Bonus （Jasper POV）
I was making edits on some of the photographs I took last week and I came across the photo of Nealin the day we'd been mapping out the territory.
The day he kinda kissed me and I kinda kissed him back.
It went no further than that. I freaked out and ran away for real that time. I had no idea why I did it and I was uncomfortable and embarrassed about it. I've been avoiding him ever since.
Now, I see his mop of brown hair as he looks off into the distance.
I’m lucky enough to have my own little room that I consider my studio within the pack house. It’s large enough and we have plenty of rooms. This one is under lock and key and I keep everything here.
My different cameras, my portfolio of my printed work, and a small dark room which was really a closet I converted into a dark room. It's where I can develop film from my older cameras that use film instead of the digital imaging.
I have respect for the classic form of photography so I use it sometimes. The chemical liquid developer stinks and I have to ventilate it often.
I was feeling antsy which I hate. I don’t know why because I was sure to let my wolf out today and went for a long run through the forest. I guess because that strange moment between Nealin and I was really bugging me.
It was so dumb of me to do that. I don’t even like guys. I just did a dumb thing then regretted it instantly.
Maybe I was sexually frustrated I hadn’t been with anyone in a long time. I went off and hooked up with Melissa just to relieve the tension but I don’t know what good that did me.
I just needed to prove something to myself. That I'm not gay and that whatever happened with Nealin was a strange fluke. Something I never want to talk about again.
When there was a knock at my studio door I quickly exited the computer with that picture of Nealin and went to answer it. The door automatically locks on its own when it’s closed.
That’s because people ruined my developed film too many times by just busting in here and flicking on the lights without asking. Now you can’t come in unless I let you.
“Sup” Diego and Dev were leaning in the doorway. “I’m doing some edits. Need something?” I asked.
“Nah, we have no duties today so we thought we’d go down to the game room” Diego explained the reason for being here.
They wandered in and started looking at some of my printed pictures like they often do. They’re pretty supportive of my work which is cool.
“I haven’t been photographed in a long time” I heard Dev’s deep voice talking mostly to himself when he found the pile of portraits all of him. He was my only subject for a while until other people started volunteering.
I also have some incredible pictures of some of my buddies’ wolf forms or my parents too. It’s awesome to capture a wolf in their element. Such beautiful creatures we are.
The mountains our people have lived in for centuries are deep, vast, and with many mountain ranges and peaks along with the thick forests and natural bodies of water like the falls or the springs.
The highest mountains have snow tops and the lush forest on the middle range is where we are. It’s untouched by humans because, like national parks, this land is ‘owned’ by many different private investors.
Which are really the wolves who have formed many treaties with those before us to avoid our land or be killed.
“What’re you working on now?” Diego asked me. “Uh, landscapes” I quickly thought out. I felt like I was caught in some lie, which I'm not, because I only have one damn picture of Nealin and I'm acting absolutely ridiculous about it because I feel so guilty.
“Listen, if you aren’t coming to the game room with us you wanna do me the favor of dropping some files off to a couple of our guys. It’s the updated grids. They’ll need it” Devran asked me.
I sighed but said okay since I really hadn’t done a thing all day.
“Then come join us. Don’t be a pansy” Diego shoved at me playfully. “Yeah, alright. I’ll get it done and be over in a bit” I waved them off.
They were satisfied with my answer and left my studio for the game room. I hope it’s not a shit ton of files and Dev lied to rope me into doing it. He said it was on his desk so we’ll see.
I jogged down to the office and grabbed the short stack of files. I was glad to see it was only four.
I went over to Matty and dropped one off with him before his patrol shift then worked my way over to the next name on the file which was this guy Milton.
I gulped at the next name. Shit. It was Nealin.
I could just drop it off in front of the door and get out of there. But Dev will kill me if the file gets ruined or misplaced. I’ll just knock and hope Mira is there and she can pass it along. Yeah, I'll act unphased.
I chickened out and went for the last folder on the list first but then I was left with the one name and I knew I had to suck it up and go there.
