Chapter Thirteen
Thirteen
It was easy to let time slowly slip by, spending it in a bubble with Levi. It was a lot less easy for Faith to hide where she was spending all her nights and, frankly, half her days. If her brothers weren’t suspicious of her behavior, Poppy certainly was.
There was no way she could get her unusual comings and goings past the eagle eye of her sister-in-law, and Poppy was starting to give Faith some serious side eye whenever Faith came into the office late, or left a little early.
Faith knew the reckoning was coming. She was going to have to deal with whatever was between her and Levi, and soon. Because the fact of the matter was, whatever they had agreed on in the beginning, she no longer wanted this relationship to be temporary.
The two of them had lapsed into a perfect routine over the past few weeks. When she wasn’t at work, she was at his house, and often sketching.
Working sometimes late into the night while she watched him sleep, more and more ideas flowing through her mind.
She had begun to think of his new house like a bird’s nest.
To go with the bird that he’d tattooed on his body. A place for that soaring creature to call home. A home that rested effortlessly in the natural environment around it, and seemed to be made from the materials of the earth.
Of course, maybe she was pondering all of that to the detriment of her other work. And that was a problem. She felt...so removed from her life right now. From everything she was supposed to care about.
She cared about Levi.
About what lay on the other side of all of this. About the changes taking place inside of her.
She should care more about her upcoming interview with Architectural Digest. She should care more about a television spot she was soon going to be filming in the office. One that was intended as a way to boost the participation of young girls in male-dominated fields, like architecture.
Instead, Faith was fixating on her boyfriend.
Immediately, her heart fell.
He wasn’t her boyfriend. He was a man she had a temporary arrangement with, and she was becoming obsessed. She was becoming preoccupied.
Even so, she wasn’t sure she cared. Because she had never been preoccupied in her life. She had always been focused, on task. Maybe it was her turn to go off the trail for a little while.
Maybe it was okay.
You don’t have to be perfect.
Her mother’s words rang in her ears, even as Faith sat there at her desk. She wasn’t sure what perfect even looked like for her anymore and the realization left her feeling rocked.
Poppy was going to appear in a moment to film the television spot they were sending in, and Faith knew she needed to pull herself together.
She wasn’t sure if she could.
The door cracked open and Poppy came in, a smile on her perfectly made-up face, her figure—and her growing baby bump—highlighted by the adorable retro wiggle dress she was wearing.
Poppy was always immaculate. The only time she had ever seemed frazzled in any regard was when she had been dealing with issues in her relationship with Isaiah. So maybe—maybe—Poppy would be the ally Faith needed.
Or at the very least, maybe she would be the person Faith could confide in. For all that they had married older men with their own issues, Hayley and Mia did not seem like they would be sympathetic to Faith’s situation.
It was all very “do as I say and do” not “do the kind of man that I do.”
“Are you ready?” Poppy asked.
Her skeptical expression said that she thought Faith was not ready. Though, Faith wasn’t sure why Poppy felt that way.
“I was going to say yes,” Faith said slowly. “But you clearly don’t think so.”
Poppy frowned. “You look very pale.”
“I am pale,” Faith said drily.
“Well,” Poppy said, patting her own glowing, decidedly not pale complexion, “compared to some, yes. But that isn’t what I meant. You need some blush. And lipstick with a color. I don’t support this millennial pink nonsense that makes your lips blend into the rest of your skin.”
“I’m not wearing lipstick.”
“Well, there’s your problem.”
Poppy opened the drawer where Faith normally kept her makeup, and that was when Faith realized her mistake. The makeup wasn’t there. Because she had taken the bag over to Levi’s.
Poppy narrowed her eyes. “Where is your makeup?”
Faith tapped her fingers on her desk. “Somewhere?”
“Honestly, Faith, I wouldn’t have been suspicious, except that was a dumbass answer.”
“It’s at Levi Tucker’s,” Faith said, deciding right in that moment that bold and brazen was what she would go for.
Everything was muddled inside her in part because she hadn’t been sure if she wanted to go all in here. Cash her chips in on this one, big terrible thing that might be the mistake to end all mistakes.
But she did. She wanted to.
She wanted to go all in on Levi.
That horrible ex-wife of his had done that. She had cashed in all her chips on a moment when she could take his money and have the life she wanted with absolutely no care about what it did to him.
