Chapter 6 #2
"To ensure I didn't make the same mistakes again, I went into hibernation. I watched and listened to everything I could while the world moved and grew around me."
"For how long?" I whisper.
"Centuries.” The corner of his lip tips up in a half smile. “Until I sensed you."
His eyes meet mine and they're filled with such intensity, such longing it sends chills through me. "What do you mean?"
"I have been searching for you for a year." He says, in a voice that feels like a caress across my skin.
He’s been looking for me for a year? My hands shake. "But why?"
He clasps his hands together, squeezing them. "My kind can see souls, their light, their essence. Most are dim, some—when corrupted—are pitch black, but yours burned so brightly, so radiantly, that I needed to find you."
He saw my soul and it was... bright? I can’t fathom what he saw in me but to know it was enough for him to dedicate so much time and effort to me, a complete stranger, brings tears to my eyes.
He pauses, then takes a deep breath. "You woke me. You drew me across this city night after night."
I gasp. "That's why you were in that alley?"
"Yes." He leans closer and I have to fight the urge to close the distance. "And then I almost lost you. When I saw you in danger and what that man had done to you, I couldn't stop myself. You are..." His hands clench into fists.
"I'm?"
"Mine." He growls, the word raw, possessive, his eyes glowing from within. "You are my mate. My blessing and I will never let anyone hurt you ever again."
His body trembles with barely contained rage. The fear of almost losing me is etched on every inch of his skin.
Without thinking, I crawl over to him and place my hand over his clenched fist. "But you didn't lose me. You saved me. I'm here. I'm safe."
I feel connected to him in a way that’s indescribable. I don’t believe he’d hurt me for a minute, in fact, I think if he ever did, he’d take it harder than I would.
He goes completely still. His eyes drop to where my small hand attempts to cover his large one. And when he looks back up at me, his rage has softened into something else, wonder, maybe, or disbelief.
His hand unclenches beneath mine, slowly turning to interlace our fingers, the warmth of his palm seeping into me.
"What does that mean?" My voice comes out soft, breathy. "Being your mate? And I know you saved me. But how did you save me? I know I was dying."
His expression grows serious. "Yes,” he hisses, his voice raw, filled with anger and sorrow.
“You were dying and the only way I could save you was to bite you.
Because you are my mate, doing so would save your life, but it also.
.." he pauses, seeming to search for the right word. "Started something between us."
"Started what?"
"The mate bond." His voice drops as he stares at our interlaced hands. "For my kind, it's... everything. An absolute recognition in my soul. But there’s an order to a mate bond and by biting you first, I broke it.”
I shake my head. “How?”
He squeezes my hand. “Normally, once we’ve found one another we would... consummate the bond, then I would bite you to cement it. But because I bit you first, the bond is incomplete and demanding that be rectified by—”
“Having sex,” I breathe.
“Yes,” he purrs.
His eyes begin to glow as the air charges between us once again.
Heat spirals through my body. My core grows wet, my pussy clenching. But as badly as I want to, as I ache to, I can’t give into him, not when all of this might not be real. “Are you saying that everything I’m feeling is artificial?”
“No,” he says so sharply I jump.
He cups my hand, and his warmth seeps into me further. “No,” he says again, softer this time. “The bond can’t create something that’s not there. It only amplifies what we’re feeling.”
I lick my lips and his gaze flickers down to my mouth.
“What will happen if I don’t give in to it?” I whisper.
For a moment, just one, he tenses, pain flashing across his face. “Nothing would happen to you. You would go on with your life, and I would make sure I’d find a way to stay in it. In whatever capacity you’d allow me to.”
“And what would happen to you?”
He gives me a small sad, yet serene smile. "It would ruin me.”
It doesn’t bother him. And that bothers me.
I shoot to my feet and step in front of him. “What do you mean by that? How can you accept that so easily?” I shout.
His smile only grows. He traces my jaw with his hand, making a shiver ghost down my spine.
Then he gently pushes my hair over my shoulder, sending it cascading down my back.
