Chapter 22
Nessa fidgeted with the napkin beside her plate, more nervous now than she’d been in a long time, which was saying something.
She didn’t know why she was even so worked up about going on a date.
This was Murphy. She’d known him for months—had spent the entire week with him.
She’d literally had this man’s tongue down her throat less than a day ago and had ridden him like her life depended on it.
They’d made each other cum, for crying out loud, and she’d felt amazing afterward. It had felt easy. Natural.
But going on a date apparently made her nervous.
Murphy sat across from her, holding some kind of meat sub up to his mouth, only a few bites remaining. He’d practically inhaled it while she’d nibbled on her own sandwich, too much in her own head to really enjoy the taste of it.
He’d taken her to a cute diner near her teahouse, and the place was busy for a Saturday afternoon, the small hum of chatter filling the silence between her and Murphy while they ate.
She didn’t think he minded the noise, and the busyness worked out perfectly; she didn’t feel like anyone was paying them any attention as they sat in their small booth in the corner. The window to her right overlooked the tables scattered on the sidewalk outside.
It was a pretty day; the sun was shining, and there wasn’t much of a breeze, but the temperature was still too cold to sit outside. At least, for her—Murphy probably wouldn’t even notice the chill.
He sat his mostly eaten sub onto his plate, sending her a lazy smile. “I’m sorry about Jasper. I know he’s exasperating.”
Nessa quirked a brow. “Exasperating is a polite way of saying super annoying.”
He laughed, giving her a small shake of his head. “He wasn’t always like that. Believe it or not, when he was little, he was very reserved, especially around people he didn’t know. He liked to play-wrestle with Tank, and he was always witty, but he wasn’t like he is now.”
“Seriously?” A quiet Jasper? She barely knew him, but that seemed extremely inconceivable. Everything about him screamed ‘life of the party.’ Nessa took a bite of her ham sandwich. “How did he become so …” She trailed off, struggling to find the right word.
“Different?” Murphy asked.
That was one way to put it. She’d have gone with ‘demented’ or ‘evil,’ but she was still pissed at the stunt he’d pulled back at Hunny’s place.
Nessa nodded, and he sighed, leaning back in his seat.
“After everything with Sachi—Tank nearly dying and me being tortured—I think he sensed that our family was hanging on by a very strenuous thread. He wanted to take our minds off of all the bad things that had happened. Humor was his way of helping us, and probably himself, to cope.”
Nessa’s heart ached at that, Murphy’s words stirring up long-ago memories of her own brother, Angelo. After their parents had died, and they’d gone to live with their lolo, she remembered accidentally eavesdropping on a conversation between the two of them.
She’d only been seven and hadn’t intended to spy on anyone, but when she’d heard a small sob come from the other room, she’d gotten worried and gone to investigate.
When she realized it was Angelo’s pained sounds, she’d stopped dead in her tracks, lingering just outside the doorway to the room.
She hadn’t been sure what to do. But Lolo had been with him.
Angelo had been crying, his voice strained as he’d discussed missing their parents.
Lolo had consoled him, and then, after he’d quieted down, reminded him about the promise they’d apparently made.
To only remember the good, and while it was okay to mourn them in private, to keep a brave face for Nessa to protect her from the harshness of the world for as long as they could.
That had happened so long ago, she’d completely forgotten about it until now.
She thought about it, recalling memories of the times she’d asked her big brother about their parents.
He’d always smiled affectionately and told her a story about them.
A memory. Something silly or sweet, but he’d never seemed sad.
But he’d only hidden his sorrow, she realized now. He’d mourned them without her, all because of a promise he’d made to Lolo. Looking back on it, it seemed so cruel to let Angelo bear that burden alone just to keep her blissfully unaware of what he’d struggled through.
They’d been a family, and while he’d been protecting her, he hadn’t given her the same opportunity to protect him.
To help him through his grief. Would things have turned out differently if he had?
Would he have confided in her about other things, too, as they’d gotten older?
And if he had, would they still have ended up as enemies?
Or would her entire life be different right now?
It was hard to reconcile the brother she’d grown up with, the boy who’d have done anything just to make her smile, with the man he’d become. But he’d made his choices, and in the end, she’d made hers.
Luckily, those choices had led her here. To Montana. To Murphy; her soul mate. If that wasn’t an act of fate, she didn’t know what was. But while she was elated that she’d met Murphy, it didn’t take away the pain that resurfaced at the thought of Angelo.
She cleared her throat, desperately needing to think about something else before she started missing her brother even more. “How old was Jasper when you took over as Alpha?”
“Thirteen. My twin brothers, Reece and Gunnar, were fifteen, I think.”
At that age, there wasn’t much a kid could do to help his family through something so traumatic. But he could make them laugh, could tease them and lighten their moods, which apparently was a mantle Jasper had picked up without hesitation.
Jasper must love his family a lot.
