Chapter 37
“This isn’t over!” Mr. Ramsay screamed as he was dragged out of the room. “I will tell everyone what you did! There won’t be a soul living who does not know the truth!”
Helena was sitting on the edge of the bed, her hands folded in her lap, not wasting time looking at Mr. Ramsay because in her mind, he was the past and not worth thinking about.
Beside her sat Sebastian. He had an arm around her shoulder, his hand squeezing her own, also not bothering to look at Mr. Ramsay.
There were three men in the room with them. Five originally, but two of them were busy pulling a handcuffed Mr. Ramsay out of the room and leading him down the hallway. His screams could be heard as he was dragged away, slowly fading, becoming weak and not worth paying attention to.
“We will be requiring an official statement at one point today,” Officer Mangrove informed Sebastian. “At your leisure, of course. There is no rush.”
Sebastian nodded. “I will make sure to stop by your office before the day is out. You have my word.”
Officer Mangrove oversaw the Bow Street Runners. As Sebastian explained, once he learned of where Mr. Ramsay was holding Helena, he sent an urgent letter, asking them to come here at once. But not willing to wait for their arrival, lest the worst happen, he came in alone, despite the dangers.
And there were dangers. Two of Mr. Ramsay’s men were found downstairs, both beaten and subdued by Sebastian, who trampled over them like a horse across a field of wheat.
By the time the Bow Street Runners arrived on the scene, all that was left for them to do was handcuff the assailants so this sordid business would finally be put to bed.
“And thank you,” Sebastian made sure to tell Officer Mangrove. “For everything.”
Officer Mangrove snorted. “If we had done anything, perhaps it would be necessary. As things stand…” He sighed and shook his head. “You are the one we should be thanking.”
The Bow Street Runners left them soon after.
Helena was glad about it, because she wanted to be alone with her husband.
She was still so confused. She had theories about what had happened and how, but no answers.
The last time she had spoken with Sebastian, he told her in no uncertain terms that he felt nothing for her and that everything he had said before that was a lie.
Lies on top of lies on top of lies. I am sick to death of them. All I want is the truth. All I want is to know where this relationship stands, where my future will lead me.
Left alone in that little room with her husband, still being held by him, Helena looked up and found his eyes. She did not say anything, her expression pleading. And in that expression, Sebastian understood what she wanted, what she was owed.
“It was last week when Mr. Ramsay ambushed me,” he began.
He held her as he spoke, as if he were afraid he would lose her forever if he let her go.
“He found me at the orphanage, which I assumed was done to show me that he knew all about my plans.” He curled his upper lip.
“I should never have… I was a fool to listen to him. To give him even the time of day.”
“You were,” she agreed softly, a gentle laugh so he would know she was not angry. “But no sense beating yourself up now.”
He snorted. “He told me that if I did not comply, he would expose you. He would tell everyone about your writing, ensuring that your name was ruined—that my name was tarnished along with it. And while he did not say it outright, he implied that he would ensure the orphanage and the children would suffer.”
“What did he ask for?”
“Your manuscript,” he said, then smiled. “Despite everything, he was rather impressed by it. He knew it was special, and he wanted his own name attached as the author.”
She scoffed. “I suppose that is something.”
“Also…” He grimaced, and she felt him stiffen. “He demanded that I stop you from writing ever again. That I force you to put down the quill, as if I had that sort of power.”
She laughed. “Clearly, he did not know nearly as much about our relationship as he thought.”
“I panicked, Helena…” He spoke with his head bowed, unable to look at her. And his voice was soft and filled with shame. “I handed him the manuscript, and I lied, assuring him that we had spoken and that you had agreed to stop writing.”
Helena pulled back. “You did?”
His shoulders slumped. “But it wasn’t enough.
I knew that I could not stop you from writing, and that eventually he would find out.
All I could think about was the orphanage and what would happen to the children when he learned of my lie.
I wanted to protect them, so I…” He was shaking.
“I am so sorry, Helena. It is not an excuse. And I am not trying to make it so. But please know that I was doing the best I could to protect you all.”
Helena looked at her husband. He was an expert liar, a brilliant manipulator. And times were that she would have simply assumed everything he said to be false.
That was no longer the case. She could see it in the tremors racking his body. She could hear it in the crack of his voice.
Finally, he was being real with her. Finally, she saw her husband for who he was.
“Tell me,” she coaxed gently. “Sebastian…” She pulled one hand free, reached under his chin, and forced him to meet her eyes. “Tell me the truth of it. Everything.”
“I knew I could not control you,” he said, his chin quivering.
