Chapter 22
The week of the music show, Kenzie rehearsed with Lily and Teddy at Teddy’s house Tuesday after class. They spent several hours going over the song again after doing it the prior Thursday as well. By the time they headed home, they all felt really good about the song and Kenzie singing it.
The show was scheduled for that Friday night in the school auditorium.
Lily was nervous but excited. She’d be playing the keyboard while Teddy handled guitar and Kenzie sang.
Lily knew she was biased because it was their song, but she thought it was really good.
And Kenzie had seemed super excited about it too.
Her energy that Tuesday night was off the charts as she jumped around the room and had them all laughing so much.
Lily didn’t think much of her behavior at the time, because Kenzie was often like that—really energetic and excited over little random things.
But when she missed school on Wednesday and Thursday and didn’t return her calls, Lily grew concerned. Finally, Kenzie texted her late Thursday afternoon when music class was almost over for the day.
Sorry, not feeling great. Have been sleeping all day. I don’t think I can do the show tomorrow night.
Panic gripped Lily. How sick was Kenzie? She had seemed totally fine on Tuesday.
She texted her back.
Can I stop by and see you after school? Can I bring you anything?
A few minutes later, the reply came.
Sure, if you want to come by, come by. I don’t need anything.
Lily filled Teddy in, and he was concerned too, but not about Kenzie singing. “I hope she’s okay. I can drop you there if you want?”
“That would be great.” Kenzie was only about a mile from Lily’s house, but it would save time if she could get a ride there.
When they pulled up to the house, Teddy put his hand on her arm as she went to get out of the car. “Don’t worry if she’s not up to singing tomorrow night. I’m not worried about that.”
Lily just looked at him in confusion. “I’m glad you’re not worried. But I am. I’m more worried about Kenzie though.”
“It’ll be fine,” he assured her as she shut the door behind her.
Kenzie’s mother answered the door looking tired. She pulled her cardigan tight around her and gestured down the hall.
“Kenzie’s in her room. She’s, well, she’s had a rough few days. She’ll explain.”
Lily walked down the hallway until she reached Kenzie’s room. The door was slightly ajar. She knocked lightly and pushed the door open.
“Come in.” Kenzie’s voice was quieter and more subdued than usual.
Lily stepped into the room and was surprised by what she saw.
Kenzie’s room was usually spotless, with everything in its place.
Now, there were piles of dirty clothes around the room, and Kenzie was in bed.
Her hair looked dirty and matted, and she had the covers pulled up to her neck.
She turned to face Lily, and Lily had to force herself not to gasp.
Kenzie looked awful. She had dark circles under her eyes like she hadn’t slept in days, and her skin was pale.
“Hey,” Lily said gently.
“Hey.” Kenzie’s voice was a creaky whisper.
Lily walked closer to the bed. Kenzie patted the comforter beside her and Lily sat.
“What’s wrong? Do you feel horrible?” Lily wondered if she had the flu or a stomach bug. She’d never seen Kenzie so lethargic.
The door opened, and Kenzie’s mother came into the room holding two chocolate smoothies.
“Kenzie needs to eat something. I thought you both might enjoy one of my smoothies. It’s frozen bananas, peanut butter, chocolate protein powder, and almond milk.
” She handed one to Lily and set the other on the nightstand next to Kenzie.
Lily took a sip and then another. It tasted like a thick chocolate shake. Kenzie didn’t touch hers.
“You should try some. It’s really good.”
Kenzie made a face. “This is the fourth one she’s brought me today.” But she sat up a little, reached for the smoothie, and took a small sip.
“What are you sick with? Is it a stomach thing?” Lily asked.
Kenzie chuckled. “I wish. That would be so much easier to deal with.”
They sat in silence, sipping their smoothies until Lily tried again. “What’s wrong, Kenzie? I’m worried about you.”
“Everyone is worried about me. That’s nothing new.” She sighed. “I stopped taking my medication. They told me this would happen, but I stopped anyway. Everything was going so well—with Luke and the song. I was so looking forward to singing tomorrow.”
“You still can,” Lily encouraged her.
But Kenzie shook her head. “No, I can’t, Lily. I haven’t gotten out of bed for the past two days. I’ve started my medicine again, but it doesn’t just switch back on and I’m good again. I need to be watched.”
