Chapter 6
It wasn’t until they were alone in the carriage, heading for the Duke’s estate, that Helena realized how darn foolish she had been.
Of course, it was all an act! He told me as much, didn’t he? But silly me, succumbing to his lies, and I started to wonder…
She was furious with herself for the way she’d reacted to the Duke’s words and actions and the look he had held her in throughout the wedding ceremony and breakfast. Angry that she had even considered that he might not have been exaggerating, that his compliments and the adoration he drowned her in were a reflection of how he felt.
And most of all, she was disappointed with herself. That darn imagination of hers!
Helena did not want this to be a love match. She did not want to fall for the Duke. And now that the two were free from the public eye for the first time, she could see without a sliver of doubt that he was the same.
As he had always been.
“Gosh, if that was not a chore worthy of a drink.”
It was the first thing the Duke said to her once the carriage doors were closed.
He collapsed onto his seat, spread his arms wide, kicked up his legs, and allowed his body to sag. “Perhaps two, as nothing has been better earned.”
He then turned away from her, his attention falling on the window.
“What was that?” Helena demanded hotly.
The Duke frowned and looked at her. “What was what?”
“Back there? The way you were acting—what you said! About how we met, that ridiculous story you spun. What was that?”
“I would have thought it was obvious.”
“Is it supposed to be!”
“Helena…” He looked rather confused by her outburst. “I told you that if this is going to work, we need to sell it. Did I not? I think you forgot how much trouble you were in, so the only way our sudden marriage would make sense is if people believed we were in love. Personally, I think I did rather well.”
“Do you, now?” she scoffed.
“You could have done better,” he said with a casual shrug. “Let us hope that it was simply read as a smitten bride unable to believe how lucky she was. Yes, stunned speechless because she was marrying the man of her dreams.” He winked at her. “That is how I chose to read it.”
She found herself growing annoyed by how dismissive he was being. “So, everything you said about…” Cheeks flushed pink, she looked away with embarrassment. “About how we met. It was a lie.”
“You know it was.”
“And the night in the library…”
“I should have been a poet.”
Helena cursed herself inwardly. Not even sure what she expected to hear, or what she wanted to hear for that matter. For some reason that she was not willing to consider, the truth stung more than it should have.
“Is that a problem?” he asked.
“No,” she said quickly, jerking her head up and fixing him with a glare. “I just wish you had warned me first. I do not appreciate being made to look so foolish,” she scoffed. “You made me sound like some bumbling lady. A lovesick maiden without any agency of her own.”
He laughed. “Very unlike the independent heroines you are so fond of writing in your tales.”
“Very,” she said darkly.
He shrugged and went back to looking out the window. “Now you know the way of it. And just to be clear, it will be this way for the foreseeable future. So, I suggest you get used to it. And if you wish to contribute next time, all the better.”
Helena glared at the Duke, wanting him to see how annoyed she was. And her glare darkened because he paid her no attention whatsoever, content with watching the countryside roll by as they made their way slowly to his estate.
I do not understand why I am so angry. Just a reflex because this entire situation is… it is beyond abhorrent! Yes, that is why. Nothing to do with the Duke.
The journey to the Duke’s estate passed in silence.
The Duke acted as if he did not even know that Helena was there, and Helena tried her best to do the same.
But her eyes continued to find him, lingering on his muscular frame, his broad shoulders, his square jawline, and his full lips.
Still, she felt a tingle on her cheek from where he kissed her.
What annoyed her the most, she slowly came to realize, had nothing to do with how the Duke was treating her, but how she had allowed herself to be treated.
This entire marriage came about under the Duke’s orders and wishes. He made the rules, was in complete control, and she was little more than a boat in a storm, being pushed and pulled without any say.
It was so unlike her and, as the Duke had pointed out, not at all how she would have written this story, had she come up with it. Something needed to change.
Thus, she started to plan those changes.
And it was just as Hawthorne Estate appeared on the horizon that Helena knew what she had to do. It was a small thing, but it would rebalance the power in this marriage and give her the appearance of the control she so desperately needed.
“There it is…” He was looking out the window, smiling to see his home rising from the surrounding meadows. “Beautiful, isn’t it?”
Helena exhaled derisively when she saw the manor, despite having to admit that it was rather stunning.
Built of white marble and stone, square-shaped and sprawling, thick colonnades acting as archways, and green vines wrapping around the walls as if they were a natural part of the structure, it was as opulent as it was grandiose, as it was enchanting.
The grounds, too, were just as beautiful.
A large stone wall surrounded the estate, while a huge gate made of gold stood open and inviting.
The carriage moved through the gate and down the winding drive, on both sides of which were verdant fields of grass and bountiful hedges, as well as thick trees and colorful flowerbeds, and a babbling fountain of white marble at the drive’s very center.
It is like something out of a fairytale.
Helena’s mouth hung open, and she found that she did not care.
So enraptured was she by her new home that she almost forgot what she planned to do and say. And it wasn’t until the Duke was throwing open the carriage door and climbing out that she came back to herself.
“Shall we?” he said with a confident smile that was all white shining teeth. “Perhaps a tour?”
She snorted. “I did not think you were the type.”
