CHAPTER 28
NINA MARCHESI
My entire body feels heavy as I practically drag myself off the ferry with the crowd, but the weight in my limbs is nothing compared to the one in my chest. I left Nero alone, waiting, without any news, on what was supposed to be our special night—and I really needed it.
The past few weeks have been lived as an intense duel between guilt and chaos inside my heart.
With every thing I kept from Nero, every time I used his absence to keep up with the requirements of the selection process—knowing that our short time was becoming shorter still while I did it—I felt my heart shrink.
I wanted to tell him. I need to tell him. I just can’t—and I don’t know why. All I wanted tonight was to get lost in his arms.
I feel like crying, but after spending the day in a very realistic emergency-response training, I don’t have the energy for it. I let out a long breath and lift my phone to eye level.
I press the power button and the device doesn’t respond, just as dead now as it has been for the last few hours.
My mind can’t decide whether it wants to think about what excuse it will give Nero for this unforgivable no-show or if it prefers to pretend that—at least for tonight—I don’t have to deal with it.
I pass through the turnstiles, leaving the ferry terminal, and follow the flow of people toward the cobblestone streets so characteristic of Khione. My shoulders rise and fall with every deep breath I take, none of them doing anything to ease my physical and emotional exhaustion.
None of them prepare me for finding Nero, arms crossed, leaning against his car, waiting for me at the terminal exit.
I stop immediately, and the woman behind me bumps into my back.
I turn, apologizing. She waves it off and keeps going, eager to get home.
The rest of the people behind me disperse, some to the right, others to the left, avoiding further collisions.
I squeeze my eyes shut before turning forward again.
If every hair on my body weren’t standing on end, I’d suspect Nero’s presence was nothing more than a trick of my overactive imagination—and that when I turned back, the space where I’d seen him would be empty.
That’s not what happens.
My eyes find him in the same place, in the same position. What is he doing here? How did he know I was coming back from Athens? None of those questions, however, take precedence over the one I still don’t have—not to receive, but to give.
I give my exhausted brain a mental round of applause, warning it that we don’t have the whole night anymore. It needs to come up with explanations—and it needs to do it now.
My slow steps aren’t intentional, even if they’re convenient. After a few minutes, I finally reach Nero.
“Hi,” I say softly.
“Hi, Nina,” Nero replies, pressing a quick kiss to my lips before pulling away and opening the passenger door for me. I accept and sink into the leather seat, immediately surrounded by my boyfriend’s scent. Every bone in my body sings with relief.
My tired feet throb, and I slip off my shoes, letting them fall. I close my eyes. I could fall asleep. The thought is brief—I think I actually doze for two seconds—but I’m awakened by the sound of Nero’s door closing as he gets in and takes the wheel.
No questions are asked. Nero simply starts the car, and the silence I thought would be welcome becomes oppressive after a few minutes.
I break it.
“How did you know I’d be here?” I ask. He lets out a short, low, dry laugh.
“Your mother told me. She was worried you’d miss the last ferry.” I nod, feeling my heart tighten at his tone.
“Can I borrow your phone? I want to call her—mine’s been dead for hours.”
“You can,” he says, and I reach toward the console where his phone rests. “You know the passcode. But I already told her I found you and that I’m taking you home.”
I pull my hand back, giving up after hearing that.
“Thank you,” I say. He answers with a nod.
“Are you okay?” I ask. He lets out another of those awful short laughs.
“No, Nina. I’m not okay.”
“What happened?” Nero glances away from the road just long enough to look at me for a second.
“What happened?” he repeats. “Are you really asking me that, Nina?”
I exhale and close my eyes, feeling my temples throb.
“I’m sorry I missed our dinner. I missed the earlier ferry, the tickets for the next one were sold out, and I only managed to come back on the last. My phone died—I couldn’t warn you.
I know it’s a shitty situation, but my day was so exhausting, Nero.
If that’s why you’re upset, I’ve stood around waiting too, a few times, so I think I’ve got some credit left. ”
I don’t say it as an attack—I’m just… tired. And I really didn’t want to have this conversation right now.
“You think I’m upset because you didn’t show up to dinner?
” he asks seriously, and my exhausted brain resents his rhetorical questions.
“I didn’t know we were keeping score, Nina.
If that’s the case, then please—do whatever you think you need to do all at once so we’re even and can move on, because I really want this to be the last time something like this happens. I really didn’t like it, Nina.”
