Mystifying Misha (Submissives of Rawhide Ranch #13)

Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1

Misha

The greatest gift I can give myself is a reality check.

Misha glared at the note on her dash. The positivity she’d had before driving from Ohio to Montana had disappeared somewhere along the way, reminding her she was awful at driving on ice and that a cross-country adventure in January immediately following the holiday was a terrible idea.

But when she closed her eyes, planes of muscular skin and intricate tattoos painted her vision. She saw the moments in time she’d stolen with him between jobs, back when it was all supposed to be fun and games.

She swallowed. Fun and games had fallen out the window when her traitorous heart wanted more, and he couldn’t commit. None of this was a surprise, she’d known what she was walking into when she’d started messing around with him. As her best friend’s boyfriend’s bodyguard, he was bound to travel around the world with them. That was a lifestyle her BFF Penny loved. But was it for her? She hadn’t gone anywhere with Felix, not once when there were layovers or spots to meet up. Only a handful of times over the past year had they managed to either drive or fly to meet each other when Laurent’s schedule brought him to some nearby state, and after an abysmal Christmas at home, she’d decided she wanted something different for the new year.

As a fashion student, going to a ranch was pretty off-base for her. However, the last time she’d seen her BFF Penny, Laurent had been going on about a ranch he’d visited before getting with his little huntress. One awkward conversation later and after a lot of laughter from Penny, she had access to a website beyond her wildest dreams thanks to the billionaire. Reading about Rawhide Ranch sent her spiraling down a rabbit hole of possibilities. After some consideration, and a few additional chats with Penny and Laurent when she’d truly had too many questions, she knew she needed to give it a try and see if the Ranch could help fill the gaping hole in her chest.

Felix was amazing. Too amazing. There was an age gap between them, one that never particularly bothered her unless she started babbling about the future. He would look at her longingly, unbelievably, like the things she wanted out of life were already checked-off on his to-do list. Fifteen years didn’t feel so long unless they started measuring in life experiences.

She groaned, dropping her head back against the seat as she tried to clear her mind. The last time they’d been together was back around Thanksgiving when Laurent’s work brought the team to NYC and Misha had hopped on a plane to visit. She’d gone under the pretext of seeing Penny but had snuck away with Felix. Those last hours were embedded in her mind's eye.

“Do you think this is all we’ll ever be?” she mused, drawing his attention. Her fingertips trailed down his muscular forearms, more often than not hidden by the sleeves of a suit. Felix had one look: bodyguard. He dressed to blend into the background when he traveled with Laurent and Penny, and he did a good job. But Misha’s eyes always sought him out and focused on him first, even when her BFF was nearby.

Felix glanced at her, brow creasing. “More than friends with benefits?”

She rolled her eyes. That was as close as they’d come to labeling themselves, and she wasn’t exactly pleased with it. They could either be something more or nothing at all, but just being his booty call wasn’t enough anymore. “Yes, more than that. Once every few months.”

“I’m going to be traveling,” he said, rubbing the back of his head like he always did when she pinned him down with questions. “I have to head back out with Laurent soon.”

“Have you ever thought about more?” she continued, ignoring the way he tensed up at the question. “More than just existing around one another every once in a while?”

“Unless you’re traveling with us, how would that happen?”

Misha shook her head, rolling away from him on the bed. He wouldn’t even humor the idea that maybe he should make some changes too, so she wasn’t going to push him. Not yet.

As she lifted her head again, she glared out the windshield and wondered when she’d lost the last shreds of her dignity. She would neither accept being cast aside nor do the casting aside herself. She needed closure and answers and, to be completely honest, she wanted him to change his mind. It was work circumstances and the trials of long distance that was destroying their relationship not because of lack of chemistry between them. She was hoping seeing him in person, and maybe challenging her own wants and needs, would give the perspective she so desperately needed.

Her methods of finding him might be questionable, but she was unapologetically committed. She was certain Felix took liberties as the bodyguard to a billionaire, and Laurent was well known for having some of the best security around when he traveled. Surely people assumed that Felix did some less-than-ethical things when searching for a person. So when he did find out how they both landed at the Ranch at the same time, there was absolutely no reason for him to be mad at her. She only used the resources at her disposal as a means to an end.

She reread the message on her dash as she fingered the spine of her journal, reminding herself this was supposed to be a monumental moment in life. She either found the man of her dreams during her time at Rawhide Ranch, or she would step over him into her better self. One of the two was going to happen.

Misha took one last breath and stepped from the car, the cold January air slamming against her and unsettling the small beret on her head. She had dressed a specific way for her visit to hopefully make a decent first impression when she met with Master Derek. If a certain someone who should still be at Rawhide Ranch happened to see her the first day while she was looking so cute, all the better.