And even though he’s barely touched me, I crave more.
It isn’t just physical, it’s past my flesh, my bones.
I crave more with every fiber of my soul.
“Because that’s what love is.”
I tremble from his words. “You can’t... you can’t love me. You don’t know me.”
His smile is full now, iridescent, reminding me of the sun. “It would be my greatest gift to know you for the rest of my life. But that doesn’t mean I can’t love you now. No matter what you want, what you choose, your happiness is the most important thing to me.”
I shake my hands in the air, rattling them in the same way he’s rattled me. “And what about your happiness?”
“This is it. Sienna,” he says softly, grabbing my hands, brushing a sweet kiss over each.
“I want you. I will always want you. From the moment I was created I was always meant to be yours. And finding you? It’s the greatest gift the gods could have ever given me.
If I am lucky enough to have you in my life, to become your partner?
" his voice quivers as his eyes soften at the sides, swimming in warmth and hope.
"That would be the greatest gift you could ever give me.”
I can't breathe.
The weight of his devotion crashes over me, and I have to turn away before I drown in it.
But he pulls me back. His hand unsteady as he cups my cheek, drawing my gaze back to his. He runs his thumb over my skin in the softest caress, as if I'll crumble from anything more.
Maybe I will. Maybe I should. All of this is too much. Too sudden, too fast, and yet it’s what I’ve always wanted.
And when I peer into his eyes he seems just as lost as I am. His gaze is filled with so much awe and wonder for me that I begin to cry.
His face falls. “Sienna, I—”
“Please... don’t.” I lean into his touch, nuzzle his hand as I hold it to my cheek. I can’t figure out the whirlwind of emotions this man has brought out, but I don’t want him to think he’s hurt me.
“I’m not sad... I’m...” A small chuckle escapes me and I shrug. “Well, I don’t know exactly what I am. But it’s good. It’s just all of this? You? It’s all unexpected and I don’t really know what to do or how to feel about it.”
His eyes search mine and once he seems convinced of whatever he was trying to find, he nods. “Is there something I can do to help?”
It’s such a simple question, and yet it makes my heart ache all the same. "That's..." My voice cracks. "No one's ever asked me that before."
I didn't even know I needed to hear that until he said it. Didn't know I was starving for someone who would think to ask instead of assume. Offer instead of take.
My whole life has been spent being what other people needed me to be, and yet this man considers me, wants to assist me, be there for me. The stark contrast between him and those I held close and bent over backwards for is night and day.
His brows furrow, his hand tensing around mine. His voice is low and deep. "Then they were fools."
I snort and mumble, “Maybe they weren’t the only ones.”
He tilts his head to the side. “Are you talking about yourself?”
I nod, the words spilling out of me before I can stop them. "I spent my whole childhood trying to be enough. Nothing I did was ever right for my parents. I was always too loud, too quiet, too much, not enough." The words sting, even now. "I was an embarrassment to them, a disappointment.”
His hand tightens around mine.
"Then Aubrey was born—my little sister—and suddenly I had purpose. She looked at me like I was her hero, like I mattered. She was the only one who ever..." I swallow hard. "The only one who made me feel like I was worth something."
"Sienna—"
I shake my head. I need to say this. He shared so much of his past with me, I want to do the same.
I want him to know, to be able to understand me—the pain I’m healing from, the baggage I still carry—so if he’s going to run away, he can do it now.
I’d rather know this isn’t going to work out now, than hope and believe it will, and be let down and heartbroken later.
I know that’s not fair. I know he isn’t my family or James, but I still... I have to do this, for him, for me.
"I gave her... everything. My time, my energy, my love.
I did the same with everyone, really. Believed that if I gave enough of myself, maybe someone would want to keep me around.
" I sigh. "Then I met James, and I thought.
.. finally. The universe was rewarding me.
Someone actually chose me." A bitter laugh escapes me. "But I walked in on them together.”
