Chapter 23
Chapter twenty-three
For Better or Worse
Rose
Where there is a wedding, there is cake; and where there is cake, there is happiness enough for everyone.
— Mrs. Penworthy’s Kitchen Almanac, 1716
When I was young and imagined my wedding day, I always pictured a lace dress that hugged my hips and fell down to the floor like a waterfall, gracefully meeting the river below.
Of course, since we were children, it was always James who stood across from me, love and admiration in his eyes.
Our families smiled and knew it was an inevitability, forever fated, ordained by the stars and skies above.
On the day of my actual wedding, I stared at the woman in the mirror and saw something entirely different.
The dress was just as I imagined it. It’s long lace trailing behind me, the veil on my head following it.
Even my hair was how I imagined, with slight curls at the bottom hugging my neck while it fell perfectly along the sides of my face.
The most well-behaved it ever was, all because Ruby wouldn’t concede defeat for over an hour.
No, the exterior was right. It was the woman underneath who was different. Scars that ran deep like veins coursing through her body. Jagged edges stitched her together where the wounds were worst. Lifting my chin, I narrowed my eyes, willing myself to see who I’d become.
Scarred, yes. Chaotic, always. Lost, never again.
I knew who I was now. Brave, willing to risk everything for the people that mattered to me.
Defiant, no longer willing to subjugate myself to a box I didn’t fit in.
Bold, able to take control of a situation without a crippling fear of failure.
Loved, and it shone in my eyes and the glow of my sun-kissed skin.
All that remained truly the same was the upturn of my nose. An inevitability amidst metamorphosis.
This, this woman with red painted lips and charcoal around her green eyes, was exactly who Rosamund Bailey always wished she could be.
And now I was.
“If you want to run away, there’s still time,” Ruby said as she came up behind me and fiddled with my hair.
I smiled, the knot in my chest tightening just a little.
“Did you think about running away on your wedding day?” I asked.
Clicking her tongue, Ruby narrowed her eyes at me.
“Of course I did, it’s terrifying,” she said.
The knot eased a fraction.
“You’ve never regretted it?” I asked.
Ruby paused her work on my hair and met my eyes in the mirror, her small smile slipping a fraction.
“Marriage is hard, Rose. It can feel like a tug of war, but if you can figure out when to push and when to pull and the person on the other side loves you- well, I think it’s the most beautiful thing in the world other than being a mother.
You have the second piece of that formula, so it’s just figuring out the first, and I believe in you,” she said.
I swallowed hard, eyes stinging. So much of my life was spent envying Ruby for how naturally everything came to her. A perpetual competition where only one of us was actually competing. Today, in this moment, she was just my big sister.
“Do you think I’m making a mistake?” I asked before I could bite back the words.
Ruby rolled her eyes. “Absolutely. There’s no part of the last year that I don’t think about whether anything was other than a mistake.
I’m furious with Oscar and Oliver for letting you get away with any of it, but you are my sister.
I can’t tell you what to do. In fact, I know you well enough to know if I tried, you would run twice as fast to the destination. ”
An errant tear fell, and Ruby came to stand in front of me, gently dabbing it with her handkerchief. Her own eyes were red, and her lip quivered.
“This isn’t the life any of us would have picked for you, Rose, but I love you. I’ll hold your hand while you walk into danger, and if the day comes that you need rescuing from yourself, I’ll be there, no judgment.”
I sniffed, trying to undo the knot in my chest, now complicated by tears. I was verging on being a mess on my own wedding day.
“Thank you, Ruby,” I whispered.
She pressed a kiss to my forehead, but when she pulled away, there was the utter resolve of steel in her face that I knew to be my big sister.
“Now, Oliver and Oscar are at the door, and you should know Oliver has a carriage waiting out back should you decide to change your mind,” she said.
“I’m not going to change my mind,” I said.
“That’s what I told him,” she said.
I wiped at my eyes as she went to the door of the small room in the back of the church that smelled like incense and florals competing for dominance. There was a small couch and a mirror, but nothing else along the wooden panels, not even a window. It felt as much a confessional as anything.
“Damn Rosie,” Oscar said as soon as the door opened.
“Don’t swear in church, you idiot.” Ruby hissed.
Oscar didn’t hear her as he made his way over to me and scooped me up and whirled me before setting me back on the ground and pressing a kiss to my cheek. I laughed and held my veil to my head, grateful for the familiarity of my twin.
