Chapter Five
Tess
“Sorry folks,” the cook says, stepping out from behind the kitchen with a grease covered apron tied to his waist. “Backup generator isn’t working.
We’ve gotta close our doors for the night.
If you’re trying to stay warm, I’d recommend the clinic.
The doctor’s still in and they’ve got a few beds and blankets. ”
The family with the child who nearly choked nods and heads outside as though that’s where they’re headed next.
I’m not sure I’ll be doing the same. If there’s anything I hate worse than the cold, it’s a doctor’s office.
I’m not sure why but the sterile rooms and quiet lobbies leave me with more anxiety than a kid being chased by a circus clown.
“You saved that kid’s life,” I say, my arm brushing against Cole’s as we step out into the piling snow.
I think we’re headed for the general store given the direction we turn, though the wind has picked up since we made our way to the diner and I wouldn’t be surprised if everyone on the street is out of power.
“I dislodged a peppermint. Let’s not go crazy.”
“I’m not going crazy. His parents were panicking. You… really saved him.”
I don’t usually get so dramatic, but watching Cole jump into action with that kid has my entire body tingling and warm. I mean, he didn’t even hesitate.
“It’s all part of the training I’ve had.”
“Ah, that’s right… you’re a fireman. I almost forgot.” I give his outfit the once over. “Should have known considering you’ve been dressed like Mr. December all day.”
“Yeah.” He pulls on the locked general store door, snow whipping against his shoulders. “Volunteer mostly these days. Keeps me busy while I’m waiting for the jail thing to blow over.”
“Well, fireman, looks like the general store is closed. What are you thinking?”
“I’m thinking we should head back to the bookstore. I’ve got some extra gas in the truck, and I think I saw a generator behind the building. I’ll try to get that going with the space heater from the broom closet. If we keep tucked in the back, we should be fine.”
He rattles off the plan like it’s second nature and I hate how steady it makes me feel. I also hate how much I kind of enjoyed our little outing. I can’t remember the last time I felt this alive.
“Okay,” I say, gripping into his hand instinctively as snow falls heavily around us. “Let’s go back.”
“You’re not going to give me a hard time? The hardware store is closed, the general store is closed, and the diner kicked us out. This is what you were afraid of. I’m ready for some eye rolls and a heavy dose of sarcastic, passive aggressive humor.”
“I’m sorry about all that.” Words plummet from my mouth and spill into the blizzard that’s circling us faster than I can comprehend. “I just… I have a really hard time trusting people.”
We step over the mound of snow at the sidewalk, moving between a clearing of trees and into the short expanse of woods between Main Street and Chestnut Lane as the pieces of my life story begin to claw at the back of my throat.
“I wouldn’t have guessed.” He grins and I appreciate the lightness. “Why’s that?”
Am I really going to say this out loud?
I shouldn’t say this out loud.
It would be a huge mistake to say this out loud.
I need to shut up before I say any of this out loud.
My fingers curl tighter around his as I tell myself it’s the cold, but deep down, I know it’s fear.
Fear that Cole will walk away like everyone else.
Fear that the second I’m honest about who I am, I’ll be punished for it somehow.
All this fear, and yet, the words keep coming despite my frustration.
“I was five years old when my mom put me up for adoption.”
He doesn’t speak. He just holds my hand tighter as we walk through the snow-covered woods.
“I still remember her. Dark red hair like mine, a bright smile that I thought was just for me, and this dress with birds all over it. She liked baking cookies, and I remember one day after school, she said I could bake whatever I wanted.” I stare down at the dead pine needles poking up from the snow.
“I chose chocolate chip. They were my favorite.”
Tears threaten their way onto my face. I hate that this still makes me cry. I’m twenty-six years old. I shouldn’t be crying about my childhood anymore. It’s the past. I can’t live in the past. I know this, yet the past affects me every single day.
Every. Single. Day.
“You’re okay.” Cole’s voice is deep and resonating, warming me without a single touch.
“We made the cookies, ate a few, laughed, and later that day, she dropped me off with Social Services.” I shrug and suck in a deep breath of pine.
“I don’t remember much after that except being shuffled from house to house.
I don’t know why I was never placed permanently.
I tried my best to fit in with every family but for whatever reason it just never worked out. ”
“Jesus, Tess.” Cole glances toward me, his hand together in mine as the bookstore nears. “What the hell?”
“I promised myself that I’d do what it takes to get into school, get my degree, and make a good life I could be proud of. I did that, but I’m missing the biggest part.”
“What’s that?”
“A family.” I catch the tears as they fall hot against the freezing air.
“You’re right. I thought I’d find some blue-collar guy who’d been raised by a good family that would love me like their own.
I romanticized the whole thing. The man, the family, the little cabin in the woods, the Christmas tree we’d cut down. It’s all a fantasy.”
“Does it have to be?”
I laugh under my breath as the storm howls around us. “I’ve been here for almost a year looking. I think I need to get back to the dream that was working.”
“And that’s the library?”
I nod slowly as he pulls open the back door to the bookstore. “It’s all I have. Maybe people are right when they say work is family.”
He holds open the door as the wind pushes against it. “Do you feel like they’re your family?”
