither of us moved, not until the room was dark.
“Do you want to sleep here?” he murmured into the top of my head.
Without thinking too much about it, I nodded. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d slept well. Maybe being here with him would give me the peace of mind that I needed. If I hadn’t been afraid for my safety, I would have tried it earlier. I didn’t think that threat still loomed over us, which offered me a confusing combination of peace and despair.
When he picked me up, I let out a startled sound. He tucked me against his chest and I relaxed into him. That leather and tobacco scent embraced me and I wanted more, so I wrapped my arms around his neck. I nuzzled my nose up against his skin, inhaling. His heart hammered; I could feel it through his pulse point.
Had I been overcomplicating this? My reservations were valid, but after everything that had happened over the past month, it all seemed incredibly trivial.
I loved Jayce. That was never in question. When that had happened wasn’t all that important anymore. We hadn’t been locked in some godforsaken love triangle. It just existed on the outside, a constant we were aware of but wouldn’t address. I had no idea if Jake had known. I doubted it, otherwise he would’ve been extremely insecure about it.
Jayce reached for the doorknob to the guest bedroom and I tightened my grip on him. “Can I sleep with you?”
He froze, pulling in a slow breath. Without saying anything, he turned around and brought me into his room. My heart beat faster when I looked at his king-sized bed. It seemed like an awful lot of space for just one person.
Suddenly, I wondered how many other women had slept here. It wasn’t fair or logical, but I resented that idea. Jayce wasn’t going to wait forever. He was incredible, handsome, and had a good job. I kept pushing him away and turning him down. What the hell was I doing?
He set me on the bed, then settled on his back beside me. My heart beat fiercely against my chest. I didn’t know what I was doing when I sat up. He looked at me curiously, his head cocking. The gesture was familiar. He did it a lot, like a predator assessing its next meal. Was I the prey?
“Alana?”
Without saying anything, I shifted onto my knees, tucking my feet underneath me. He just watched me, those blue eyes assessing. Blue… They were just his eyes. I’d been looking at them for years.
He reached out to put a hand on my thigh. “Alana-”
I grabbed either side of his neck and pressed my lips to his. He cupped my jaw, immediately opening his mouth to me. When my tongue met his, he made a sound that caused my body to react, like it recognized it.
He lifted me onto his lap and deepened the kiss. Straddling his hips, I moaned when his dick hardened against me.
“Fuck, baby,” he groaned. “What are you doing?”
That endearment just rolled off his lips, like he’d said it before. It sounded right and wrong. His words, his kiss, his body… I ran my hands over his shoulders, then thrust my fingers into his hair.
When I didn’t answer him, he turned me onto my back gently and in one smooth motion, he pulled my pants off. My legs fell open and he dropped down between them, looking up at me with something akin to nervousness.
“Is this what you want, Alana?”
I nodded. His eyes blazed with an intensity that made my core throb.
He kissed the inside of my thigh, then sucked on the skin. Continuing like that, he made his way up to my pussy. His tongue flicked my clit and I jolted.
“Promise me something,” he said before he trailed his tongue down to my entrance. “Say my name when I make you cum.”
His fingers plunged inside of me at the same time that he made a long swipe upward. He hooked them at just the right angle on the way out and my back arched. I gasped when he sucked on my clit. It was impossible to catch my breath as he made circles around it, then went back to direct stimulation.
“Jayce,” I pleaded.
He growled against me and combined with the curling of his fingers, it made heat explode inside of me. My pussy clamped down on his fingers and he stopped thrusting them, only using the tips to massage my g-spot. When I felt pressure inside of me, I had a moment of panic.
“Relax,” he breathed against me.
I closed my eyes and released the tension in my body. The feeling intensified to a point where I thought I might explode. He removed his fingers and liquid gushed out of me as a band of pleasure radiated across my core.
“Jayce,” I screamed.
He dipped his head further to taste me. His tongue on my sensitive skin was almost too much, but he held my thighs to keep me from squirming away. When my body finally relaxed, I felt like Jello. He crawled his way up to me, kissing my skin along the way. When he reached my mouth, he thrust his tongue inside, letting me taste what he’d done to me.
“You are so fucking beautiful,” he whispered.
I smiled against his lips. Grabbing the hem of his shirt, I pulled it upward. He threw it to the ground and raised a brow.
