Chapter One
Marley
I think I’m an idiot. No, I don’t think I’m an idiot… I know I am.
I mean, it’d be one thing if I was failing in one area of my life, but I’m failing in every possible area, in every possible way.
What other conclusion is there other than idiocy?
I stare down at the big golden book my Grandpa Milton passed down to me before he died.
It’s the prettiest book I’ve ever seen, with a leather wrapped binding and gold string sewn into the edges.
He loved this book. It’s where every idea he ever had for the bookstore went, and it’s where every dollar he ever made was recorded.
According to this data, the year the bookstore opened was a great year.
He made more profit than he thought he would, and the people loved the music he played over the speakers.
He made a note about how he never wanted his bookstore to be quiet like a library.
He wanted the whole town inside, making a ruckus.
Maybe that’s where I failed. I haven’t played music over the speakers since the wiring got messed up by a chew happy mouse a few Christmases ago. Though to be fair, the money to fix said speakers hasn’t exactly been falling from the sky.
My office door pushes open as a tear begins to make its way onto my cheek. I should’ve locked myself in for the day. Better yet, I should’ve stayed home and put on reruns of The Office. It’s got the right amount of quirky sentiment that takes me out of real life for a while.
“You alright, Marley?” My friend Kit steps into the room and goes straight into mom mode, grabbing a box of tissues off the counter behind her.
She’s not a mom, but she’s been the mother hen type since high school.
“You’re crying. Why are you crying? Is it because you can’t decide what to wear to the New Year's Eve party at the lodge?”
“No,” I force a smile and wipe away the obvious tears, “these aren’t tears.” “My eyes are leaking. That’s all.”
“Yeah.” She rolls her eyes and shakes her head before pulling a chocolate chip cookie from her purse for me as though she knew I’d be a mess.
“They’re leaking tears. Why are they leaking tears?
Is Richard being an asshole again?” Her tone lowers more seriously now as she says, “I know you’re confused by him, but from where I stand, it’s pretty clear. The guy’s not right for you.”
I stare up at the ceiling, hoping the whirl of the fan reverses gravity, sucking the non-tears back into my burning eyeballs. It’s not working.
“It’s so confusing,” I say, blotting away the wetness on my face.
“One second, he’s like the nicest guy ever.
The next, I’m arguing with him for days over how he likes his socks folded.
” I shrug and glance back toward my friend, who looks especially adorable today in a red jumper with holly on the front. “I don’t know anymore.”
“You do know, girl. You’re just pretending you don’t because you’re afraid of what life looks like without him. Trust me, I was in the same spot with Dillon last year. I thought I’d never recover. Now, I’m happier than ever.”
I roll my eyes playfully. “Happier than ever and crushing on your dad’s best friend. Totally normal, happy girl behavior.”
“Umm,” she grins, “we’re here talking about you and your problems. Mine are off limits, okay?”
“Okay,” I laugh, glancing back down at the big golden book. “I’ve definitely got enough problems to keep us busy.”
“So if the issues with Richard aren’t on the front burner, what is it?”
“Oh, just the imminent demise of everything my grandfather dreamt of, and the realization that to save it, I had to contact Tex.”
Now I’ve got Kit laughing. “What? You called Tex? Your ex? The guy you swore you’d never talk to again?”
I nod slowly. “I texted him ten minutes ago.”
“Okay… and the part about you guys breaking up because he was overprotective? That’s just,” she purses her lips, “gone?”
“It was a stupid reason to break up.” I sigh. “I was young back then. I didn’t know what I wanted, and he was so… sure of himself. It was intimidating.”
“Sounds like you still think about him.” Kit glares at me with a mischievous grin. “Tell me everything.”
“No.” I shake my head and stare down at the desk. “I don’t think about him. It’s not like that.”
“Sure… it’s not like that,” Kit laughs. “I totally believe you. I mean, I know I wouldn’t think about my giant, super-sexy ex.
Not ever.” Her tone has turned to playful sarcasm.
“I mean, especially if my boyfriend were a complete douchebag. No, I’d never ever have a fantasy about the big guy whose biggest issue was that he was too protective. ”
She drags in a deep breath then keeps going.