Maybe he wasn’t home. I know he has duties of his own. I could tell Devran. He would have to give it to him another time...or he’ll force me to go walk to wherever the hell Nealin is and give it to him anyway.
I sighed and went to the front door to knock. Please let it be Mira. When the door opened I was met with slate grey eyes who wore a surprised expression. I cleared my throat and shoved the file his way.
“Orders of Devran’s. He wanted me to get this over to you” I said in my deep no nonsense Delta voice. Nealin’s hand reached out to grab the file but his eyes never left me.
“Will you come in for a second?” He asked me in the most quiet and nervous voice I ever heard. I stiffened at the request. “N-no, I gotta go” I lied.
“Please” he asked again and it felt like a desperate plea. I don’t know why I felt so bad, but I did, and I felt I owed him an apology or something. So I stepped inside.
“Where is Mira?” I looked around hoping she’d save me.
“Meditating in the woods I g-guess...she left a note” he pointed to the small post it note on the coffee table. She doesn’t have mind links so she writes a lot of notes.
I have a million of them from where she’d always leave one in my room for me or left it with the staff so they could inform me of things. I kept some of the silly ones or cute ones.
“Guess my best friend has a new hobby” I stupidly commented because I felt extremely uncomfortable being here.
“Jasper” Nealin’s soft voice called my name. Something weird stirred inside me. This is what pisses me off. What the hell is wrong with me?
“I won’t tell anyone...I promise. I just- I really want that to happen again” he shocked me by admitting. My head snapped over to him who was a few feet to the side of where I stood at the closed front door.
“I’m not gay” I snapped. His head dropped down and his gaze landed by his feet. I cursed myself under my breath. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap at you” I sighed.
“I hate that you ran away,” he barely whispered. Again something inside me ached with his obvious sadness. I took a step closer but stopped myself.
“I didn’t mean to do it. I just...tried it. I don’t know” I shook my head. I sound like an idiot.
His head rose up and his eyes looked at me. And sure enough they looked sad and his sweet face was sad too. I felt so bad so I took another step towards him.
“We can be, uh, pals” I stupidly offered. He was the next one to take a step closer to me. “I don’t wanna be pals” again he spoke barely over a whisper. I’m glad I have supernatural hearing.
“I-I don’t know what you want from me then” I fidgeted in place. Shit I hate this.
When Nealin fisted the fabric of my shirt with his smaller hand I couldn’t move. I just glanced down as my heart beat fast and hard inside my chest.
“I won’t tell” he promised quietly as his eyes shifted up to mine. His hand was fisting my shirt like he was trying to keep me here. My stomach muscles underneath where he held me were rigid like the rest of me.
I was so confused at that moment. I felt hazy and nervous and I was frozen there even though Nealin isn’t strong enough to keep me still. My body just reacted to his touch and kept me there.
I wanted to scream but I remained silent instead.
Our stare off was torture. I wanted him to look away from me. He didn’t. He waited. I don’t know what the hell got into me but I suddenly snapped completely.
I found myself pushing Nealin harshly against the wall before crashing my lips over his. He gasped and fisted my shirt with both hands now on my sides to keep me there where he wanted me.
I had him pinned to the wall where I wanted him. I met him with a bruising kiss and thrashed my tongue against his when he gave me further access to him.
By the little sounds he was making I knew I caught him off guard but that he was thoroughly enjoying this. What the fuck am I doing?! Just as harshly I pulled away and when I did I couldn’t look at him.
“No, please” he whined, trying to pull me back. “I’m not gay” I gritted out. “Okay, you aren’t gay. Just please” he begged me. My wolf howled in my mind at the sound.
I grabbed Nealin’s face and kissed him again. It was a long, confused, but desperate kiss. Somehow we ended up stumbling towards the couch. He was laying on his back and I was suddenly over him.
“Fuck” I cursed when I pulled away again. We were breathless and I needed some oxygen in me. Nealin lifted his hips slightly to grind his groin over mine. I sucked in a breath, having not been expecting it.
Why am I affected by this? What is wrong with me?
