Chapter 20
CHAPTER TWENTY
Kendall
I spent more than two hours battling the demons in my head. Those demons that were screaming I told you so. The ones that said I wouldn’t be good at this, and that it would explode in my face. I knew it, I called it, but he didn’t listen.
Yet here we are a week in and boom!
I’d managed to talk myself out of calling him, for hours I pushed it off telling myself that he should have just listened to me from the start.
That only lasted so long, and now it’s after midnight and I am sitting in his driveway staring at his front door, anger and irritation coursing through me because a part of me, a bigger part than I care to admit is screaming he is right to be mad.
And there is one thing I hate more than anything and that’s being wrong. It’s hard for me to accept, and even harder to admit.
He did this.
Aaron is the one that flipped a one night hookup into more. Why couldn’t he just have let things be? Why did he have to push?
Climbing out of my Jeep I slam the door and practically stomp my way across the driveway and up his stairs onto his porch. Lifting my hand I bang on the door with purpose.
The light flips on inside. The blinds move in the small window a few feet away from the front door. Then the sound of locks flipping just before the door opens. And there in the doorway stands Aaron with a scowl on his face. “What?”
“You can’t do that.”
“Do what?” He crosses his arms over his chest.
“Show up at my job and get all pissy because I’m there with Leo.”
“You and him ever have sex?”
“Excuse me?” His question catches me off guard.
“Have you ever had sex with Leo?” I notice the way his nostrils flare when he says his name.
“Why is that even a question?”
“Why are you avoiding the answer?” he fires back quickly not even taking a moment to consider how ridiculous this actually is.
“Fine,” I say, knowing that I am backed in a corner, “yes we have.”
“Recently?”
I stare at him.
“How recent?” he pushes a little harder and I can feel my self losing control.
“After you were with me?”
“No,” I blurt out, “it’s been a few months.”
“So I’m not supposed to get a little bothered by the idea of you there with him, while he’s half naked?”
“This is ridiculous and the exact reason why I am not good at this shit. I don’t do jealousy.” I don’t do drama, I hate it all. I hate having to answer to anyone for anything.
“So you weren’t a little jealous by me being with Chelsea?”
“Please.” I shouldn’t laugh but I can’t seem to gain some control. “That girl didn’t have a chance with you. She was like a little schoolgirl and I knew right from the start there was nothing there.”
Aaron holds my stare. “Does it make you feel good knowing that since the moment I was with you there isn’t a chance for anyone else?
Does that give you some kind of power rush knowing you’ve fucked me up for anyone else, while I take the scraps you throw my way?
You dangling me around by a fucking string and I’m supposed to be okay with the little you are willing to offer. ”
“I told you from the beginning I wouldn’t be good at this."
“Yeah you did,” he admits and I feel my stomach tighten. “But what you didn’t say is that you wouldn’t even try. In fact you said the exact opposite.”
“Yeah I did.”
“So fucking try, Kendall!” Aaron’s voice rises which surprises me. But that is what I do. I piss people off, I push them to their breaking point because I feel like it’s the only way I can maintain control.
“I am,” I respond with just as much irritation in my voice. Hating that we are here, doing what we are doing and feeling awful for it. I hate doing this to him, I hate doing this to me.
He nods, and something about it grates on my nerves. “Sure you are.” And with those words he turns around and attempts to close the door.
Without a second to think it through I react and stick my hand out to stop him. I’m going to slowly destroy a very good man and I should walk away now, only everything inside of me fears the thought I never having him touch me again.
“I don’t want to lose myself because I get so wrapped up in you,” I confess as anxiety fills me from head to toe, but I push through. “Because I see that happening, Aaron. I see myself giving everything to you and in the end, I forget who I truly am.”
His features soften, only a fraction but enough for me to notice. A softer look in his eyes and the tension in his shoulders slowly fades. “Impossible, because I wouldn’t let you do that.”
He holds my stare as he reaches out to touch my arm and I take a step toward him.
“Then help me maneuver through this.” My heart races. “Help me figure it out. Because I have no clue what I am doing.”
“Do you know how hard it is to help someone that isn’t willing to bend, not even little?”
“I’m here aren’t I?”
Aaron’s palm slides over my arm soothingly. “Now, you are here now. But an hour ago you were running.”
“An hour ago I was pissed and ready to drive through your front door with the tow truck.”
He chuckles.
“You laugh, but it’s true.”
“Well I’m glad you left the tow truck at the shop.”
Silence settles over us, only the sounds of crickets in the darkness.
“You should know that since that night with you, the first time, I haven’t been with anyone else. I’ll admit I tried, but though I hate to admit it, it felt wrong.”
“So you tried to forget?”
“I did,” I confess as I look down to avoid his eyes. “It didn’t work.”
“What do we do now?”
I take a deep breath and close my eyes when I feel his hand slide over my arm once more.
“We keep trying this, but know that we will probably be doing this bickering thing the entire way through. I’m not an easy person Aaron, I know I’m a pain in the ass.”
“You are.” I look up to find him smiling. “But I deal with pain in the ass people all day every day, I’m not afraid of a difficult situation.”
“Now I am a difficult situation?”
“Hell yeah you are, the most difficult one yet.”
I push on his chest and he grabs my wrists pulling me in close. “Kendall,” he says in a low husky voice and I pause giving him my full attention. “You have to be willing to bend babe, I can’t do this all on my own.”
“I know.” And I did. “And I will try. You have to be patient though, I’m going to need a lot of second chances.”
“And thirds, fourths, and fifths,” he says, kissing my forehead with a laugh.
I never thought I’d be the kind of girl to fall in love with forehead kisses but this man just proved me wrong.
“Yeah, all of those, just do me a favor.”
“Anything.” He leaves his lips resting just barely against my temple.
“Don’t lose faith in me, because even though I act like I don’t, I do like being with you.”
Aaron hugs me and I let him. For the first time I stop fighting against something I want. I stop looking for all the ways it could go wrong and accept that this, it may be the first right thing I’ve done in a very long time.