Chapter 16
Nessa’s face felt like it was on fire as she tentatively speared a piece of chicken with her fork, taking a small bite while keeping her eyes downcast.
Had she really just said that she liked wearing Murphy’s shirt? Yes.
Had he really just said that he liked seeing her in it? Not his bear. Him.
Yes. He definitely had.
Her heart raced, and her fingers shook slightly as she gripped her fork. Quickly, she swallowed her food, barely tasting the spices that danced on her tongue.
All men like seeing a woman in their shirts. It doesn’t mean anything.
Except …
Nessa really wanted it to mean something.
She wanted Murphy to want her. If the last week in his presence had taught her anything, it was that she loved having him near her.
Loved sharing her day with him. Loved the way he touched her.
His hands always slid over her so reverently, like he wanted to commit every part of her to memory.
She wanted more of that, craved his hands on her body in a way she never had for anyone ever before. Her fear of sex had completely evaporated because of him, and she felt touch-starved, like she’d wither away and die without him.
‘It feels like you’re mine. Like I’ve claimed you. And that makes me feel good.’
What would that be like? To be claimed by Murphy? To be his? She was desperate to find out, but indecision held her back from addressing the elephant in the room.
Five days ago, Murphy had told her he didn’t want a relationship with her, but his behavior had changed so much over the last few days, she didn’t know what to think anymore. His attentiveness, his caresses, everything, all indicated that he wanted her.
But was she reading too much into his actions, deluding herself into thinking he was interested when he wasn’t? Or could she be right?
‘It feels like you’re mine.’
If it were possible, her face grew hotter as his deep voice rumbled through her mind. The silence grew palpable between them, and Nessa risked a discreet glance up at Murphy, nearly dropping her fork when her eyes met his from across the table.
He was staring right at her, an odd look on his face that she couldn’t quite decipher. Was it hunger? Yearning? Damn, she hoped so. Her breath caught as his gaze heated, sliding over her until her lungs forgot how to function properly.
His attention on her was absolute. Unwavering. Dark and intense, and so warm, she felt a ball of tension form low in her belly, adding to the growing inferno that threatened to burn her to ash. She shifted in her seat, and the air between them crackled with a thick, all-consuming energy.
Reaching for her water with a shaky hand, she took a small sip, hoping the simple action would help calm her frantically beating pulse. She cleared her throat, her body feeling like it had been ignited by flames and was burning at a million degrees.
“How is it?” She nodded toward his plate, feigning interest in the meal. “The adobo?”
Murphy finally looked away from her, taking all the heat with him. A shiver slid down her spine, and she almost whined at the loss. She didn’t, though, otherwise she would have been absolutely mortified.
Cutting up his chicken, Murphy lifted his fork to his mouth, the handle curled in at an odd angle as he took a bite. A second later, he squeezed his eyes shut, groaning appreciatively.
That sound … Nessa’s thighs clenched together, desire building onto that ball in her lower belly until she felt dizzy from the pressure.
“This is amazing.” Murphy scooped up some rice and chicken onto his fork, taking another hearty bite. Watching him enjoy a meal she’d cooked for him gave her a heady feeling. It made her want to storm back into his kitchen and whip up dessert, just to see if he’d devour it with equal enthusiasm.
She had a feeling he would.
She dug back into her own meal, desperate to distract herself from the emotions coursing through her.
It was a good thing she’d made three times the amount of food she usually did because Murphy had polished off his plate within a few minutes.
Without a word, he went back into the kitchen and fixed another plate before dropping back into his seat.
Maybe it was time to change the subject. “So,” Nessa began. “Has there been any update on Dante?”
Murphy hadn’t strayed too far from her over the last few days unless it was to run a quick errand or to wander the perimeter of her house and her business, searching for any sign of the rogue bear shifter.
If he’d found anything, he hadn’t told her yet.
Murphy scowled down at his broccoli before shaking his head. “Not since Marcus scented him initially. I’m starting to wonder if he was mistaken.”
“Does that happen a lot? Being wrong about a smell?”
“Not with Marcus.” He dug back into his food, a bit more forcefully than before, and Nessa regretted bringing up the subject.
“Hunny and I are hanging out tomorrow,” Nessa began again, trying a different topic. “I’m excited.”
And nervous. They hadn’t spent time together in so long, she wasn’t sure what they’d talk about. She hoped things wouldn’t be awkward. Regardless, she missed Hunny, and was more than ready to rekindle their friendship.