“I won’t tell,” he reminded me again when he saw my hesitation. I was so conflicted on what to do. When his groin rubbed into mine a second time I was startled to feel he was hardening.
This is too much. What am I doing? Nealin’s soft hands slid under my shirt and goosebumps rose in their wake. His thumb grazed over my nipple which I didn’t think would feel good but it did.
My wolf was panting and I had no idea why.
The third time Nealin rubbed his groin over mine he was fully hard and I was too. I felt embarrassed and ashamed but I couldn’t stop myself.
There is nothing wrong with being gay. I just wasn’t gay at all so I felt so weird letting a guy touch me this way. And still I didn’t leave.
Instead I rocked my hips into his and watched him squirm beneath me when our clothed erections pressed together and friction could be felt between us.
Something about him being so innocent and affected by me was making my wolf crazy. I wanted to make him mewl again like I had when I kissed him hard against that wall.
I sucked Nealin’s neck and kissed down the length of it until I heard him gasp and take in a deep shaky breath.
I kissed his lips again and we groaned in unison when we continued to rub our clothed erections together. Nealin wrapped his arms around my torso and held me tightly against him.
I rocked my hips repeatedly and he loved it.
He squirmed and sighed and then he moaned and I somehow stiffened further at the sound. My wolf snapped and so did I. I grabbed his hip to work our groins together without stopping.
“Oh. Jasper,” he gasped and his head tipped back in pleasure.
I bit down on my own lip and continued to rub our erections together trying not to release any sounds of pleasure even though it felt damn good.
I liked hearing him though. I wanted to hear more.
My brows were furrowed and my expression was hard. I was conflicted with myself and yet I wanted to make Nealin cum. And I did. I rubbed our groins together until he gasped my name again and he released into his own jeans where the wet spot was easily seen.
I huffed out long hard breaths and pulled away from him. I hadn’t cum yet but maybe if I didn’t it wouldn’t feel as gay to me.
But then Nealin, with his red embarrassed cheeks, reached into my pants and all logic left me. His soft hand rubbed over my solid length and it felt damn good.
He took hold of it and slowly and almost exploratory he started to pump me. I groaned and tipped my head back. I was still technically over him but my arms were holding me up.
To make me more comfortable he motioned for us to sit up and I did. I shut my eyes and let him do what he wanted to do. I wouldn’t watch.
When his thumb rubbed over my wet slit I hissed. He used some of the pre cum to lubricate his palm and then he started pumping up and down my length again. I grit my teeth.
I was utterly shocked when I opened my eyes because I felt Nealin’s hand leave my cock. I needed release but I had to see why he pulled away.
I watched as he stuck his hand down his own pants and came up with wet palms before grabbing my dick and continuing to jerk me off again.
He lubricated his hand with his own cum and something about that turned my wolf entirely primal. I growled out and fisted the cushions. I had to be careful not to release my claws and destroy their couch.
Why was that so incredibly sexy to me to watch him jerking me off with his own cum as my lubrication?
“Fuck Nealin” I growled out. His cheeks turned red again at the sound of me saying his name in praise. He worked me faster until I couldn’t hold back any longer. I stiffened and came all over his hand.
I kept my head tipped back on the sofa and tried to catch my breath. I couldn’t look at him. I just can’t.
I don’t know what he was doing because I couldn’t see him but he was completely quiet aside from when he cleaned his hand with the tissues he had close by.
“Jasper?” He finally called my name with a question in his tone. I knew it was because I wouldn’t look at him.
“We will never speak of this again” I warned him, eyes still shut and head still tipped.
“Please look at me” his sad voice called for me. My eyes fluttered open and I lifted my head finally but I still didn’t look this guy in the eye.
He tried fisting my shirt again and bringing me closer to him so he could nuzzle his face into my neck but I got up quickly and tucked my dick back into my pants at a fast pace.
“I’m sorry. I needa get outta here” I told him.
I knew I was being such an asshole, which I never am to people, but I was a fucking wreck. I was so confused and conflicted with what I had just done. What I had just let be done to me. I couldn’t stay.
“I’m sorry” I said again without looking at him and I rushed out the door.