“You don’t intend to steal my virginity, do you?”
With a dramatic roll of my eyes, I trailed my fingers over his chest. I’d seen him shirtless, but I’d never let myself fully appreciate the view. I tried to keep stray glances to a minimum lest I become enraptured like I was right now.
I touched the fox on his chest and my fingers trembled. Tracing the lines, I made my way to the tail. It rose higher than the body, curling slightly at the tip. It ended just above his collarbone, just a glimpse of the dark shape.
“You okay?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I replied quickly. When I tried to swallow, my throat felt too dry. “Will you hate me if I say that I need a breather?”
“Of course not. Just this once, though.” He flashed me a playful smile that made my stomach lurch. “I’m gonna make some tea.”
“That sounds incredible. I’ll just go clean up.”
He leaned down to kiss me, slow and sweet. When he stood, he looked uncertain. I smiled at him and his expression relaxed. I put my underwear on and headed into the bathroom while he went to the kitchen.
When I walked into the hallway, I heard him filling a kettle with water. I stopped at a door that I hadn’t ventured through before. I hated basements. They always held vile things. Ghosts, cursed objects, or a serial killer’s lair. The thought made me shudder as I carefully depressed the handle. There was a tiny creak.
Shaking my head, I shut the door. I didn’t want to go down there. There was no reason to. It was probably full of random shit he didn’t need. Demons were another possibility.
“Hey,” he said, making me jump.
Realizing I was still standing in front of the basement door, I took a step back. Jayce was at the entrance to the hallway, his face expressionless. I didn’t know why I felt like I’d been caught. My shoulders tensed when he started toward me.
Cupping either side of my face, he kissed the tip of my nose. “What’s wrong with you?”
“We’ll need a three-day weekend and a shrink to unpack that question.”
With a chuckle, he took my hand and led me to the kitchen. Gripping my waist, he lifted me onto the island. I shivered when the cold counter touched my bare skin. He ran his hands up my thighs, spreading his warmth. Everything else faded away as I wrapped my legs around his waist, tugging him as close as I could.
I reached up to touch his face. He leaned into me, closing his eyes, and he looked so content that I didn’t want to stop. My fingers trailed down his cheeks, then I brushed a thumb over his lower lip. His eyes opened and locked on mine. Not looking away, he took my thumb between his teeth and applied enough pressure to make me gasp.
He was so intense right now. The grip on my thighs was bruising and his eyes seemed brighter. My heart was beating too fast, not only from this excitement he’d awoken. There was a primal quality to his lust; it made me want to run, but mostly so that he could catch me.
As if he saw my intent, he moved his hand to my throat and used it to push me backward. The granite was cold while his skin was hot. He leaned over me and snagged my nipple with his teeth through my shirt. I lifted my legs so that I could put my heels on the edge of the counter. He released my neck and stared down at me. Only my underwear separated us and I wanted them gone, so I raised up a little to get them off.
“Do you know how long I’ve wanted you?” he asked as he squeezed my thighs.
“Since this morning?”
His lips curved upward. My core throbbed at the sight. I wouldn’t be surprised if I was already dripping onto his nice wood floors.
“Since I saw you watching me on that field.”
“You saw me?”
“It didn’t really set in until you were standing in my living room, though. From that first smile, I was done for.”
He yanked me closer to the edge of the counter and I gasped when his dick pressed against me. I hadn’t noticed him take it out, I’d been so focused on his beautiful face.
“Twelve fucking years, Alana. That’s how much time I have to make up for.”
He buried himself inside of me and I dropped my head back. My mouth opened, but no sound came out. His fingers circled my wrists and pulled me into a sitting position. Gripping the back of my neck, he kissed me. God, he fucking kissed me and for a second, I knew that kiss.
It must’ve been the years of longing, all the times I’d imagined his lips on mine. Anything else was just madness. Maybe I had gone mad. He didn’t give me a chance to keep pondering it. Being fucked by Jayce while his blue eyes bore into mine was the epitome of divine intervention and it demanded my full attention, my complete and utter devotion.
He could have all of it. All of me. My wants, my dreams, and my desires were bleeding into him, creating some fucked up symbiotic relationship that would ensure our connection to each other. If it was severed, it would most certainly rip me to pieces.