“You know what you should do? You should break up with Richard, obviously, then you meet up with Tex at the lodge party on New Year's Eve.” Her eyes widen the more detailed her scenario gets. “It’ll be all dramatic and adorable, with a countdown kiss. Trust me… it makes perfect sense.”
I laugh. “As if I don’t have enough problems. I should totally put the moves on my ex. You know, the guy I’m counting on to save my business.”
She unwraps the cookie and hands it toward me again as though she knows I need it. “So, he’s overprotective, big, sexy, and he’s smart. You sure he’s real?”
“You met him.”
“I met someone.” She laughs and pulls out a cookie for herself.
“Bottom line is that you could save this store yourself if you weren’t so bogged down by everything else.
I mean, Richard sucks the life out of you.
At least once a month, he’s says something else to fuck with your head.
That’s not normal, Marley. No wonder you’re drowning. He’s completely burnt you out.”
I stare at my well-meaning friend for a long moment before standing from the chair to pace the room. “I know you’re right, I do, I just… I don’t know what to do with any of it. I’ve let it go on too long. I mean, Richard and I have been together five years. How do I get out of that now?”
“Can you imagine five more? Haven’t you ever heard that saying?
Pull out the roots and the weeds’ll die.
Cut off the head of the snake? One nail drives out another?
The point is, if you’re feeling good, you’re going to make better decisions, you’re going to think more clearly, and you’re going to have more energy for the things you love. ”
My phone buzzes on the table, and for some sick reason, I get really excited. The kind of excited I shouldn’t be getting over a man that isn’t my boyfriend.
“Is it him?” Kit leans forward with wide-eyed excitement as though the text has come in for her.
“It is.” I can’t help but smile, though I feel a little guilty about it. “He says he can stop by in the morning.”
“Damn!” she says, leaning back in her chair. “Isn’t he like hours away? He’s going to drive all the way out to you on a whim?”
“Yeah.” My cheeks heat with warmth as butterflies take occupancy in my stomach. “Is that weird? I mean, maybe he’s not doing as well as he claims he is on his website.”
“Or… he’s like totally excited you texted him and he’s jumping at the opportunity before you change your mind. Now what are you going to tell Richard?”
Her question hangs in the air as dust particles swirl lazily in a soft streak of afternoon sun.
Do I need to tell Richard? I mean, I’m hiring Tex as a business consultant.
He’s going to look at my books and help me come up with a business plan.
That’s all. Plus, I can’t imagine the drama that simple statement is going to cause.
“I don’t know what to tell him. Is it weird that I reached out to Tex?” My stomach tightens. “Maybe I shouldn’t have texted him.”
“Honey,” she bites into her cookie, “I shouldn’t have called my dad’s best friend to fix my heater last night either, but I did. Life works in mysterious ways. Just go with it.”
I widen my stare and lean in slowly. “How’d that go?”
“Details for another day.” She grins. “You still coming tomorrow night for our girls’ dinner? I’ve already got the chicken nuggies and ice cream.”
“Yeah.” I drag in the scent of fresh coffee brewing from the tiny station to the left of my office. There’s an undertone of peppermint that’s new. I love that the girls are always putting out new flavors. “Sounds perfect. I’ll need someone to decompress all this nonsense with.”
She pops the last of her cookie in, then stands. “Great! I better get moving. I’ve got like twenty-four thousand papers to grade before tomorrow morning.”
“Good luck! Don’t forget stickers! Love you!”
“Love you more!” She smiles wide and taps the frame of the door twice before heading out into the bookstore, leaving me with the weight of my problems. Problems I made for myself.
I mean, I’ve been telling myself that texting Tex is about business. That it’s a necessary evil. But is it?
I mean, I still think about the man. I still wonder what he’s doing, who he’s with, if he thinks about me. Hell, just last week I had this kinky dream about a night we had out at his cabin eight years ago.
Eight years ago. That’s not normal.
My pulse shouldn’t quicken when I see his texts.
I shouldn’t be wondering what I’m going to wear tomorrow.
I shouldn’t be thinking about this at all because it’s a business meeting.
A meeting that I need to help save my bookstore.
The bookstore that my grandpa opened decades ago.
The bookstore I grew up in. The bookstore that used to be a cornerstone of this small mountain community.
This meeting should be about all that, but deep down, I can’t shake the truth. Tomorrow, I get a visit from Christmas past, and I’m not sure I’m ready.