21. I Think You Look Perfect
I Think You Look Perfect
LILLIAN
It’s been a few days since I’ve been out in the field. A few days since I’ve left the cabin, honestly. I’m running low on supplies and need to make a run this afternoon.
But after the seal incident, I’m not sure I want to show my face around town. I don’t want people looking at me sideways, not that they haven’t been already. But it feels different now that I don’t have Matt on my side.
I don’t know that for sure. However, we haven’t spoken since, and the boat ride from the Kvichak was long and arduously quiet.
Without Matt, the road to the end of my research trip is going to be long and lonely. I can handle it. At least I think I can. But the idea of staying in a town that hates me just for existing makes my chest hurt.
There’s a knock at the door, and I jump. It’s so quiet out here most of the time. Mostly, I hear the sounds of birds or tires driving down the gravel road.
I go to the window and peek tentatively through the curtain. I’m half-expecting pitchforks and torches.
Instead, I’m surprised to find Matt standing outside the door, holding a bouquet of flowers. He gives me a little wave through the glass, his smile a mixture of apology and hope.
I’m still in my pajamas and haven’t showered yet, but I open the door anyway.
“Hey, what’s up?” It’s hard to ignore that bouquet in his hands.
Also, hard to ignore that he’s wearing nice clothes.
Not clothes he’d wear out on the water but a fancy pullover and khakis.
I didn’t even imagine he had khakis in his closet.
Matt swallows, then licks his lips. “These are for you,” he says, holding the bouquet out to me.
I take the bundle of flowers. It’s composed entirely of purple, yellow, blue, and white wildflowers. “Thank you. They’re beautiful.”
Matt slides his hands into his front pockets, evidently unsure what to do with them. “Um, I guess I’ll just get to the point.”
I hold my breath.
“Would you like to spend some time together that isn’t research, or on the boat, or—” Matt closes his eyes, wincing. “Like a date. Not like a date, but an actual date. Would you like to go on a date with me?”
Something like helium fills my entire body, threatening to make me float away. I smile, not wasting time or mincing words. “I’d like that.”
Matt smiles back. “Good. How about today?”
“Today?” I gape.
“Yeah, is that . . . I know you’re not here for a long time, so no time like the present, right?”
I’ve been trying to use the fact I’ll be leaving in a couple of months as inspiration to forget my crush on Matt. It’s not easy since he regularly haunts my dreams and waking thoughts. However, not for a second do I consider saying no. “Seize the day,” I say with a delicate lilt.
“Yeah, something like that.”
A moment passes between us, our eyes locked. Instead of questions, there’s the electric pulsing of potential between us. Creating sparks. Threatening to start a blaze. I pull my gaze away, so I don’t get caught up in the moment. “So, today. Like now?”
“Sooner the better,” he replies.
The man is going to make me pass out by being so sweet. “I’ll have to take a shower and get changed first. Put on some makeup and?—”
“I think you look perfect,” Matt interrupts. The only reasonable thing a man should interrupt to say.
I curl my hand through my ponytail, unable to keep from blushing. “Well, I want to feel perfect too, then.”
Matt lifts a hand. “Of course. You take however long you need. I’ll be in the truck, and there’s legitimately no rush. I could wait all day if I have to, and—” He stops, and I giggle. “If you can’t tell, I haven’t done this in a while.”
“You’re doing great,” I reply. “If it’s any consolation, no one’s asked me this nicely . . . ever.”
“Well, that’s unacceptable,” he says.
“Points in your favor.”
The corners of his lips bend down, and he gives a thoughtful nod. “You know what? I’ll take it.”
“I won’t keep you waiting too long,” I say before disappearing back into the cabin with a final, parting look.
“I’m good at waiting. Take your time,” he says before the door shuts.
When I’m alone, I bundle the flowers up to my face and inhale their brilliant, fresh scent. And every worry, every fear I had the past few days fades away to nothing.
I’ve never taken a plane ride on a first date, but then again, I’ve never dated a man with his own plane.
I didn’t pack any date outfits. Why would I for a research trip? Not to mention, I don’t really have date clothing for this type of climate. So, I opt for a green cashmere turtleneck and a pair of jeans, complemented by some heeled booties and a cream-colored vest.
We fly east to Brooks Camp, a part of Katmai National Park.
The campground boasts a wooden boardwalk that overlooks the Brooks River and plenty of bear activity.
And this time, there might be Grizzly bears.
This detail freaked me out at first until Matt told me we’d be watching them from a viewing platform.
I’ve had enough up close and personal with bears for a lifetime.
