Chapter Eight #2
“Yep,” I said, a perfect image of the RFP in my mind. It hadn’t included his full name anywhere on it.
“I’m sorry, that’s not very helpful,” he said.
“No shit,” I said, threading my fingers into my hair and pulling on the thick strands. I let go as I remembered I still had a meeting with the entire board after this and I didn’t need my hair sticking up at a dozen different angles.
“Kayden,” Jace said calmly, drawing my eyes to his.
Fuck, that piercing green is captivating.
“Can you tell me what you’re thinking about this coincidence, please?
I’m honestly a little conflicted. I loved your portfolio and your proposal, and I’m willing to keep things entirely processional in this office if you want.
” He gestured to the window and leaned forward.
“But I can’t deny that out there, I’ve been hoping you’d call since you left my apartment. ”
I fiddled with the strap of my bag. I’d been so prepared for this meeting, at least I thought I was. But this development was so unexpected that I felt like I’d already forgotten everything I’d done to prep. Combined with the stress of visiting my father, my hands were starting to shake.
I pulled my laptop out of my bag and looked up to see Jace’s eyes still boring a hole in me. “I have no idea what I’m thinking right now, Jace. I’m prepared for this meeting. I’m confident in my proposal. And I’m nervous as shit to share it with you.”
“Okay.” Jace nodded slowly. “Would you prefer if we just forget the other night all together and move forward professionally? Because I can do that if it’s what you want.”
“No!” I exclaimed, surprised at the force of my reaction. The corners of Jace’s lips twitched upward before he planted them firmly in place again. I swallowed uncomfortably. “Look, I don’t know what I want outside of this office yet, but I know I don’t want to lose the possibility, okay?”
“Okay,” Jace said, biting the inside of his cheek as he poorly suppressed another smile.
I took a deep breath. My pulse was starting to race.
I was for sure on the verge of having a panic attack.
My laptop sat closed in my lap as I stretched out my shaking fingers and curled them over the tops of my knees, as I took a long, deep breath, trying to stop what was already happening, but it was too late.
A wave of nausea washed over me. Fuck me.
I’d never had a panic attack at work before.
In fact, despite how I seemed to behave around Jace, I had my anxiety, and the panic attacks associated with it, well under control ninety percent of the time.
“Are you okay?” Jace asked, pushing himself back from the desk.
I nodded. A haze settled over my vision and the room spun around me, a pricking sweat breaking out across my body. “Yes, I’m sorry. Just give me a minute.”
Jace stood up and moved swiftly around his desk before sitting next to me and moving his chair closer.
He rubbed circles on the small of my back as he angled his body toward me, putting himself in my direct line of sight.
“Hey, whatever it is you’re worried about, it’s going to be okay, I promise.
Take a few breaths and focus on me, okay? ”
I took a deep breath in through my nose and lifted my head, zeroing in on his eyes. They were so calming. It was like immediately finding the shore when you were drowning at sea. I gazed into his eyes and took a few more deep breaths.
“This looks like a panic attack. Do you have those sometimes?” Jace asked as his hand roamed over my entire back, gently calming the tingling under my skin.
I nodded and took another breath as I worked to focus on the here and now. I can smell his cologne. I can feel his fingers. I can see his empathetic eyes.
“My mom has them when she flies. My other mom has them when Mom or I get sick,” he said softly, his hand pressing more firmly as he continued to bring me out of my head and back into the room with him.
“I don’t get them myself but I’m not a very judgmental person.
We can talk about it, or not. Whatever you prefer. ”
“I struggle with anxiety,” I said, eyes widening at my words.
When given the option, I always chose not to talk about things.
Period. But the way he was looking at me with such intensity and concern made me feel safer to speak than I could ever remember feeling.
“Struggle is a strong word. I have anxiety. I take medication and do regular cognitive behavioral therapy. It’s under control most of the time, but anyone who tells you it’s under control all the time has obviously never really experienced it before. ”
Jace removed his hand from my back and turned my chair gently until I was facing him. He took both of my hands in his. “What just triggered you?”
