Chapter 17 #2
“It’s never been just my bear,” he admitted, hoping he wouldn’t spook her away with the truth.
“Since I met you, I’ve been scared to let you in, of putting myself at risk.
Of being vulnerable. I thought if I could resist you, if I distanced myself, I’d stop wanting you.
It didn’t work, though, and I’m so glad about that. ”
Nessa drummed her fingers lightly on his chest, and he found the nervous habit endearing. “What are you saying, Murphy?”
“I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything.” He shook his head, wishing he could put into words the yearning he felt in his soul. “It’s more than that. I need you. The thought of going a day without seeing you, without touching you, is excruciating, Nes.”
Her eyes shot back up to his face, meeting his own. “I want you, too. So much, Murphy. I never wanted to be in a relationship again until I met you, but you make me feel so much. You make me feel like it’s possible. I—”
Her chin wobbled, that same hope he’d seen earlier shining from her dark gaze. Then she blinked, and it was gone. In its place was an emptiness he’d never seen before.
“But what if I can’t be the kind of partner you need?
” The words were so low, he barely heard them.
Tears pooled in her eyes, and his heart twisted, pain beating through him at seeing her so conflicted.
“What we just did … I loved it, but what if I can’t go further than that? What if I just can’t, Murphy?”
“You mean sex?”
She nodded, looking away from him in shame.
He sat up, grabbing onto her hips. Refusing to let her escape this conversation. Refusing to let her worries eat at her.
“Look at me, Nessa,” he commanded darkly, silently willing her to obey him. He refused to use his power on her, not that it would have worked anyway, but he didn’t need to.
She did as he bade, her lashes fluttering as she met his gaze once more. “I don’t just want your body, Nessa. I want you. Your mind, your heart.” His palm slid over her chest, nestling between her breasts. “We can go at whatever pace you need. Figure out what works for you and what doesn’t.”
They’d take however long she needed, and in the meantime, they’d figure out their relationship, too. Although he longed to claim her, to mate her officially, he could wait.
He would wait. Forever, if he had to.
“And if I can’t? Have sex with you?”
“Then I’ll enjoy whatever intimacy we can have,” Murphy assured her.
Nessa shook her head in disbelief. “Murphy, you’re a man in your prime. If we decide to enter into a relationship, you’ll want sex soon enough. You’ll miss it, and I don’t want to hold you back—”
“I haven’t had sex in over a decade.”
Her words died in her throat, and she gaped at him. “What?”
Murphy sighed, dropping back down onto the bed.
“After everything with Sachi, the urge kind of died. There have been a few instances where I’ve had sexual partners, but I was always too distrusting, too worried they’d find a way to betray me despite it being a solely transactional arrangement, and those instances were few and far between. ”
“So you haven’t been with anyone in ten years?” she asked, her surprise clear in her tone.
“Give or take.”
“That’s … wow. I thought my streak was bad, but you’ve got me beat. No wonder you enjoyed the dry-humping.”
Despite the severity of their talk, he smiled. “Don’t you think it’s a little mean to make fun of me?”
Nessa snorted. “Please, that was an honest observation. I almost asked if you’d cum dust into your underwear, but I refrained. That would have been teasing you.”
Murphy laughed, his fingers flexing on her thigh. “I should go clean the dust off of my dick,” he commented, sitting up with an exaggerated sigh.
“Me, too,” Nessa agreed quickly. She pursed her lips. “I mean, not your dick. Or mine. I don’t know why I said that. I don’t have a dick,” she informed him resolutely, the exasperation on her face too cute to ignore.
He captured Nessa’s mouth with his, kissing her lightly. Grabbing her ass, he pushed himself to his feet, holding her to him as he moved towards the bathroom. She wrapped her legs around his waist, her hands finding his shoulders. “Come on, Nes. Time to clean up.”
“Are we really doing this?” she asked hesitantly.
“Washing the dust off of our dicks?” he joked.
“Entering into a relationship.”
Murphy stopped in his tracks, the world around him disappearing until it was just Nessa. Just this moment between them. “I want that. I want to woo you”—her brows rose—“and mate you, and spend all of my days with you.”
Her eyes softened. “I want that too.”
Joy hit him like a lightning bolt, his bear chuffing enthusiastically as he hugged Nessa to him.
“Then, yes. We’re doing this.”
Before she could reply, a fist slammed against his front door. Murphy stiffened, turning toward the sound.
“Who is that?” Nessa asked incredulously. “It’s still pitch-black outside!”
“It’s probably someone from the clan.” Although, no one usually dropped by his house without reaching out first. Telepathic communication wasn’t something he could silence, not like a phone.
Setting Nessa gently on her feet, Murphy moved down the hall and into the living room, the moonlight shining into the room through the floor-to-ceiling windows, illuminating the large space in an ethereal glow.
He heard Nessa trail along behind him, her soft steps a balm to his soul. He loved having her here, in his space.
He neared the front door, inhaling instinctively to catch the scent of whoever was nearby.
And then he stilled, his bear releasing a furious growl as the earthy smell registered.
Vampire.