Chapter 4
Sienna
My first month in New York City almost broke me.
Finding an apartment without a job or references was hell. People fight over them like they're made out of gold. Places would disappear before I could even call about them, even if they were the size of a closet.
I couldn’t go to a hotel or a motel because I needed to prioritize every penny I had. With no other option, I ended up sleeping in my car, moving to a different lot each night for safety. The sounds of sirens, car doors slamming, and people shouting would constantly wake me up in a panic.
But I didn't want to give up. I wanted my dreams to survive, to know that I was right, that I'd made the right choice. So, I sold everything I could and managed to snag a tiny studio sight unseen.
The place was barely bigger than a closet, with a radiator that clanged all night and a shower that only gave lukewarm water on good days. But it was better than my car, and it was mine.
After that, things started falling into place.
I was driving around town one day, trying to get my bearings, when I got completely lost, and ended up on a narrow brick road lined with oak trees.
That's where I saw Sage & Stone for the first time.
I wasn't going to go in, but then I spotted the "Help Wanted" sign and thought I should at least try.
I took in the beautiful ebony woman with silver eyes that seemed to look right through you behind the counter and immediately felt this incredible sense of calm and ease.
And when I realized Astrid was an actual witch who fully believed in magic and the history of talismans and cultural artifacts, I was fascinated.
She offered me a job on the spot, and accepting it was the best thing I could have ever done.
Astrid was empowering and sophisticated with a take-no-shit attitude. She didn't care if someone believed what she did or not, but she wouldn't let them disrespect her. And she helped people unlock that same strength within themselves.
When people would walk into the shop looking devastated and broken, Astrid would look them over then take them into the back room, and when they'd come out, they'd look rejuvenated, like a heavy weight had been lifted off their shoulders.
She found lost things, guided people in identifying core wounds, and gave them hope when they had none left.
Astrid inspired me, made me wonder if I could ever be like that too—strong, confident, unshakeable.
During my second week, she taught me how.
And whether it was the herbs, crystals, or just Astrid’s unwavering belief that the universe had so much better in store for me—something in that shop began to heal me too.
She encouraged me to find the life I wanted. To stop hiding from the world, that I deserved to take up space without thinking I needed to apologize for doing so.
And that was hard. To let go of my old life meant I needed to let go of everything.
I uninstalled my social media apps so I wouldn’t torture myself looking at posts of James and Aubrey anymore.
I grieved the loss of a relationship with my parents and finally accepted that no matter how much I wished it was different, I never truly had a good relationship with them in the first place.
I started learning who I really was—my hobbies, my style.
A year ago, I would have never been caught in a shirt that said, "The only time my weight is any of your concern is if I'm sitting on your face," jeans that actually hugged my curves, and a pendant Astrid gave me for protection.
The back door of Sage & Stone swings open and soft wind chimes tinkle, pulling me from my thoughts. Astrid emerges with her usual soft smile, but when she sees me, her face lights up.
"That shirt is perfect!" she says, gesturing for me to turn around.
I can't help but grin as I do a little spin, showing off just a little. We both laugh, and it feels good—natural, easy. Like this is how life is supposed to feel.
This little occult shop has become my sanctuary. Astrid, my mentor and first real friend. They helped me find pieces of myself I didn't know were missing.
Astrid settles behind the counter to take over for the evening. "So what are you doing for Halloween?"
“Nothing really.” I shrug. “Probably just a horror movie marathon and handing out candy to trick-or-treaters.”
Astrid shakes her head. "Absolutely not. You have four whole days off. Isn't there anything fun you'd like to do?" She studies me before raising an eyebrow. "Wasn't there that Halloween festival in the park you've been dying to go to? What about that?"
I bite my lip. Of course she noticed that.
Her eyes narrow and I sigh. "You're right, I wanted to go but..."
"But?" Astrid says softly.
“I’d be going alone,” I murmur. I wring my hands, notice, then try to relax them at my side. “And I guess I just... I’ve missed being with someone, you know? It feels like I’ve done all this work on myself and yet, it’s still just me, by myself.”