“I hate the proposal presentation part of my job the most. Meeting a dozen new people and having to impress them is nerve-wracking. I’m usually fine because I prepare like hell and I’m a really good architect,” I said with a chuckle as my breathing evened out.
Jace smirked. “You certainly seem to be from what I’ve seen.”
His green eyes centered me again. “It’s you.
I was not even remotely prepared to see the only guy in all of Boston who I’ve hooked up with sitting in this office.
It’s adding another level of pressure because I want to look good in front of you.
I also dealt with some shit before this meeting that already put me on edge, so I’m sure that didn’t help either. ”
“I’m so sorry, Kayden.” He squeezed my hands, and I focused on the sensation, continuing to ground myself in the physical.
“By the time I found out you and I were working together, there was no way for me to warn you about what you were walking into. I wish I’d known sooner so it hadn’t been a surprise for you. ”
“It’s fine, but the thought of having to impress you professionally makes me want to throw up,” I confessed.
His eyes roamed over me, and he shook his head slightly. I wish I knew what he was looking for.
“I hired you because I liked your portfolio and the hand-drawn sketch you included with your proposal was better than any of the digital renderings I received—including your own. You’re also a start-up, which we prefer, and you had great insights into the features that would be beneficial in a rehab facility.
I’m already impressed with you professionally,” he said calmly.
“Really impressed, Kayden. I’m also pretty damn impressed with you personally, and I have a sneaking suspicion that you always look good.
But we can save that for after the meeting. ”
I smiled. “You’re not going to give me preferential treatment because of the other night?”
“Nope. I had no idea who you were, and I’d already hired you. Did you know who I was?”
“Of course not,” I said quickly. “I’d never do that to you. I also probably wouldn’t have ventured into ass play for the first time if I’d known you were my new boss.”
“Client. You’re an independent contractor.”
“Close enough.”
Jace shook his head. “Feels like an important distinction since I’m not ready to let go of the idea of seeing you again.”
“Fine.” I wasn’t ready to let go of it either, not by a long shot.
“Do you still want this job?” Jace asked. “I can cancel the board meeting if you’ve decided this is too weird for you.”
“I really want this job. You’re my biggest client with potential for other projects if this goes well.
A rehab facility is a very personal project for me.
I want to design this with you,” I said, taking another deep breath.
“But I want my work to stand on its own. I don’t want you to pretend to like my work because of what happened, or what might happen again. ”
Jace smirked. “Okay.”
“That’s it? Just, okay?”
“Yes. Any other conditions?”
“You’ll be honest about critical feedback?”
“This project is very important to me as well. And this division. I will not compromise it to spare your ego. I have no doubt you’re good at your job, but so am I. I have a clear vision for this facility. I want to bring it to life with you.”
“Thank you,” I said.
“Anything else?” He dropped my hands and leaned back in his chair.
“You’re so agreeable,” I mused, thinking back to how quickly he adjusted to my every desire or concern the other night.
He laughed. “Are you complaining about that?”
“I just don’t get it.”
“Just because someone has different needs than me, doesn’t mean I can’t put myself in their shoes and respect their wishes.
” He leaned forward again, and the scent of his cologne filled my nostrils.
I inhaled deeply, the smell continuing to calm me.
“I’d very much like to have a professional and a personal relationship with you.
But I will follow your lead because I won’t pressure you into either of those situations if it’s not what you want. ”
“Fuck, I really like you,” I groaned, tipping my head back. “This is going to make everything worse. Why do you have to be so fucking decent?”
I opened my laptop, frustrated.
Jace’s grin spread. “You complain about really weird things, Kayd.”
I fought a smile at the nickname he’d adopted already.
The only person who had ever called me Kayd was my mother, and I hadn’t thought I’d like hearing it again.
I liked it on his lips. It filled me with warmth and a sense of familiarity, as if our one night together had felt as important to him as it had to me.
I’d only wanted more after a one-night stand one other time in my life.
Jace was going to needle right under my skin in no time and for once the idea didn’t fill me with dread.
Maybe letting myself connect with someone could be a good thing.
Especially since I still regret letting the last person I connected with get away so easily.
“Woo me,” Jace said with a grin. “Professionally, of course.”