Chapter 21 Tess
TESS
I open my mouth to ask if I heard right, and what he means by keep me? Or say that this is insane because it’s nighttime, and he’s still in a suit and I’m in an outrageously expensive dress that will be ruined by a chase through the woods.
But I don’t have the chance.
“Run!” he roars and I stumble away.
I build up pace as I get onto a path, though it all looks different at night. Creepy, with twigs reaching out and grabbing at my arms. The silk of my dress whips around my legs, a soft restraint.
My eyes begin to adjust to the blackness, and there’s a filter of moonlight through the canopy, but it’s dark, and I can’t run as fast as I did during the daylight without risking falling flat on my face.
And I’m not even sure I want to get away.
What did he say? That he’ll show me how much he wants me?
There’s nothing but the sound of my breath and the creek of the trees in the wind, and he’s following, right? Right? Panic flares down my limbs.
I can’t outrun him, that’s clear. He’s too fast and too strong. But only if he actually runs after me. What if he doesn’t? He might let me go.
All these thoughts are mixed up in my head as my feet slap on the ground, softer than usual.
Instinctively I choose the most direct path to the boundary wall where I’ll get free, and have three wishes if I can reach it.
I don’t want to get lost in the dark, and never see Kirill again.
I want, desperately, to be caught by him.
If he’ll keep me, then yes. That’s it. It’s not like my old life was so great.
Where is he?
The trees are ominous presences looming over me, and I’m aware of the chill on my bare arms and legs, and the way my hair is tangling as it flows behind me and falls into my face as I continue to run.
My legs are getting tired. I’m fuzzy headed from an evening of socialising.
My heart thuds, and I’ve no idea what scares me most right now. The night forest with its animals—thankfully nothing scarier than a dog in this part of England, but there’s rustling in the undergrowth and flapping overhead—or the outcome of this hunt.
I trip on a root I can’t see and nearly go flying, my heart rate spiking as I catch myself and keep running, taking the fastest route to the wall.
I… This isn’t fun anymore. I gasp in air. I’m alone, and it’s black and I only run because I don’t know what to do.
My chest heaves and my throat burns.
“I’m coming for you, lapochka.” His deep voice reverberates through the trees.
Kirill.
He’s behind me. My heart floats.
Suddenly, running is easy. I’m light. I’m flying. I’m happy and there’s joy in this chase that I’ve glimpsed before, but I haven’t embraced.
I want to be with Kirill. Not for the luxury, or for my friends’ excitement that he made books available for them. Or the potential for new friends in the Maths Club. Not for the fact that he’s a much better, and kinder person than he makes out. Not even for the orgasms.
I’m going to stay with Kirill because of how we fit together, and how I feel when I’m with him. I really feel like I’m special to him.
The sound of his feet, fast and solid behind me is comfort.
I love him. I’d give up anything to be with him, but by some miracle, I don’t even need to do that.
Sometimes, you just have to realise how stupidly lucky you are, and accept it. That’s where I’m at.
I think I love Kirill.
It’s a shocking truth. He said he’ll show me what he wants, and my heart certainly agrees that I want that.
I pass a set of three trees that I recognise. My mind’s eye fills in where we are, including where the trail weaves around another, even bigger tree just before we reach the wall, completely obscuring the path ahead.
Kirill is close behind me. A glance over my shoulder reveals a grinning pink with crossed out eyes, and a scream tangles in my throat.
I could stop, now. Let him catch me.
And that’s when I understand that we both need something else from this chase. He won’t think that I’ll turn back towards the house, and hide. He’s expecting to have to prove that he cares for me, when everything he’s been doing since he kidnapped me has been proof enough.
And for me, if he catches me, how will I ever believe that he’s not just ensuring my silence over his hobby.
But if I can win, and he still wants me…
And suddenly, it’s so incredibly clear. I’m afraid no one will truly love me, or that, like with my parents, I’ll wake up and find I’m not wanted anymore. And there’s only one solution to fear.
I have to be brave. I have to ask for what I want.
I have to win.