It’s not particularly busy since the tourist season is having its last breath.
On the viewing platform, the sight is tremendous. We can see Brooks Falls, crystalline water cascading and churning into a froth of white foam against the rocks. Along the edge of the falls, two grizzlies stand poised, focused on the rushing water below as they wait for fish to leap.
“Alright, from here, they’re amazing,” I tell Matt.
He chuckles. “Yeah, because they look smaller from up here.”
I punch him on the arm playfully, and he laughs some more. He keeps his hand on the place where my fist landed.
The conversation grows stilted. It’s a little awkward, but in that pleasant first date way when you know you both want to say something, but you can’t figure out how.
As if reading my mind, Matt says, “I’m sorry. I’m not good at this kind of thing.”
“Dating?” I press.
Matt nods, his swooping dark hair falling over his forehead. He cleans up nice, that’s for damn sure.
A tawny grizzly ducks its snout under the water and lifts its catch into the air, the scales of the fish glinting in the sunlight.
Matt moves his arm behind me and grabs onto the railing, boxing me in without pushing against me. “This okay?”
I look up at him, my head grazing his chest. “Yeah, more than.”
Matt’s lucky he has facial hair so he can cover up his blushing cheeks, but this time his blush creeps up to his nose, making it impossible to ignore. “Um, you know, trying to make it feel a bit different than other times we’ve spent together.”
“Well, the bear doesn’t help set a different scene,” I tease, leaning my back against his chest.
“Yeah, I’m realizing that.”
He smells great. A pine and cypress cologne that’s sharp and tingly in my nostrils. Heavenly.
“I have an idea of how to make it feel really different.”
Matt lifts an eyebrow. “You do?”
He’s so innocent. So, so innocent. “Yeah, I do.” I lift a finger, encouraging him closer. “Let me whisper in your ear.”
Matt warily leans down, and I rise onto my tiptoes. I bring my mouth toward his ear but divert my lips to land against his scruffy cheek.
He inhales in surprise but doesn’t draw away until I do. I smile, biting down on my lower lip. “What do you think?”
He hesitates, and I wonder if I’ve crossed the line. “I have an idea too. To make it feel different.”
I turn around in his arms, leaning up against the railing and tilting my head back for him. “You do?”
Matt’s uneasiness fades into a smile. “Yeah, I think I do.”
“Go for it, then.”
I expect him to go in for a kiss, eager and insistent. Instead, he takes his time, cupping the lower part of my face, his thumb aligning with my chin. His warm gaze explores all my features for what feels like an eternity, but a welcomed one.
“I got cut off the other day when I was complimenting you.”
My insides lock up. “Oh, you don’t have to?—”
He shakes his head. “I want to.”
So, I’ll let him.
“You’re brave to fight for what you believe in. But you’re also brave because you have hope.”
“I do?”
Matt smiles and nods. “You do.”
I never thought of myself like that. “I just want to leave the world a bit better than I found it.”
“And that’s another beautiful thing about you,” Matt says.
And then, when I least expect it, he closes the gap between us, pressing his mouth to mine in that insistent kiss I had hoped for.
Matt tilts my head into his hand, letting his fingers skim through my hair.
My heart thuds in my chest and blood rushes to my face. Warmth brews in my belly. I cling tighter to him. If we weren’t out in the open, I might not ever stop kissing him. How could I when my body feels infinite despite being enveloped in his arms?
The world doesn’t stop. It keeps going.
Which is somehow more beautiful than if everything halted for us. We are a part of the landscape. Something that was meant to be. Something natural, innate, and important. We fit into the shape of things. From just one kiss, I feel that rightness inside me.
What’s between us is unique. Is rare. And I am right to run toward it.
Matt ebbs the kiss, rolling his lips off mine, then pressing another kiss to my cheek and then my temple.
I wind my arms around him, pulling myself tight to him. He engulfs me in his strong arms, nuzzling the top of my head with his nose.
I haven’t lost him. Far from it. Because with one kiss, I know.
Matt has chosen me. Against the odds.
And boy, are there a lot of odds.
For dinner, Matt flies us into the town of King Salmon, midway between Brooks Camp and Naknek. “One of my favorite places,” he says when we approach Eddie’s Fireplace Inn.
It feels a bit like a cluttered basement. Dimly lit with a warm nostalgic charm. There are vintage photos and art on the walls, a big yellow model plane in the corner of the ceiling, and leather seats line the bar and tables. There’s even a wall of DVDs and VHSs. Who said physical media is dead?