Chapter 6
Melanie’s home was a quaint one. She lived with her parents in a two bedroom cottage since she was an only child. Because of this I would be sleeping with Mel in her room for a few nights.
“Come on girl, drop your shit and let’s go smoke” Melanie stated, taking dried sage from one of her many jars and crushing the leaves into a powder. Next was her mint.
“Beyond the treeline?” I asked. “Yeah why?” she stopped her rolling to turn from her windows thick sill towards me.
“Just asking, I’m lying low, remember.” She waved me off and continued her task.
“I can’t believe I missed that whole scene last night. Would you be mad if I said I’m disappointed I couldn’t be there” she smiled a sarcastic smile. I rolled my eyes at her.
“It was awful. The town may not know about it yet but they probably will and I’m already in the spotlight here” I sighed. I had told Mel about my earlier conversation with the coffee girl, Emily too.
“I mean yeah they dated but barely. Devran kept his options open if you know what I mean” she said, tucking the rolled herb behind her ear. She reapplied her red lipstick and smacked her lips together a few times before feeling satisfied with the look.
“Diego seemed so fine with me. He questioned me but I figure that’s his job” I muttered absentmindedly.
“I know you don’t want to hear this but I’m going to say it anyway. I think it would help if you were more open about your past and what led you to traveling alone through those mountain towns in the first place. Why you got brought here and how you came to stay.
You wouldn’t be such a mystery that way and their guard would be down. It’s in their nature to be protective of their people and right now you are perceived as a threat” she said honestly.
She was always blunt and I came to like that about her even if it was often directed at me and made me accountable for a lot.
“I haven’t even been that forthright with you and Jasper, nevermind these hostile strangers” I sighed, “it’s not that I have anything dangerous to hide. I’m no threat. It’s just uncomfortable truths about myself that I wanted to stay with human civilization. I didn’t want to carry that here.
Plus you’ll all pity me and I couldn’t stand that” I added.
Melanie grabbed her signature shades and slid them on while tossing an arm around me and leading me outside.
“Secrets don’t make friends, babe” was all she said before dropping the subject entirely.
Was I being dramatic about this? Should I have been upfront with my friends about it? I know Mel’s intention wasn’t to guilt me but I felt that guilt anyways.
“I..Mel, I don’t mean to be secretive” I finally said once we got into the woods. “I know” was all she said while lighting her herbs.
“Well now I feel guilty like I’m still somehow a stranger to you all...If I, well if I told you and Jasper would you vouch for me to Devran?” She was quiet for a second just studying me before she split into a grin.
“Of course we would.” She mindlinked Jasper telling him to meet us at our spot which was really only a small clearing in the woods, and suddenly I was nervous.
Really nervous, like hands shaking, pit in the stomach kind of nervous. I wanted to take it back, the offer to be more open with them, but when Jasper appeared and plopped down beside us I knew it was too late.
“Mira, don’t feel pressured into this...” he stated, knowing how uncomfortable I looked right now. “Did you pressure her?” he accused Melanie. She snorted.
“No, of course not. I just made the point that Devran would probably be less suspicious of her if he knew her backstory. We don’t even know it and I’m sure that bothers him even more” she made the same points as before.
Jasper didn’t disagree but still assured me it’d be okay not to talk about. I thought for a moment and decided it was time.
A year is too long not to know where your friend came from and what she’s gone through. The most they knew was that in my home environment I liked the doors open during the day so I didn’t feel so claustrophobic and locked at night for a sense of peace.
Now I will expand on this topic.
“My mother is an addict. Heroine mostly. I grew up with her and her boyfriend from infancy to 17 years old when I ran away. He’s also an addict to both drugs and alcohol. They had a lot of people coming and going into our lives. I had no stability growing up, and uh,
geez I don’t even know where to begin” I exhaled a shaky breath.
Jasper took my hand in his and gave it a squeeze.
“There was obviously a lot of neglect in the home. They wouldn’t feed me the best foods and sometimes they’d forget all together. Just crappy stuff you can fill in the blanks for yourselves. I guess some of the worst things that happened to me was..." I paused.
"My mom loved me the way she could, I just want to preface by saying that...she just had bad ideas when she was high” I started defending her before I even told them what I was defending her from.
“Just tell us the story babes” Melanie cut to the chase.
“I, uh, well I guess I tiptoe around and stay out of people’s way because that’s how I grew up. I didn’t get in the way when my mother and her boyfriend were high with their friends or mostly when he was drunk. I never wanted to be...a problem.
I have some PTSD with certain things like the door because, uh” I released another heavy breath.
I didn’t realize how hard this would be. I couldn’t even look them in the eyes when I spoke and my hands shook and fidgeted constantly.