“But I hoped that maybe I could stall—that if Mr. Ramsay believed for long enough that you had quit your writing, I could pass this bill, and the children would be safe. But what would happen after? That was what terrified me. Ramsay knew how much I cared for you, and I couldn’t risk him coming back and using that against me.
That he would use you to get to me…” He shuddered.
“The only way to protect you was to push you away.”
Helena nodded, having guessed as much by now. “What I overheard you and Lord Ashford speaking about…”
“I planned for it,” he admitted. “I wanted you to hear it. And when you confronted me, I said what I thought I had to, so you would hate me. So that by the time Ramsay realized I had lied to him, you and I would no longer be living together, and he wouldn’t be able to use you to get back at me.”
“Oh, Sebastian…”
“It was wrong of me,” he continued. “It was damn stupid. I should have just told you the truth. I should have trusted you, Helena. I know that. But I was scared. I didn’t want him to hurt you…” He scoffed at himself. “Which is exactly what happened.”
“So, everything you said to me was a lie.”
“Are you surprised?” he sighed. “You might have noticed that I am quite good at lying.”
It all came together at that moment.
Finally, Helena understood why Sebastian acted the way he had. More than that, she finally understood how he truly felt.
For weeks, they had danced around their feelings. For less than two days, they had admitted them and given in. And while it had been just the two days, a fraction of the time they had known one another, it was those two days that Helena focused on.
Maybe she should have been angry. Maybe she should have been upset. Maybe she should have blamed Sebastian for what he had done. But as things stood, she really didn’t care to do so. Nor did she see the point.
As she looked into Sebastian’s eyes, the truth of his words dawned on her.
No more lies. No more confusion. What he had done was stupid and dishonest, but it was done for the right reasons. Because at the end of the day, he cared for her just as he claimed.
Perhaps he even loved her.
“And now?” she asked.
“Now?” He furrowed his brow.
She smiled. “Now that Mr. Ramsay has been dealt with, what I want from you is the truth. No more lies. No more worrying about what the right thing to say is. Tell me the truth, Sebastian.”
“What—what truth?”
“What do you feel for me?”
He grimaced. “Does it matter? If you wish to hate me, I will understand. And if you do not wish to forgive me, I will not—”
“That is not what I asked.” She looked right at him, an eyebrow raised. “Tell me, what do you feel?”
“Helena…” He retook her hands, refusing to look away from her for even a second.
“What I feel for you is what I have felt from you since we first met. I lied to myself about it. I did my best to ignore it—I did not want to believe it. But when I look at you, when I am with you…” Slowly, he allowed himself to smile.
“This marriage started as one of convenience, but it has become so much more than that.”
“That isn’t an answer.”
“I care for you, Helena. In fact…” He squeezed her hands tighter. “In the interest of truth, I dare say that I love you.”
Helena felt his words piercing her chest. She gasped and caught her breath. Her stomach fluttered, her heart leapt to her throat. And while she had not dared to consider such a thing yet, looking into her husband’s sorrow-filled eyes, she knew beyond a doubt that she felt the same way.
Sebastian was not like other men, and their marriage was not like other marriages. He would not try to control her. He would not force her to be someone she didn’t wish to be. He would not try to force a marriage on her like the one she feared.
But that is only a part of it. A truth I am just now starting to see.
It was ironic that all this time, Helena thought of marriage as a prison, when what she had failed to understand was that in denying her true feelings, she forced herself into a different sort of prison.
She had refused herself what she knew she wanted, trapping herself behind walls that kept her from the one thing she wished for in this world more than anything—to be happy.
And now that she knew this, now that she accepted it, it was time to tear those walls down and finally be free.
“I love you too,” she said, knowing it to be the truth. “And I am sick to death of saying otherwise. No more lies, Sebastian.”
“No more lies,” he agreed.
They gazed into one another’s eyes for a moment longer. They held that gaze, love pouring from them. And then, with nothing else to be said, they did the only thing that made sense at that moment. They closed their eyes, they leaned in, and they kissed.
The kiss seemed to explode from them. It sang from their lips and swept out of the room, across the city, beyond the country, and engulfed the world in the way only true love can do.
It was the type of kiss that the entire world deserved to know about, because it was a kiss free from lies, removed from public perception, done to seal the love felt in both husband and wife.
They held that kiss for seconds… minutes… hours, it felt like. May it never end. But when it did end, neither seemed to mind.
They held hands, they locked eyes, and they smiled because both knew that this kiss was not the end, but the beginning.
For so long, Helena had lived a lie, and now that the truth was spoken, she was free like she had never been before. And that was a happy ending better than any she could ever dream of, because it was real.