Chapter 14
Cyra
I followed Raina to the solarium of the palace as she complained to me about the latest squabbles she’d had with the High Council over one issue or another.
Nothing had changed since the last time I’d spoken to her.
The council still treated her like a figurehead, parading her around at state functions but giving her little power or say in anything that happened in Polaris.
She was getting tired of it, and I didn’t blame her.
I’d been meaning to talk to Bressen about pushing the council to make Raina’s claim to Polaris’s Triumvirate seat official, and I’d have to be sure I did that when we got home.
The solarium was bright and warm when we entered. With the direct sunlight it got and the weather just starting to get warmer during the day, the room was rather toasty.
There was a tea and coffee service laid out for us on a table between two chaises, and I sat down as I reached for the coffee. I paused as movement outside the solarium caught my attention, though.
Several large black birds, likely crows, had landed on one of the bare trees outside, and a few more joined them as I looked on.
“So is there something you want to tell me?” Raina asked.
I finished pouring my coffee and glanced up. “Tell you?” I asked dumbly, trying to gauge how much trouble I was in. I hadn’t yet told her about Aramis, and I surmised she must’ve heard it from someone on the council. I didn’t doubt she was hurt that I hadn’t told her myself.
“Yes,” she said. “You know, important information that maybe I would’ve appreciated hearing from my best friend rather than through the gossip circles?”
I let out a deep breath and set down the cream I’d just picked up. “I’m sorry. There’s been a lot going on. I was planning to tell you shortly.”
“You didn’t think this was something I’d want to know sooner rather than later?” she asked.
“I…I didn’t think it was all that urgent,” I said. “I didn’t think you knew him that well.”
Outside the windows, more crows had gathered in the tree.
“You didn’t think I knew him that well?” Raina said incredulously. “Did you forget that I fucking slept with the man, Cyra?”
My brows shot together as I stared at her incredulously. “You what? When did that happen?”
Raina looked at me as if I’d gone mad.
“You know when it happened,” she said. “On the Harmilan.”
I blinked at her. “You slept with my father on the-,” I started to say, but I cut myself off as it finally occurred to me we were talking about two separate things. “Wait, what are you talking about?”
“What are you talking about?” Raina countered. “Your father?…” Her eyes flew open wide. “You think I slept with Aramis?” Her voice had gone so high-pitched I imagined dogs in the next town perking their ears. “Why in the name of the Trinity would you think I slept with Aramis?”
“I…No, I thought you wanted to know why I didn’t tell you my father died,” I said.
Raina’s face fell. “What? Aramis is dead?”
I nodded.
“Oh gods! When did this happen? How?” Raina asked as she leaned forward to grasp my hands.
I gave her the brief version of how Jasper had been taken, the vision I’d had of Bressen’s death, and how I’d lost control when we fought Sandrian and Magdalene at the temple.
I told her how I thought we’d circumvented the vision when it turned out Bressen was alive, at least until we found Aramis and realized Magdalene had killed him.
I told her Magdalene was a syphon, but I left out how both Axenus and I had recognized her, as that wasn’t my secret to tell.
Raina sat unmoving in her chair as I finished the story.
“Cyra, why didn’t you tell me?” she asked, hurt in her voice.
I sighed. “At first it was because Bressen didn’t want the High Council to know what happened,” I said. “I think it’s some kind of information game. He’s trying to make the point they aren’t in the Triumvirate, as much as they might want to think they are.”
Raina nodded. “At first?” she prompted, catching my word choice.
I gave a half shrug. “After a while, I just couldn’t talk about it.”
“Of course not. You’re grieving,” Raina said. She got up, sat down next to me on the chaise, and pulled me into a hug.
I swallowed against the lump in my throat that always formed when I thought of Aramis. “But more than that, I’m…ashamed,” I said.
I hadn’t realized how true it was until just now.
Raina pulled away. “Ashamed of what?” she asked as she took my hands in hers again.
Tears sprang to my eyes.
“It’s my fault he’s dead,” I told her as my voice broke. “Aramis was a healer, not a fighter. I should’ve protected him, but I was too worried about making sure Bressen didn’t die, and I was too angry at Magdalene for-” I cut myself off. “For taking Jasper,” I finished.
If Raina noticed my hesitation, she didn’t say anything.
“Cyra, no one is going to blame you for being distracted by the potential loss of your husband,” Raina said. “You couldn’t have known.”
“I nearly killed everyone!” I cried. Tears streamed down my face as the pain and guilt I’d been trying to suppress for days broke free.
