Chapter Thirteen
Jace
I was going to throw up. I’d seen Kayden’s smile dozens of times since we met.
It was gorgeous and dimple-filled, and with each one I felt like he was giving me a special piece of himself that he didn’t share with the rest of the world.
But now as I looked at his mouth, all I could see was how identical it was to someone else’s, someone so small and sweet and innocent.
Someone who had a smile that could get me to do just about anything for her.
How fucked up is the universe for this level of coincidence? What the hell have I done wrong in my life?
I’d had feelings for Olivia that I was too afraid to acknowledge for years, and now, when I’d finally found someone else who ignited feelings in me the same way she did, it turned out the two of them had a history so deep and complex that I’d be lucky if I didn’t end up on the outside, watching the two of them reconnect and live their lives together right in front of me.
Based on the way Kayden was looking at me, he was picking up on my stress. He can’t possibly know how bad this is.
I forced myself to nod as I repeated, “Four years,” and swallowed down the bile rising in my throat.
“Jace.” Kayden squeezed my hand, and I looked down to see where we were still joined on my desk. “It was a long time ago. We haven’t seen each other since. It probably just surprised her. I’ll talk to her on my way out and make sure she’s okay.”
I nodded slowly. That isn’t why Liv freaked out at all, but it isn’t even remotely my place to tell you that.
“She may be my assistant right now, but more importantly, she’s my best friend,” I said. “She has been for the last few years.”
Kayden eyed me skeptically, and for a second I worried he could see through to the words I hadn’t added: who I’m also secretly in love with.
“It’s important to you that she and I are okay?” he asked.
I nodded. It’s also important to me that she tells you the truth.
“I promise I’ll talk to her,” he said, his eyes taking on that nervous look I’d come to associate with him retreating into his head. “Are we okay?”
I took a deep breath, trying to stifle my growing unease that I was going to be tossed aside by both of them as soon as the truth came out. The pain of which hit me harder than I’d expected, since I wasn’t sure I actually had either of them right now.
“We’re okay, Kayd,” I said.
I let go of his hand, grabbed the stack of papers, and walked around the desk to sit next to him.
“Jace,” he said, curling his fingers around his knees nervously. “I don’t know what’s happening with us, and I know we didn’t plan this, but I want to be clear that I really don’t want what we’re doing to stop.”
My chest clenched at the sad look in his eyes. Knowing how much he struggled to open up to people, but seeing how much he kept trying with me, settled some of my nerves. I wasn’t upset with him, and he deserved to know that—even if I was terrified of what would happen next.
I leaned forward and kissed him softly, cupping his face in one hand. “I don’t want it to stop either. I have no intention of ending anything between us, Kayd.”
His head relaxed into my hand, and I held his gaze for a moment before glancing at the schematics. “I don’t think I could walk away from you if I tried,” he said softly.
“Me either.” I smiled. “Now, we should really review these before our time is up. According to Liv, I have another meeting after this, and she probably won’t hesitate to drag me out of here.”
“Okay,” he said, straightening himself and moving his chair closer to the desk to spread out his work. “I wasn’t kidding when I said I’d spent the better part of the last three weeks on these.”
I put my hands in my lap and listened to him as he explained his designs.
They were great. They incorporated everything we had talked about.
He’d allowed for the all-gender bathrooms and the visitation spaces.
I had zero complaints. But something I’d been thinking about since the other night kept nagging at me.
I sighed. “I’m afraid to bring it up because these are fantastic, but the other day when we were talking about art, I started to envision a small studio in the facility. A space where people could do art therapy to help them heal.”
Kayden closed his eyes slowly and then shook his head. “Fuck. I hate that that’s such a good idea.”
“Is it possible?” I asked.
Kayden started flipping back and forth through the pages, studying them, and I could practically feel the way his brain was churning through data and information, trying to formulate a plan.
He sighed as he pointed to a spot on the second floor.
“I think so. This is the best place for it because of the way the sun will hit these windows in the middle of the day. But that means moving the employee breakroom and I’ll need to allow for plumbing changes again.
