18. I’m Going to Get Naked #2
“Not barely,” I correct.
Matt pauses. The corners of his eyes soften, a look of serenity overtaking his face. “No, you’re right. Not barely.”
When we arrive back in Naknek, it’s almost noon. I mention I’m going to do some work the rest of the day, but not before I make some pancakes with the fresh blueberries we picked yesterday, hoping Matt will invite himself over.
He does not, because of course he doesn’t. He’s a gentleman. But I’m not going to beg him to spend more time with me after overnighting on the boat together.
Still, the rest of the day I have a distant ache in my chest. For Matt. Not even my text exchange with Sarah can fill the void.
I put the Naked in Naknek today.
Her response is quick, but disappointing.
!!!?? crazy day 2day, phone call SOON
Sarah’s busy. I can’t blame her. But being up here is so isolating sometimes. And I haven’t had a crush in years. I forgot how preoccupying they are.
I like being around Matt more than I like being apart, which is unusual. I expected my time in Naknek to be solitary other than my work. Now, though, when things get dull and I’m left with my thoughts, my mind turns toward Matt.
Matt. Fisherman Matt. Whose last name I don’t even know, do I? This would be a recipe for disaster for the old Lillian.
But for the new Lillian, because yes, there’s a new side of me being born the longer I spend here in Naknek— I’m just living my life. One moment at a time.
In the evening, as I try to muster the strength to microwave a frozen meal, there’s a knock at the door. Without a peephole, I peek through the front window. My heart leaps into my throat when I see Matt. And he’s looking right at me as if he knew I’d check the window before opening the door.
He smiles, like he’s got citrus candy on his tongue, his eyes pinching closed.
I go to the door to let him in. “Well, hello!”
Matt’s brown eyes widen. “Hi, yeah, I just—um—” He glances into the cabin. “Have you had dinner?”
My heart thuds. Is he about to ask me on a date? Did he feel me watching him in all his naked glory? Does he know I’m foaming at the mouth for him? “I was just about to make something,” I say.
A smile of relief spreads over his face. “Oh, good. Good. Caught you just in time then.” He lifts his thumb, gestures toward the truck. “I’m meeting the guys for some food. You want to come?”
Not a date. A night with the guys. I’m one of the guys. Which would be flattering if I didn’t want to be one of the guys, but the only girl.
Still, though. Being out with Matt is better than being alone with my microwave dinner. “Would they be okay with that?”
Matt shrugs. “I don’t give a shit. I want you to come.”
My heart swells. Stupid heart. You’ve just basically been called “one of the guys,” and you’re still swooning?
And yet, I can’t resist. “Let me get my purse.”
Dammit.
The Sea Witch has a different energy at night.
It’s not necessarily busier. Just messier.
Like a bar more than a diner. The communal table fills up bit by bit as the night goes on.
The guys know everyone, and, surprisingly, I know most everyone.
Or at least have crossed paths with a lot of them.
They give me the side-eye and try to ignore me, but Matt doesn’t let me go unnoticed.
“Marina, have you met Lillian?” he says when the female captain posts up a few people down.
Marina pauses, her beer lifted halfway to her mouth. Her eyes flick from me to Matt and back. A smile spreads over her face. “I’ve had the pleasure.”
I hold back a giddy laugh. Maybe I’m not as much of an outsider as I thought.
“Good to see you,” she says, holding her beer out toward me.
“Good to see you too, Marina.”
Marina takes a sip of her drink. “How’s Gwen been? I haven’t had a chance to get to the Hitch the past couple days.”
Matt frowns. “You know you could just text her and ask.”
In the dark lighting, it’s hard to tell for sure, but I think Marina’s blushing. “I know, I could, but I don’t want to bother her. She’s so busy with everything.”
I glance at Matt to see if he sees what I see. Marina’s nervous. Bashfully so.
I think she has a bit of a crush.
Matt, though, seems unfazed by it. “She’s doing fine, but I’m sure she’d love to hear from you.”
Marina’s eyes brighten. “You think?”
“Absolutely. Gwen loves keeping up with everyone.”
Marina’s smile falters. “Right. ‘Course she does.” She looks askance at me and then lifts her hand. “Don’t let me keep you.” She gets up from her recently claimed spot and disappears into the din of the Sea Witch.
“You totally broke her heart,” I murmur to him.
He scoffs. “What are you talking about?”
I decide not to push it. I don’t know these people that well. I shouldn’t assume anything. However, people are people wherever you go. If someone asked me to bet money on Marina’s feelings, I would. “Nothing, I just thought . . . well, never mind.”
Matt leans in a little closer, placing his hand on the bench behind me. “You sure?”
His hand is so close to me that if I lean back, his hand might brush up against my tailbone. And his face is so close to mine that a few inches of movement would result in a kiss.
I draw away before anything can happen. “Yeah, it’s nothing.”
One of the guys, Lil. You’re just one of the guys.
Speaking of the guys, Tuma is as friendly as he has been since we met. And Jesse, while preserving his hardened exterior, isn’t treating me with the same scorn he used to. I mean, he may not be starting conversations, but he’s not being actively rude. I’ll take that as a win.
Tuma licks a splotch of ketchup off his thumb, then asks Matt, “You still cool with us flying with you for No-See-Um?”
Matt doesn’t miss a beat, giving his answer as he picks up his beer and swigs, “Obviously.”
“No-See-Um?” I interject looking between Tuma and Matt.