Unfortunately, her nerves had settled in and she hadn’t actually reached the place yet. The drive to Montana from Cincinnati was simply too long, and it gave her too much time to freak out. Signs welcoming her to Porter’s Corner had caught her eye, inviting her to take a break. Of course, pulling off the main road had also given her an excuse to start questioning what on earth she was doing way out here, visiting a resort that was kink friendly instead of going to see some friends as she had told her family members. A select few people knew what she was doing out here, and even the hacker she knew through Penny had asked if she was sure she knew what she was doing.

She was still undecided if it was a good or bad thing that so few of her immediate family members even bothered to ask where she was going. As much as Misha wished her family was more involved in her life, outside of bits of her college experiences, her parents rarely paid her any attention. Seeking a career in fashion wasn’t what they wanted for their daughter, and although she did well for herself and had just completed an apprenticeship that had been required to earn her degree, they still considered it to be a hobby.

Even though they were oceans apart most of the time, Penny remained her favorite confidant. It wasn’t exactly easy getting hold of someone who jetted between countries throughout the week, and Misha knew more than she probably should about Penny’s sex life after a lot of awkwardly hilarious calls. Those two played some dangerous games, a little too taboo for Misha’s tastes, but she was happy for her friend all the same. It didn’t make the distance between them any less lonely.

She wandered aimlessly down the street, admiring the small town as she tried to get out of her own head. Anxiety was a longtime friend of hers, and despite talking herself up for this trip, Misha still had doubts. Who just dropped in on someone else way out here? The staff she’d spoken with previously at Rawhide were more than welcoming, and she did want to embrace the Ranch as a whole. She wasn’t just trekking all the way to Montana to profess love to a man who might be avoiding her on purpose. She wanted answers, and she knew she was owed at least that. Testing out what the resort could offer and learning more about herself and her sexuality was just a cherry on top. Misha planned on making the most of it.

There was just something about Felix that mystified her, and no matter the number of days between their visits, he stayed on her mind. The feel of his powerful muscles anytime he wrapped her in a hug, or the times they stole to be together when he got inside her body, mind and soul… those were the times she felt truly whole.

Nothing compared to those stolen moments with Felix, and when her heart wanted more, his words echoed her thoughts. Unfortunately, seeing as he was about fifteen years her senior, and he had a job and longtime work commitment with Laurent, it was hard to ask him to leave a job he loved when she didn’t even have one to hate.

Dating was obsolete when she wanted no one but the swoony bodyguard, so wasting time with the men her age back in her hometown just didn’t do her any good. So when her friend mentioned Felix taking a little hiatus when they were stateside, she pestered Zeke the hacker until he caved and did the dirty work for her.

Pausing in front of one of the windows to a little store, she eyed herself. Split dye ashy blonde on one side, red on the other. She did her own, and it was a lot of work getting a look like this. She knew she stuck out, and Misha had never had a problem with it before. It was one of the things that Felix had liked so much about her, sometimes commenting on her brown eyes too. This time she’d picked colors he’d never seen in her hair before so when they ultimately met up he couldn’t help but notice her. She refused to be ignored.

Her phone buzzed, and she let the icy wind bring her thoughts back to the moment before she turned and kept walking. The text was from Zeke of all people, though he had sent her a couple messages about this in the last few days.

Zeke: Storms coming in, FYI. Get to the Ranch and don’t get stranded someplace along the way. Penny will never let me live it down if I sent you out there and you accidentally froze to death.

She scoffed and sent him back a smile instead of an answer. She needed to get her thoughts in order, not get warnings from the techie who helped her get all the way to Montana. Her destination was within reach. She just needed to settle down enough to finish her drive, or maybe catch a plane next time so she didn’t go stir crazy driving cross-country.

Misha eyed the shops, looking for something to take with her to the resort. She had no idea if she would stay for a few days or weeks, and that kind of uncertainty made her dizzy to think about. She liked assurances and affirmations, not puzzles. She doubted there was a trending fashion district in a town like this, but she would settle for flowers, books, anything really to provide creature comforts and distract her.

Was it foolish driving this far with no idea if Felix even cared what she was doing? Probably a little bit, but when they’d spoken last, their late night pillow talks about glimpses of the future hadn’t sounded like empty promises. Unfortunately, though Penny mentioned he had some time off, he hadn’t called her. She wasn’t on Felix’s list at all apparently because a few days had passed and still nothing. By the time she’d pestered Zeke it was almost a week later, and really, how long could a personal bodyguard take off?

He knew she had resources, just like he did as a guard. She imagined he would have something to say about her looking him up, but when you want something bad enough, you tend to fixate on it. And nobody ever said men are the only ones who can obsess to the extreme.