“Don’t mess up her hair!” Ruby said, rushing to save her hard work.
I grinned up at Oscar, who winked at me, just the two of us getting into trouble.
Squeezing his shoulder, Oliver pushed Oscar out of the way and wrapped his arms around me.
“I have a carriage if you want to run. No questions asked,” he said.
Over my shoulder, Ruby threw me a knowing look.
“I’m not running. I want this. I’m choosing him.” I said.
“I probably would too if I were you,” Oscar said.
It was like he knew I was drowning and needed to laugh. It bubbled out of me, but sounded half-crazed. The truth was, Oscar warned me more than once about tying myself to Bash. That he didn’t say anything now was because he loved me.
“It’s his fault you have to wear this high-neck. That I have to work to not only save Oscar’s ass, but now yours too.” Oliver said.
I placed my hand over the tattoo carved onto my chest. No one made me take the mark. That was mine. My choice and my honor.
“I love you, Oliver, but not today, okay?” I said.
Oliver blew out a frustrated breath, and for a moment, I thought he’d push the issue, and I’d be forced to fight with him, but he nodded.
“All right, but you can change your mind at any time. A minute, an hour, a day, years. Say the word, and I’ll be there,” he said.
God, this knot was killing me. Strangling my heart till it ached.
“I love you,” I said.
And maybe I didn’t say it enough to them. Maybe I should have been a better sister to all of them, but I was undoubtedly lucky to have them all.
“Are you ready?” Ruby asked.
So I was.
My father waited outside the door, cheeks red and eyes hazy. When he saw me, his lips parted, and he took in a shaky breath before covering his eyes with his hand. I went to him, lowering his hand and finding a gathering of tears there.
“It’s all right, Papa,” I said. “It’s just me.”
His lower lip quivered while he pressed his hand to my cheek.
“I could have sworn I was just rocking you to sleep, only a few days old, and I was the only man you needed,” he said.
Too much emotion flowed and ebbed through me. It was drowning me, but I had a pirate to marry.
“I love you, Papa,” I whispered.
He nodded and pressed a kiss to my forehead, sniffing as he pulled away.
“I love you, Rosamund. I am so proud of you.”
It was the first kink in the chain. I didn’t doubt that he was proud of me, but he also didn’t know all that I was. He didn’t know about the ink on my chest or the pledge in my heart. If all of us were lucky, he never would.
We made our way to the front of the church, where two large wooden doors climbed to a peak against stone that was placed there over a hundred years earlier. In front of them, Ruby and Roberta stood, the latter wearing a scowl. They both wore beautiful baby blue dresses that matched perfectly.
“It’s about time,” she said, shoving a bouquet of white lilies at me.
“Roberta.” Ruby and Papa said as one.
Forever in a bad mood and forever disapproving of me, I wouldn’t have expected today to be any different.
“All right,” I said, taking in a large gulp of air. “I’m ready.”
Ruby nodded and tapped on the wooden doors twice. They opened, and without a word or a smile, Roberta began her walk down the aisle, her own smaller bouquet clutched between her hands. After a few moments and my heart threatening to leap out of my chest, Ruby blew me a kiss and followed after her.
No one else to hide behind, nowhere else to go.
“Having a daughter is one of the scariest things a man can do.” My father said, holding my hand where it rested on his arm.
“You believe there’s no one out there who can love her the way you do.
I’ve dreaded this day for all your life, but I should have known better.
My Rose would never settle for anything less than she deserves.
That boy in there loves you fiercely, and I believe he’s a good person. I’ll always be here for you, Rosie.”
His voice broke on the last, and there was no helping the tears that rolled down his puffy cheeks. He was a lost cause, but I still had something to salvage, and so I said nothing because if I did, I wouldn't make it the rest of the way.
Understanding, we stepped together as one, and when the first scratch of the violin hit my ears, I stepped foot into the church.
Fresh flowers layered the pews, and the crowd stood as one.
More people than I knew, but then again, London loved a good scandal, and a rushed marriage of a Bailey was a sight worth seeing firsthand.
Swallowing hard, I gripped my father’s arm and forced my feet down the infinite aisle. Only two feet in, a whispered 'pst' drew my attention, and there, in a church in the middle of London, stood my second family.