Chapter 29
Mickey
Now that my classes really don’t matter, college is a breeze.
I still have to pass everything so I don’t owe this place even more money, but there’s no pressure.
I don’t have the crazy schedule of hockey season to contend with, and I don’t have the prospect of a vague, unsatisfying future in front of me.
No player ever knows how long they’ll play, of course, or what kind of career they’ll have, but I’llhave a fucking hockey career and that’s really all I’ve ever wanted.
Well, that and Viv McDonald.
One out of two ain’t bad, right?
Wrong. It’s terrible. Soul-crushing, actually.
I’ve done my best to avoid Viv these past few weeks, and it hasn’t been as hard as I thought it would be, but I guess that makes sense. She’s busy finishing up her degree and probably avoiding me as studiously as I’m dodging her.
But that’s not possible today. It’s Calla’s first birthday party, so of course we’re both here. And of course we both arrived bright and early to help with all the setup.
We danced around each other all morning, but now I’m hanging out at the fire pit with the guys, and she’s playing in the kiddie pool with Calla. And she’s wearing a green bikini and looking hot as hell. Because of course, she is.
“You getting excited?”
There’s a pause, and I realize Dime is talking to me while I’ve been staring at Viv.
Damn right, I’m getting excited. But that’s not what he means.
“Yeah,” I answer. “It’s gonna be good. I’ve had some video chats and almost all the guys speak English, so I should be okay.
I downloaded a guide to conversational Polish.
Might listen to that on the plane. I might also fall asleep. ”
“I thin it’s fucking tits that you’re going, man,” Jenksy says, coming to join us.
“I mean, what’s left for you here, you know?
You could play, sure, but you’re actually making money in Poland.
Plus, after shit went down with you and Viv, well, you probably don’t want a whole bunch of reminders of her all over the house or on campus, am I right? ”
I hate to admit it, but Jenksy is right.
I can’t think of Bainbridge without thinking of Viv.
Of course, I also can’t think without thinking of Viv, but I’m working on that.
I know these guys believe I’ve moved on, but that’s just not true.
Viv McDonald isn’t the kind of woman you ever get over.
I’ll always love her. Being half way across the world isn’t going to change that.
The subject changes to the lineup for next year and the new guys who are coming in. I might not play for BU any more, but I love talking hockey, and I’m excited for their next season.
Once the sun sets, the party winds down and guys start to head home. Okay, they head out to actual parties that will last all night and serve alcohol, but it’s pretty much the same thing.
I’m gonna stick around and be part of the clean up crew, and not just on the off chance I might get to see Viv. I’m here to help my best buddy.
And also to try to talk to Viv. I hate the way we left things between us a few weeks ago. And I hate that we’ve been avoiding each other ever since. I don’t know what to do or how to make it right, but there’s a hole in my heart where she belongs.
My plan is to stick around long enough and then see if she wants to walk home together, but when I see her struggling with a trash can that’s approximately as big as she is, I intervene.
I don’t even ask if she needs help. She obviously didn’t choose to wrestle this trash can, so I grab onto it and pull down until the bag is free.
“Thanks, I—” She stops when she realizes it’s me.
“No problem,” I say, rocking back on my heels. Dammit. I suck at this.
“So, are you getting excited for Poland?”
“Yeah, for sure. But I loved it here, too,” I tell her honestly.
But once the words start flowing, they don’t stop.
“This place gave me so much. I mean, I might not be getting a degree or anything, but I’ve had some much good stuff happen here over the past few years—JT, my extended family, my niece, my freaking hockey career…
and you. The best thing this place ever gave me was you.
Things kinda crashed and burned there, huh?
I guess we shouldn’t be surprised. Lighting shit on fire is what I do, right? ”
“Mick—”
“It’s true,” I say, cutting her off because I need to get this off my chest before I move to freaking Poland.
“I should have been honest with you. There wasn’t a fucking second of our time together where I didn’t love you.
And I’m not talking about friendship. I let that be the cover because it meant I could be with you.
That makes me a coward, Viv, and I’m sorry. ”
The air hangs between us and the weight of it nearly crushes my shoulders.
There are a million things I could say right now—a million things I want to say.
Fuck, I want to take hold of her and never let go.
I want to beg her to ditch the damn cruise ship and come with me to Poland.
But that’s insane. And selfish. And I’ve already made that mistake before—I dragged her into the reality I wanted without listening to what she wanted.
Yeah, I said I did and we skirted that line, but we weren’t fooling anybody, except maybe ourselves.
Viv’s lips part—those plush, soft lips I fucking dream about—and I brace myself for whatever is going to come out of that pretty mouth.
With Viv, you never really know. She could declare her undying love for me and launch herself into my arms. Or she could wrap me in a bear hug and thank me for being the world’s best bestie.
The suspense is enough to end me, and I’m not waiting around to watch her crush what’s left of my broken heart, so before she can say anything, I open my big mouth and start yapping.
“I guess we’re both gonna see the world, huh?
Do you leave right after graduation? I leave as soon as my finals are over.
It’s a seventeen hour flight. Isn’t that nuts?
I’ve got a connecting flight in London, but still. You’ll be at sea for what, a year?”
Viv blinks like she’s trying to follow my train of thought, but it’s gone off the rails. That happens a lot. “Uh, no. Six months to start. I get a break in January, so I’ll spend some time with Maggie, JT and the birthday girl. I hate the thought of missing all her milestones, you know?”
“Yeah, I’m gonna miss her, too, but I told JT that he has to record every new, amazing thing she does so Uncle Mick’s not out of the loop.
We made a QuikTok account that’s private so JT and Maggie can post shit all the time.
I will, too, so Calla doesn’t grow up thinking her dad’s the only badass hockey player in the family. ”
“You’re a good uncle. An amazing person. Honestly, the best person I know.”
Oh, shit. We are getting dangerously close to the emotional stuff, and I don’t think my heart can take it if she calls me her best friend for the nine-millionth time.
“Yeah, you, too,” I say before she can take the conversation in another direction.
“Hey, you should tell Maggie to add you to that QT account. That way you won’t miss a thing. ”
“Oh. Yeah, that’s a great idea,” she says, biting her lip like she wants to say more.
I need to get the hell out of here before I drop down on one knee and fucking propose. Being this close to Viv is intoxicating, and my brain keeps forgetting that I can’t be in love with her any more. “Yeah, you know me, I’m just full of great ideas” I say, shrugging my shoulders like a damn idiot.
And with that stellar parting line, I practically sprint across the yard to help JT tear down the folding tables and chairs.