Astrid's expression softens, her gaze warming. "Why don't you let me give you a tarot card reading?"
“No—”
"I know, I know, it's not your thing,” she cuts me off, holding up both of her hands. “But here's why I'm asking. Tarot helps you see the things happening behind the scenes in your life, things you may not even know are holding you back or opportunities you may not even know are coming to you."
She reaches across the counter and squeezes my hand gently. "Maybe that could give you some insight into how to bring your special person into your life. And even if it's not something you can do this weekend, wouldn't knowing it's going to happen make you feel better?"
Her words hit me hard. I feel so... exposed, as if Astrid can see how lonely and desperate I really am.
Because I don't just want anyone, I want my person.
Someone who wants to spend time with me, go on dates with me, even if it's going to silly festivals, movie marathons, or a cozy night at home.
Someone who just finds solace in the silence with me.
I want to be wanted, touched, desired. Fucked well and often by someone who actually gives a damn about my pleasure. I want someone who sees all the work I've done, and is proud of me, but would have chosen me without it.
Someone whose love is truly unconditional.
"It'll be quick," Astrid says with a soft smile. "I'll just pull three little cards."
My stomach flutters. Even though I don't truly believe in tarot, I believe in Astrid. And the thought that I could have answers, perhaps even, hope is overwhelming.
After everything she’s done for me and the ways she’s helped me heal and grow in my life... maybe it couldn’t hurt?
I take a deep breath, then nod. "I'm a little scared, but... okay."
She grabs her deck as I pull over the other chair to sit across from her.
"What question would you like to ask?" she says, shuffling the cards.
Fidgeting in my seat, I play with my necklace for a moment. "I want to know if I'm finally ready to move on."
A small hint of a smile plays on Astrid's lips and when she's finished shuffling the deck, she places the cards in front of me. "Cut the cards however you'd like, and when you do, think about your question repeatedly."
I do as she instructs, moving them into three piles, then merging them back together while thinking, Am I ready to move on? Am I ready to move on? Am I ready to move on?
After I give her back the cards, she does one final shuffle before pulling out three cards and flipping them over.
"This represents your past—" she points to the first card"—your present—" she points to the second"—and your future.
" She points to the third card, and for some reason, I can't take my eyes off it.
Astrid taps the card, drawing my attention. "The Sun card is an excellent card for your question. It represents very good things. Success, abundance, personal growth, and new beginnings." Her eyes glance over the rest of my spread but I’m called back to the winged creature on The Sun card.
She taps again, drawing my gaze up to her. "I personally believe this means you've done everything you need to do and this new love, the person who is going to see you for the amazing person you are, who will stand with you for the rest of your life, is right around the corner."
My heart stutters and I stare at her dumbfounded. Because it can't... it just can't be that easy. "Astrid, that's—no. Don't I still need to do something? Work on some part of myself? Grow? Move? Lose weight—"
Astrid straightens, holding up a hand. "I'm going to stop you right there because I know that's the fear talking, and you're better than that."
Her reaction cuts through me and I sit up a little straighter. My cheeks flush. "You're right. I'm sorry. I know you're right... it's just—"
"You don't have to explain, Sienna.” She squeezes my hand.
“You've been through a lot. It makes sense some of your trauma is still lingering, and it's making it hard for you to believe you're worth a life of ease and love.
" Astrid shakes her head as her eyes bore into mine.
"But what's the alternative? Struggling and being miserable forever? Is that what you want?"
The thought brings tears to my eyes, and I shake my head. "God, no."
Astrid grins. "Okay then!"
We share a soft laugh.
Astrid brushes her thumb across my knuckles.
"I know, if you're willing to take a chance and believe in yourself just as much as I believe in you you’ll find the love you want because that’s what you were always destined to have.
Not a life of struggle, concern, or worrying about whether you're enough.
So please, don't let fear get in the way of your happiness. "
The warmth of her words settles in my chest, and I have to bite my lip to keep from crying. No one has ever made me feel like I have an active choice in my own joy, in finding the love I so deeply desire.