Murphy sent her a small, cocky smile. “I know.”
“That I’m excited?”
“That you’re going to Tank’s cabin tomorrow. It’ll be good for you two to spend time together. I’m sure Hunny misses you.”
She cocked her head to the side, her eyes narrowing speculatively. “Did Tank tell you about our plans?” She knew Murphy hadn’t overheard her conversation with the rabbit shifter; they’d texted this afternoon and she hadn’t had a chance to talk to him about it yet.
“Yes. Told me I’d have to come by and help him cope with two yappers in his home.”
Nessa snorted. “He complains about it so much, but I think he secretly enjoys the yapping.”
“He definitely does.” Murphy dropped his fork onto his empty plate, sitting back in his seat. “Were you planning to visit them after we pick up your SUV tomorrow?”
“Yeah. I was going to ask if you wanted to come with me, but I guess your brother beat me to it.” Nessa drummed her fingernails on the tabletop, blushing when Murphy raised a quizzical brow at the motion. Embarrassed, she dropped her hands. “Sorry. Nervous habit.”
“No need to apologize, Nes. I like all your habits,” he stated casually, completely unaware of how that one sentence affected her.
Gratitude took her in a chokehold. Her chest felt tight, her throat clogging with emotion as she fought back tears. She looked down at the table, blinking furiously to clear the moisture from her eyes.
“What about tomorrow makes you nervous?” Murphy asked softly.
“A few things,” Nessa croaked out, curling her hands into fists.
Her nails dug into her palms, the slight pain helping her to focus.
When she felt more in control of herself, she lifted her head.
“I’m kind of afraid that Hunny and I won’t be able to pick up where we left off. I abandoned her for months.”
“Hunny doesn’t blame you for that,” Murphy assured her, reaching across the table, his palm facing up. Waiting for her to take his hand. She did, hers sliding into his and fitting perfectly. “Taking time to yourself to cope and heal from a traumatic experience isn’t wrong. She understands.”
“I know, I just …” Nessa sighed, lacing her fingers with his. His skin against hers felt nice, sparks racing from their joined hands and up her arm. “I wish I’d handled it better. But that’s not the only reason why I’m nervous.”
His thumb swept lazily over hers, and she released a small, pent-up breath. “What’s the other reason, Nes?”
“That’s where everything went down with Jason. Going back there, well, I’m worried that it will cause me to have an anxiety attack. They can get pretty bad sometimes,” she answered quietly. “Breathing exercises help, but I’ll feel like an idiot if I freak out in front of everyone.”
That was the last thing she wanted.
“Nessa. You shouldn’t feel ashamed of something you can’t control,” Murphy murmured softly, shaking his head when she didn’t respond. “Are they frequent? Your anxiety attacks?”
“Kind of. I was getting them fairly regularly until …” She trailed off, biting her lower lip.
“Until what?”
Nessa sent him a meaningful look, and his eyes softened. “Until we started spending more time together. You make me feel safe, Murphy. And your cologne—or scent, I guess—calms me down. Whatever anxiety I feel vanishes when I’m with you.”
Murphy’s fingers tightened on hers as he leaned over the table toward her. She leaned toward him too, needing to close the space between them. “Is that why you wanted me to come with you tomorrow? So you don’t have to worry?”
“Yeah.” Nessa shrugged, hoping to lighten the mood. “Besides, we’ve spent every day this week together. It would be a shame to break our hot streak.”
He arched a brow, reading her intention easily. It was bizarre how well he knew her after only a few days, but she loved it. “That’s true. I just made a punch card, and on our tenth day together, you get a free dinner.”
“Hopefully you’re not cooking it, or that won’t be the incentive you think it is,” she joked.
“No, but I’ll buy it.” Murphy grinned, and she wanted to bask in that expression, to reach out and trace her fingers over his lips.
Her phone chimed near the front door, breaking the cozy atmosphere around them. She glanced out a nearby window into the pitch-black of the forest and grimaced. “It’s late. I should probably get home.”
“You could stay here tonight,” Murphy offered suddenly.
Her eyes widened. “Here?”
As in with him? Was he—
“I’m fine to take the couch if you want to sleep in my room,” Murphy offered, interrupting the sexual thoughts that had begun to form in her mind.
Just as quickly, they evaporated, to be replaced with disappointment.
“It’ll save me a few hours of driving time since I’ll need to take you to your car in the morning anyway. ”