Who was she kidding? Of course, he did. Every Sinclair she’d met had been wonderful and welcoming. They were a tight-knit group, but they’d made Nessa, and definitely Hunny, feel like a member of their family, each in their own way.
Tank, by simply being himself. Jasper, by teasing her like he did everyone else. Tabitha, by being such a sweet, kind woman. Nessa hadn’t met the rest of Murphy’s family, but she could only assume they were all the same in that way.
And now I’m a part of it.
Well, she was kind of a part of it. She was Murphy’s mate, but they were literally on their first date. Considering herself a member of his family was crazy, wasn’t it?
But still …
How many nights in recent years had she spent wishing for an easy camaraderie like they offered? The ache in Nessa’s chest grew, the longing for a family after so many years of being alone making her eyes water.
Murphy reached across the table, his hand settling over Nessa’s. She looked up, and he sent her a worried look. “You okay, Nes?”
“Yeah.” She gave him a small smile.
His brow furrowed in confusion. “I can smell your tears. Did I say something to upset you?”
“Not at all. It just made me think of my own brother, that’s all.”
Murphy cocked his head to the side. “Do you want to talk about him?”
She bit her lip, contemplating it. She’d have to discuss everything with Murphy soon enough, but talking about Angelo would mean talking about Tony, and she would not ruin their date by bringing up that psychopath.
“Maybe later?”
Murphy’s eyes widened, as if he was genuinely surprised by her offer. She didn’t blame him. After all, she had only recently told him her past was a topic she never wanted to discuss. But now, after only a week of truly knowing Murphy, everything felt so different. It both terrified and elated her.
Hoping to get their date back to a more romantic topic, she cast a quick look around to ensure no one was watching them before leaning in and whispering, “So how does mating work exactly? I’m assuming you’ll bite me, but what else happens?”
She wasn’t really looking forward to it—she assumed it would be unpleasant—but she couldn’t deny that she was curious, especially after the kind of books she’d read over the years.
Murphy’s dark brown eyes heated, the lust on his face unmistakable. It called to her, and she felt her body answer in response, a ball of desire forming in her lower belly.
“Why do you ask?” His voice took on a husky edge, and a pleasant shiver slid down her spine.
Feeling a strange mixture of horny and shy, Nessa shrugged in an effort to appear nonchalant.
“This is forever, right?” She quoted his previous words back to him, anticipation causing her desire to strengthen as his gaze heated further.
“I’m wondering what all it involves. Is there a specific process? ”
He adjusted his hand on hers, lacing their fingers together. Lowering his voice, he answered, “I’ll bite you, Nessa. It’ll leave a permanent mark. It’s typical for shifters to place the bite somewhere others can see, like where the neck meets the shoulder.”
His eyes trailed over her neck as he spoke, the intensity from his stare nearly undoing her. “Mostly, it’s meant to be shown off, like a wedding ring is among humans. Since you’re a human, though, I can always place it somewhere else to avoid people asking you questions.”
His gaze traveled down, lingering on her breasts, and her breath caught. He’d bite her breast to mark her? Her nipples pebbled at the thought, and she squirmed in her seat, thighs clenching together.
Okay, maybe the idea of him biting her wasn’t as unpleasant as she’d previously thought. It was actually hot as hell.
She licked her lips. “Does it hurt?”
“I’ve heard that some shifters find it painful.
But I’ve also heard there are ways to make the bite quite pleasurable.
” His eyes worked their way back up to her face, meeting her own and holding her gaze until she felt like she’d melt into a puddle of need right then and there.
“I’ll make sure you love every second of my mouth on you, little mate. ”
Holy shit.
How could so few words sound so deliciously dirty?
He meant sex. He had to. That sounded so intimate, so … exciting.
Now, more than anything, she wanted to experience that with him.
But could she do that? Would it be possible to get to that level of trust and security? She already trusted Murphy, of course, far more than she’d trusted anyone in such a long time, but most of her issues were with herself.
Could she handle laying herself so bare, metaphorically and physically?
She wanted to, obviously, but she didn’t want to get either of their hopes up if sex turned out to be a hard limit for her.
“I—” She stumbled over her words, completely tongue-tied. She smiled sheepishly. “Would I bite you, too? Or is that weird, since my canines aren’t as sharp as yours?”
She’d noticed his teeth last night when they’d been kissing, but she’d gotten so swept up in the moment to truly appreciate how sharp they were compared to hers. They looked normal when he smiled, but there was definitely a difference.
Murphy stilled, his eyes flashing gold. “I’d love for you to mark me, Nessa.”
Sexual tension stretched taut between them, so thick in the air she could practically smell it.
“I think I’m done with my sandwich,” she said faintly, the warmth from his palm soaking into her skin, making her wish his hands were somewhere else on her body.
Murphy’s eyes returned to their normal shade, but that intensity, that lust, didn’t fade as he watched her. “Do you want to go back to your place?” he rasped, his tone low and full of the same need she felt inside herself.
Back to her place? Alone, where anything could happen?
Nessa nodded eagerly. “Absolutely.”