His growl is low, dangerous, completely at odds with the way he interlaces our fingers, as if he’s trying to be there for me while holding his anger at bay. But it soothes me, makes me feel like I’m not alone in my feelings.
That if we had known each other before, he might have been there for me. It leaves me with a warmth I want to hold onto, cherish.
But I’m so scared this is all just a dream. That life can’t really turn out this way for me. That someone could hold me in such high regard, be so devoted, respectful, even love me.
My voice shakes as I continue, "At the time, James was my fiancé, and Aubrey was pregnant with his child."
His thumb strokes the back of my hand, and I take a deep breath.
"When I told my parents, they chose her. Said family was more important. That I needed to get over it for the sake of their grandchild."
"They abandoned you." His voice is as cold as ice.
I take a step back, but he gently tugs me forward until I'm standing between his thighs.
I meet his gaze, biting my lip to stop myself from letting the tears fall.
He caresses my cheek, then pulls me onto his lap and into his arms.
Something in me simply… surrenders in his embrace. His warmth soothes me and I snuggle closer, whispering into his neck, "You're right. I never thought about it that way, but they did."
"I'm sorry," he says softly, his voice laced with sadness as he massages my nape.
It's not on him to apologize, but I understand why he did, he knows how it feels to be left behind. Both of us were abandoned by the people who were supposed to look out for us. Left broken and alone to try and pick up the pieces.
Our stories might be different, but in a way, we're one and the same, and I want to offer him the same comfort he's giving me.
I wrap my arms around his shoulders and hug him tightly. He stills for just a moment, but then I settle more into his body and he pulls me closer.
There's an underlying current running between us, a thread of desire, yet there's so much more. I want him to be happy. To put himself first. I want him to not feel like a burden in this world, to know he's important to someone, to me.
"Please don't apologize," I finally say, then chuckle softly. "After all, if it weren't for that I wouldn't have come here."
He squeezes my back. "I would have found you even if you didn't."
I pull back to look at him, and the certainty in his eyes takes my breath away. He says it as if it's the simplest truth in the world—that the universe would have always bent itself to bring us together, and if it didn't, he would have forced it to.
And perhaps what's even crazier, is how much I want to believe him.
I rub my forehead, dragging my hands into my hair, then sigh. "I must be losing my mind. I just met you, not even twenty-four hours ago. I don’t even know your name and yet…” I want to know what life would look like beside you.
His expression shifts as he hangs his head, his tone sad, forlorn. “My creator never gave me a name.”
I gasp. “But you have to have some sort of identification or something.”
“I use John Smith as a fake name to get whatever I need but I don’t have a real name.”
Yet again, I can see just how much life has failed him, and I hate it. How can I help him? What can I do to try and heal his wounds?
“Would you give me one?” His question draws me back and I can do nothing else but gape at him.
“A name, I mean. If it makes you uncomfortable—”
“It’s not that.” I shake my head. “It’s just, this is a big deal. What if you don’t like it?”
His lips tilt into a small smile. “I guarantee I will. Anything from you would be a treasure.”
My heartbeat begins to race. He’s trusting me with such an important decision. He believes in me and I don’t want to let him down.
I study him—the massive wings that saved me, the strength that protected me, the warm golden light glowing within his eyes, and then I remember it.
He reminds me of Astrid’s Sun card. Radiant.
Righteous. But more than that, he’s offering me a new beginning and the more time I spend with him I find myself wanting to take it.
“Sol,” I finally say. “Like the sun. That’s what you are, what you represent to me.”
Something profound passes over his face—wonder, gratitude, possession, devotion all swirl within his eyes, and it sends a chill down my spine.
"Sol," he repeats, and hearing my name for him from his mouth makes me feel like I’ve branded him. And that thought sends a dangerous wave of satisfaction through me.
He sits taller, as if he’s physically trying to draw the name into his body. "No one has ever given me anything, much less something so precious," he says in a rough voice. "And you have given me something that belongs only to me."
"It's yours," I whisper. "Only yours." And if I’m not careful, I will be too.