“I am not,” he agreed, standing back so she was forced to climb out of the carriage by herself. “But one of the servants will happily show you around. I will see to it.”
He then turned and strode toward the front door.
“Wait!” she cried after him, forced to hoist up the skirt of her dress and give chase. “Before we do, there is something we must discuss.”
He turned to her. “Is there, now?”
“There is.”
She came to a halt before him, dropped her skirt, and stood tall and confident. There was no doubt that he held all the power here, and he thought of her as little more than a tool to be used.
It was time that changed.
“I have been thinking—”
“Must we do this now?” he cut her off. “My backside is aching, and I would love nothing more than a bath.”
“Yes, now.” She looked right at him, unflinching.
“As you say,” he sighed. “What is it you wish to speak of?”
“I wish to speak of what is expected in this marriage.”
“You do?” He frowned. “Have we not spoken of this already?”
“We have spoken about what you expect,” she clarified. “This concerns me and what I want.”
The Duke’s frown turned into a smirk, curiosity flickering behind his blue eyes. “Well, this should be interesting.”
“I will not be a pawn to be used as you see fit,” she said rightly. “To be rolled out like a red carpet whenever you decide you have something to prove to the ton. As you promised me, this is a marriage of convenience, and I expect it to be treated as one.”
“Meaning?”
“Meaning that while I am under your roof, I will be free to do as I please. My writing, for example, I do not intend to stop, nor do I expect you to try and stop me.”
She put her hands on her hips and widened both eyes at him.
“I would not dream of it.”
She nodded once. “I will also be free to see my friends when I wish, as I will be free to go where I please and do as I want. I will not be a prisoner in this manor.”
“All perfectly reasonable.”
“Good,” she uttered, her heart beating now because she had one more point that she needed to clarify. For her own sanity, if for nothing else. “And finally—although it has been suggested—I feel that it needs to be said clearly. This marriage is not and never will be a true marriage.”
At that, the Duke frowned. “I am afraid you lost me. I was under the impression that this was the entire point.”
“No…” Her mouth turned dry, her nerves starting to rise.
“The way you spoke of me earlier, the things you said, and how you behaved. That is…” She swallowed, her mouth still dry.
“That is to remain outside of these walls. I have no intention of falling for you, and I would hope that you are of the same mind.”
He was still frowning. “Say what you mean, Helena.”
“Once we walk through these doors, you and I are strangers,” she said. “And I would expect this not to change. I do not need you doting on me or lavish gifts and compliments or… or treating me like a damsel in constant need of attention. I am my own person, and I would hope you understand this.”
“Ah, I see.” His blue eyes flashed with mischief, and his smile grew. “Helena, everything I said at the ceremony was performative. I thought you understood that.”
“I do!”
“And yet you seem concerned that I meant it…” Still smirking, he strolled toward her, as confident and assured as ever. She stood her ground, refusing to let him unsettle her. “Perhaps you even worried that once I had you alone, I might decide to act upon my manly urges. Is that what worries you?”
She took a small step back. “I am not worried.”
“Nor should you be.” He reached her, looked her up and down appraisingly, and licked his lips. “Although I must say, I do rather like this side of you.”
“Wh—what side?”
He shrugged. “The fire and brimstone. I had no idea you were so…” He breathed in purposefully as if he was absorbing her essence. “Tempestuous. I rather like it.”
She swallowed again, her legs starting to tremble. “I… I am just telling you what I expect. Just as I expect you to do as I have asked.”
“Are you sure about that?” Slowly, he reached out, a hand going to her waist. She gasped, and her eyes widened at the implication. “It is our wedding night, you know. And certain things are… What is the word you used? Expected.”
“I… I…”
Helena found that she could hardly talk.. She could feel where his hand rested, the urge to slap it away, unable to because it did not feel nearly as awful as she wanted it to.
Would it be such a bad thing? He was handsome. He was confident and charming. Why was she so against trying to make this marriage work?
“But that simply will not do.” The Duke dropped his hand and took a step back. “And to be honest with you, I could not agree more.”
Helena came back to herself; she took a deep breath that burned her lungs, lurching forward as if ripped from another world.
Her head was spinning, her heart was racing, and she felt fury surging through her…
aimed in her direction because she could not believe she had allowed the same thing to happen a second time.
“G-Good,” she stammered. “So long as… so long as you are aware.”
“I am,” he laughed. “Although, are you? I am not so sure.”
She fixed him with a glare that wilted pathetically. Nowhere near as dismissive as she needed it to be, and frightfully ineffective.
This conversation was supposed to be a means for her to take back some agency and assert herself and her position. But now she felt worse off than when she had started.
“Do not be absurd,” she snapped. “I am the one who—”
“Yes, yes,” he said seriously. “You want nothing to do with me. Careful, wife, you are starting to hurt my feelings.” He laughed again and then turned, strolling toward the entrance. “Come on then!” he called as he went. “Your new life beckons!”
Helena watched her husband walk ahead, her body still running hot, her mind just as fractured and confused. He was just so darn sure of himself, so manipulative, and so… so… annoying!
She wanted to hate him because that felt easy to do. But as she knew well, as she had written about many times, these things were never that easy. Nor would this marriage be, by the looks of things.