“If Samhail hadn’t shielded Aidan, Jasper, and Maziren, they’d all be dead.
As it is, I may have done lasting damage to Aidan.
He hasn’t seemed himself since we got back. ”
Raina gathered me in her arms again, and I buried my face in her shoulder as the tears poured out. I hated crying, but it seemed like it was all I did lately.
“Cyra, please stop crying,” Raina said as she began to sniffle. “Other people crying makes me cry too.”
I only cried harder, and I felt Raina start to shake against me as she caught the contagion of my sobbing. It was several minutes before both of us wound down enough to pull away and look at each other.
“I’m sorry,” I said as I used my thumb to wipe at the wetness on Raina’s cheeks. “I didn’t mean to make you cry.”
Raina pulled a handkerchief from the pocket of her dress and dabbed at her eyes. “It’s fine,” she said. “It seems like you needed it.” She wiped at my own face with a dry part of her handkerchief.
“Thank you,” I said as she stood and went back to her chaise again.
“You should’ve sent me a message,” she said. “I could’ve come with you. I could’ve helped.”
I shook my head. “Absolutely not. I can’t lose any more people I love. Three hells, I almost succeeded in keeping Bressen from going, and he’s a lot more-”
I stopped, realizing I was about to say something potentially offensive, but Raina knew what I’d been about to say.
“He’s a lot more powerful than me,” she finished. “You’re right. He is, and so are you, but that doesn’t mean I can’t fight.”
“I know, but just because you can fight doesn’t mean I want you to.”
“Just promise me,” Raina said, “no more keeping me out of the loop. I don’t have to tell the High Council what’s going on, but I shouldn’t have to learn big things like this days after they happen.”
“Fair enough. I’ll be sure you know about major events,” I said, then frowned as something occurred to me. “Wait. I thought you were upset because I didn’t tell you about Aramis. If you didn’t know about his death, then what did you think I knew that I wasn’t telling you?”
Raina blushed and waved a dismissive hand. “Never mind. It’s not important.”
“It was important enough to upset you. Tell me.”
Raina sucked in a deep breath, then exhaled it before she went on.
“Damian is leaving Callanus. He’s moving to Gendris, and he’s going to be a guard in the palace.
In this palace,” she said. “I gave one of my old friends at the Citadel some message leaves so she could keep in touch, and she told me.”
I took a moment to digest this news. Damian was a guard at the Citadel that Raina had hoped to get into a relationship with at one time. They’d slept together once, but then Raina had left for Gendris, and their involvement had ended.
“And you thought I knew about this and didn’t tell you?” I asked.
Raina shrugged. “In hindsight I may have jumped to unreasonable conclusions, but in my defense, Damian usually works in Bressen’s wing. I thought maybe you’d heard about it.”
“No, this is definitely the first I’m hearing of it. But…congratulations? That’s a good thing, isn’t it?”
Raina looked horrified. “No! It’s not a good thing.”
I frowned. “Why not? I thought you two…”
“We had sex together once on the Harmilan, and then he avoided me until they came to take me to Gendris.”
My frown deepened. “He avoided you?”
Raina sighed. “I didn’t realize it at the time, but yes. He was acting a bit strange after the Harmilan. Distant. But I thought he’d just reverted to his shy ways. I didn’t realize until later he was actively avoiding me.”
“So you don’t want him back, and you’re…afraid he’s coming to Gendris to try and get you back?”
“I don’t know why he’s coming, but either way, I can’t have him here. I’ve moved on. I have someone else.”
“Another guard,” I said, remembering what she’d told me a while ago.
“Yes, Lucas. It’s nothing serious for either of us. He has other women, and I have other men, but he comes to my room occasionally, or we find quiet corners of the palace, and I don’t want to risk Damian finding out about us. Is there anything you can do?”
“Me?” I asked in surprise. “What do you want me to do?”
“I don’t know. Keep the palace from hiring him?”
I huffed a laugh. “I don’t think that’s an option.
Bressen and I are both on thin ice with the High Council after Fernweh.
We have to be very careful where and when we call in political favors.
I know Damian being here will make things awkward for you, but I don’t think we can risk asking a favor for something like this. I’m really sorry.”
I waited for Raina to be angry at me, but she only leaned back on her chaise in defeat.
“I had a feeling,” she said, “but I had to ask.”
“Just be careful about where you and Lucas have sex. Maybe limit it to your room instead of…”
I trailed off, not sure I wanted to imagine where Raina and this guard had been fucking each other. She satisfied my curiosity anyway.