“Watched? What is your medicine for?” None of what Kenzie was saying made any sense.
“I’m bipolar. I thought I was good, and I didn’t need my medicine anymore. But I guess I’ll always need it. The doctor and my mother have finally convinced me that I’m good because of the medicine. Do you know what bipolar means?”
“I’m not really sure,” Lily admitted.
“It’s okay. Most people don’t understand it.
It’s a chemical imbalance, and if I don’t regulate it with the medicine, then I could either go really manic, like crazy high energy, or the opposite and fall into deep depression where I literally can’t get out of bed.
This time, it went that way. I’ve been in a dark place.
” She took another small sip of her smoothie, then set it down on the nightstand.
“I think I’m coming out of it, but it’s like fighting my way out of a heavy fog.
It’s exhausting. When you leave, I’ll probably fall fast asleep for a few hours.
I’ve been sleeping around the clock after not being able to sleep at all for a few days.
That’s why I look so awful. When I wake up, my mother is there with a milkshake.
I’ll probably gain ten pounds this week. ”
Lily smiled at the dramatic prediction with a hint of the Kenzie she knew. “I’m sure you won’t. But are you sure you won’t feel better tomorrow? Maybe you could still do the show?”
“There’s no way, Lily. I’m sorry. I probably won’t be close to normal until Sunday. That’s usually how it goes. I’m just so tired.” She yawned for emphasis, and Lily stood to go. She didn’t want to stay too long when Kenzie clearly needed her rest.
“I’m so sorry, Kenzie. Feel better. And if anything changes, let us know.” Lily stood to go, but Kenzie reached for her hand and squeezed it.
“Thanks for coming. And, Lily, you have to do the show. You can sing it. You will do awesome. I know you will.”
Fear raced through Lily’s body. She couldn’t take that suggestion seriously. She didn’t know what they’d do. Maybe Teddy could sing it. His voice wasn’t too bad.
“Don’t worry about that. Just focus on getting better,” Lily said.
She called Teddy when she got home and filled him in. He didn’t seem concerned. “I’m glad she’ll be okay. We’ll be okay too. You can do this, Lily.”
Lily laughed. “No, I really cannot. You could though. Your voice is fine.”
This time, he was the one that laughed. “No. There’s no comparison. Lily, I’ll be there to back you up, but you can do this. I know you can. You know how important this is. Can you just try? I believe in you.”
He sounded so sure of it, so certain, that for a moment, Lily half believed it too.
“Okay, I’ll do it.”
When she ended the call, all her fears came rushing back. How could she possibly do this?
Everyone except Lily was excited that she was singing. Lily wasn’t sure if it made her more nervous or comfortable that her mother and grandmother and great-grandmother were all going to be at the performance.
Her mother seemed to read her mind as they pulled into the parking lot and walked into the building.
Before Lily left to join Teddy out back, Claire grabbed her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.
“I know you’re going to do great, honey.
Just go out there and sing like you’re at Teddy’s house and no one else is listening.
Sink into the music, and block the audience out.
If you can’t do that and you get nervous, find me in the audience, and sing to me, like you used to do when you were little. Try to have fun with it.”
Lily felt some of her tension ease. “Thanks. I’ll try.”
Claire went to sit with the others, and Lily went to find Teddy. He was already in the back and smiled when he saw her. He looked sharp in a black suit, white shirt, and a bright purple tie.
“You look pretty,” he said as she reached him.
Lily smiled gratefully. She’d worn a rose-pink dress with long sleeves and a scoop neck. It fell just past her knees, and she loved it. “Thank you. You look good too.”
Lily’s phone buzzed with a text message, and she smiled when she saw that it was from Kenzie.
You are going to kill it tonight! I’m so proud of you, Lily. You’ve totally got this. Love you!!! Tell Teddy he’s got this too.
Lily showed Teddy the text message, and he grinned. “She’s right, you know.”
“I hope so.”
They were scheduled to be the last of the ten acts performing original songs. Lily was impressed with the songs and vocals from her classmates. Her nerves grew as it got closer to their time to go on.
Teddy caught her eye as a rush of fear swept through her. “Just go out there and sing our song. Don’t worry about anything but that. Try to forget that anyone is listening. Just do it the way we’ve done it a million times now. Don’t overthink it. Just feel your way through the song.”
Lily nodded. “Okay. I’ll try.”