Chapter Forty-Four #2
“Yeah, maybe,” I mumbled as we climbed into the car. Whatever it was, that feeling of being watched didn’t sit well with me and my stomach twisted as we drove to Olivia’s apartment building.
“Will you both stay for the night?” she asked from the passenger seat as Jace pulled up to the curb.
“Of course,” Jace said, tucking her hair behind her ear. “Kayd, you got the little peanut back there?”
I chuckled. “Yeah, I’ve got her.” I’d ridden next to her the whole car ride and still hadn’t gotten enough of watching her sleep. Why do parents like this? In any other circumstance this would be creepy as hell.
I carried Kaylee inside and they each kissed her on the forehead before I took her into her room and tucked her in.
When I was done, I walked down the hall to Olivia’s room and saw them both in bed.
Jace and I had started leaving sleeping clothes here a month ago and he was already shirtless, probably in a pair of sweatpants.
My eyes roamed over his tattoos the way they always did when he took his shirt off.
Olivia, lying next to him in her pajamas, popped off her nose ring and smiled at me as I changed into a pair of plaid pajama pants.
I took my glasses off and set them on the nightstand and crawled into bed next to Jace.
“I’m going to go see my dad tomorrow and tell him about us,” I said as I wrapped my arm around Jace’s waist. He immediately rolled over to face me as Olivia sat up and looked at me.
“It will probably be the last time I ever see him because I know how he’s going to respond, but I’m still going to do it. ”
They both stared at me, silent and tense.
I chuckled. “Okay, for once I can feel the nervous energy coming off you and it’s a lot. Is this how it feels to be around me?”
Jace ran a hand down the side of my body. “Probably. This is the most unsettled I’ve ever been. Why are you going to give a man who has spent your entire life abusing you more motivation to do so?”
I sighed. “It’s hard to explain, but I feel like I need to close that chapter of my life.
He’s dying, and despite my efforts to see him over the last few months, he’s still a dick.
I don’t want to keep feeling compelled to visit him before he dies.
I want him to know that he didn’t break me.
That I’m stronger because of all the shit he put me through.
That now I’m finally loved. By a man, and a woman, and maybe someday a little girl who will call me ‘Dad’. ”
Olivia blinked at me sadly and got out of bed, crawling in on my other side. She cupped my face and forced me to make eye contact. “You are so loved, Kayden. I love you so much.”
My chest tightened at hearing those words from her mouth for the second time. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her on top of me. “I love you too, Olivia.” I swiped the hair from her face and pulled her face toward mine, kissing her passionately. Jace rested his head against my arm.
When Olivia and I finally pulled apart, she rolled off me and they each took one of my hands.
“I’m really uncomfortable with you going to tell him alone, Kayd. He’s hurt you enough,” Jace said, looking more distraught than I’d seen him in months. His protectiveness filled me with so much love and appreciation that it was hard to find words to disagree with him.
“He can’t hurt me anymore, Jace. He can’t make me feel like a scared little boy, alone and afraid of who I am.
He doesn’t have that power over me now,” I said, feeling confident.
Years away from him, good therapy, and two people who loved me—that could counteract my father’s hate.
“Look, he’s going to say really homophobic shit, Jace.
I know he is. He’s probably going to try to hit me this time too.
But I’m not going for him. I’m going for me.
So that when he dies, I know he dies with the knowledge that he didn’t stop me from finding happiness. I need that.”
Jace pressed a kiss to my shoulder and wrapped his arm around me. “Please let me come with you.”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “Neither of you. I’m not subjecting you to him.”
Olivia looked at Jace and their silent communication seemed clear: they weren’t letting me do this alone.
“Stop,” I said, “I can see what you’re doing—”
“Then let us,” Olivia said softly with her big brown eyes full of tears. “Please don’t make us sit back and worry about you. Let us come with you. We’ll face him together and then you’ll never have to see him again.”
I sighed. “I’m telling you; he will not choose his words carefully just because you’re there.”
“I can handle it, Kayd,” Jace said. “I’ll be damned if he’s going to say shit to you in front of me.”
“Fine,” I said, taking a deep breath. “But you have your meeting with Sutton in the morning, so we’ll go after lunch. I need to find an AA meeting to remind myself why I don’t drink, because he’s going to activate that itch under my skin like nothing else in the world.”
“All the more reason to let us come,” Olivia said. Jace rolled over and turned off the light before curling back into me.
“I love the hell out of you both,” I said. They both murmured I love yous back as they snuggled into me and drifted off to sleep.
I lay awake for a while, my mind racing with anxious thoughts about tomorrow’s confrontation and my need to release the power my father still held over me.
Eventually, I thought about Kaylee curled up in my lap at the restaurant and I fell asleep with a full heart and the knowledge that I may still be new at being a dad, but I was doing a hell of a lot better than mine ever did.