Well, why couldn’t Faith do the opposite? Blow her life up for him. Why couldn’t she risk herself for him?
No one in his life ever had. Not his father, who was drunk and useless and evil. Not his mother, who had allowed the scars and pains from her past to blind her to her own son’s innocence.
Not his wife, who had been so poisoned by selfishness.
And Faith... What would she be protecting if she didn’t?
Her own sense of perfection. Of not having let anyone down.
None of that mattered. None of it was him.
“Because you were...working on a job?” Poppy asked, her expression skeptical, but a little hopeful.
Faith’s lips twitched.
“Some kind of job,” she responded, intentionally digging into the double entendre, intentionally meeting Poppy’s gaze. “So, there you have it.”
“Faith...” Poppy said. “I don’t... With a client?”
“I know,” Faith said. “I didn’t plan for it to go that way. But it did. And... I only meant for it to be temporary. That’s all. But... I love him.”
The moment she said it, she knew it was true. All her life she had been apart. All her life she had been separate. But in his arms, she belonged. With him, she had found something in herself she had never even known was missing.
“Your brothers...”
“They’re going to be mad. And they’re going to be afraid I’ll get hurt. I know. I’m afraid I’ll get hurt. Which is actually why I said something to you. Isaiah is not an easy man.”
Poppy at least laughed at that. “No,” she said. “He isn’t.”
“He’s worth it, isn’t he?”
Poppy breathed out slowly, then took a few steps toward Faith’s desk, sympathy and understanding crinkling her forehead. “Faith, I’ve loved your brother for more than ten years. And he was worth it all that time, even when he was in love with someone else.”
“Levi’s not in love with anyone else. But he’s...angry. I’m not sure if there’s any room inside him for any other emotion. I don’t know if he can let it go.”
“Have you told him that you love him?”
“No. You’re the first person I’ve told.”
“Why me?” Poppy asked.
“Well, first of all,” Faith said, “Isaiah won’t kill you.”
“No,” Poppy said.
“Second of all... I need to know what I should do. Because I’ve never loved anyone before and I’m terrified. And I don’t want him to be a mistake, and that has nothing to do with wanting to be perfect. And everything to do with wanting him. I’m not hiding it anymore. I’m not.”
“You never had to hide it. No one needed you to be perfect.”
“Maybe I needed it. I can’t let them down.” Faith shook her head. “I can’t let them down, Poppy. Isaiah and Joshua have poured everything into our business. I can’t... I can’t mess up.”
“They would never look at it that way,” Poppy said. “Isaiah loves you. So much. I know it’s hard for him to show it.”
“It’s easy for me to forget that he struggles, too. He seems confident.”
“He is,” Poppy said. “To his detriment sometimes. But he’s also just human. A man who fell in love. When he didn’t see it coming. So, he’s not going to throw stones at you for doing the same.”
“They’re going to be angry about who it is. Levi’s older than they are.”
Poppy shook her head. “And Isaiah is my foster sister’s ex-fiancé. We all have reasons things shouldn’t be. But they are. And sometimes you can’t fight it. Love doesn’t ask permission. Love gets in the cracks. And it expands. And it finds us sometimes when we least expect it.”
“So, you don’t judge me?”
“I’m going to judge you if you don’t put on some lipstick for the video. But I’m not going to judge you for falling in love with a difficult man who may or may not have the capacity to love you. Because I’ve been there.”
“And it worked out.”
“Yes,” Poppy said, putting her hand on her stomach. “It worked out.”
“And if it hadn’t?” Faith asked.
Poppy seemed to consider that for a while, her flawlessly lipsticked mouth contorting.
“If it hadn’t, it would have still been worth it.
In my case, I would still have the baby.
And she would be worth it. But also... No matter what Isaiah was able to feel for me in the end, I never would have regretted loving him.
In a perfect world, he would have always loved me.
But the world isn’t perfect. It’s broken.
I suspect it’s that way for your Levi, too. ”
Faith nodded. “I guess the only question is...whether or not he’s too broken to heal.”
“And you won’t know that unless you try.”
“That sounds an awful lot like risk.”
“It is. But love is like that. It’s big, Faith. And you can’t hold on to fear. Not if you expect to carry around something so big and important as love. Now get some lipstick on.”