Despite the seriousness in his tone, his voice also carries care and frustration that instantly make me feel awful.
I drop my head back against the seat and close my eyes.
“I’m sorry,” I say, putting more energy into my voice than I feel capable of. “I really am. I’m just tired, Nero.”
He doesn’t answer, letting the silence settle between us. Every second of the emptiness filling the car makes me feel guiltier, because even after all this, Nero is still being careful with me.
“Sorry,” I repeat. His eyes flick from the road to me quickly. “Can you pull over?” I ask, feeling my stomach twist.
“Are you feeling sick?” Nero asks, already steering toward the shoulder.
“No,” I admit. “Nothing a shower and a good night’s sleep won’t fix. But I need to tell you something.”
I unfasten my seatbelt as Nero turns off the engine and turn my body to face him. He mirrors my movement, and we end up facing each other.
“You’re going to tell me where you went today? Or why you’ve been distant these past weeks?” he asks, straight to the point. I bite my lip.
“I told you I was taking care of a few things.”
“Repeatedly.”
“Yes—I just didn’t say to what end.” Nero’s brows knit slightly. “I was approved in a selection process and have been going through the next stages. Exams, training, endless paperwork, and document submission. That’s what I’ve been doing on the days I leave the island.”
“A job?” he asks, confused. “That’s what you’ve been hiding from me? A job?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t understand, Nina,” he says, sounding tired. “At any point did I do something that made you think you living your life—pursuing your dreams—would be an obstacle between us?”
“The job I accepted is in Dubai, Nero.”
His face falls instantly.
The blue eyes I love so much blink, and I can almost see the gears turning behind them. Suddenly, my entire body is on alert. This conversation has fully woken him.
“In Dubai?” he asks, and I nod. “Is it some kind of exchange? How long is it? Three months? A semester?”
The questions come fast, and I blink before answering.
“Eighteen months.”
“Eigh—” He starts to repeat it, then stops. Nero stares ahead at the road for almost a full minute. When his next question comes, he’s looking at me again. “And you didn’t think that was something important to tell me?”
“I didn’t know how,” I confess softly, my eyes burning.
The anger that takes over the man in front of me goes far beyond the worst scenarios my mind managed to imagine. I bite my lip until it hurts, waiting for his response. The disappointment radiating from him feels like a knife sinking into my chest. That was exactly what I was trying to avoid.
Every insecurity and self-accusation comes out to play during the time it takes Nero to answer. I didn’t want to get involved enough with someone for my absence to matter. And yet—here we are.
I saw what was happening. I could have stopped it at any moment, but I was selfish.
I wanted what I had so badly that I kept making excuses for myself, lying to myself, telling myself over and over that the plan hadn’t changed—even when my heart held nothing but certainty that I no longer felt the same.
It doesn’t matter that it happened too fast. It happened. And there was nothing I could do about it except get off the fence. I always knew I couldn’t have everything—and still, I enjoyed every second during which I pretended I could.
“I’m going to have to disagree with you, Nina, because from where I stand, you just told me—and guess what? Your tongue is still in the same damn place!” he snaps, slamming his hands against the steering wheel.
I don’t know if it’s the violence of his words or the truth in them that hurts more. I flinch in my seat, blinking rapidly. I open and close my mouth, but I can’t find any conciliatory truth to offer—so I choose silence.
Nero doesn’t ask anything else. He starts the car and pulls away, accelerating through the empty streets of the island like he never has with me by his side. It’s almost reckless.
I hold my breath and tug my seatbelt tighter.
The drive to my house feels like a silent eternity. When he parks at the curb, I see my mother peeking through the window. She comes out the moment she spots me.
I turn to Nero, my eyes burning, but managing to hold back the tears.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.” His furious face turns toward me, but he doesn’t answer. I nod, miserable. “Thank you for coming to get me tonight.”
I open the car door and step out. I close it, and before I can turn and go inside, Nero speaks.
“That week—” His words come through clenched teeth as his nostrils flare. “That damn week—don’t think for a second it was anything less than miserable for me. I hated every second I left you waiting. If you were looking for revenge for it, you should know that—for me—it was punishment.”
“Nero…” I whisper, arms hanging uselessly at my sides, the little control I still had over my tears breaking—but there’s no one to see them fall.
Nero speeds off in the car, disappearing into the dark night of the island, leaving me behind with the sobs that finally find their way out of my heart.