It felt like I was running uphill and my breath was tight in my chest while trying to speak simultaneously.
“Fucking christ, okay, when I was younger and didn’t know any better I would come out of my room while they were getting high.
They’d have needles stick out of their arms and they’d be nodding off.
Sometimes her friends would pick me up and try playing with me but they’d be stumbling around and slurring incoherently.
"When I started touching stuff around them one day my mom freaked out about it and tried locking me in my room when they wanted to get high. I was young and wanted to get out so I started unlocking the door all the time. Her boyfriend came up with a brilliant idea to keep me in my room..."
I thought back on it.
"They screwed one of those hooks you can get at sexy stores into the ground and tied me up with a leash so that I had access to my room but I couldn’t reach the door.
It wasn’t all the time but often enough that when I started growing up and realizing how not okay that was I would cry to be unchained.
One day...” I trailed off to wipe my tears.
Jasper and Melanie both moved in closer and rubbed my arm and back to soothe me and encourage me to go on.
“One day they went on a crazy bender. There was a lot of commotion in the house then none at all. I don’t know where they went but they forgot about me, and, and didn’t come home for two days. I was...I was l-locked up so I couldn’t exactly leave the room.
"I had some snacks with me thank god so I wasn’t completely starved but I was still really hungry...but there were no bathrooms..I, s-soiled myself and it was just really bad. I started fearing being locked in my room during the day. I was so afraid they’d forget me again and this time for longer.
"But at night I always locked the door because strangers were in my house a lot and I was afraid someone would come in” I started crying then.
I thought I had those emotions under control because I’ve lived it for so long but I guess opening up to people I care about felt different.
Melanie had her mouth covered the entire time in shock and Jasper had his fists clenched and was looking away while I spoke just soaking it all in. “Those fucking assholes” he gritted out.
“They weren’t trying to harm me. My mom, in her own fucked up head, was trying to protect me” I quickly explained.
“No, Mira, just no. Don’t defend their actions. You were a child you should’ve been taken care of” Mel added.
“I mean, once I was old enough to take care of myself I did. I stayed out of their way and supported myself. For a short while I was taken away from my mother and put into foster care but somehow they convinced the courts and got back custody of me.
"I did miss my mom but the living conditions were stressful and her boyfriend Greg was worse on the alcohol and verbally abusive to both my mother and I. Once I had matured physically he got a little creepy about it. He didn’t do anything like that but I was still at my wits end with them.
"I got into an argument with my mother, a big one, and she just took off for a few days. I was so done. I had been saving money from my part time job and I just left her a note, packed a bag’s worth of my things and left right after graduation” I finished.
There were plenty more stories that could be said but it was too much to cover in one sitting.
At least they could understand why I had some triggers when fighting, violence, or threats occured. Why I was fickle about my living space and who I allowed in it. Why I seemed so docile and non confrontational.
I suppose in their own way they were survival tactics.
That’s why when Devran came around I felt unsafe. He wanted to uproot my life again. He showed his dislike of me. I was in his way just by being in this village and I’d never confront him about it.
No, I would instead take it upon myself to make myself scarce. I won’t even speak to him if I can manage it.
Living with neglectful addicts might be different than living with an angry wolf but the fight or flight response is the same. Survival mode.
“I’m so sorry you went through all that. You’re the last person who deserved it” Melanie grabbed me. When she was through with me Jasper pulled me to him.
“We don’t look at you differently, Mira. I know you worried about that. I admire you. You’re a strong girl, but I don’t look at you differently. It just solidifies my previous thoughts that you belong with us” he kissed the top of my head and I just held on tight.
He was such a comfort to me. Melanie was too but he was my safety. It was different.
“That being said, I think I want to move out of the Pack House. I just don’t feel comfortable there any more” I fessed up. Jasper let go of me so he could look at me.
“What do you mean?! You wanna leave town?” he asked, sounding shocked and angry.
“No, not town. Just the house. I would rather stay out of Devran’s way.” He still looked dissatisfied.
“But that would split us apart too,” he pointed out. “No, it wouldn’t. I won’t be far just not under the same roof” I countered.
“Yeah, so our nights in the man cave won’t be a thing anymore, or hanging around the house for morning breakfast, or our dinners. I mean, I just don’t see why you should have to uproot your life because he’s being annoying” he ranted.
“I don’t like this wedge I’m putting between the two of you either. He’s your best friend Jasp, don’t turn on him now” I told him.
“That would feel like I’m turning on you if I were just complacent with his actions and decisions” his eyes were studying me. I could feel it. I sighed and stood up while he followed suit. I wiped the dirt from my bottom and helped Melanie to her feet.
“Devran will be Alpha in less than two days. Whether we like it or not he’s going to be in charge of all of us” I further pointed out.
The wolf would be coming into power.