I shrug. “I feel like I’m closer to my colleagues than anyone else.”
“Is that enough?”
We track into the fainting warmth of the bookstore, the lights out, the sky dark, the cool air meeting the heat to create fog.
I shrug. “I don’t get a choice in the matter. I mean of course I want the family, the fantasy, the fresh cut tree, the homemade ornaments, the little kids screaming and playing, but maybe family was never supposed to be in the cards for me. Maybe I’m meant to figure things out on my own.”
“You’re not, Tess.” He shakes his head, his gaze on mine hard and steady as though he really wants me to hear what he’s saying. “You’re not meant to figure anything out on your own. No one is.”
We stay like this for another beat before the vulnerability makes my stomach hurt. “I need a second. You mind if I call Marley? I’m sure she’s wondering how things are going here.”
Cole nods once, then reaches behind me for the flashlight perched on the chair rail. “I’ll see if I can get the generator started. Take your time.” His hand lands on my shoulder. “You’re not alone, Tess. I won’t let you be.”
Why does that feel so good? Why are his words so warm and full? Why do I want to lay out on the floor and wrap myself in them until every pain I’ve ever had disappears?
It’s dangerous. It’s incredibly dangerous, and I need to get my head on straight before I get wrapped into something stupid with a man on his way to jail.
God, why do I keep forgetting that?
Thankfully, Marley answers on the first ring.
“Hey.” Her tone is bright and soft. “How are things at the store? I tried calling a bit ago but there was no answer.”
“Sorry. Cole Maxwell is here with me. He was fixing the heater when the storm alerts came in. We just walked to town and back.”
“Cole Maxwell?” Marley shifts her tone up a few octaves as she says, “Lucky you! I think half the women in Rugged Mountain would pay to be stuck with that man in a snowstorm.”
“I’m gathering that,” I say, leaning back in the chair of the main office. It’s Marley’s space, but she lets whoever’s on duty use it for breaks and we’ve all put our own personal touch on the decorations. My added artistic vision is a red cardinal that sits on the perch above the dry erase board.
“He’s a great guy. Gets a bad rap because of the fight he was in, but he literally spends all his time doing things for the community. Before all this drama, he saved my nephew’s life.”
I pause for a moment remembering a story Marley told me about her nephew nearly drowning last year. “You’re not talking about the incident down at the lake, are you?”
“That’s the one. If Cole hadn’t been there that day, who knows what would’ve happened? I’m telling you, the guy would do anything for anyone. Do you like him?”
I shake my head. “What do you mean? Do I think he’s hot? Who wouldn’t?”
“Well, yeah, but do you like him?”
“I don’t know. We’re just trying to get through this. Also,” I say changing the subject, “I wanted to apologize about the whole book club thing. I didn’t get to my ‘save the bookstore’ speech before the storm took over.”
“It’s not your fault.” Marley hums low in her throat. “I have tons of faith in you, but I’m not sure anything is going to save this place at this point. I mean, you girls have tried everything. The only choice I have left is to call my ex.”
My brows narrow. “Why would you have to call your ex?”
“He’s this big business guy, total asshole, but he owns a bunch of successful stores out in Whiskey Falls, and last I checked, he was flipping a failed bakery.”
“You think he can do the same for the bookstore?”
“I didn’t want to find out, but even after everything everyone’s done to help, I’m still going to be short on January’s bills. I need to do something fast and he’s the only guy I know that has this kind of expertise. The man is a genius when it comes to this stuff.”
“Isn’t that going to piss Richard off? You said he’s super volatile already, right?”
She lets out a heavy sigh. “I’m overwhelmed.
I don’t know what to do anymore. Richard is awful for me, I know he’s awful for me, but we’ve been together for so long now that I don’t know how to end it.
And, yeah, he’s probably going to be pissed that I called my ex for help, but I have to do something to save the store and I think Tex can help. ”
“Tex? The man’s name is Tex?”
“He’s not as cool as he sounds. We broke up because he was so overprotective. It felt borderline controlling.” She sighs. “We’re not talking about me. We’re talking about you being trapped with the hottest firefighter in Rugged Mountain. You need to go find him and make the best of this storm.”
It seems fitting now to tell her that I don’t want to get attached, that I’m moving back to New York, that I miss the hustle and the bustle and the feeling of isolation despite millions of people, but I can’t do it, not with all the stress she’s carrying.
Plus, it’s nearly Christmas Eve. No one wants news this heavy this close to Christmas.
“I’ll try my best,” I joke, “but if you know anyone with a plow, I’m sure we’d both appreciate a ride out of here.”
“Oh!” Marley brightens. “I can call my brother. He plows for a few businesses in town. I’ll see where he is. Maybe he can get down there and you can follow him home, so you don’t miss your Christmas Eve festivities.”
Christmas Eve festivities. Right… I have so many Christmas Eve festivities.
I thank Marley and hang up the line before standing and making my way toward the door.
I’ve barely stepped past the threshold when I see a man breathing heavily, snow clung to his hair, an axe swung over his shoulder, a big, warm grin on his face.
“I’ve got a surprise for you,” Cole says with a grin.
My breath catches, and for one wild second, I think my fantasy might be coming to life.