Misha refused to be another notch in his bedpost. Her gaze caught on a sign up ahead, and it only somewhat brightened her mood. Snow or not, she loved a good flower shop. She’d never been to Montana before, and Porter’s Corner was proving to be cozy but without a lot of distractions like she needed. For now flowers were the best option she could see, and if nothing else it would brighten up the room at the resort.

Focusing on the flowers in the window of the shop, she forced herself to stop getting lost in her mind. The shop smelled heavenly as she pushed open the door, the warmth of the place immediately fighting off the chill of the weather. She peered around with admiration at all the greenery compared to the white snow outside. It hadn’t snowed on the drive in, but everywhere that wasn’t cement still had a heavy layer of powder on the ground. It served as a reminder how far north she really was.

These blooms had something real, kind of like the love she saw growing between Penny and Laurent. She wasn’t jealous, she just knew her love story would be different from that of her friends’.

“Welcome in!”

The cheery voice drew her attention, and Misha stopped looking at the flowers to peer up at the sweet face of a woman as she stepped from behind the counter, wiping her hands on an apron that looked loved and worn. She looked kindly enough, with gray and white hair that was swept back into a loose updo. Her wardrobe consisted of a floral dress that was long to the knee, and some dark leggings beneath. In the cute floral shop the look somehow worked, making her look right at home instead of outdated. Holding out a hand, the woman beamed as she smiled. “Hello, dear. I’m Mildred.”

“Misha,” she replied, shaking the woman’s hand.

Mildred’s eyes swept all over Misha as she spoke, assessing her faster than Misha could take in the shop. As kindly as she was, her interest just reminded Misha she stuck out like a sore thumb. Her fashion degree worked for everywhere but small towns, where it was more obvious that she was different. If she wasn’t about to go and try to convince a guy that she was worthwhile, she might be flattered as Mildred assessed her, but now she feared everything was over the top.

“Are you new in town?” Mildred continued, interrupting Misha’s worries as she stared at the flowers. She should leave, but something kept her grounded to the shop. Once she arrived at the resort, she was there until she got her answers. She both wanted and feared that level of commitment to any one thing.

“I’m visiting,” she replied, wondering if mentioning her destination was even a good idea. Did the town know about the Ranch nearby? Surely the people in town had to have some sort of idea about what happened out there. It wasn’t dangerous, but it must draw attention from time to time.

Mildred flashed her a knowing look, something sparkling in her eyes. “Visiting someone in specific?”

“A ranch, actually. I… um, I was invited.”

“Well, dear, I’m sure the Ranch will be excited to have you. There’s always a place out here for friends, new and old.” The sparkle in Mildred’s eyes gave Misha a good idea that she probably knew where she was going, but neither dug into the topic. She was grateful since she was still grappling with everything herself. Mildred waved to her and went back behind the counter to continue working on a handful of flowers for a display or something, giving Misha the privacy she needed.

After pacing around the small shop three times, Misha knew she needed to just go up to the Ranch. The longer she put it off, the more nervous she would become, and then all of this would be for nothing. She refused to be scared off by the idea and miss out on something she truly wanted. She could do this if she could just shake off the nerves.

When she turned back to wave goodbye to the shop owner, Mildred was missing. But on the countertop was a rose with a small handwritten card. How did Misha miss that?

Stepping forward, a smile curved at her lips as she read the note: Wishing you luck at the Ranch.

Oh, Mildred had to know something. The sweet lady didn’t say it, but Misha had the feeling she was very in the know. She took the rose and the note before turning back to the door, eyeing her car as she took a deep breath, knowing she could do this.

The cool air worked to ease her worries on the way back to her car, and she slid into the driver seat as two men stepped out of another building. She almost didn’t pay them attention until the taller of the two turned, and she caught his profile.

Thank God she was already in her car because the noise she made destroyed the last bit of her dignity. Felix looked amazing in the fading afternoon light, his profile like a cutout from her memories. He still had hair long enough to run her fingers through, and even though she thought it was freezing, his sleeves were rolled up and he didn’t have on a winter coat. Instead she could spy hints of the tattoos he hid beneath those starchy suits on the job, and she noted that, unlike the last time she’d seen him, there was no lip piercing.

Age gap or not, she didn’t think Felix had ever really outgrown his bad-boy phase. And she wasn’t going to complain about that.

She scrunched down in her seat to hide, waiting until she heard the engine turn over and a car moving before taking a deep breath and sitting up. They were heading off, Felix in the passenger seat and the driver a man Misha didn’t recognize. Maybe a friend, but it did make Misha feel slightly better that Felix wasn’t trotting around with someone new now that she’d made the trip out here.

The car rolled out of sight in the direction she needed to go, and Misha purposefully waited several minutes before turning her MAPS back on to finish the drive. She was going to be late to meet with Master Derek, and she wanted to hang her head at that. Being timely was something she prided herself on, and she hadn’t even made it to the Ranch yet.

What a great start this was turning out to be.