I assume you want to keep a sink in the art studio? ”
“Yeah,” I said. “If we can.”
He nodded along. “Yeah, we can do it. I need another week though to shift things around.”
“Okay, Olivia can set something up for us,” I said. My phone sat on my desk and buzzed with a text. I glanced at the screen.
Olivia: You have five minutes until your next meeting.
I smirked. She really was going to keep me on my toes. Most of my previous assistants had waited until I was already late to call.
Kayden saw the message on my screen too and started to pack up. I fired off a quick response to Olivia.
Me: Clear my entire afternoon, please.
“Do you want to come over tonight?” Kayden asked. “I have to make big changes to a design for a hard-ass client, and I could use a night with you to remember why I like him.”
I chuckled and shook my head. The notion of being invited to his place for the first time was not lost on me. I responded reluctantly, “I have plans with Liv. We’re celebrating her first day.”
After I help her put your daughter to bed.
The thought of seeing Kayden outside of this office, with the information that I had about him now, reignited my nausea.
I needed to talk to Olivia about telling him the truth as soon as possible because I did not want to stay away from him and I had no idea how I could be around him and keep such a monumental secret.
“Okay, maybe another night?” he asked, looking nervous.
“Definitely.” I stood up and took his hand, pulling him toward me for a deep kiss. I wasn’t sure what would happen when he found out about Kaylee, but I was going to hang on to him tightly just the same.
He walked out of my office and I stood in the doorway, watching as he stopped at Olivia’s desk.
She hung up the phone, probably having just canceled my next meeting as requested, and looked up at him.
I couldn’t hear what they said but the way she tried to pull herself together and meet his eyes was clearly taking a lot of effort.
He talked softly and his eyes told me he was concerned about her, but she wasn’t letting him in and was clearly dismissing the conversation as she kept her attention on the computer screen.
I felt choked for air by the time he finished and glanced back at me once more with that unmistakable smile, before heading to the elevator with a wave.
I walked toward her and stopped in front of her desk as Kayden stepped onto the elevator. When the doors closed with a ding behind him, Olivia looked up at me like a sad puppy who’d just been kicked.
My jaw was so tight the muscles twitched.
I wanted to be the comforting friend she needed right now.
I wanted so badly to tell her it would all be okay but I was so angry at the situation that I wasn’t sure how I’d ever do that.
She was the only one who could make it so that I wasn’t withholding something huge from Kayden but I knew her world had just been shaken too.
I had no idea how to support these two people or when my feelings for them both had become so complex and tangled.
Her eyes started to well with tears and I instantly softened, anger quickly fading. The sight of Liv in pain was all it took for me to push down my own fears.
“You told me once that you named Kaylee after her father,” I said.
She’d never told me his name, just that all she knew about him was his first name and she’d wanted Kaylee to have a little piece of him. Whenever she’d talked about him it had been with fondness, and I’d let it go because he was just an invisible man in her past—until now.
She nodded and dropped her head in her hands, sobbing as if the last hour of keeping it inside had been unbearable.
I closed my eyes slowly and took a deep breath.
Olivia was one of the strongest people I knew and if there was any part of me still holding on to the hope that she would tell me I was wrong about who Kayden was, it floated away as she broke down.
I rounded her desk, squatted down in front of her and turned her chair to face me.
“Come here, sweetheart,” I said as I pulled her into my arms, letting her sob on my shoulder.
I stroked her hair for several minutes as she cried, the knots in my chest tightening even further as I witnessed her pain and thought about Kayden.
He had no idea he had a daughter. He’d been living his life for the last four years—fairly alone and isolated, based on what he shared with me—and the whole time he’d had a daughter.
There wasn’t a doubt in my mind that he would have been in her life if he’d known.
And here was Olivia who’d been shouldering parenthood on her own and had just gotten the shock of a lifetime.
“I’m so sorry, Liv,” I said, rubbing her back as her sobs slowed down.
I swallowed my own pain and tried to think of Kaylee, the little girl I loved who was going to get pulled into this one way or the other, and I ached for her too.
I felt such an immense sadness for the life she knew being upended, even if there was a chance that the change would be for the better.